So that's why they're called "Nice"
So "Nice" refers to their comparative safety, not their flavour, which let’s face it is a bit rank. Thanks MindLab!
A disturbing probe into the potential for apparently innocent biscuits' ability to do harm has revealed that an astounding 25 million Brits have been injured while indulging in some light coffee/tea break snack action, with 500 victims requiring hospital treatment. That's according to research outfit Mindlab International, …
Looks like they overlooked the threat that is the new generation of biscuit-loving zombie; babies! We see them, every day, getting brainwashed by mind-controlling Farley's Rusks. Their dependancies on twice-baked cakery being ever more ingrained into their young, impressionable (and, ultimately, programmable) minds. Biscuits are taking over the world and using the doe-eyed charms of infants to woo us into a false sense of security. Just wait until the Lizard Army figure it out. It'll be one hell of a fight.
I for one welcome....etc.....<yawn>
There was an extensive court case between HMCE and McVities that ruled a Jaffa Cake is indeed a cake (and therefore not subject to VAT). McVities argued that biscuits are normally expected to go soft when stale, and cakes would normally go hard. A Jaffa Cake goes hard when stale.
It's this sort of shoddy report writing that's ruining the country! Think of the children!
a bootnotes story relevant to IT
I have a few questions.
Foxes crunch creams OK?
Need a link to the paper to check methodology.
I only eat biscuits when I drink tea - is that safer?
Can we access the raw data to check their calculations, or shall I just reproduce the study in the office over next couple weeks?
Have I been asleep, it's not 1st April anywhere in the world?
Mmmm dangerous biscuits.
Good work, Science, this is exactly the kind of information we need to make decisions in our daily lives.
I feel vindicated in my choice of gingernuts and jaffa cakes as my biscuits of choice, although I suppose in the interests of threat mitigation we should all be nomming as many custard creams as possible in an attempt to eradicate this threat once and for all.
Good to see that Mindlab included Jaffa Cakes for comparison. Although technically, they are a cake, not a biscuit. Maybe that is why they are least dangerous!
I suppose, if you poked yourself in the eye with one, it might be quite dire all the same. I'm not sure whether I find it hard to believe that a THIRD of Brits are forgetful of the location of their mouth?
PR company may have shot self in foot since more readers are likely to think "Ooh I quite fancy a Jaffa Cake" rather than the brand in question which most will have overlooked.
Register reader reads clearly frivolous item, complains.
Million billion commentards point out that the Jaffa Cake is a cake not a biscuit by law.
Moderatrix wonders if it's too early to start on the bourbon.
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I'm wondering if this isn't just the order of popularity of said biscuits. I mean, the more we eat, the more likely we'll have an accident. Custard Creams are probably the most popular workplace/social club "tea break" biscuit because they come in massive great packs of 40, 80, 100 or more for pennies, whereas the Jaffa Cake is fairly expensive and comes in packs of 12 or 15.
Cookies are really two different things -- they're the "new doughnut" in that you can get the big chewy onesas a special Friday treat from the baker's, Millie's or Marks & Sparks, but there's also the very different crunchy ones that come in packets that aren't really any more expensive than things like Hob-Nobs. These little crunchy ones also come in the big tins or tubs containing a selection.
Oh, what's in these "Family Favourites" boxes? Quite often the following:
Custard Cream, Cookie, Wafer, Bourbon, Oat Biscuit, Digestive, Shortbread, Nice Biscuit, Chocolate Finger, Sandwich Cream (plain+chocolate coated), Jam Shortbread Sandwich (jam ring, Jammy Dodger, Happy Face)
Did they account for this? The data to hand strongly suggests that they didn't....
.... 100 rapists were interviewed and asked if they had dunked custard creams. An astonishing 99% of them said yes, giving clear and unequivocal proof that custard cream dunking is the cause of rape!
"The dangers of custard creams cannot be underestimated", said a government spokeswoman, in response we have decided that possession of custard creams will be a criminal offense from midnight.
Said McVities "This is ridiculous, custard creams hurt no one!". However victims are coming forward claiming, that indeed, they were raped by a custard cream dunker and demanding compensation from evil McVities via their lawyers, Claims Direct.
Chief Inspector rozzer of CEOP added that "custard creams are often given to children by adults so how can McVities deny their role in this!?"
"In some cases, victims are given custard creams as a child, they grow up, marry, continue dunking custard creams all their lives, and the Stockholm syndrome means they never realize they are biscuit abusers! They go on to have children of their own, and give them custard creams for dunking too! Even Garibaldis! The cycle of abuse continues and it must be broken! Anyone who disagrees with me is a secret dunker!"
A new test is to be introduced for vanilla in the blood stream coupled to compulsory CCTV in supermarket biscuit isles. Only specially authorized people will be allowed to buy biscuits, and a new use for Biometric ID cards will be to ensure nobody gets biscuits who isn't specially authorized.
A new TV advert will be shown "the police can tell if you've been dunking biscuits from your eyes", cut to a woman who had obviously been dunking and has a dreaming expression on her face.
If this does not work, we'll introduced "conspiracy to aid and abet dunking" laws soon, announces a Nulabour, spokewoman.
This is the most telling piece of evidence yet for us all to be numbered and fitted with suitable devices to control our intake of dangerous terror biscuits. Remember how we were so casual in our approach to this danger that we used to eat biscuits on aircraft? Thankfully the ID cards will prevent such irresponsible behaviour in future.
"The most extreme example of biscuit-related mishap, however, was the case of the man who got stuck in wet concrete after wading in to retrieve a stray biccy."
Really? I'd swear that I saw that in a commercial, somewhere.
I'd probably a good idea if the government never fins out about this research. They'd slap a prohibition on biscuits if they knew.
It seems strange, though, that while they talk about banning certain types of kitchen knives, and pen knives, and even restricting the sale over the counter pain killers in case peple try to kill themselves with them, and certain hair care products in case terrorists boil about a million gallons of it to make a bomb, yet they still allow cigarettes to be sold even though they are proved to kill thousands of people every year.
Looks like the research was done by The MindLab.org (http://themindlab.org/index.html), not Mindlab International who are a totally different organisation who are more to do with educational boardgames.
Nothing about this on their website. Can't find anything on the Fox's website (who make Rocky) nor the Northern Foods website. So who put out this press release?
"PR companie's tricks remain effective."
But do they?
The fake survey got plenty of press coverage, but presumably the intention was to get coverage for Fox's Rocky bars. Now, either Rocky bars are no longer made by Fox's, or Fox's have failed abysmally to get their name in the media. Most people reading the article won't even know that it's an advert for Rocky bars, they'll still be unaware that Rocky bars exist (it reads as though the *company*, not the *product*, is called Rocky).
Now we know the most dangerous biscuits, I'd expect people to treat them with more care and respect. This will, of course, lead to fewer biscuit-related injuries for those biscuit types, and thus they will no longer be so dangerous.
I now fully expect to see Jaffa Cakes being eaten without any thought to safety, quickly leading to overloaded A&E departments in all hospitals, house price rises and further economic meltdown.
This sort of information should not be given to the public!!
[PS. no-one seems to have mentioned that Jaffa cakes are officially cakes, not biscuits. doh!]
Sarah, it's never too early to stop drinking Bourbon and changing to proper Single Malt - any time of day and night really.
Now I usually don't bother about an IT angle but here it's an all to obvious question: which biscuits' crumbs compromise worst a sys admins keyboard?
EA, reaching for the Bladnoch
We need to know...
The list includes plain "wafer", but the pink wafer is in a class of its own! Does anyone actually admit to liking these abominations of the biscuit world? You only have to see what they do to other biscuits - does any other biscuit have such a contamination ability; so surely it should be scored to warn us of the true danger they pose!
And interestingly, Wikipedia doesn't have a Pink wafer article, and my local google thinks I mean "pink water" instead of "pink wafer". The fact that these 2 esteemed institutions refuse to acknowledge the existance of the pink wafer speaks volumes!
I've just been into Asda and after checking 43 packets of biscuits (assorted flavours and including Jaffa cakes, which for some inexplicable reason are not in the cake section) I found not a single one with a warning of the risks associated with biscuit consumption. There wasn't even a diagram illustrating a safe method of transferring the biscuit into one's mouth without injury. It's an accident waiting to happen. Think of the children!
Paris, as she frequently has a chocolate finger
I ignored the warning sign placed on the leftovers from the meeting and have just consumed 3 custard creams and an oat cookie type afair (possibly a hobnob) and completely failed to injure myself in any way whatsoever.
Do I need to bring reality in line with statistics and start a food fight?
Extreme Biscuit eating!
Yes. We've been at the Oat , Nice biscuits and ... Custard Creams all day. We acknowledge that this new sport may have a few detractors because of its poor safety record but we Biscuit Eaters think you non-Eaters are a bunch of safety obsessed pansies.
Cursory glance at the rankings looked like a track listing from some weird biscuit based concept album:
Custard Cream: 5.64
Choc Biscuit Bar: 4.12
Rich Tea: 3.45
Oat Biscuit: 3.31
Ginger Nut: 2.99
Caramel Shortcake: 2.76
Nice Biscuit: 2.27
Iced Biscuits/Party Rings: 2.16
Chocolate Finger: 1.38
Jaffa Cakes: 1.16
The government should make a law banning the dunking of biscuits - it clearly causes more accidents than driving whilst holding a mobile phone. What's next - banning driving whilst holding a conversation and dunking a biscuit? Restricting the sale of biscuits to those who can pass a competancy test? Are Custard Creams the most dangerous because only old people with no teeth dunk them and then when they drop them on the floor and try to retrieve them they fall over and injure themselves? Should we force manufacturers to make biscuits that do not go soft when you dunk them? Should we put a government warning label on biscuits 'Warning: may cause accidents'...
"two posts from GrahAManFromArse and I nearly understand both of them. The chemists must be closed." .... By Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 8th September 2009 14:32 GMT.
Do yourself a favour, AC, and believe you're getting smarter. ........ unless you know different, that is.
The implication in your post is that you only understated doctored messages, which is not a great skill.
The idea of an orgasm in the mouth and Natalie Imbruglia got me all confused for a moment - if Devendra Banhart tastes of chocolate biscuits then only Natalie Portman can confirm it.
Just how does one slurp tea through a chocolate biscuit snack anyway? Unlike a Twirl they're solid.
What about the tim tam challenge, that's an instant scolding risk if ever I saw one!
@sT0rNG b4R3 duRiD - We can get them in Pomeland too... Along with the Polish jaffa cakes which I hate to say, are even more smashing orangey than the originals! Assuming you opt for the orange flavour of course, they have a choice!
Someone sat in an office and thought "If it goes hard when stale it's a cake, if it goes soft when stale it's a biscuit", and the whole world excepts it. Where's the scientific rational behind that? As a reg reader I want experiments, a bit of physical proof! So after 10 cups of tea and 20 Jaffa cakes, I can Categorically state that; If it can be dunked it's a biscuit, if can't it's a cake. Jaffa cakes can be dunked.
> Just how does one slurp tea through a chocolate biscuit snack anyway?
> Unlike a Twirl they're solid.
I have had the techinque demonstrated to me with TimTams, it is surprisingly pleasant.
* Nibble the chocolate off diaginally opposite corners to expose the biscuit.
* Place one nibbled corner in hot beverage.
* Suck on other corner until beverage reaches mouth, indicating biscuit is saturated.
* Quickly scoff resulting soggy mess before it dissolves completely.
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So now some ultra-PC Nu-Labour do-gooder is going to require biscuit manufacturers to print a ciggie-pack style warning on all their packets so the poor helpless folk of Great Britain are further protected from their own inability to get through a day by themselves without some social worker watching their every move and wrapping them in cotton wool.
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