back to article Walfamstow Cockney cash machine daffy ducked

The wheels appear to have slightly come off the roll-out of Blighty's first Cockney cash machines - five dispensers of sausage and mash deployed from Spitalfields to Barnet via Walthamstow by ATM operator Bank Machine. According to the Waltham Forest Guardian, E17 boasts one of the brand spanking new Dick Van Dyke emulator …


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  1. lansalot

    bravo !

    Well done Lester !

    Best. URL. Ever. :)

  2. Bassey



  3. Anonymous Coward

    Can't wait....

    ...for these to be rolled out further in time for the Olympics so oiks can cash in on helping the confused Johnny Foriegner understand what the hell they are where's my copy of the Japanese to Cockney dictionary?

  4. Dogbyte

    I'm sorry but...

    Would you Adam and Eve it?

    Mine's the one with the pearly buttons on the back...

  5. Elmer Phud

    Gaw blimey,'tis Murry Poppinz, guv

    What a bunch of Nationals*

    *that'll be as in 'national front'

  6. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: What?


  7. Nigel 3
    Thumb Up

    Cockney ATM

    ATM Machines as supplied by your local "Merchant Banker", I suppose.

  8. Gav

    A Pointless Kitty Runt

    That's cockney for "pointless publicity stunt".

  9. Sergie Kaponitovicz

    Cream Crackered


    If the bees an' 'unny ain't coming out of the bangers 'n mash machine it's down to the all time loser (or rub a dub) for a pig's ear or two, sat at a Cain and Abel and then ask for a few deep sea divers/Lady Godivers as cash back, (or a monkey, but beware of the Sweeney).

    We need an icon saying: "translate that into English [American]"

  10. Anonymous Coward

    Re: Re: What?


  11. gerryg


    I think you meant "berkshire", which is amusing when it's OK to call someone a berk

  12. Chris King

    @AC "Can't Wait...."

    The oiks probably won't bother translating, they'll just shout louder BECAUSE THAT MAKES THEM UNDERSTOOD IN ANY LANGUAGE, RIGHT ?!

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Re: What?


  14. Cameron Colley

    Why the hell would you do this?

    I know it's only a few nore lines of code but why? I know some Cockneys and they seem to understand the words their slang replaces.

    I'm all for fun, and this would be fun for someone like google to do (I'v not checked) but using it on a cash machine is like putting a comedy face on your safe dial -- annoying and pointless, unless the safe is impenetrable. Spend your time on making them work and getting rid of bugs, you stupid twats!

  15. Anonymous Coward


    Was that English?

  16. Cliff

    @Nigel 3

    Brilliant - icing on the cake ;-)

  17. Moss Icely Spaceport

    Wait until some oink...

    ...'arf inches it.

  18. Barry Lane 1
    IT Angle

    @ gerryg

    Actually it's Berkeley, after Berkeley Hunt, based in the Cotswolds. Nothing to do with Berkshire.

    Er, Pedant signing out... Now!

  19. Anonymous Coward

    No thanks

    If I ever feel the need to be patronised by a machine I can always try National Rail Enquiries.

    Nuff said - knock it on the 'ead.

    Rickeeeeeeeeeeeeee! you slaaaaaaaaag!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Why the hell would you do this?

    Er, are you really so dim as to be unable to see why someone would do this?

    Hint 1: have you ever previously heard of a company called Bank Machine?

    Hint 2: How much do you think they'd normally have to pay for publicity/advertising like this?

  21. Dave Bell

    You mean?

    Top hole. Bally Jerry pranged his kite right in the how's your father. Hairy blighter, dicky-birdied, feathered back on his Sammy, took a waspy, flipped over on his Betty Harper's and caught his can in the Bertie.

  22. Anonymous Coward



  23. Andus McCoatover

    Streisand effect, natch.

    Now, everyone knows...

    Superb, and in my opinion, Kudos to them! Found a use for one of those unused buttons on the damn things, I presume? Sadly, only 3 months to get my sausage from the rattle.

  24. Sean Hunter
    Thumb Up

    The septics are struggling to keep up

    I'm heading off for a few Britney's. Who's with me?

  25. Bill Fresher
    IT Angle


    Where's the car and scooter jingle?

  26. Anonymous Coward

    Um... "Cockney?"

    I'd be extrememly surprised if you could hear the sound of Bow Bells from anywhere in Walthamstow. Unless it was recorded.

  27. Anonymous Coward

    @ When


  28. Andus McCoatover
    IT Angle

    Um... "Cockney?"

    Well, being born in 1956's Chelsea, more famous nowadays for its 4x4 only-on-road tractors than its flower show, I can guess that with a good omnidirectional microphone (loose IT angle, I grant ya) one could make out St-Mary-le-Bow's Bell from a long way away.

    Like comparing Oranges and Lemons, I guess. (but, Bow has no guest appearance in the song. Pity)

  29. Anonymous Coward

    Cockney Machines

    Typical, the machines had been working for years. As soon as they turn cockney, they wont work a day in their life

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