Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch peril In a desperate attempt to avoid all life on Earth being gradually suffocated by a growing global cloud of noxious cow-belch emissions, corporate chiefs have planted bugging devices on a herd of dairy cattle. The listening devices, it's hoped, may allow top-bracket scientists to sift valuable information from the creatures' …
Men returning from the crusades brought tales of Greek Fire with them. As a counter to this terror weapon, the Brits ( a guy called George actually) developed a method to ignite cow farts and belches and aim them at the enemy. This caused great consternation in the Holy Lands at the time and probably gave rise to the story of dragons belching fire and the myth of St. George.
Flames for obvious reasons.
CSIRO research back when I was getting their mag in the 90s (before climate change became politically correct) indicated that cow methane was only a problem on lab fed animals. As soon as they were put in an open paddock and fed grass the methane level dropped way off and was considered not a significant contributor to greenhouse gas levels in the atmosphere.
I think that perhaps one of the best ways to cut emissions is whenever cows are inside buildings, to make these buildings sealed in such a way that methane will collect at the top of the roof, where it can be periodically burnt off or even collected for use in cars or methane power plants. Outside, large polythene tents [to allow the light in] stretched over fields could serve a similar purpose. Obviously this would increase the temperature inside the tent, which would decrease the amount of food the cows need because the ambient temperature would be closer to body temperature lessening the energy needed to be expended on heat. THis would decrease the amount of gas produced and an equilibrium would quickly be reached.
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch blight
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch bane
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch blot
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch blast
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch bete noir
Bubbly-belly-bugging boffins battle bovine belch burst
The problem with collecting methane in a roofed enclosure is that the gas is heavier than air. Ask anyone who's ever been trapped under a duvet with some. And as for the stuff being a worse greenhouse gas than C02, this may be true, but atmospheric methane quickly oxides yielding CO2 and H2O.
It was all a load of hot air stirred up by the meat=evil lobby.
I note with pleasure your recent communication regarding the Empire's plans for its ruminant citizens.
Might I also point you to the PGGRC, amongst other organisations of merit, which is looking into a number of ways to avert burpocalypse, as you so beautifully called it. They're using lasers, yes lasers, to measure ruminant methane (the brain abounds with images of beautifully, nay, surgically sliced, cooked beef and lamb). Large tanks are also being deployed on the backs of these poor beleaguered beasts in an effort, once again, to gauge just how gassy they are.
And multiple means of reducing ruminant emissions are being looked into, from GMing the bacteria responsible, to vaccines and doing things to the pasture. Gosh!
I note with pleasure your recent communication regarding the Empire's plans for its ruminant citizens.
Might I also point you to the PGGRC (nz), amongst other organisations of merit, which is looking into a number of ways to avert burpocalypse, as you so beautifully called it. They're using lasers, yes lasers, to measure ruminant methane (the brain abounds with images of beautifully, nay, surgically sliced, cooked beef and lamb). Large tanks are also being deployed on the backs of these poor beleaguered beasts in an effort, once again, to gauge just how gassy they are.
And multiple means of reducing ruminant emissions are being looked into, from GMing the bacteria responsible, to vaccines and doing things to the pasture. Gosh!
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