Mysterious organic blobs found in Alaskan waters Enormous blobs of thick, black, gooey biological material have been spotted drifting in the waters off Alaska's northern coast, and nobody is quite sure what they are. Alaskan hunters first noticed the ooze early last week drifting miles offshore in the frigid arctic waters of the Chuckchi Sea, according to Anchorage Daily …
The other week I pulled apart the U-bend for our blocked kitchen sink, the goo I found matched this description and was certainly icky enough to kill a goose. Not recalling having ever poured a foul grey goo down the sink, I can only imagine it crawled up the drains, now I know where the master culture that spawned it is!
15 fcuking miles long???? This thing's got a starring role in a future Michael Bay movie!
'Gordon Brower with the North Slope Borough's Planning and Community Services Department told the paper he saw some jellyfish tangled up in the goo and someone else retrieved bones and feathers from a dead goose.'
This thing's carnivorous???
We are so boned...
...on the upside it might be the only thing to save us all from Lewis' refrigerator-sized immortal jellyfish (El Reg passim).
I wonder how it handles Humvee sized Arctic spiders???
Everyone loves to bash the Japs over whaling right? It's so easy... the heartless bastards!
But what other famous, large, wealthy nation still allows whaling? OH! Of course! The US-we-run-the-world-A! USA! USA! USA! Kill those goddam whales! Yeehaaaw!
Funny how no-one mentions them... but they claim it's traditional! So it's OK! Like cannibals - it's traditional that they eat people, so that makes it OK! Yessirree! It's A-OK if it's traditional! Shootin' whales, as traditional as apple pie, handguns for kids and disenfranchising native populations.
I hypothesise that as sea temperatures rise, organisms that live deep undersea are forced out of their natural habitats and rise to the surface. I put this down to Globull Warming (c) and can offer consulting services on how to avoid gooey, hairy substances in Alaska. Go to Arizona instead.
as to what the hunters and whalers concerns were.
WHALE: If you hunt me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
WHALER#1: Arghh, ye talking cetacean. Your fishy threats don't frighten us. Fire!
WHALE: Urghhh! Right, well you asked for it. You'll be visited by the ghost of whaling past: a terrifying amorphous blob of a creature that strips men of their flesh and spits out their bones on the beach.
WHALER#1: If I had a piece of eight for every time some whale said that I'd be a rich whaler.
WHALE: Urghhh!
WHALER#1: That's him done, lads. Did anyone pack the big hawsers?
WHALER#2: errrr....
WHALER#3: oh....
WHALER#1: Shiver my timbers, we'll have to go back and get them.
For years we've been ignoring amanfromMars, thinking that it was all gibberish that he spouted. It wasn't. I have been studying the writings of the mad Arab and have come to a conclusion about amanfromMars.
His ramblings have been induced by the partial awakening of Great Cthulu from within the depths of the Pacific.
Soon we well begin to see the harbingers of Cthulu's awakening. First thing he's likely to do when he awakens is go for a whizz and my guess is that this will take the form of a foul-smelling black goo. Cthulu's also quite a large guy and has been sleeping for aeons, so I wouldn't be surprised if there was miles and miles of it...
I was hoping it to be an alien from outer space gorging on small towns.
Maybe its that thing from Evolution or Venom from Spiderman.
Someone's already mentioned Palin running away from it. Maybe she knows something we don't.
The more conspiracy theories the better I say.
In the mean time... I surrender the earth to our sludgy new overloads and as ambassador to the earth, I want all of Europe and half of Australia and the right to not be eaten.
Sign Here Please ________________________
"Wherever there was a stream the red weed clung and grew with frightening voraciousness, its claw-like fronds choking the movement of the water. And then it began to creep like a slimy red animal across the land covering field and ditch and tree and hedgerow with living scarlet feelers, crawling, crawling."
ULLA!
There's a big difference between using whaling factory ships and taking the creatures to near extinction, and hunting them in jumped up kayaks with a little more than a whaling cap-gun.
Man is a predator species, we kill things to live. Unfortunately man is also a greedy, self-centred bastard and forgets that if we kill everything today, we have nothing to eat tomorrow.
Now either you are a fundamentalist vegan who only wear fair-trade organic hemp, or you are a hypocrite; which is it?
If you're going to respond to trolling, it's usually best to stick with facts, not philosophy. For the record, the *International* Whaling Commission allows aboriginal whaling; primarily they target commercial whaling for control. Alaska is not the only place aboriginal whaling occurs - aside from other northern climes, peoples in the tropics hunt whales for food as well. Incidentally, the notorious (and ironically named?) Steve Irwin's crew members are from "Australia, America, Canada, United Kingdom, South Africa, Sweden, Bermuda, Germany, the Netherlands, Hungary, New Zealand and Japan."
Fools! Clearly this is all that remains of a secret Alaskan Government-run deepwater submerged "shoggoth" training facility after the containment failed and the auto-destruct was activated. No wonder the governor resigned.
These meddling Alaskans will bring down upon us a doom not unlike that which visited Sarnath. No doubt Vice President Cheney decided that Congress shouldn't be briefed on this contra-terrene research and development project. I wonder how many of the former "inner circle" have had Elder Signs tattooed on them at taxpayer expense?
Write your congressman now. No more secret underwater shoggoth research!
"...as traditional as apple pie, handguns for kids and disenfranchising native populations."
Waitaminnit... If we were disenfranchising the native population, we wouldn't LET them go on their traditional whale hunts.
So either you WANT us to disenfranchise them or you want us to to let them go out and hunt; I'm not sure that you can have both at once.
First, we have to look for evidence of illicit toxic waste dumping or nuclear testing in the waters off Alaska. Then its time to start watching the news for reports of fishing vessels and yuppie sailing parties going missing, local lighthouses being toppled and isolated coastal villages being mysteriously flattened!
Be afraid! Be very afraid!! Especially if the trail of missing boats and ravaged seaside communities starts moving from Alaska towards Tokyo!!
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