back to article Cocaine-smuggling golfer fails 'what's your handicap' test

A 23-year-old Sussex woman's cunning plan to smuggle cocaine into the UK concealed in the shafts of golf clubs fell apart, when she mistook suspicious customs officials' quizzing about her handicap for a request for information as to whether or not she was disabled. According to the Sun, Kayti Ella Dryer from Lewes jetted in …


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  1. Anonymous Coward

    How did she fit the cocaine in the golf clubs?

    She had a hole in one.

    *ba dum tish*

  2. Jamie Kitson


    With a spelling like "Kayti" I'm surprised she wasn't on page 3.

  3. Joe Blogs


    When asked about her handicap, the answer should have been "Stupidity".

  4. Citizen Kaned


    83k??? my arse!

    coke is 1000 an ounce TOPS! and 50/gram TOPS!

    its £50k tops if even if you sold it in grams!

    i would love to know where plod gets these figures from.

    silly cow though! maybe if she used her product she might have been a bit quicker ;)

  5. Anonymous Coward

    And the moral of the story is...

    ... always study your cover story *properly* before you set out!

  6. Rinsey

    @ Kaned

    See your point, they always inflate, but if it was pure she was carrying, they have seriously underestimated the value

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Re: Citizen Kaned

    "i would love to know where plod gets these figures from."

    Same way they get all their stats. Guess, double it, round it up to the nearest ten then add 3

    Giving a real figure of between 38 and 40k

    Simple when you know how.

  8. Alan 32

    @ Mr. Kaned...

    Street prices are different; it's got to be cut with baking soda or whatnot first.

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    @Citizen Kaned

    Little maths lesson for you here, 2kg glucose + 1kg cocaine = 3,000 wraps of bolivian @ £50 = £150,000 so the police have underestimated.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    missing the point.

    And did not the judge have a sense of humour giving her,"FORE" years.

  11. Anonymous Coward

    @Citizen Kaned

    That is of course after it has been cut from 80-100% purity to between 2-30%.

    If you were to deal with it all yourself, sell it in small bits at street prices, at street purity, I don't think you'd have much trouble pulling in 80k.

  12. kissingthecarpet

    @Alan 32 & AC et al

    If you buy it down the pub off the local sociopath you should expect to get ripped off with 20-30% purity. It is intended for pissed idiots who'd probably just become psychotic if they had anything decent. If you want some good enough to wash up(say) then "pub charlie" is a waste of time & money.

    As far as the golf club story goes - just shows how good general knowledge can get you by in an emergency.

    Mine's the one with the bottle of ammonia & a blowtorch in the pocket

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    83k / trip risk of 4 years.

    Hmmm.... Not bad....

  14. Anonymous Coward

    @ kissingthecarpet

    Shouldn't the contents of your pocket be a knife, a fork, a bottle and a cork?

  15. Emo
    Paris Hilton

    RE: Citizen Kaned

    Maybe it was some good shit man!

    Paris cos she has some nice lines..

  16. MnM


    Why would you ever set out a-smugglin' if you knew you couldn't blag your way into a park? Numpty

  17. Stu

    I'm kind of alarmed by...

    ...the knowledge of crack cocaine valuing and such on here. I had no idea so many tech-heads are also crack-heads. Whatever gets you guys through the day I suppose!


    Still, I think its not all that hard to imagine some dumb crack-whore charlie trafficker breaking down on even basic sporting knowledge to the customs guys. I dread to think how many kilos of rock would make it into the country if they weren't all dumb as fuck.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ kissingcarpets

    20-30% pure would be good... recent studies have shown it to be a lot lot less than that. 9% according to this.

  19. Justin Clements

    Legitimate reason...

    She had "no legitimate reason to be carrying the items".

    Isn't that the wrong word? Legitimate?

  20. kain preacher


    How do you think they paid for college ?

  21. Anonymous Coward

    At least...

    ...she could comment she was bringing the golf clubs to her brother, hubby, neighbor, whatever, and she could get away with it. Maybe she tested the "product" one too many times before packing... "product" I mean both the coke's quality or the club's swing at her own head. Pick one.

    What a mule...

  22. Anonymous Coward

    @Justin Clements

    "Isn't that the wrong word? Legitimate?"

    No, it's a perfectly valid word, given the circumstances. There was no guy around, thus she couldn't be a caddy, and she isn't a lesbian. Thus, she had no legitimate reason to be in the possession of golfing equipment.

  23. Chris C


    I'm surprised no one (as of the writing of this comment) has mentioned Office Space...

    On a side note:

    "She pleaded guilty to attempted drug smuggling, and was jailed for four years at Manchester Crown Court last Thursday."

    She was jailed for four years last Thursday? That must have been one hell of a long day. Either that, or she was sentenced to four years. But I like the original way better.

  24. Anonymous Coward


    <Paranoid rant>

    What? How did you know? Are you wired man? Are you? Are you? I think I heard the cops. Did you hear something? Shhhhh, put the shit away man. I think theres someone outside. No? Give me the pipe man. I need a hit AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhh!!!!111

    </Paranoid rant>

    On a side though I have gone sking a few times in the past and TBH I hated how paranoid I got :P

    /AC Incase anyone I know reads this.

  25. James Micallef Silver badge
    Big Brother


    FAIL to the budding criminal for the idiocy. I have never played gold or even remotely approaches a course, and I still know what 'handicap', 'fairway' etyc mean. Good cop by the border police. I was however struck by this phrase: "it was clear that she was totally unfamiliar with the game and she had no legitimate reason for travelling with the sports equipment."

    Surely what he should mean is "she had no logical reason". Saying she did not have a "legitimate reason for travelling with the sports equipment." implies that it is illegal to carry any sports equipment unless you're an expert at using it.

  26. John 118

    Depends on your income

    @ JonB

    83k / trip risk of 4 years. Not Bad??

    That's bad, very bad. I guess if your normally earning 20K per year, it's 'not bad' - 4 years income (tax free mind). But those of us on significantly higher than 20K pa, this isn't a good method to earn money.

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Anonymous Coward 14:51

    > Shouldn't the contents of your pocket be a knife, a fork, a bottle and a cork?

    She came back from Jamaica, not New York, silly.

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