Aaron Kempf
Am I still allowed to harass Aaron Kempf online? I think we need a database here to keep track of what people can and cannot do to Aaron Kempf.
It appears serial Reg poster Aaron Kempf doesn't much like the taste of his own bitter medicine, and has written to "request that you do not harrass [sic] me online". It was a crisp October morn last year when Kempf savagely laid into Reg hack Chris "Fucking pansy" Williams with a couple of unholy turdspurts about this piece …
He's off to a good start with multiple bangs and the f-word, and the paranoia and ethnic slurs look quite flamy.
But the quality of the flame quickly drops off after that. Where are the ALL CAPS, spleling eros, etc.? This smut is not worth more than, oh, 3 flames out of 6. And that's me being generous. He needs quite a bit of training before he can count himself one of the truly great flamers of today.
I don't know. I've seen some monsters in my time - DBs designed to reflect the previous flat-file system with one table per flatfile and all columns in text (now probably unicode to allow for Chinese names of cows or some such thing). To top it off it was forbidden to make any structural changes because it would make front-end app would cry. New indexes were also, for some reason, not allowed.
Then being asked to make the datawarehouse-esque query run with as little impact on the DB-server as possible.
I would like to officially end this thread by noting the similarity of the aforementioned flamer with the title of a work by a mister A. Hitler from 1925.
By his own fair hand it looks like Aaron admits to doing a bit of Harrassment himself.
From The Reg comments
[Quote]
"re: Yes, you can be arreseted for threatening to kill people #
By Aaron Kempf Posted Friday 1st August 2008 14:40 GMT
I know that you _CAN_ be arrested for threatening people.
I just think that it is consistently overplayed.
I got arrested for threatening someone on UseNet last summer.
I think that it's the biggest scam ever.
To think-- that some dude would take this fruitcake seriously-- is beyond belief"
[/Quote]
I've just been having a little look on Google for "Aaron Kempf" and, it must be said, the results are hilarious. Aaron, you can't have it both ways mate, if you're going to abuse people, expect to get some abuse in return.
I hereby request that El Reg continues to harass Aaron Kempf online as much as possible. Preferably with a massive database. Run away, Aaron! The databases are coming! The databases are coming!
I'm not sure a public response to a public statement, in a way that he'd only find if he went to the public place is harassment.
Clearly he's a figure of riducule not ire and while a more mature (I said more, not outright, though I'm sure we all wind people up for a laugh occasionally) troll would accept their fate, when banned or turned round most trolls whine. He's just trying, pathetically to turn it into the reg being the big bully, when he's clearly just upset it went wrong.
I found the last article on him losing it veryamusing.
The one marked 'Post anonymously'?
Anonymous means that people won't know your name; you can write what you want without fear of reprisals or online harassment.
You'd have to be a complete moron to use your own name when viciously flaming people.
That or a total Kempf-head.
FAIL. For the obvious reasons.
This little knobstretch is a regular poster in a number of usenet groups and other forums that I frequent. Generally he posts the same abusive response, slightly reworded, to anyone who expresses an opinion that does not agree with his own.
He's an idiot who loves to get a reaction and is best just ignored.
...not to harass him offline, but then he does seem to have his own definition for the word "harrass".
Let's get that database up and running, preferably using distributed open-source community-supported cloudware, then use it to capture, user-tag and geo-locate everything he ever does so a world-wide community, connected using viral marketeering, can share the workload (via aggregated Twitter, Podcasts and Wikiforums) to universally "HarRass" him, simultaneously incentivizing the maintenance of optimum efficiency and thus generating the smallest carbon footprint possible to deliver a dynamic example of just how green an integrated harassment mashup policy can be using Internetworked HarRassment 2.0.
...
Oh god, I think I just threw up.
Hehehe, Aaron Kempf is an anagram of Prank Me Oaf..... from his comments, he sounds like a fucking stupid oaf. The most stupider of stupid oafs on the interweb, quite possibly.
I think El Reg should start selling Aaron Kempf t-shirts, proclaiming, "the Databases are Coming, the Databases are Coming!!!" or "Databases Never Hurt Nobody" (does that double-negative mean that they did hurt somebody if they didn't 'hurt nobody'...?).
This time next year, Rodney, we'll be millionaires!
I get the impression he'll go away once his precious databases come in the inflatable, wide mouthed and astonished looking variety!
I wanna harrass him all over interwebs to the point at which he stontaenously combusts because with all those flames...
Mine's the one with "Medical Treatments For Acute SQL Posioning" in the pocket
Anyone who thinks that he can spout the garbage he's spewed needs a lesson, and repeatedly. Nothing Kempf has said so far has sounded anything like an apology, or even the recognition that's he's capable of acting like a halfway decent human being.
Reap what you sow indeed. Try putting something nice into the world and see what you get back, sir.
A quick run through some of the Google hits and it's obvious. He's running a corrupt[*] version of SQL server and it's fried his brain. Perhaps he should switch to MySQL?
He certainly has an interesting view on the world and it's kept me entertained this Friday lunchtime.
[*] is this word redundant?
Just google the fuktard and you'll see his general attitude is that of a trolltard.
Most of his answers are basically that of just calling someone names rather than an actual debate or exchange of information (any bets he's a foxnews viewer?)
And most of his answers are that of someone who's been educated via the back of a cerial box.
Anyway I hope El Reg continues to post any response's from people like this, as they tend to be cowards who only carry on in this way if they think they have some sort of support but will usually go away crying if someone stands up to them - as case in point.
We don't want him to disappear from the web otherwise the rest of us wouldn't have someone to bait and tease when we're bored.
I for one can't stand cruelty to animals so when a turdtard like this appears it's obviously for the rest of our amusement, you've got to give some people a purpose otherwise they are a drain on humanity by not contributing anything, he falls nicely into this category.
And only 5 comments in. Impressive!
"I would like to officially end this thread by noting the similarity of the aforementioned flamer with the title of a work by a mister A. Hitler from 1925."
Back on topic, Mr. Kempf: If you can't take it, don't give it!
I will add my request to the others for his contact details, so we can further extract the urine without clogging up el Reg's database.... I mean comments section.
Of the rants I've found so far the one below contains an utter gem from Aaron, and one I find very tempting:
"GAG ME WITH A SPOON"
from
http://www.excelforum.com/excel-general/384823-the-best-elegant-solution-to-override-65k-rows-limit-in-a-sheet.html
I wonder if he's managed to find another job yet after his little '10mbit router issue'
http://www.tech-archive.net/Archive/DotNet/microsoft.public.dotnet.languages.vb/2007-01/msg02129.html
Given employers preference for a quick google I doubt anyone would take the risk!!
From CNET -
---
IE is the most powerful browser in the world.. I don't know how you can possibly say that it is lagging.
It is the most popular browser in the world-- any web designer that doesn't like it-- should stop trying to change the world and start dealing with it.
I personally hate Firefox and Chrome ten times more than you 'poor college students' dislike IE.
Does Chrome or Firefox currently support rich client-side applications?
IE has, and they have for about 15 years now (ActiveX and now Smart Clients .NET forms)
---
OooOOooOo! 10 times more!!! Nyah nyah my dad is better than your dad! And so on.
As an aside - we really should encourage him to keep posting - as Rob (I think) said above, who else could you have so much fun baiting?
He's amazingly rude for a man who works with databases all day. I thought they were all quiet, unassuming people. Then again, he is currently working for a property company, so I guess the arsehole estate agent vibe is keeping him nicely tooled (sic) up.
Is it wrong that we are now stalking this guy over the internet? (thereby making the allegation from our ex-girlfriends correct?)
Is it wrong that A Man From Mars makes more sense than this buffoon?
is it wrong that El Reg let the Moderatrix out of her dungeon for a while?
Is it wrong that the condom broke, so this guys nickname is "Oh shit!"
So, Mein Kempf loves databases but doesn't like being tracked. One rule for the ruling elite, one rule for everyone else, all soaked in generous servings of corruption. No wonder Sarah Palin is his role model - for all we know, he dresses up like her in private before condemning the very same behaviour in public. Hypocrisy certainly is one thing the average neocon does very well indeed.
Re: The best elegant solution to override 65k rows limit in a sheet
yep here i am
Excel is for babies
use a database.
i reccommend MDB for newbies; and ADP for poeple with decent SQL skillz
-aaron
Obviouzly. Using a "zee" instead of an S makes you sound so much more cool!
If I was his employer. He would be sacked straight away.
This post has been deleted by its author
Databases can be really, really scary. You should see the pure evil I crafted in one particular module, with a sort of hybrid Coldfusion-cum-MySQL-cum-trigonometry-101 mess of tangled spaghetti code, joined tables and a distance calculation which converts on the fly between miles and kilometers. Every time I see that code a little piece of my soul shrivels up and dies.
Hell, I've heard that even the Great Old Ones tremble in the face of it's hideousness.
As for Kempf, he's obviously just another whack-job neocontard who probably bangs on endlessly about freedom but doesn't like it when people exercise their freedom to disagree with his nutty ideals. Sorry sunshine, but freedom is for everyone which means you're free to be an insulting little twat and we're all free to mercilessly take the piss out of you for it. :)
[QUOTE]
"re: Yes, you can be arreseted for threatening to kill people #
By Aaron Kempf Posted Friday 1st August 2008 14:40 GMT
I know that you _CAN_ be arrested for threatening people.
I just think that it is consistently overplayed.
I got arrested for threatening someone on UseNet last summer.
I think that it's the biggest scam ever.
To think-- that some dude would take this fruitcake seriously-- is beyond belief"
[/QUOTE]
Well now, on Alt.Conspiracy there was an individual named Benjamin Cramer, with numerous variations so it may not be a real name I suppose. He had numerous thoughts about the bad press the Nazi's had received and some very rigidly formed thoughts about pretty much everything. His defining feature was that the Jews were behind everything. Then he disappeared and stories began to appear telling of how he had been arrested. I wondered what had become of him since those heady days. Aaron (Aryan) Kempf (Kampf) has a very similar prose style and vocabulary and similar opinions, and apparently similar experiences. It looks as if he has been reduced (or elevated?) to ranting on tech sites now. Fantastic! Welcome Benjie!
Is this guy real, or a pretend troll? Poe's law!
And also, how many Aaron Kempfs are there out there? I don't mean real ones, but fellow trolls having some fun with the name. There's someone with the handle "Mein Kempf" here, is that the same person or someone making fun? Something else? What's for diner?
http://www.cnet.com/profile/Aaron+Kempf/
Great reads from his comments. I mean seriously funny stuff.
http://help.lockergnome.com/office2/Aaron-Kempf--ftopict801359.html
http://www.pcreview.co.uk/forums/thread-2238396.php
Love the "I rode the bus today" reply. Though I kind of wish he threw short in there as well.
Here I figured this guy was 20 at best but his LinkedIn profile says he got a H.S. diploma in 1993. Come to find out he claims to have studied little but MS databases since. Now it makes sense that so many of his posts reflect a love of databases and VB... no really... VB. Why I bet he wrote a whole database engine in VB to replace Jet and it was probably fas', fas' like bullet.
Ok, we need another icon. Either "LOL" "ROFL" "HFH" or something like that.
Why are Americans so poor at history? I swear if I had a pound for every time an American said the words "We saved your asses, twice!" I'd be a billionaire.
1. USA declared war on Germany on 6th April 1917, USA troops starting fighting in the summer of 1918. By which time the war was already won thanks to the British Naval Blockade.
2. The US declared war on Japan and Germany on 8th December 1941 - over a year after the Battle of Britain and months after the German invasion of Russia, as well as after the indefinite postponement of Operation Sea lion and also after Hitler had offered a ceasefire to Britain and a peace deal, which Churchill refused.
3. US air forces began fighting the Germans several days after El Alamein, ground troops didn't face the Germans until months later.
If anything American involvement hastened the end of WWII, it didn't win it outright, the tide had already turned. Britain was quite safe enough after September 1940 even without help.
Although to be fair, the post war baby boom has a lot to do with the Americans! Also, didn't anyone notice the name Aaron Kempf sounds a lot like Aryan and Kampf? Hmmm.
"Who... ... the f*ck's Sarah Palin?"
She's the one from Monthy Python who went on to do travel programs, got stuck west of Canada, thought "I could run this place" and then couldn't.
I'm posting anonymously to avoid the ire of Me Prank Oaf (damn, the Anagram-Lock Key got stuck on again)
He's the second comment on the post ....
_________________________
by Aaron Kempf June 9, 2009 3:52 PM PDT
"kev, you're too paranoid kid, lay off the crackpipe-- nobody is out to get you!"
_________________________
http://news.cnet.com/8301-13577_3-10261009-36.html?tag=commProfileMain;profileBot
..you just wasted 40 mins of my time !
I couldn't resist doing a little googling on the subject in question and WHAMMO.. 40 mins have passed..
I'm off now to spend more time writing pointless queries and procedures against what is obviously the most usless DB software available.. Would love to see AK and LJE in an MTV style Celebrity Wrestle..
Oh, and if you want to waste some more time, check out these threads on here.. he really doesn't do friendly !
http://www.tech-archive.net/Archive/DotNet/microsoft.public.dotnet.languages.vb/2007-01/msg02090.html
(techy avatar because AK most obviously is not)