back to article RIP tennis gal's DD jubs

Fans of the finer points of women's tennis are today mourning the loss of Romanian racket-botherer Simona Halep's DD chesticles - cut down in their prime by the surgeon's knife. As diehard aficionados of bouncy Centre Court action will recall, 17-year-old Ms Halep recently said of her assets: "This fall I'll have a breast …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    'Tis a shame - and think of the lost potential...

    Put her in a mixed doubles and watch the oposition crumble at the sight of those gazombas beating time - she'd be serving aces all afternoon.

    Paris because she knows where her assets lie.

    /off to Google 'sports bra'; it's Friday evening after all

  2. Mein Kempf Gold badge


    When I was an MS database administrator, we didn't need breast reduction to make the world a better place. Tell you what, those Romanian tennis pussies would be straight up against the wall if I was Fidel Castro. Pussies.

  3. Rtrdo

    Better of acting as Lara Croft!

    She's the perfect real life model to match just about any female computer game character :)

    OMG I cant believe you tricked me into watching tennis :(

  4. Dave Harris Silver badge


    "Fans of the finer Points"?

    @Mein Kempf, I like what you did there ;o)

  5. david 63

    Is it a crime... look at a 17 year olds boobies?

    For God's sake think of the chidren!!!

    Mines the slightly grubby one with the copy of H&E in the pocket.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All breast ops should be stopped

    that said, whatever. She's taken the amazon option of stunting breast growth in order to kick more arse. Long may she kick it and playmobil please.

  7. Anonymous Coward


    Boxer shorts at half mast!

  8. Xris M



    I'm done.

  9. Anonymous Coward


    The guy taping this held up the video camera for 5 minutes. Talk about endurance when faced with meat puppies...

    Funbags are a GO!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    don't know why this is allowed

    it's clearly a surgery, being performed purely to enhance her ability to play tennis. chemicals that improve your performance are banned in teh game, so surgeries that achieve the same end should be too.

    If you have a physical limitation that prevents you from playing tennis to a world class level, perhaps its time for a career change rather than surgery, after all it's only a game!

    my general unfitness and lack of skill prevent me from being a world class tennis player too, can i get a prescription for steroids to correct that?

  11. Anonymous Coward

    insert sobbing here


    insert more sobbing here

  12. James O'Brien


    Why oh why have thou forsaken me?

    I can never watch tennis again :( *not that I did much of it in the first place*

    /Lowers the towel to half mast.

  13. Anonymous Coward

    10 year later

    when her career doesnt improve, and she ends up on the streets, she will wish that

    she had kept them. Now she'll never get a job dancing at a reputable stripclub.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I'm surprised she didn't get it done sooner, even to prevent future back problems.

    If she's that dedicated to tennis, I hope she does well. I personally wouldn't get cosmetic surgery for my job.

    I think the best analogous reference is one a friend of mine made from a 'poison elves' comic... lung hammers.

  15. Anonymous Coward

    AC @ 18:34 GMT

    Well I will be competing in the high jump at the next Olympics or, as the event will be known after the surgery "The AC steps over a bar with his 6 meter long legs walk over!"

  16. babz

    Gone too far

    We've done it guys.. science has gone too far...

  17. T.F. The Magnificent, Flying Trapeze Gumby Brothers and Furniture Removals.
    Thumb Up

    Reminds me...

    Last weekend after winning Wimbledon, Serena Williams had a t-shirt on saying ‘Are You Looking At My Titles?'

    If Brunel were alive today, he'd be designing sports bras.

  18. Anonymous Coward


    Sometimes science is a wonderful thing to behold. Here, we have a splendid example every action having an equal and opposite reaction.

  19. Simon 79

    @Rtrdo - well....

    ... come on admit it... you weren't REALLY watching the tennis were you...

  20. John A Blackley

    Is there an adult version of El Reg somewhere

    Nothing to add to the title.

  21. Steve Evans

    @Anonymous Coward 18:34

    That Mr A/C is a very good point... Unfortunately a tad late...


  22. Mika Kamppi
    IT Angle

    IT Angle?

    Dual rack servers?

    Time for bed me thinks....

  23. Anonymous Coward

    Where's the IT angle?

    Or is El Reg slowly turning into The Sun? I suppose it is a 'Red Top' after all...

    At least with the numerous pics of the Asus EEE cutie (I'm not complaining, mind) there were some passing references to technology. But where is the IT story here?

  24. Doug Glass



  25. Nordrick Framelhammer
    Paris Hilton

    @Mika Kamppi

    Of course there is an IT angle.

    Involves Tits, or Twats if the story had been about her fanny.

    Paris, because she is crying in the knowledge that even after the surgery Simona's happy funtime bags will still be bigger than Paris' tiny titties

  26. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Fair's fair

    Can we have some pictures of cocks now?

  27. Kevin Reader

    AC @ 18:34 GMT

    I can't recall the details at the moment but there is an SF short story about a future Olympics where most of the athletes are genetically mutated to compete. There are complex arguments about where the (few) limitations have been broken. During the story some of the Soviets (old story) defect using their mutated abilities to their own advantage for the first time.

    Its like an extreme version of those arguments about the identities/ages of some of the young gymnasts. As you may recall the authorities came back and said that the girl matched her official details and those said she was OK, neatly sidestepping the other evidence that implied she'd been several years older/younger several years before. Or that there were two amazing athletes with the same name - which seemed the official explanation. It was deemed moot that a country might fake someones details to have them compete.

  28. Anonymous Hero


    What a criminal waste of amazing chebs. Just utter vandalism.

  29. Anonymous Coward

    Here goes here nearly perfect mixed doubles record

    She should have thought properly "OK, why do me and my partner really win all those mixed doubles matches..."

  30. Kanhef

    @AC 18:34

    Drugs give one an unfair advantage over other competitors. This is removing a pre-existing hindrance, almost a handicap. It might bring her performance up to that of other players, but not beyond them.

  31. Death Boffin


    Unfortunately, job related cosmetic surgery for most of us would involve hemorrhoid removal.

  32. Sceptical Bastard

    A dissenting voice

    Great video, El Reg. The love-child of Ilie Năstase and Lara Croft in bouncing puppies action! Better than all the usual dull stuff about IT, Redmond versus Mountain View, science, government cock-ups, hardware, software ...

    Talking of God's Own Sport, I watched virtually all the second week on BBC TV (when I should've been working) and I'm proud to admit it! So FOAD, all you tennis-hating commentards.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    (The IT reference is in the TITle.)

    The surgery may well result in a lose-lose situation.

    We lose because her boobs have been more interesting than her tennis.

    She may well lose because her centre of gravity will move to a point further down and further back, and her upper body mass is reduced. Since even unfamiliar shoes can throw out a player's game, it is doubtful as to whether the deboobification may in any way improve her abilities.

    Trying to build greater lower-leg strength in the gym might have been a better strategy.

    Some good could have been derived from the situation if we could nominate some other pretty girl to receive the off-cuts, but I don't suppose it works that way...?

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Breast is Best

    Think of the lost opportunities for sponsorship from BusterBras.Com (BBC) or FeminineIndustrialSupport.Co.Uk.

    More seriously though it a shame to see someone resort to non-essential surgery - you should always make the most of your assets rather than seek to take the short cut.

    Paris cos she always makes a tit of herself.

  35. Carsten Pedersen

    @Kevin Reader

    "Achilles' Choice", by Larry Niven and Steven Barnes

  36. Anonymous Coward


    She was asked if her breasts had helped her tennis career. She said: 'Well, they've certainly opened doors for me.'

    I'll get my coat...

  37. Sonya Fox

    I wouldn't do it

    That does look like it would hurt like hell after a few rounds but if I were her I think I'd rather change careers. Surgery seems like kind of a drastic option.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    The sun is shining, it's a beautiful day.

    You whey-faced geeks need to take your hands off your cocks for a moment and go outside.

  39. david 63

    @5 hats

    why, is there some totty out there with their goods on show?

  40. Anonymous Coward

    @ Five Hats

    What, like you?

  41. steogede

    It's not even August

    I thought she was going to wait until Fall?

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022