back to article Opiate-crazed wallabies create crop circles

Tasmania's opium poppy farmers have been offered an explanation for mysterious crop circles in their fields which have become part of local lore: They're caused by drugged-up wallabies which get blasted on the plant heads and hop around in circles. That's according to Taz attorney general Lara Giddings, who explained that she' …


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  1. Paul Dx

    Time for some beastial BDSM

    ... tie me wallaby down sport

  2. Stephen Gray
    Thumb Up


    Those macropod types are just a little crazy if you ask me.

  3. Anonymous Coward

    A new anti-insurgency strategy for Afghanistan?

    Brilliant! Let's just drop a couple of million drug-crazed wallabies on the country, and once they're busy eating the opium crop, there goes the Taliban's most significant source of funding!

  4. TeeCee Gold badge

    Let me fix that for you.

    "Tasmania accounts for 50 per cent of all the world's opiate supplies"

    "Tasmania accounts for 50 per cent of all the world's legal opiate supplies"

    There, that's better and it'll save you getting a stroppy letter from the Afghan Embassy for dissing their multi billion dollar contribution to the world economy.

    I'd select an icon, but the little buggers keep running around the screen in circles and I can't catch one.

  5. CT

    Tasmanian Alkaloids' mission statement

    from their website: "Our mission is to delight our customers..."

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Video / pics / playmobile reconstruction

    ...or it didn't happen

  7. Fran_the_reg_doesnt_support_c_celil_ois

    I for one ...

    welcome our new drug-crazed wallaby overlords.

    Just to try the new doormat.

  8. Andrew Punch

    Wallabies high on opium or...

    under the influence of aliens?

    Perhaps said wallabies are trying to destroy their Thetans with opium before Xenu sucks them up into a DC-8. The wallabies are probably justifiably worried about using DC-8s for intergalactic travel. After all the newer DC-10 could barely manage intraplanetery travel - let along interplanetary travel.

  9. WhatWasThat?
    Black Helicopters

    Taliban Opium production

    Actually, opium production in Afghanistan dropped under the Taliban - it is against the religion, after all (

    Those that survived have flourished under UN control; providing 90% of the "illegal" heroin inside the US in 2006 (

  10. Graham Bartlett


    ... does this mean that wallabies are actually aliens in disguise? Are they trying to communicate with us? And how do the stoned wallabies get over to Glasto for crop-circling over there?

    Oh, and when did all the cool new icons turn up?

  11. The Indomitable Gall

    Ah, now I see.

    So a developed country grows 50% of the world's medicinal opium, a non-indigenous crop (or so I am led to believe) which is having a notable effect on the local fauna

    Meanwhile, impoverished, underdeveloped nations where opium poppies *are* indigenous are quota'ed into a small corner of the market and impoverished farmers turn to the black market.

    Middle-east: lower labour costs, lower transport costs.

    Australia: higher labour costs, higher transport costs.

    Smells like protectionism to me.

  12. Neil Bauers

    Mine's the wallaby costume.

    I'll leave when my circles intersect with the doorway.

  13. GrahamT

    Number 9, Number 9...

    Re: "wallabies which get blasted on the plant heads and hop around in circles" and "sheep that have eaten some of the poppies after harvesting and they all walk around in circles."

    That's why the authorities want to keep drugs out of proles' hands - they lead to revolutions.

  14. Allan George Dyer

    Alternate production site?

    How about separating the marsupials from the Papaver somniferum by buying the opium from Afghan farmers? Then the farmers don't need to sell it to the Taliban to survive, and soldiers don't get shot trying to destroy it.

    I, for one, welcome our new icons.

  15. Anonymous Coward

    they all walk around in circles

    A rather boring walkabout.

    @Andrew Punch - Xenu sucks

    erm, yes......

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tasmanian security

    So, if the wall around these fields can't keep out a few wallabys, how effective can they be at keeping humans from sneaking in, stealing the opium, and selling it?

  17. Forename Surname

    oh dear..

    "Rockliff added that the principal risk associated with animal alkaloid abuse was contamination of the meat, but he noted..."

    Contamination? From what? First of all, the active alkoloids (mostly morphine and codeine) in raw opium get broken down very quickly, and they are only in the bloodstream anyways, not sitting in the muscle.

    More importantly, WHO CARES! If I could get a legal 20mg of morphine in my lamb kabob lunch here in the States, I'd import all the Tasmanian lamb (do you eat wallabies? ) I could find!

    As to the Taliban, the OBVIOUS solution to defeating them besides getting local militia groups to fight them is to cut off their source of funding! In other words, just scrap all of the national drug laws in most western countries and their little insurgency would be over.

    Similarly, crime would drop 80% or more as the prices of raw opium, heroin, etc would drop to $5 an ounce. Prices of cocaine, methamphetamine, etc would similarly drop by 90% overnight. Most of the money plowed into the DEA, law enforcement and 50% of the people in prison could go back into the budget, and there would be plenty of money for drug treatment programs.

    All in all society would greatly improve. We just need to get rid of the fear-mongering right-wing morons who have no experience with addiction and addiction treatment.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    Wallbies ?

    You think it's only wallabies getting the crops. Sure the animals have two legs but the wallabies we are talking about speak Strein and wear hats with corks on the brim.

    The icon, that's me going round in circles.

  19. BioTube

    @Forename Surname

    The cheapest, quickest solution would be firebombing of all nonauthorized drug farms; after all, the Taliban might be hiding in the poppies!

  20. Francis Offord
    Black Helicopters

    It gives them an aim in life

    Poor old Wallabies, they are getting the blame for doing what humans have been doing for thousands of years, by blotting out the nastiness of life and retiring into a suitable haze. Give them the chance to do what many of the, so called, higher mammals do by retreating to a less painful world.

  21. Solomon Grundy

    I Ate a Bunch

    of Poppy heads once, I didn't wander around in circles, We did a bunch of other stuff but no wandering in circles for us.

    Isn't it odd that the alkaloids have such a different impact on humans than on wallabies or sheep. I wonder of the wallabies that visit regularly have withdrawal symptoms? It'd be interesting to find out.

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