Spanish bar invites customer abuse

A Spanish bar has introduced a novel way of relieving customer stress during the current global economic apocalypse - free drinks for "original or hilarious abuse" directed at staff. Bernard Mariusz, owner of Casa Pocho in Cullera near Valencia, reckoned that punters needed an outlet for their frustrations during these dark …

[Anonymous Coward]

Me cago en la leche...

Been saying this for years - us Brits need to learn a thing or two about not bottling up our anger, and to not take life too seriously. The theory goes that if you release it in a controlled manner you won't go home and stella artois the wife.

That said, domestic violence is still a big problem in Spain, even though they can partake in a bit of "GBH of the ears".

Fewer road rage incidents, though.

[Joe Bloggs 2]

The joys of internet translation....

"Oye, cabrón, ponme una puta cerveza o te corto los putos huevos, gilipollas de la puta mierda." =

"Hey, bitch, bitch ponme a beer or short you fucking eggs, the fucking asshole shit."

Paris because she likes a good mouthfull...

[Znort666]

Genius idea...

Oiga, puta madre, penso que eres erotico burro pene, deme una cerveza, ahora!!!

or

Me caja en la madre que te parrio(or is that pario?) Quiero una cerveza, gordiflon

(PS forgive the lack of accents...couldn't be arsed...)

Suppose its better than complaining about the place, as some people do...

[Simon Dax]

Abuse - The Universal Language

I've always preferred the more subtle approach - "Get me a beer or I'll wire your testicles to the mains!"

(This sounds much better with a South African accent)

[Mark 140]

What?

He wants me to do *what* with my eggs?

The mind truly boggles.

[Richard 120]

That's going straight into babelfish

and here's the result -

It hears, cabrón, ponme one puta beer or I cut putos eggs to you, gilipollas of puta excrement

hmmm.....

google translate -

Hey, bitch, bitch ponme a beer or short you fucking eggs, the fucking asshole shit.

I'd say the Mountain View Chocolate Factory wins the teenagers obscenity translation lookup competition with that one.

Any other takers?

Oh wait, I've given it an IT angle.... kudos to me.

[frank ly]

Cross Cultural Cursing Comparisons

""Oye, cabrón, ponme una puta cerveza o te corto los putos huevos, gilipollas de la puta mierda."

I just had a go at translating that - wow! In English, that's not 'earthy', it's psychedelic neon lit. Can you give us an example of something that might be regarded as very rude?

[steppenwolf]

Abuse?

I went in and wanted an argument. Apparantly i should have gone to the bar 12A just down the corridor.

[Andus McCoatover]

Won Key - Soho?

If you've never been insulted there, then you've never shi*t your pants since you were a nipper.

(Probably gone, now. Excellent food. But no longer accessable to me.)

Once, I was there and - firstly - told to "fuc*c off upstair [sic]" - then my girl and I couldn't share a table, we sat at opposite 8-cover tables.

Students near me tried to pay, but they were about 20 pence short. Waiter counted the money, and threw it on the floor "Not Eroff" - or something like...

Still, I got the bastard when I found a white clothes clip in my rice. I clipped it to his ear at the end of the meal.

Joy and Merriment! Gathering Nuts and May!*

Thrown out. Before they realised they hadn't charged us...Good grub, and cheap, though. In our case, extremely.

(Don't get me on my Cafè Royale bill, pleeth.)

IT Angle? It's where the PFY would take a woman. Cheap.

<Eeyore_Mode>

*Oh, and it's my 53'rd birthday Saturday. Just thought I'd mention it, in case anyone gives a shit.....(pause..pause..pause) didn't hear a thing. Must be deaf, or demented... ;-)

</Eeyore_Mode>

[Elmer Phud]

The joys of internet translation....2

Not one of the online translators I've found agree with each other.

It must be fairly good then.

My favourite:

"It hears, he-goat, put me a prostitute beer or I cut you the male prostitutes eggs, dickhead of the prostitute shit"

[Matthew Henry]

Lester, does this mean...

... that all of your stories are published from a bar in Spain? If so, you've really got this internet thing figured out.

[Omar Marquez]

It does help

As a native Spanish speaker, I can tell you about the efficacy of swearing at a computer in Spanish... even if Windoze still buggers up, the Spanish invective lowers my blood pressure:

¡Oye pinche computadora de mierda, si no me das la información que te pedí este segundo te juro que te daré un desmadrazo y te rellenaré de mierda que he personalmente cagado!

(Of course I'd never go through with the threat, but the computer doesn't know that!)

[Efros]

Bartenders hereabouts

Use the phrase 'What you fucking wanting you fucking fuck", patrons tend to be more polite.

[WhatWasThat?]

Merkin Reminder

United States Department of State

Bureau of Consular Affairs

Washington, DC 20520

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This information is current as of today, Fri Jun 19 09:02:32 2009.

SPAINISH BARS

This Travel Warning warns American citizens about the locally accepted custom of insulting serving staff at certain public houses in the country of Spain.

American citizens who choose to visit Saudi Arabia are strongly urged to remember that Spainish as spoken in Spain IS NOT the same as Mexican spoken in the southern states or in the country of Mexico. Inadvertently insulting a Spainard in Mexican in Spain has been known to cause serious injury to the American citizen involved, or even in the general vicinity.

U.S. citizens who require emergency services may telephone the Embassy in Serrano 75; telephone (34) (91) 587-2200, and fax (34) (91) 587-2303 or the U.S. Consulate in Barcelona located at Paseo Reina Elisenda 23-25; telephone (34) (93) 280-2227 and fax (34) (93) 205-5206.

[Joe Harrison]

Happy Birthday McCoatie

I've been 53 for nearly a year now - you won't like it you know.

[Anonymous Coward]

"Listen, bitch, give me a bitching beer or I'll cut your bitching bollocks off..

... something something shitty bitch."

Since when did Zuckerberg get a job as a Spanish builder? My translation skills faltered somewhere toward the end there, but this massive overuse of a single repeated insult is hardly the kind of "original" or "hilarious" abuse we're supposed to be promoting here.

*goes off to work on a hilarious insult referencing Don Quixote or other famous Spanish cultural works*

[peter garner]

Re; Geniis idea

> Me caja en la madre que te parrio(or is that pario?) Quiero una cerveza, gordiflon

I box in which you Parrie mother (or is that parity?) I want a beer, gordiflon

que????

[John Crisp]

Life's a bitch.............

Like most things colloquial & slang, it doesn't translate directly. Google / Babelfish choke on this.

"Oye, cabrón, ponme una puta cerveza o te corto los putos huevos, gilipollas de la puta mierda."

Roughly

" Hey bastard, give a bitch of a beer or I'll cut off your balls off, you dickhead of a bitch shit"

Amazing what your kids learn first at school :-)

Things is in Valenciano, the local language, puta is a very common term - the sort of thing you greet your mates with, whereas in Castellano (Spanish) it's a bit more offensive - I nearly saw a Valencian killed here in my village because he used the term 'puta madre' - your mothers a bitch.

Quite funny that having lived here for 18 months and thinking I know nothing of the language despite studying all that time, I read this and instantly fell about laughing.

Gave me a nice 'glowy' feeling !

One thing is for sure, and that is that the Spanish swear a lot more than I had believed possible.

And the word 'conyo' (not 100% sure of the spelling but that's how it sounds) is in everyday parlance for both men AND women.

[RichardB]

@Simon Dax

You really shouldn't be drinking in your uniform, constable Dax.

[Keith Williams]

Translation

It hears, he-goat, put me a prostitute beer or I cut you the male prostitutes eggs, dickhead of the prostitute shit - IM Translation

It hears, cabrón, ponme one puta beer or I cut putos eggs to you, gilipollas of puta excrement - Yahoo Babble Fish

It hears, rascal, ponme a prostitute beer or you short the putos eggs, gilipollas of the prostitute crap - FreeTranslation.com

Gotta love the dickhead he-goat

[Steve 18]

Re: Internet translations

"It hears, rascal, ponme a prostitute beer or you short the putos eggs, gilipollas of the prostitute crap."

That's from freetranslation.com - explains why it's free.

[Anonymous Coward]

careful with that conyo eugene

The Spanish for rabbit, cone, and a vulgar term for a part of the female reproductive anatomy, are, to English ears, almost indistinguishable. I hear that locals derive much innocent amusement from apparently respectable English tourists asking for (eg) a c*** full of vanilla and a flake stuck in it, from the ice cream sellers.

[kain preacher]

WhatWasThat?

Nice joke mate. Now tell it in NYC or Miami :) Wait is Puerto Rico in the US ? Hmm.

[Albert Gonzalez]

Re:Life's a bitch.............

Dear John Crisp

" Hey bastard, give a bitch of a beer or I'll cut off your balls off, you dickhead of a bitch shit"

isn't exactly translated, more artistically 'puta' should be translated with fucked, let me finish it for you :

" Hey bastard, gimme fucking beer or I'll cut off your fucking balls off, you dickhead of fucked shit"

and yes, coño is a very common word here, and its just a pejorative term for the female genitals.

Of course, is usual to hear very l¡fouled mouths in Spain, but also in France and Italy.

Catalan Spaniard, so yes, i speak at least 3 languages ....

[Steven Walker]

It knows now Omar

"(Of course I'd never go through with the threat, but the computer doesn't know that!)"

You should not have typed that on your own computer!

Steve

[Anonymous Coward]

Transalation...

Okay, I've lived here a few years:

Hey pussy, give me a fucking beer or I'll cut your balls off you shitty cocksucker.

Charmers!

[Anonymous Coward]

@Omar Marquez

You are not a native Spanish speaker, perhaps a native Mexican speaker? ;-)

[ThinkingOutLoud]

Spanish obscenities

I was brought up in Spain between late 60s to late 70s.

If you want to insult someone, you sh*t on their mother's grave or call her a prostitute. If you just want to cause maximum offence, you sh*t on God, Jesus or Mary.

I always found it ironic that the most Catholic country I lived in happened to be the most blasphemous. It kept me in all sorts of trouble while I grew up...

I respect and admire any and every faith on a personal level. I just don't trust their corporate sales people!

May your God help me.

Paris because she'd answer some of my private prayers...

[joens]

Nobody speaks castillian spanish

well, I am no spanish (I consider myself only a humble Catalan), but all I hear from you are Mexican expressions. If you want to get a free beer, just tell the waiter

'Tu, maricon hijo de la gran puta, dame una puta cerveza de las que tienen sabor a los meados calientes de tu puto jefe'

(no picture because there is no picture to describe this language)

[Magani]

@ WhatWasThat?

Someting is El Stinko

"SPAINISH BARS"

...

"American citizens who choose to visit Saudi Arabia are strongly urged to remember that Spainish as spoken in Spain IS NOT the same as Mexican spoken in the southern states or in the country of Mexico. Inadvertently insulting a Spainard in Mexican in Spain has been known to cause serious injury to the American citizen involved, or even in the general vicinity."

Ahem, I suspect that "American citizens who visit Saudi Arabia" are strongly urged to remember that they are nowhere near Spain,have probablycaught the wrong plane, and insulting a Saudi in Spanish (or in any language really) is not going to have a good outcome.

If that was a real quote (and Google doesn't seem to know about it) then the Merkin State Dept needs to get both an atlas and an English dictionary. ("Spainish"and "Spainiard"???)

The whole thing smells a bit fishy. Paella anyone?

Heli icon 'cos it's supposed to be the State Dept.

[Poopie McStinklestein 1]

What is the point of a title?

Me cago en tu leche, is one I like.

Interestingly, coger is "to fuck" in Argentina, che boludo.

De nada.

[Jeffrey Nonken]

I always thought...

...that "puta" was Spanish for "whore". But I was told this by a friend who spoke Puerto Rican Spanish, which for all I know is completely different from both the Mexican and native Spanish dialects. (And he wasn't even a Puerto Rican native. Though his mom was.)

(Note: that's "whore" and not "prostitute" which would be, according to the self-same friend, "prostituta". Though some online dictionaries claim "puta" means both.)

But what the hell, we probably don't really want a transliteration anyway. Every culture has their idioms. Ours don't usually translate well either. Not even across the pond. :)

[Anonymous Coward]

How dull.

"As one of the English speaking world's leading authorities on Spanish obscenities, this hack can confirm that the lingo does indeed offer a deep well of abuse from which to draw."

Men the world over think their country is best for colourful swears, dangerous alcohol, sexy women, and (almost certainly) some combination of all the above.

Spanish swears are no more interesting than anyone else's. And seeing as English has more words and an inherent plasticity ...

[snafu]

Actually...

Weeeellll... First of all, no, we don't go abuse-happy at nobody unless, one, we know each other enough to understand we are being a bit playful or brash and all is in good humor, or two, we are reeeeally furious.

Also, in context, many brutal pejoratives express admiration, actually: "de puta madre", "el puto amo", "de cojones", etc ("puto" this and "puta" that, although the term is the short and brutal for "prostitute", would translate better as "fucking" this or that).

It is not that different to swearing in English, really, and the same rules apply: you don't even try unless the context allows it or you are about to bust a blood vessel in ire.

[Phil 54]

Colombian

My favorite is my colombian friends calling each other gonorrhea, as in

"eh! gonorrhea! dame una puta cerveza, huevon!!"

because it burns(so I hear)

[Allan Hawdon]

Spanish abuse

After living here for about four years, I still can't get used to shouting "oiga" to get the

bartender's attention. It'll be a while before I get to the above level of creativity, if ever.

Allan

Oiga - Listen! Pay attention!

I wonder if the English "Oi!" as in "Oi, you!" comes from this.

What this has got to do with technology I'm not sure but it makes a break from endless

Intel stories.

[Anonymous Coward]

Clarifications

@Peter Garner, what Znort meant to say was "Me cago en la madre que te parió".

@AC, the Spanish for rabbit (conejo) is also used as a politer form of the vulgar term for a part of the female reproductive anatomy.

[Anonymous Coward]

You've all been conned

Lester's having a laugh. What it really means is...

Hello officer, can you please tell me the way to the railway station?

[Martin Budden]

@Clarifications by AC

So, bunny = pussy? I think I can handle that ;-)

[Anonymous Coward]

@Allan Hawdon re: Oiga

I reckon the Spanish 'oir' and its imperative form 'oye', and the archaic French 'ouïr', are probably the origin of the old English Town Criers' yell "Oyez"... which is probably where 'oi' descends from in English usage...

[Vincent Ballard]

@Joens

Why bother to say "dame una puta cerveza de las que tienen sabor a los meados calientes de tu puto jefe" when you could just say "dame un Bud Lite"?

Mine's the one with the bottle of Castillo de Bétera in the pocket.

[Znort666]

RE: RE;Genius idea Peter garner...

From what I remember of my spanish classes it means (although the spanish spelling could be slightly wrong):

I shit on the mother that bore you, i want a beer you fat bastard...

Please note that insult is quite offensive to the spanish...

we actually nick-named one of our teachers Senor Gordiflon (Mr Fat Bastard)