Now Google tracking follows you out of cyberspace

Not content with knowing what you're doing online, Google has patented a process using the accelerometer in your phone to work out what you're doing offline too, all in the interest of improving your experience. Android devices might start working out what we're doing based on how we're moving, and make decisions as to what we …

[Timo]

I will be patenting this one

Will my iphony accelerometer be able to detect when I'm putting the "norwegian wood" to some lass, and thereby disable the ringer for all incoming phone calls (especially from the wife)? Or will it tell google to update my twitter with "busy for the next 2 minutes, I'm shagging".

[Anonymous Coward]

Just wait....

I can imagine the end game for this...

The phone laid flat on a surface somewhere detecting very subtle, fairly rhythmic vibration over a period of time tooting up with "Here are some adverts based on your current activity brought to you by Durex"

Paris ... well its obvious

[Anonymous Coward]

The next stage

The next stage would be to hook this up automatically to twitter to post updates......

12:49 Dave has wlkaed to the office watercooler for a drink.

15:02 Dave must be bored - he is polishing his trophy in the toliets

[Adam Foxton]

Well

at least it'll be easy to see who's watching porn :P

[Anonymous Coward]

The whole problem with current patents in a single neat sentence.

>"This is just a patent - making the idea work is some way off"

Grrr. What the hell ever happened to the idea that patents protect something you've invented, not something that maybe might work one day if you did ever get round to inventing it? We badly need a huge bonfire of stupid, useless and dishonest patents.

[Tony]

excellent

So my phone can work out when I am bouncing up and down and arrange for me to get even more viagra-related spam?

Marvelous.

[Anonymous Coward]

Quote

"This is just a patent - making the idea work is some way off"

Wow, what a gem that quote is! I thought patents were meant to secure proprietary inventions? In this case it sadly looks like patent first, sue later.

[Graham Marsden]

a database of movement profiles...

... against which devices can compare their own experience.

You realise, of course, this could be combined with the "Geeks make least selfish lovers" idea to provide suitable "movement profiles" to ensure their partners are satisfied...

[Anonymous Coward]

I for one

I for one welcome our Googly accelerometer overlords.

I'll get me coat. It's the one with the GPS stiched into the lining (nothing to do with big brother, I'm just married to a geek wife)

[tom]

great idea

This is a great idea, but would take a lot of time to develop the software and improve the accelerometer chips, then would need 1000's of people to record the movements so they can be identified. I defiantly think this could catch on, and be very useful, as if u had your phone with you and your car crashed it could already call 999 and give them details of rough position (or if gps is available), and depending on how hard it is, calculate wither u might need an ambulance. Again another useful thing is if someone falls over, especially the elderly, it could already call an ambulance if it detects no further movement afterwards.

Another great idea by Google

[adnim]

I need a device that thinks for me.

"Android devices might start working out what we're doing based on how we're moving, and make decisions as to what we'd like them to do based on that information"

Personally I would like devices to do exactly what I want when I click a button or touch some control interface. I do not want devices to make decisions for me based on what that device thinks I may want. Yes, I can see potential benefits from this technology providing it can be turned off.

"Improving user experience" seems to a coverall term for resting even more control from the user and passing that control to the device or manufacturer of that device.

How many years/generations before devices make all our decisions based solely on the motives of the manufacturer/supplier/provider?

I don't want my phone asking me if I am wearing a condom when having sex, but it would be fine if it directed my wifes call to voice mail ;-)

[Arthur]

The Google version of the MS paper clip

"You appear to have suffered a high speed head-on shunt. Would you like me to call the emergency services?"

[amanfromMars]

Easy Peasy Japaneasy.

It's wonderful what you can dream up when there are no money worry problems.

And that NINJA Zen .... is Heap Powerful Renegade Apache Code, Kemo Sabe.

Purple Prose for 21Century Networks?

And a Valid Current Question of BT's Future Ambition..... Virtual Ability.

[Gary F]

How draining

It would really drain the battery if the accelerometer was active all the time. I would definately turn that feature off.

It would be more useful to strap such a phone to elderly people and if Google detects no movement during waking hours it can automatically call 999. :-)

[Christopher Ahrens]

RE:The whole problem with current patents...

Couldn't agree more. Especially after Patents like "controlling input in a a user interface by means of mechanical and/or electronic devices" to cover a small thing, but could cover the whole concept of I/O. Or one of those patents that cover things that are so fundamental that no one ever thought to patent, let alone patentable...

We really need to burn the Patent office and start over from start

[Chronos]

Re: The Google version of the MS paper clip

"You appear to have suffered a high speed head-on shunt. Would you like me to call the emergency services?"

No, I just threw this annoying block of plastic against the wall in a vain attempt to silence the bloody thing, although if you know anyone who can repair Googlephones and really wants every second of their lives in a database, you may want to give them a buzz soonest as there's one that needs "slight attention" laying on the floor, first-come first-served. Me? I'm gone...

Is there any chance of Google making the things issue an electrical shock, preferably the equivalent of winding the handle of a Megger with both croc clips attached to the scrotum, to any oik wandering down the high-street with one of these in the hand he usually uses for "other purposes," oblivious to the the normal people who won't die of withdrawal symptoms if they don't get the latest ever-so hilarious text every five seconds? Google, for once, would actually be doing something worthwhile...

[Anonymous Coward]

I am concerned

At the number of people who keep there phones on there person whilst rogering some poor lass. What do you do? have the damn thing in one of those velcro on neoprene arm sleeves?

What did we do before mobile phones?

I can see it now:

Oh yeah baby, yeah, de de le de de de le de, Hello, Cant talk I'm on the job!.....

Paris - she took a call whilst on the job if I recall correctly

[Doug Glass]

The Biggest Brother

Oh brother!

[Aaron]

A single neat bonfire

"We badly need a huge bonfire of stupid, useless and dishonest patents."

I'll bring the marshmallows!

[Anonymous Coward]

Sick of patents

Isn't this just a way to use some technology that already exists? how can that be patented? Thats like saying,

"Oh - I see you've invented and patented the chair, OK, I'm going to patent standing on it to change a light bulb"

Does the patent system allow people to do that?

[Anonymous Coward]

Naomi

At last, some to accurately measure the Campbell

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2007/08/24/vulture_central_standards/

"As you can see, members of the Jury, the phone was only travelling at 12 linguine per second, and was in fact decelerating at 1.2 liguine per second squared when it struck.........”

[Anonymous Coward]

Google makes the best toys

Bart: And I want Funzo's dream fortress, Funzo's lower back pain chair,

Funzo's European Voltage converter--

Funzo: Why not get three?

Bart: [gasp] Three it is. [writes "3" in book, breaking the pencil lead;

sharpens it in Funzo's ear] Thanks, Funzo. You rock!

Funzo: Alrighty! [plays music and dances]

[Lisa enters]

Bart: It's always a party with Funzo!

Lisa: I admit it's kind of cute, but it'll never take the place of Malibu

Stacey. [takes out doll]

[Funzo takes Malibu Stacey, snaps her neck, and throws her body in the

fireplace]

[Anonymous Coward]

This is original in what way?

It seems pretty wide ranging as well.

This patenting stuff has got crazy, it is not like the Chinese give two hoots either, once they work out you spend not save to make a strong economy, they will be the world's biggest producers and consumers, and patents don't mean much to them.

[J]

@The whole problem with current patents in a single neat sentence.

My thoughts exactly when I read that part of the article.

@ I am concerned AC

"keep there phones on there person"

You are making no sense, dear AC. What the hell are you talking about? And if you actually meant "keep their phone on their person", well... Some people might like their phones on vibrate, you know.