back to article Geeks make least selfish lovers: Official

It's offical: Geeks make the most considerate lovers, with four in five declaring that sex should be more about their partner than satisfying their own filthy needs. That's according to a survey of 2,084 Brits (56 per cent male, 44 per cent female) carried out by, which also discovered just 41 per …


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  1. techguy110323

    It's all about standards.

    "Obviously, were the poll to kick off with the question "Do you have, or have you ever had a partner?", we suspect that geekdom's bid for sexual glory would be dead before it started."

    Ugly geek with high standards, doomed to fail.

    Ugly geek with low standards, you're in for a treat.

    That's why you always see skinny guys going out with right heifers.

  2. Murray Pearson
    Paris Hilton


    I'd be interested to see how often "manual workers" masturbated.

    Paris because she makes me feel like a manual worker.

  3. SuperTim

    IT workers' partners

    By "partner", do they mean "Pam O'Mehand"?

    Was there any study into how many attractive women end up going out with complete nobends?

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Obvious really!

    You never gun a cold engine, be it a car, bike or computer!

    A machine needs care, attention, the occasional update of firmware and time to get going when it's first started. All those drivers need to be loaded and settle out first before you get cracking on starting the main app. Once the main app has started, run through some stuff, it crashes and it's all over in a flash before you had time to work out what happened!

    ( I'm gonna slaughtered by my missus for this! )

  5. Simon C

    So the moral appears to be

    care less, feck more.


  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: To pre-empt the obvious smartarse comments,

    Do you mean like this?

    >with four in five declaring that sex should be more about their partner than satisfying their own filthy needs.

    Or at least that's what they've read in books.

    Also, what was the definition of a relationship? Left handed knuckle shuffle?

  7. Andy ORourke

    Of course Geeks came top.......

    *Here's the full breakdown of responses to the question “During sex, do you consider your partner’s sexual needs above your own?”

    IT workers – 82 per cent affirmative

    the other 18% didnt care if their right hand got cramp

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Great, now my next shag is going to be ruined

    by ongoing consideration of precisely where I can buy a games console cheapest

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    So much for statistics.

    82% of people CAN be wrong.

    Sex should be about having fun and sharing pleasure (or perhaps making babies if you're so inclined), not about either partner's sexual needs alone.

    PH - obvious really...

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    so what about ...

    Geeky office workers like myself ?

    Anyway the selfish buggers only last 30 seconds so they have the energy for 3+ a week. When you care about your partners needds and thing last a souple of hours its different.

  11. Dave


    The breakdown REALLY should have been done by gender as well as vocation: how much of this is just down to gender bias?


    I don't think that IT's "Universal Fix" works very well in most relationships: try "Press and hold the power button" with your other half tonight and see how far it gets you...

  12. Juan Inamillion
    Thumb Up

    Quiet week at El Reg?

    A lot of sexually orientated items this week. Not that I'm complaining mind, it's been very amusing to witness some of the more esoteric sentence constructions:

    Monorchic European dictators.... one of his Italian plums.

    Craic'd one off while following women...."beat off stiff opposition"...."working himself to the bone"

    German cavemen carved jubtabulous mammoth-tusk lady...ladies well-furnished in the tophamper department.

    Chinese screw sex theme park

    Just thought I'd mention it...

  13. Richard

    IT Equipment

    "In further encouraging news for Reg readers, the survey found that 80 per cent of those slogging away at the IT coalface regularly whip out sex toys."

    Yeah, thats cos dildos etc are elligable under company IT equipment expenses.

    I just hope they dont do it at their desks!!

  14. Bassey

    Re: To Re: To pre-empt the obvious smartarse comments,

    I was thinking more along the lines.....

    'Of course her needs come first. If she gets a puncture I'm going to go without.'

  15. breakfast Silver badge
    Paris Hilton


    So basically geeks have so much time to think about it before anything happens and make a thorough job of things when we finally get the chance to make any kind of job of them?

    At last, a valuable use for our crippling lack of self confidence.

  16. Znort666


    So does t6hat mean if I work 50/50 IT and office based I have all bases covered...

    @ So much for statistics

    Just because they care more about their partners needs than theirs doesn't mean they enjoy it any less surely??? I think what was omitted is that they get their satisfaction but care that their partner is pleasured, rather than the WHAM BAM thank you Ma'am approach.

  17. Leigh Smith

    No mystery

    When sex isn't easy to get you try harder when you get the opportunity. Same reason ugly birds give the best blowjobs.

  18. Jason Togneri

    Have you tried...

    ...turning her off and on again?

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    i think you may find that gently flicking the relevant button will work, try it tonight :)

  20. David Webb


    I'm so posting these results on Facebook in the hope that some hot chick see's it and I can test the theory!

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Naked women make great geek toys.

    So many controls to figure out and no manual to distract you from playing with them.

  22. thomas k.

    So that means ...

    Fitness buffs will start cruising IT worker hang-outs once word of this gets out?

    No wonder Tux is smiling ...

  23. Pete Silver badge

    Although, the big question is:

    > Geeks make the most considerate lovers

    Just what do the geeks make these lovers out of?

    possible answers include:

    - Sticky-back plastic and foam rubber

    - Their imagination

    - Other geeks

    - FOSS code

    As for the rest of the article, it's a survey. People tells lies in surveys. Believe it at your peril

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    What about...

    What about the furry IT workers? If Second Life is anything to go by, all they do is hump like, er, rabbits... with, er, giant flying wedding tackle.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is this one of those cunning items

    intended to bring out the worst of El Reg's chauvinist commentards so that Ms Bee can spend a happy afternoon playing whack-a-mole?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    If things grind to a halt...

    ... one can always use the three finger salute.

  27. Anonymous Coward

    Stands to reason...

    >> It's offical: Geeks make the most considerate lovers, with four in five declaring that sex should be more about their partner than satisfying their own filthy needs ... In further encouraging news for Reg readers, the survey found that 80 per cent of those slogging away at the IT coalface regularly whip out sex toys

    After going to all the embarassment and expense of getting a fleshlight, you're gonna take good care of it aren't you.

  28. Tony

    Title? Pah!

    '80 per cent of those slogging away at the IT coalface regularly whip out sex toys.'

    Well a blow up doll definitely counts as a sex toy..

    “During sex, do you consider your partner’s sexual needs above your own?”

    Puncture repair kit on standby....

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    A little advice for all you young geeks...

    There are three possible parts to a date, of which at least two must be offered: entertainment, food, and affection. It is customary to begin a series of dates with a great deal of entertainment, a moderate amount of food, and the merest suggestion of affection. As the amount of affection increases, the entertainment can be reduced proportionately. When the affection IS the entertainment, we no longer call it dating. Under no circumstances can the food be omitted.

    -- Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior

    sed -i 's/food/wine/g'


    PH: She can be my admin anytime

  30. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Is this one of those cunning items

    Oh, it takes more than a bit of schoolboy sniggering to get to me these days.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    It's just....

    ...that geeks know how to FINGER their users.....

    TOUCH their files...

    Paris, 'cos geeks like her set of interface ports

  32. Anonymous Coward

    Of course...

    If we can coax a dead server back to life after a hard drive crash, where the owner hasn't been doing backups, or find a bug in 1,000,000 lines of code, what's taking the time to warm up a clitoris in comparison to that methodical tedium? With sports/fitness buffs, it's probably 12 reps and you're done for the day so as not to strain something.

  33. N
    Thumb Up

    Just for once

    I dont mind being called a Geek & certainly dont let the side down on both the quality & quantity of the 'deliverables'


  34. Andrew Fraser
    Paris Hilton

    So what they are saying is....

    When geeks DO get their end away, they do it right, and make sure the job is done proper.

    But Fitness tards still get all the girls.

    So when it comes to Looks Vs Brains, the girls are as deep as a toddlers pool.

    They can have mind blowing satisifying sex with a geek, or a sad assed, pathetic shag with a hotbod. It seems that most of the time they choose the hotbod.

    So really the study is a backhanded way of calling most women shallow, looks obsessed tarts?

    Awesome, someone got paid for that :D

    Paris, she is about as deep as most girls get.

  35. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Re: ... Is this one of those cunning items

    Please may we have more of such cunning items, please, for the pleasure of Ms Bee. They are bound to attractive and probably also instantly addictive and potent.

  36. Anonymous John

    Yes well.

    >office workers, of whom 53 per cent reckoned they got their ends away 3+/7.

    They've got secretaries.

  37. Anonymous Coward

    I'd also add to this...

    Female geeks are also the kinkiest and most willing to experiment.

    "Tie me up! Spank me! Take my glasses off! Expose me to sunlight! Make me explain how to install something on Linux!"

    OK, some parts were added for dramatic effect. I mean, seriously, who uses Linux...

  38. blackworx

    No Title

    As a geek cohabiting with a fitness pro I feel uniquely placed to comment on these statistics, but I'm not going to. She might beat me up and take my lunch money. Again.

  39. Anonymous Coward

    @People lie in surveys

    Yeah, but my own personal geek at home proves the case for this one. And if it takes longer you don't need to do it that often, so there :p.

  40. Daniel B.

    It isn't really far-fetched.

    If you don't get much sex, you'll try to be good when you do get it. Braindead fitness studs get so many girls, they don't care if they don't come back. They'll just get another one.

    Anyway, I do remember hearing a girl saying that in her experience, the ones that actually have been best lovers have been either scientist-oriented dudes, or IT folks. It seems that the "Hmm, what if we tweak this thing over here" associated with these areas also applies to sex...

  41. Doug Glass
    Paris Hilton

    Pretty Good Ranking

    From #1 where being of service is the whole idea to the Narcissistic #6. Fits my view of the world.

    They couldn't rate bankers, Wall Street Wonders, and corporate CEOs since they don't stop screwing you long enough to take the survey.

    Paris ... well ... Paris

  42. blackworx

    @ Daniel B

    The braindead fitness stud is a stereotype and not a very accurate one. Unless you're a lowly gym floor monkey or wannabe instructor after a weekend's training, being a fitness professional actually takes quite a lot of learning.

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Missing statistics?

    Yes, but where are the numbers for talented persons employed in mid-level translation services?

    Because we all know that common, cunning linguists have the best sex.

    Mine's the "Perfect Strangers" tour jacket, thanks.

  44. Alice Andretti

    Females have no lack of opportunity

    "When sex isn't easy to get you try harder when you get the opportunity. Same reason ugly birds give the best blowjobs"

    Not to be argumentative or anything, but there's a slight flaw in your reasoning there, at least as applied to the "birds" you mention. Because just about all *females*, regardless of how unattractive they are, can get sex whenever they want it - there is basically *no* lack of "opportunity", thus no reason for them to "try harder". (Whether the sex is any good or not, is probably another topic.) I've seen this in numerous places I've worked - ugly fat chicks consistently having several dates each week, and - to my surprise - not all of the guys were gross disgusting losers either.

    Anyway, the only people who have to *work* at finding sex are the males of the species, who presumably become pretty good at dealing with rejection. A sad-but-true fact of life for males.

  45. Alice Andretti

    Programmers are sexy :)

    A good-looking guy I used to know was always trying to get me in the sack by declaring that since he was a programmer, he was "very technically oriented", with further hints that he would take the time to make sure that, um, all the bits and bobs were properly addressed :) as opposed to 10-seconds-and-go-back-to-sleep or whatever.

    He was a hot guy, well-mannered too, but I never got around to taking him up on his offer to see what his technical skill level was ;)

    I do think programmers are sexy though. Well, some of 'em anyway. Depends on the person, their attitudes, etc.

  46. Charles Manning

    @ Chris W

    "Also, what was the definition of a relationship? Left handed knuckle shuffle?"

    No. That's an affair... when you're cheating on the right hand.

  47. Kanhef

    Links or it didn't happen

    Can't find any link on the site.


    Nearly fell off my chair laughing. Thanks.

  48. Clive Summerfield

    Re: Of course...

    "...or find a bug in 1,000,000 lines of code, what's taking the time to warm up a clitoris in comparison to that methodical tedium?"

    To quote John Cleese from Monty Python's Meaning of Life:

    "What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hmm? Why not start her off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy."

  49. Mostor Astrakan


    Another sex survey, as performed in front of a live audience...

    Presenter: "Right. Let me see some hands How many of you have sex every day?"

    A few hands go up.

    Presenter: "Well, that's heartening. How many of you do it every week?"

    Many more hands go up.

    Presenter: "Oh good! Nice to see that we're still practicing the marital arts on a regular basis. Okay, once per month?"

    A few hesitant hands go up.

    Presenter: "Oh you have my sympathy. Okay. Once per year?"

    One man jumps up: "Me, me, ME!"

    Presenter: [boggles] "Uhhh... Why are you so happy about doing it only once per year?"

    Man: "Cause tonight is the night!"

  50. Silas

    Revenge of the Nerds

    Isn't the outcome of this "study" just a confirmation of the film Revenge of the Nerds?

    I mention this because there's a scene where Lewis (nerd) dresses in a costume identical to Stan (athlete) and makes love to Stan's girlfriend. Said girlfriend realises it's not Stan as Lewis is a much better - and more considerate - lover.

    They could have saved themselves the expense of the survey by simply watching the film.

    Pirate logo because I am a geek, so you should prepare for boarding.

  51. Andus McCoatover
    Jobs Horns

    Cunning (gerrit?) Plan

    Advice for Male Geeks:

    When things are getting a bit 'interesting' for you, and her cork hasn't popped yet, try thinking about that COBAL program you did at Uni.

    You'll last, believe me....

    (Moderatrix - why did you allow this article ;-)

    -Icon? Just the thought....Another Spontaneous Friday (@21:15) sex night ruined.

  52. Bill Fresher


    Many a lady's told me that leeks make unselfish lovers.

  53. jake Silver badge

    C'mon, people! Step it up!

    Are there no true nerds/geeks here?

    gawk, grep, unzip, touch, strip, init, uncompress, finger, find, route, whereis, which, mount, fsck, nice, more, yes, umount, head, expand, renice, restore, touch, whereis, which, route, mount, more, yes, umount, ping, make clean, sleep

  54. Anonymous Coward

    i don't know about you youngsters

    Nothing beat rolling a crease out of an old 7 or 9 track tape to give you finger dexterity and touch. Even the old keyboards were better. You just don't get that kind of experience any more. Eh? What were we talking about...

    @SuperTim - shame on you ruining my monitor like that.

  55. jake Silver badge

    re: Even the old keyboards were better.

    This is being typed in vi on an IBM type M keyboard attached to a Model 3151 terminal, which in turn is attached to a serial port running a Slackware login prompt via my laptop's docking station. Save to ~, copy & paste into the ElReg comment box & hit send. Easy.

    Yes, I know, in this case it's kinda silly & convoluted ... but I do do most of my serious writing on a type M and model 3151. Keyboards never got better than type Ms, IMO, and the 3151 is easier on the eyes than any other so-called dumb terminal I ever used. vi is just because my fingers know it.

  56. Peter Revell

    @ By Andus McCoatover

    COBOL not COBAL - Combined Business Orientated Language. I spent years staring at billions of lines of printout trying to fathom out the glitches. It knocked 10 years off my life expectancy and it certainly did not improve my sex life (opus ibid).

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