back to article Ireland's 'most romantic man' is complete w*nker

Ireland's most romantic man has been stripped of his crown following protests that he'd been convicted of "committing two acts which were offensive to public morals and decency", viz; "following women around Galway City in his car while masturbating". Aidan Clifford and partner Ellen Spence, who met on a skiing trip in 2007, " …

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  1. Michael
    Happy

    Both hands on the wheel?

    At least he's a bit more honest than the mobile phone users ... gardai will be in touch, i'll bet.

  2. Neil Hoskins
    Thumb Up

    top stuff

    Lester, you continue to amaze me: it's not even lunchtime yet.

  3. Andrew Moore
    Coat

    What?

    "With regret we have come to the decision that no prize will be awarded this year."

    What about giving it to the runners-up??? I smell a rat- Maybe the magazine is so hard up that it concockted a way of getting out of rewarding the prize money.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Lester Haines reads the The Clare People!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    This is very disgusting, Lester Haines reading the The Clare People.

    Pints all round?? 5cc might be more like it.

    Paris, you all know why

  5. N Silver badge

    Not only a firm hand on the wheel...

    The mind boggles that someone could actually crack one off whilst driving!!!

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    too bad...

    ...that he couldn't beat it in court.

  7. Dennis
    Paris Hilton

    I don't see what the problem is

    Being from Ireland I think its very romantic to drive round having a w*nk. Just be careful not to drive into one on the horses walking down the street or run over one of the 'little people'

    If you are chosen as on of the lucky recipients then its a compliment.

    Paris because I'm sure she has had a lot of compliments in her time

  8. Niall

    Breach of Good Faith?

    So what they won fair and square, after tossing aside the competition. Cheapskate magazine they won't even give the prize to one of the runners up.

  9. Dan
    Thumb Up

    Good friday story...

    Just what I expect from the Reg.

    Now, will you be forthcoming with a BOFH episode?

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Saves a few Euros

    rather than give it to the 2nd placed couple. A traditional way of doing it methinks.

    She's craic'd off on her videos as well !!!!

  11. Fluffykins

    Sure is......

    ...One hard act to follow.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    playmobil?

    dare to?

  13. Tony
    Happy

    That's why I read El Reg

    It's been a really shitty day. No a really, REALLY shitty day.

    Then I read The Register to find out what is going on outside of the asylum to read such masterpieces of comment as these on a story of a man induging in the sin of Onan:

    "beat off stiff opposition"*

    "working himself to the bone".

    Please don't ever stop - cleaning small bits of apple off my monitor is a small price to pay.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    HAHAH!

    The funniest shit I've read for a long time!

  15. Andrew
    Coat

    Just to clarify...

    A man was found guilty of following women around in his car while fondling himself and then he was crowned Ireland's most romantic man. Maybe he is?

  16. Calum Morrison
    Coat

    That's a surprise

    I thought it was going to be a story about Ronan Keating with a headline like that.

  17. Elmer Phud
    Happy

    I bet . . .

    . . . he feels a bit of a knobhead.

  18. Chris
    IT Angle

    What i wonder is

    where the IT angle is? Apart from that stupid W...

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Clare People?

    Well there's a source I never thought I'd see El Reg quoting from.

    Ballyvaughan's a lovely place actually. Personally I'm glad to hear there's a wanker there who *isn't* just some fat bastard tourist on a road-clogging behemoth bus-tour.

    (Jobs icon because nobody in County Clare can find any)

  20. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: What i wonder is

    Booooooo, Chris. Booooo at you.

  21. Yorkshirepudding
    Joke

    impressive

    one assumes he was driving an automatic?

  22. MGJ
    Thumb Down

    21 comments

    and not a single mention of the lovely girls competition from Father Ted. Guys, you are slipping.

  23. Master Baker

    Glasses

    This chap should get himself some new technology...

    I have a pair of sunglasses that can take videos and photo's too. This enables me to drive round colleges and other such places in summertime, take whatever pics I like and then wank off at home into the neighbours wheelie bin. They don't mind. They think it's a fox.

  24. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Leaving a Virtual DNA Trail for Ease of Craic Following

    "The mind boggles that someone could actually crack one off whilst driving!!!" .... By N Posted Friday 15th May 2009 10:39 GMT

    In Mind over Matter Circles do the Mined Boggle Beautifully

    Boggle, verb transitive .... to Immaculately Confuse with Luscious Intent.

  25. Tim

    New role for him...

    Following extensive research, I have determined that Galway City is not on Google Street (innit) View yet. No doubt this guy will be applying for a job as the driver for the camera car, to record his own personal grumbleflick of the area's urban delights. At least we'll all then be able to see what the excitement is about.

    Tim#3

  26. The Voice of Reason
    Joke

    "stripped of his crown"

    Ouch.

    Sounds like rather a harsh punishment!

  27. Pete
    Joke

    Poor sod

    I bet he can still pull though.

    Reminds me of a joke:

    A man was having his annual check-up at the local medical centre. He's lying naked on the table, being examined by the nurse.

    The nurse says, "You're going to have to stop masturbating."

    The man says, "Why?"

    The nurse says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    UK Department of Transport

    I await the online test to verify whether this activity is a distraction to driving. Along the line of the earlier test for texting while driving...

    http://www.theregister.co.uk/2009/05/04/dot_think/

    Paris - as she will be appearing in the test.

  29. Dr O'Pfickse-Dwydth

    Highway code angle?

    Did he have a hands-free kit installed?

  30. Brutus
    Thumb Up

    Stunned!

    Quite stunned that someone actually tagged a 'proper' joke to the joke icon.

  31. Simon Painter
    Dead Vulture

    BOFH

    I'm leaving the office early, is Simon T dead or something?

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What's the big deal?

    I don't see how this is not romantic. It's not as if they caught the guy pole dancing.

  33. Rob
    Go

    @Master Baker

    LOL very smooth :)

  34. This post has been deleted by its author

  35. Uncle Slacky Silver badge

    @Tony

    The sin of Onan was surely just the penalty for early withdrawal (God ordered him to have sex with his sister-in-law IIRC and he wasn't too keen), not actually bashing the bishop...

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    What, no pictures?

    Anyway, we all want to see them erecting the pedestal.

    At least he wasn't following sheep.

  37. James O'Brien
    Thumb Up

    TGIL*

    Quality article now wheres my pint?

    *Thank God Its Lester

  38. Juan Inamillion
    Alien

    @amanfromMars

    Ah! A welcome return to form!

    "Boggle, verb transitive .... to Immaculately Confuse with Luscious Intent."

    Brilliant definition.

  39. Winkypop Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    I guess his partner would be

    ...really jacked off !!

  40. Tony
    Boffin

    @ Uncle Slacky

    "The sin of Onan was surely just the penalty for early withdrawal (God ordered him to have sex with his sister-in-law IIRC and he wasn't too keen), not actually bashing the bishop..."

    I see your argument, but ... http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Onan

    I would highlight "The narrative implies that Onan didn't object to the sex itself, but performed coitus interruptus, spilling his seed upon the ground"

    The actual interpretation is the subject of rabbinical arguments - however, the general view seems to be that the release of semen for other than procreation is abhorrent and sinful. And that is what the sin of Onan refers to - any release other than for full intercourse which would include masturbation.

    E.g. "The sin of Onan. Spilling the old seed on the ground. Cuffing the camel. Dusting the donkey. Flogging the Pharisee. Onanism, a sin that requires hundreds of hours of practice to get right, or at least that's what I told myself."

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    jesus i never knew that.............

    I cant believe thats illegal..... far out...... for year it never occored to me.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Clarification Please

    So is this how the lovely couple met???

  43. Andus McCoatover
    Coat

    Nuff said?

    @winkypop - no, I think it'd be jilled off, unless he's an "uphill gardener".

    Less seriously, when I worked in BT, we had a machine that had an auger and a small-ish crane to put telegraph poles in the ground.

    Its offical name was "PEU".

    Pole Erection Unit.

    My girl never knew why I called her "my peu". She thought it was French.

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