back to article Archaeologists unearth oldest known 3D pornography

Topflight archaeologists have unearthed a 35,000-year-old figurine carved out of mammoth ivory by prehistoric Germans, depicting a woman with enormous breasts. The find is thought to be the oldest known example of 3D pornography in the world. Prehistoric Hohle Fels statuette depicting a large breasted lady Early German 3D …


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  1. Oliver Mayes


    Looks more like a big bloke with a tiny head carrying a giant parsnip to me.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    So that's why they call it

    Getting your rocks off?

    Can anyone recommend a therapist for the german archaeologists who think it is sexy, cos it sure don't do nuffin for me. Unlike the attached.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    slight confusion

    > "There's all this sexual symbolism bubbling up in that period. They were sex-mad."

    Come on (pun accidental but welcome). You know better. Nothing has changed, really.

  4. darkmooink

    iis it me or...

    dose it look a bit like chicken?

  5. GrahamT
    Paris Hilton

    The boffins also found a dildo


    "Ancient phallus unearthed in cave "

    'The prehistoric "tool" was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone.' [Snigger], They said "tool". It least it didn't have rabbit ears.

    It seems humans have changed little in 35,000 years.

  6. Terry Pears
    Thumb Up

    Oooh, someone tell those wacky neocons, quick!

    They believe the Earth was created 6000 years ago... yet this might be the Flintstones version of a page 3 girl! Ooooh, porn and evolution in one. It might be enough to make their heads explode!

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    "In place of a realistic head it has a knob.."

    You do realise I'm going to have nightmares about that now.

    Anyhow, is there any evidence that this find is pornographic (designed purely to enflame sexual desire) as opposed to being an object of worship, fertility symbol etc etc or is it just Friday when a journo's mind turns to the finer things in life?

  8. raving angry loony


    Now watch some archaeologist claim it had "religious significance".

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    A carving of a human figure = porn?

  10. breakfast Silver badge
    Paris Hilton


    It did have religious significance: The worship of enormonorks has clearly been going on for a long time.

  11. Liam Johnson

    Completely sexist

    All the sexy bits and no head. Somethings never change.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    NSFW please

    Some of us *ARE* working on a Friday Afternoon.

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    come on, it's a stone age butt plug

    surely anyone can see that?

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @NSFW please

    i thought you must be working in america to find that amorphous lump of something to be nsfw, but i can't work out the time difference after a nice friday liquid lunch..

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @NSFW please

    Are you friggin kidding? It has the word 'pornography' in the link to the article!

    Or are you the sort or person who needs a label on their peanut bag warning them that said bag contains peanuts?

  16. Anonymous Coward

    @@NSFW please (x2)

    You've both got to be kidding me?! You didn't consider the fact that they were just joking?

  17. Alex

    @ "@@NSFW please (x2)"

    Heh, unlikely ;o)

  18. Peyton

    interesting religious angle?

    The comment about neocons made me think... I've heard fundamentalists explain away pesky things like fossil evidence as 'god did it' - i.e., it was all just planted to f*ck with us. But surely a fundamentalist god isn't going to go around planting jubtastic idols like this?

    @nsfw ac: dude, it might have been pornographic 40,000 years ago... today's standards are a bit different...

  19. Herby


    The worlds oldest profession (obsession) is SEX!

  20. Frank

    @Graham T re. The boffins also found a dildo

    "The prehistoric "tool" was reassembled from 14 fragments of siltstone"

    I bet it was a hand-held sharpening stone used to put a point back on a deer antler plough or something useful like that, you know, those essential to daily life things that were oh so common and vital in those days.

    A soon as a modern, beardy, sex-starved archaeologist sees the thing, it get's incorporated into his fantasies and becomes a broken dildo, sheesh. Note the additional information in the article..."it was also at times used for knapping flints"....I rest my case.

  21. Anonymous Coward

    Perhaps our view is a bit skewed

    And when this was created they didn't have a sense of "porno-cism" or "erotocism" and just thought it was a beautiful object to their eyes. Hopefully they weren't as warped as people seem to have gotten since then.

  22. David Barrett

    MMMnnnn... Oh yeah, mmmmm, uuuuuhhggggghhh

    Um.. Im going to go and clean up now...

    PS, just me or does it look like ms Hilton?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It looks to me...

    Those 'jubs' seem to have markings on the front about where facial features would be and on top they seem to have lines going backward like hair. Someone carrying two children in some kind of sling?

  24. J

    Impressive detail

    Prehistoric HD porn? No, thanks, DVDs are more than good enough... And physical media is so last Age. It has no chance against downloads, or so it's said.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    ↑ comment is above ↑

  26. James O'Brien

    @@ "@@NSFW please (x2)" [x2]

    (Hey figured I would keep the @@@'s alive :) )

    "This would have allowed it to be worn concealed beneath the owner's primitive jerkin or hide garment, or alternatively stashed securely somewhere in the residential cave, perhaps to be brought out from time to time for private artistic contemplation."

    I highlight this section:

    "or alternatively stashed securely somewhere in the residential cave"


    Umm yeahhhhhhh lets not go into what came to mind when I read that section. . .

  27. Pablo

    Odd that it's headless

    Not that I claim to be a an expert on caveman fetishes, but it strikes me as very odd that it would be headless. I wonder if it could have had a head made from a different material originally.

  28. David Eddleman

    Sex and religion

    These idols were pretty common back then, it's a common tie between early religion and sexuality. The two key common factors between all Venus figurines (that's what they're called) are large breasts and wide hips, signs of fertility and good breeding. Most anthropologists believe that these idols were carried or owned by members of that culture as a sort of 'good luck charm' -- remember, in those times, it was not exactly uncommon for either woman and/or child to die during childbirth!

  29. jake Silver badge

    @AC 13:42

    "Anyhow, is there any evidence that this find is pornographic (designed purely to enflame sexual desire) as opposed to being an object of worship, fertility symbol etc etc or is it just Friday when a journo's mind turns to the finer things in life?"

    The later. The concept of nudity==porn is fairly modern. It's a fertility symbol. But if all the rest of y'all really enjoy the 14yo boy locker room humor, don't let me get in your way.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Long Cold Winters

    Big hipped, big breasted, rotund women were and are still preferred where long cold winters prevail. I would guess a fat, possibly pregnant woman would have been prized as a symbol of a good hunting/gathering season and the promise of being able to last out the winter. Hypotrophic, androgonous boy/girls with recessed testicles where their ovaries should be are the product of urban culture.

  31. John Tserkezis


    I'm glad I live in this age.

    Porn has improved in 35K years.

    We can download it faster.

  32. jake Silver badge

    @David Eddleman

    You wrote: "These idols were pretty common back then"

    Uh ... Actually, the point of the article is that this one is the first that has been found from the particular "back then" in question, and pushes the advent of human art back by several millennia.

  33. Jeremy Shannon


    It's not surprising that it's headless. Plenty of ancient European myths state that to look on the face of a god or goddess was a quick way to die. Robert Graves discusses this facet of mythology in his book, _The White Goddess._

  34. raving angry loony


    The more I look at it, the more it doesn't look like anything except a guy carrying a huge turnip or parsnip. It's obviously an agricultural magazine report on someone's prize tuber. Pornography? Bullshit!

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    In a base Neanderthal kind of a way...

  36. Alexander Vollmer

    full frontal nudity

    If you have seen the front of the little thing ... detailed clitoris, wide open vagina, swollen labia ... if this is religious, its the religion of anatomists of the arousal.

  37. Goat Jam

    Extreme porn

    I hope those eggheads took it down to the local constabulary to ascertain whether such an item is on the banned porn list.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    You need new glasses

    Taking a different view and lying the thing on it's side you can quite clearly see that they were having a hump. So there!

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