So someone has been murdered with a spoon?
I wonder if anyone has ever been bludgeoned to death with a frozen bird? Or suffocated in a bowl of jelly. Looking forward to needing to show my National ID card to buy everyday household items.
Are you under 18 years of age? Do have have an urgent need for teaspoons? Well, avoid Asda's Halifax tentacle where the powers that be are determined to prevent this potentially-lethal item of cutlery falling into the hands of murderous yoof. ASDA receipt for teaspoons showing ID required The proof of the clampdown comes from …
That way we could monitor the proletariat in simple non pervasive way.
This could be a idea for Wacky Jacqui and her mad cap scheme for ID cards. I'm sure there is more terrorists use Tesco's than any of the other more refined supermarkets.
Can we have a icon for monitoring anybody* that is not a politician with a huge expense account.
(* i.e. proletariat scum)
Bought a 50pk of disposable plastic knives the other day on the self-service till. Had to wait for someone to come over to authorise my purchase.
I pointed out how daft this was, as they were only plastic knives and can barely cut room temperature butter. But, was told, "we don't make the rules".
I then pointed out that I could quite easily buy a pen/pencil or even screwdrivers without needing authorisation, and stab someone with them.
I reckon that the funny look I then got was down to how quickly I was able to think about methods of stabbing people using common household items. Hey, I'm resourceful like that.
Children on the streets using guns and knives
Taking drugs and each other's lives
Killing each other using knives and forks
And calling each other names like dork
I saw a man lying on the street half dead
He had knives and forks sticking out of his leg
He said, Ahh ahh ahh ahhhhhhhhwww
Can somebody get the knife and fork out of my leg, please
Ooh, could somebody please remove these cutleries from my knees
Self-defense Against Fresh Fruit^H^H^H...plastic spoons
I can never understand why some people use a credit card to pay for things that only cost a few pounds. Are they still in that Mr.Bean phase when they think that nobody else has one and they have to flash it around? Anybody who needs to use a credit card to pay for a few pieces of tacky plastic tableware ought seriously to consider whether they should be making such a mounmental purchase.
As everyone who knows their Riddick films will know, in the wrong/right hands then general household hardware can indeed be lethal.
Teaspoons are a good start, and an underage policy against buying them should be rigourously enforced and punishable by a prison term so that these wannabe purchasers can learn how to use them properly, before being licensed back onto the altogether already violent streets of the UK.
This is a responsible attitude by Tesco's and should be fully taken up by all sellers/resellers of cutlery. Don't forget we already have improved security at airports and nobody complains too much anymore about the increased by 3hsr checkin times. I'm sure after a period of time maybe even as short as months the general poulation will get used to 3hr checkout times at Tescos in the aim of their safety whilst all underaged yobs are body searched for offensive weaponry.
Couldn't you do some serious damage to a diabetic if you fed them a kilo of Silver Spoon's finest? Or if you laced someone's sugar with washing powder- wouldn't that do some damage?
You could at least cause some serious embarassment to a lactose intolerant person if you gave them milk. Or perhaps you could cause death through exhaustion by allowing a parent to buy a whole packet of Skittles for their child?
How about beating someone over the head with a frozen turkey, or distracting drivers on a motorway by emptying (or just dropping) a few bags of frozen peas over a motorway? You could cause a hell of an incident with that!
The moral of the story is that The World Isn't Safe. If you want to hurt or kill someone it takes all of 30 seconds to dream up a non-restricted arsenal.
Yes i realy prefer standing behind people laboriously counting out there coppers to get the exact change for a £1.59 item, so much better than a quick swipe and 20 mins of now what was that f*********** 4 digit code that they must use nearly every day, 4 damm digits its not rocket science.
I think it may have been a debit card Chris, used for convenience instead of having to carry cash around. It'll all be that way one day, get used to it...
As for the ID-for-spoons thing, would this also apply to those packaged yoghurts and stuff that come with the little plastic spoons inside??
I've lost count of the number of times I've been accosted by the feral nocturnal-hooded gangsta wielding blunt cutlery.
The butter knife is an awesome weapon in trained hands as is the soup spoon. Fortunatley most Hooded Thugs (tm Daily Mail) usually only steal them from places like ADSA and the quality of the deadly device is rather lacking, frequently resulting in a bent handle and, fangs blunted, they run off in to the stygian darkness from whence they emerged. In these times of Credit Crunch(tm), however, there may be yoofs from more well-heeled packs and the prospect of being assaulted by someone who threatens in recived pronunciation whilst wielding a John Lewis melon-baller looms like a vinegar stain on EPNS.
I suspect these ID prompts are due to a shortfall in the way a supermarkets inventory is processed. For example, all the whiskey will be in a particular planning group and to enable a till prompt for the ID chck, the whole planning group is flagged as such; instead flagging individual products within the group. If the teaspoons are held within a general cutlery planning group with products that are actually age restricted then again, all of the given group's products will flag the ID check.
Maybe the supermarkets don't want to tell their staff about this possible glitch, perhaps they don't trust them to use their common sense and accept the ID check as a reminder with false positives.
Could I buy a packet of naff screwdrivers from the hardware aisle and get them through without ID?
How about I buy some cans of soft drink, pour it away and then rip the can up to make a very, very sharp weapon?
How about I buy a jar of pickles in a glass jar, smash it up to get a razor-sharp shard to stab you with?
Easy on the inventory system to simply classify cutlery as dangerous, so the kitchen knives are covered. Utter boolarks!
Are we sure this hasn't been driven by Wacky Jacqui anyway?
I reckon she's got her Stasi minions going round making up all these dangers so the public find they have no choice but to get an ID card to buy household items.
Just about everything can kill a human so it's not far fetched to be asked for ID for everything. Next step from that is to supply a genetic sample when shopping in Tescos to ensure you don't have some crazy psychotic genetic disposition. Combined with a mental test to check you don't have aggressive thoughts at the checkout (quite likely if you are faced with all this!).
"I can never understand why some people use a credit card to pay for things that only cost a few pounds"
In my case, that'd be because it's a cashback card I pay off in full each month, and I'll merrily take the CC companies for every measly penny I can get out of them given how they extort charges out of people at every opportunity... ;)
Ahh, Riddick: "Tea, actually ... I'm going to kill you with my tea cup."
Plenty of ideas from CSI, too - hmm, maybe we SHOULD require ID checks for the whole household department...
Very stupid. I bought a can of white grease, for window seals and door hinges, over in North America at a Walmart that flagged check id. They have some blanket check id on every item someone could huff and get high off of. Someone would have to be pathetically desparate to huff white grease.
the lady shopper in question was told by an Asda assistant that she'd have to prove her age "because someone had murdered someone with a teaspoon, and therefore ID was now required".
And what happens when someone is beaten with an apple, or a ream of paper, or a box of washing powder .. they may as well class the whole shopping trip as 18+ only. Nobs!!!
Went in there a couple of weeks ago to buy a small hammer - got ID'd as it could be an offensive weapon.
No question about the 100 pack of stanley knife blades though!
(even better is that I was purchasing a large sheet of corrugated roofing plastic at the same - did they think I was going to break into cars the re-glaze them lol)
Talking about ID cards, I had the misfortune to have to fly to London and back. I don't have an ID card / passport / photo driving licence. the only photo ID I have is my company ID badge. Newcastle were fine with it.
The stuck-up jobsworthy bitch working for BA at Heathrow lectured me on how I really should have a passport so I can fly to Newcastle. Last time I looked I still lived in the United Kingdom (unfortunately) - why do I need a fscking passport to fly internally!! stuff like this boils my blood!!!!!!
good news is that I got my polling card this weekend for the local elections, at least it's a chance to give Labour a bloody nose - wish they'd come campaiging at my door - Like most people these days I have a lot of spleen to vent!
So a supermarket is going a little bit ott on Health and Safety, who cares? I can't see that many under 18 year olds queueing up to purchase teaspoons and this is just another excuse to trot our the tired nanny state thing.
We are living in a 'nanny state' because on average people are stupid. If people took more responsibility for their own actions then supermarkets would not have to take these actions. I am 31 and recently got IDed for booze because they are checking everyone who looks under 30 (flattered? course I was). I didn't mind because the idiot till jockeys have to be given unmistakeable rules because they are too stupid to use judgement (and would no doubt bat the supermarket around the tribunal system if they were fired for something that was not expressly forbidden in black and white rules).
Will NO-ONE think of the children.
Don't they have a Check 21 or some similair rowlocks so if you don't look at least 21 they ask you to prove your 18.
Plus Chilli sauce sprayed into eyes causes more discomfort than mace (i supposed never had either but i can make stuff up as easily as the next person) - BAN IT.
Mayonaise has also made me FAT i should have been protected against it when i was younger (lot younger), damm them not caring.
Bet more people have been killed with Baseball/Cricket bats than spoons.
Smiley face cos not taking any of this seriously, far to old to care about spotty oiks being asked for ID, sod em, bring back flogging/national service.
Pencils are far more lethal (in fact they used to be favoured by MOSAD) than spoons of any type and many people have been successfully murdered with these familiar, friendly tools than by mere spoons.
Which has led me to wonder -- how easy it would be to kill someone with an ID Card -- it MUST be more useful in this respect than a spoon? Thoughts, anyone?
Wind your neck in love. It's just as likely to have been a Visa Debit card as a credit card and so what either way? I use my Visa debit for everything saves carrying cash. It takes as long to tap in my pin as it would take the cashier to count out my change. Idiot!
Sounds like you're the one with the problem.
"Looks just like a Walmart receipt from the states, right down to the TC#. I wonder if a software failure like Tesco's this morning would take out Walmart on both sides of the pond?"
Then you'd have taken down the mother lode of all retail: it's Asda who are owned by Walmart, not Tesco. (Just imagine what a chorus there'd be if Walmart had sought to buy Tesco.)
we need to be atleast 18 to commit murder with a spoon?
but its still ok to kill people with your car at 17, or moped at 16.
or with peanuts at any age (allergy dependant)
i never thought I'd see the day when someone puts an age restriction on murder.
has anyone thought to ask the age of the teaspoon murderer? i bet s/he was over 18..... and it was manslaughter for leaving the spoon propped up on the floor so the murderee could fall on it.
I think everyone who lives near there should organise a mass teaspoon-buying expedition to asda. and when they say "id please" act offended and point out how stupid it is, throw the teaspoon on the floor, stamp on it and walk out. and you should all queue at the same checkout, for added effect.
remember to youtube it ;)
"Next step from that is to supply a genetic sample when shopping in Tescos to ensure you don't have some crazy psychotic genetic disposition".
Well, thats me fucked then. (Also as an aside I remember from my unarmed combat training that a tightly rolled up magazine makes a really useful weapon, just jab it hard into the adams apple or carotid artery).
But the totally, completely f*cking NUTS thing about it is that you need to hand over ID.
The logic appears to be:
Teaspoons can be used as a lethal weapon to kill people, thus we need to make sure they are over 18. So it's fine to kill people with a teaspoon, as long as you are over 18.
Somehow, being 18 is 'magic' and makes the problem vanish. Just like those bomb proof plastic bags that you have to put your Tango in at the airport. Somehow, a bottle of Tango on it's own is a potential terrorist weapon of mass doom and destruction, yet put it in a plastic bag, and it's fine.
Even worse, it's not the even the Government telling them to do this. They have simply taken it upon themselves to police the purchase of teaspoons.
I can't believe I've just written "police the purchase of teaspoons" outside of a discussion of a Monty Python sketch.
It's the perfect opening for a comedy sketch:
[ Well dressed man in pin stripe suit (John Cleese) walks into a shop ] "Good morning!"
"Ah good morning sir, and how may I help you on this fine day sir?"
"Well, my good man, I got up this morning, and came over all particular for a cup of Earl Grey's finest, only to determine that, after considerable investigation, one had neglected to equip ones self with the appropriate tea making apparel."
"Oh dear sir, that really won't do."
"Indeed. It was was with considerable embaressment, not to mention some consternation, that I came to the realisation that one was missing a teaspoon inparticular. Which, I'm very happy to say, has occasioned this visit to your delightful vendorship."
"Ah! A teaspoon is it sir? You've come to the right place!"
"Excellent! Now my good man, show me your finest teaspoons without delay, before me tea stews!"
"Of course sir! Erm, you do have some form of identification with you, do you sir?"
"I beg your pardon?"
"Identification. We need it you see sir, for all teaspoon purchases."
"IDENTIFICAAAAAAAAATION??? FOR A TEEEEEEEEEESPOOOOOOON?"
"Yes", said the anti pig flu mask wearing customer with the false nose and eyebrows "I heard about that. Apparently she was just standing there in the queue at the supermarket when suddenly she stabbed the till assistant in the eye with a teaspoon. Police are looking for someone under 18 without an ID card who is on the DNA database. I on the other hand am 35 with all my IDs and haven't been caught yet so take this teaspoon and shove it in your eye - here let me help you."
Yes the world is turning into a sketch show.
Regarding the infinity of stupid "health and safety" rules infesting the UK at the moment.
There seems to be no rational evaluation of risks vs. benefits in the making up of these rules. Over and over, one reads "well someone *might* get hurt". The busybodies who make up this nonsense never offer an actual example of someone who *was* hurt by the activity or artifact under consideration, but what's worse, no one ever challenges the busybodies either.
So they ban circus clowns from wearing giant shoes "because someone might slip." Well, tell us, dear busybody-nanny brigade, just how many clowns have in fact been hurt in the last hundred years from wearing giant shoes? None you say? Oh, one case in Upper Bumfuck?
The underlying logic (though it's never expressed this way) is that an injury has an infinite negative value, but civil liberties have absolutely no value.
At this point, we are back on familiar ground, the trampling of British civil liberties into the mud in a mad rush to create a perfect society, so I'll stop and let those interested avail themselves of others' comments on other headlines to follow that clue.
I'm sure everyone who has flown out of a UK airport remembers being asked "Are you carrying a weapon or anything that can be used as a weapon?" I always replied "Why of course. Haven't you ever seen a Jackie Chan movie or an episode of MacGyver? In the right hands, ANYTHING, even a sheet of paper, can be used as a weapon."
Chuck Norris could kill someone with his bare hands."
Shall we insist everyone with hands be ID'd as well?
"Thumbs up," because you could poke someone in the eye with it.
Next time you walk in the store where they do this nonsense, stack your trolley up to the top with good and make sure there's a pack of spoons at the bottom so they ring up everythinge else first...when they get to the end of the bunch and demand ID for the spoons say you're not giving ID for spoons and walk out and leave the lot. If you got a load of frozen or perishable in there they will think a few times about this and how many customers they can afford to lose.
On the other hand, there are a lot of that nanny stuff going around all over. I, too, was in a wobblymart and got ID'd for carb cleaner and I'm a greybeard. I was very close to just walking out after I showed them ID, but I was purchasing it for a neighbor.
Apparently the same happens at debenhams, its because tea spoons etc are in the same department as knifes etc so the till flags it up, what is missing at asda/tesco is the common sense for the till operator to think, no, thats not a knife....
Just in case it is because some one was killed with a teaspoon Im off to carry out some fruit based stabbings.... Are you over 18? No? Well no bannanas for you?
Come and visit my new site weapons.com where you'll be able to buy spoons, sharpened library cards, bic pens and razors in a dual pack (some assembly required; be careful not to cut yourself!), white spirit, icicles (please be sure to order in conjunction with liquid nitrogen!), toenail clippers, individual sugar sachets (unlike other retailers, there is no per-customer limit!), peanuts and plastic bags.
We are currently experiencing a backlog in fulfilling orders for atlatls, as these have to be hand-crafted. We apologise for any inconvenience.
/goes back and reads the story again. ~blinks~ Umm ok I know being a 'merican and all I don't know much about life on your side of the pond. However unless a rash of people being killed with spoons in England is going totally unreported by various international news agencies then I think Asda has gone totally off their collective tree. An ID is required to... to buy a fucking spoon??? Seriously?? A spoon?? I think this lot are the current leader in this years "Most moronic policy by a non government entity" award.
I'll get my own coat, don't want someone to find out I'm carrying chop sticks without a license.
..has the moronic policy of a private company got to do with a "Nanny State"?
Or is "Nanny State" going to join "Political Correctness Gone Mad" and "'Elf and Safety" under the paranoid "country's going to the dogs everything is bad" Daily Mailesque mythology?
The actions of the private company are indicitive of the nanny state in which it operates. I'm sure WalMart Asda would rather just sell ANYTHING to ANYBODY, but are scared to sell the highly profitible WMD's due to 'Elf & Safety'. Wonder if i can get WMD on special order if i produce ID ?.
Must be boring having to alter the pricing database to flag up the latest stupid watch item, and i'm sure the checkout operatives are getting fookin bored of the crap they get about spoons !
Anon because i mention WMD so security services will be on this discusion, though i suspect ElReg will roll over very quickly to grass me up anyway.
There was an episode of Tales Of The Unexpected where the wife killed her husband with a frozen leg of lamb, cooked it and fed it to the police officer who had come to investigate (Brian Blessed IIRC).
One thing I have noted is that if I buy a bottle of wine now I have to make sure that I'm not served by some old dear at the checkout. Despite being over 30 the old dears ID me (which I can't produce as I don't carry any) which is rather humiliating. So I just go to a checkout and get served by someone under the age of 60!
Paris because I bet she never asks for proof of age either.
You're all missing the point, its a trap to catch pedo's, read the article on Nanny Knows Best, the man sent his WIFE to buy spoons and she was asked to prove she was over 18, the guys a perv.
Anyway, spoons are dangerous, did you never see the damage MacGyver could do with a elastic band, a plastic spoon and a moth ball.
@Alan, good idea Alan, anybody buying peanuts should furnish proof that they are not allergic to peanuts.
Meanwhile, 12 year old boys and girls can continue to buy Vaseline, rubber gloves and cling film. Sugar, drawing charcoal and fertiliser also require no ID.
I'll get my coat, I'm being as silly as ASDA
By Chris Posted Monday 11th May 2009 16:18 GMT
> "I'm sure everyone who has flown out of a UK airport remembers being asked "Are you carrying a weapon or anything that can be used as a weapon?" "
In me own globetrotting days, when flying the (formerly mostly-) Friendly Skies, I too became bored with that line of questioning at the departure gate. Got to thinking about it, of course.
The reply that worked best (always with full eye contact and a b-i-g happy smile) seemed to be, "Why yes, in point of fact, I certainly do! It's called a Fully Liberated Human Mind [with the fore- and middle-finger tapping at the right-hand temple while maintaining eye-lock on the checker], and mine is right here. Would you like to see the whole thing right now?"
Always good for a bit of "OMG!/WTF?/ohChrist..." full-stop eye-rolling, a quick look whether any super was looking on, and otherwise a guaranteed "Thank you and have a nice flight!" wave-thru. Which did keep the smile on my face. (Oh look - it's back again!) :)
Dunno' how well that approach'd work these days when outbound from Heathrow, though. Nanny-neener's a buggah, to be sure. (Mine's the one with the antique Boarding Pass stubs in the pocket.)
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