back to article ASBO woman cuffed over raucous rumpy-pumpy

A Tyne and Wear woman was yesterday remanded in custody for allegedly breaking an ASBO which required her not to annoy the neighbours by indulging in vociferous romps with her husband, the Telegraph reports. Caroline Cartwright, 48, of Washington, was hauled before magistrates on 17 April for five breaches of an previous noise …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    I'm not sure comments are really necessary

    Apparently she's well able to make herself heard.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Where's the beef?

    If I were a neighbor, I wouldn't complain--I'd come over and try to make it a threesome!

  3. Alan Fisher


    obviously the neighbours are frustrated because they aren't getting any....

    there, somebody said it, now we can move on! :D

  4. Dave in the States
    Paris Hilton


    Shouldn't hubby also be charged as an "accessory"?

    PH 'cause she makes all the noise she wants.

  5. Jon

    gagging order

    Judging by other articles on this site I'm sure theres someone that can recommend a good ball gag.

  6. James Pickett
    Paris Hilton

    Yes, yes!

    Do I detect a whiff of jealousy? As Woody Allen pointed out, sex is only dirty if it's done right...

    Paris, obviously.

  7. Daniel Wilkie


    So I can get my flatmate and his girlfriend, the dog of the neighbour upstairs, and downstairs baby all asbo'd up? AWESOME :)

  8. mh.


    ...the police told her to come quietly when she was arrested.

  9. Dave Harris

    @Where's the beef

    Not if you'd seen the picture accompanying the BBC article you wouldn't

  10. Richard

    @ 2nd AC

    She's 48 remember. Are you sure you want to stand by that statement, having not seen a picture of the accused?

  11. Anonymous Coward

    Ball Gag (n/t)

    Mine's the leather one, with the handcuffs...

  12. lansalot

    ooh err

    Slapped with an ASBO ? It's kinky stuff alright !

  13. It wasnt me

    @AC 14:32

    you clearly havent seen her picture in the paper then.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Where's the beef?

    "If I were a neighbor, I wouldn't complain--I'd come over and try to make it a threesome!"

    No you wouldn't - you read the register. You'd continue masturbating and playing WOW.

  15. Tony
    IT Angle

    My ex - neighbour

    ... used to be a bit on the loud side. She kept the bedroom windows open, and on a Sunday morning, people walking their dogs would stop to allow their pets to take a widdle and listen to the various moans and groans. I did suggest that I should keep some scoreboards to hand out so that they could indicate what they thought on a scale of 1 to 10.

    The funny thing is that when I moved, I rented the house out to a young lady. She has her boyfriend over occasionally (OK a bit more often that that) and when I bumped into my ex-neighbour, she was complaining about the noise my tenant makes with her boyfriend!

    Meanwhile, the best that I can do is play my old Donna Summer records ("On the Radio" extended mix) - and I'm betting that half of the el Reg readers haven't a clue what I mean by that! Damn I'm old.

  16. Dennis
    Thumb Up

    Re: Where's the beef?

    Better still, record all the noises and let the world listen to them via an 0898 number.

    .... at least that might pay for a hotel room to get a good nights quiet sleep.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    o look

    O look now they're telling you what you can do in your own bedroom.

  18. This post has been deleted by its author

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Come again?

    Where's google streetsound when you need it?

  20. David
    Thumb Down

    Re. Where's the beef

    You sure about that?

  21. Andy ORourke

    @ mh

    You owe me a new Keyboard and monitor!

  22. James O'Shea
    Paris Hilton

    I've seen the pic

    I've seen worse. Hubby Steve might be a bit of a problem. Easily solved: invite Wacki Jacki over and make it a foursome. Wacki Jacki's hubby could save the cost of some pay-per-view tv...

    Paris 'cause she needs some pointers and Caroline could show her how it's done.

  23. Anonymous Coward


    Hubby's a real gem, as well.

    Looks like a class act, to me.

    What's the problem?

  24. Ozimandius

    Re. Where's the beef

    Looking at the pic - are they sure it wasn't the husband screaming?

  25. Trevor

    Marathon sex sessions....

    "Screams: Caroline Cartwright and husband Steve's loud, marathon sex sessions kept their partially deaf neighbour Margery Ball awake at night for two years"

    2 YEARS?!?!?!!!!?!!?!?! I can barely make 20mins!! including the pizza and WOW

  26. Justabloke


    @david re "You sure about that?" well obvioulsy she'd have to shave that beard off....

  27. Adam Silver badge


    The only reasons to remand someone are if they:

    1. Might abscond - no evidence of that here

    2. Might interfere with a witness - doesn't seem likely

    3. Need to be protected - nope

    4. Might reoffend

    So it would seem she's been remanded to prevent her from having sex again. Which would seem to be somewhat excessive abuse of judicial power in contravention of Article 6 of European Declaration on Human Rights.

  28. BOBSta


    I've been waiting for just the right moment to rate a story as Orgasmic...

    ...I'll get my coat.

  29. chris
    Thumb Down

    Exactly what jail's for :/

    Wouldn't it be cheaper to soundproof their house?

  30. Thomas Baker


    When the defendant was asked how she pleaded she replied: "Ooooh aahh, just there, just there, oh yes, oh yeees, ooooooooooooooooooooorrgh".

    The flames of passion.

  31. Lionel Baden
    IT Angle

    now i hate to be the one to say this

    but where the hell is the IT angle ..

    I do enjoy the odd random story to make me chuckle but lately this is becoming more a tabloid than a tech news site

    Please im not asking for all the stories to be only 100% techie but please cut down a bit on the sun stories

  32. jake Silver badge


    "Meanwhile, the best that I can do is play my old Donna Summer records ("On the Radio" extended mix) - and I'm betting that half of the el Reg readers haven't a clue what I mean by that! Damn I'm old."

    Disco still sucks ... but thanks for the reminder. Not.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Scoff all you like

    but I doubt many of you will be at it like ferrets with your wives at 48. :P

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    "...the police told her to come quietly when she was arrested."

    mh... that is the funniest thing I ever read on the Reg.

  35. Mithvetr
    Thumb Up

    Been Done Before

    "It's come to a funny state of affairs when a woman can't have a bit of rumpo in the privacy of her own bedroom."

    "It's having it in your back garden that people are objecting to."

    "We done it in the shed!"

    "The shed collapsed! In fact sheds collapsed like dominoes all along Divinity Road. Mister Jones from number 36 phoned us - he claimed his compost heap was bouncing round the lawn."

    "Look, Sergeant, you're a woman. You know about a woman's needs. When a woman needs love she's got to have it. Otherwise she's just a dried-up old prune."

    "It doesn't strike me that banging away in the potting shed screaming 'do it to me big boy' at the top of your voice has much to do with love."

    "Well I love it."

    "I love sucking the middle bits out of Walnut Whips, but that doesn't mean I have the right to make everyone else listen to me do it!"

    - The Thin Blue Line; "Night Shift"

  36. Craig McLean
    IT Angle


    Jesus, this place is turning into the bloody "Sun". At least I'm not paying for it.

  37. Codge

    @ Where's the beef?

    Looks like her "beef curtains" have been well and truly pulled back. Camel toe it aint!

    Gotta love the bare walls and plastic "bedside cabinets". What a boudoir...

    Treble bagger if you ask me! One each, and one by the door for when plod next come a calling.

    What's this stuff on my coat?

  38. Graham Marsden


    You called? :-)

  39. Mark


    Personally I think it's 2 - interfering with a witness, namely tramp stamped fuckstick husband Steve.

  40. Codge

    @ Graham Marsden

    Holy shit, I was expecting comfy chairs.

    No no, not the comfy chair!

  41. Anonymous Coward


    So has now outlawed the 'audible orgasm' or bed-heads that bang?

    I'm off for a quick tamper. I'll try not to rustle the pages of The Sun too much...

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    its not just a ball gag

    its an S&M ball gag :D

  43. Mothballs

    Perhaps I've just been unlucky, but...

    Don't all 'women of a certain age' make loud moaning sounds?

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I find it abhorrent...

    ...that someone can be jailed for doing something that is not unlawful, simply because a court has imposed an ASBO.

    If noisy sex is such a problem, then it should be made illegal in it's own right. The ASBO system needs to go. It is an effective way for the powers that be to crinimalise those who have not broken any real law, and allows the judiciary to impose arbitrary laws on people.

  45. Anonymous Coward

    Anyone Seen "Porky's"

    Does she howl?

  46. David Pollard

    The start of a new craze?

    "It was recently reported that young people in Britain consider having an ASBO – an anti-social behaviour order – to be a ‘badge of honour’. These arbitrary rulings against youths are now seen as ‘glamorous must-haves’


    The IPPR is concerned that youngsters learn too much from one another instead of from adults. "

  47. Alan Fisher


    Well I have had relationships with a couple of what can be called, in today's PC parlance, Louder Ladies (or Expressive Ladies) in my time I seem to find that it does not seem to be something they can help.....what exactly are they suposed to do? Shag in a soundproofed basement?

    Are they planning to make sex illegal now? sheesh!

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