back to article Jedi officers enlist with Scottish police

Scotland's largest police force employs a significant number of Jedi to ensure peace and justice this side of the Galactic Republic. Eight Strathclyde police officers and two of its civilian staff have claimed their religion as Jedi in voluntary diversity forms, the BBC reports. The monastic order of Jedi Knights working in …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Mindtrick

    You dont want to sell me deathsticks. You want to go home and rethink your life /wavehand

  2. juan
    Alien

    (untitled)

    “Is Yoda willing to prevent evil, but not able?

    Then he is not omnipotent.

    Is he able, but not willing?

    Then he is malevolent.

    Is he both able and willing?

    Then whence cometh evil?

    Is he neither able nor willing?

    Then why call him Yoda?”

  3. Luis Ogando
    Flame

    Christ On A Landspeeder!!

    These people make me laugh! I'm as much a SW fan as anyone else. Actually, I'm a HUGE fan. Have been since getting the first glimpse in 1976 (before the UK release). But let's put things into perspective:

    1. IT'S NOT REAL!! It's from a FILM!! A damn good one, yes, but STILL A FILM FFS!!

    2. If it WAS real, Jedi is NOT a frigging religion!! That is like saying Lau Gar (Kung Fu) is a religion. It isn't. The people who originally practiced it were Buddhists. Jedi is the ORDER (like the Knights Templar) and follows Samurai more than anything else.

    Also, would you trust your safety/welfare/Ewok to someone who believes he is guided by mind-controlling micro-organisms in their blood?? Thought not.

    Fire, 'cos these idiots should be burned as heretics (and for lampooning Lucas' finest work!).

  4. Jon Lawrence
    Thumb Up

    Great work, El Reg

    More Jedi stories please.

  5. I. Aproveofitspendingonspecificprojects
    Boffin

    Don't luke!

    Light baton waivering jediboys everywhere will want to know how the office of random factoids not to be left on trains anywhere honest guv is permitted to decide what is or is not a religion, since the peace with Ireland depends on a law written during the Restoration that guarantees freedom of worship in the unknighted kindom.

  6. Ian
    Flame

    And the news today...

    ... no news today.

  7. Scott
    Paris Hilton

    Been doing this for 10 years

    I've been a practicing Jedi for 10 years now, still stuck on step one of the path to enlightenment, can't seem to get that light sabre the right colo(u)r as it always seems to be pink and when squaring up to Darth Vader pink just doesn't cut it.

    PH - She likes pink light sabres as well.

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Don't make me say it....

    "May the (police) force be with you!"

  9. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Silly really...

    "Unfortunately, the Office for National Statistics doesn't recognize Jedi as a religion, and lumps followers in with the atheists."

    If they all put themselves down as a new offshoot of christianity it would be fine, but your not allowed to be a jedi. Silly, as the force guiding us is a far better idea than one guy upstairs doing all the work!

  10. Simon C
    Coat

    So many jokes so little time

    I would anticipatet that some of the G20 police are members of the religion, as there are various videos about showing their use of the force.

    heres a question. Why are police allowed to show relgious affiliation but not political affiliation?

    /mines the one with the lightsaber in the pocket.

  11. Thomas

    In other news...

    Several key members of staff from the Office for National Statistics were found strangled today. Police say the only lead they have is a recorded conversation in which the killer states, "I find your lack of faith disturbing."

    More at ten.

  12. Scott Evil
    Flame

    bloody hell

    If this is the best were going to get ,this weeks Reg IT news has been as interesting as studying the DNA of a Lettuce.

    Its friday FFS,give us happy news like Microsoft is making its OS much much cheaper so the public deem it worth while to buy an upgrade..........

    Wheres that reefer i was smoking on?

    (Shit no Rizlas)

  13. Simon Blair

    Where's the pun in that?

    Clearly the Force is strong with these ones.

  14. Matthew Morrison
    Coat

    "We're keepers of the peace ...

    ... not soldiers."

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    no "Pun Alert" icon?

    May the (Police) force be with you

  16. Robert Ramsay
    Joke

    I guess the Force is with them...

    Mind how y'go.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    May the Force be with you

    Somebody had to say it.

    At least its not Lothian and Borders - May the Forth be with you

  18. Lloyd
    Thumb Up

    "The Force can have a strong influence on the weak-minded."

    "these aren't the droids you're looking for"

  19. This post has been deleted by its author

  20. Keith Goddard
    Thumb Down

    midi-chlorians - dont, just dont.

    Mr Lucas be damned.

  21. Simon Painter
    Thumb Up

    the register calendar

    so it's friday again, right?

  22. Lewis Benzie
    Alien

    As opposed to ...

    As opposed to a Jewish zombie carpenter ;D

  23. Damien Thorn

    messed up

    This is sort of a non story.

    We live in a multi cultural world full of the pc brigade, a jedi religion on an official form is really a "what the hell has this got to do with anything" statement.

    Its the same thinking as putting OTHER on equal opportunities forms, I have always thought equal opportunities is crap, because to implement it you must segregate people into ethnic groups to ensure you hire a person regardless of the ethnic group - cant explain it properly but it creates its own issues, you hire people because they can do the job, and for that reason alone.

    So with that a jedi response is a F-U to the officals who created the form, or immature cops, either way its NOT GOOD.

    Until the world realises were a single world, like it or lump it, these things will happen.

    If you were interviewing someone for a job and they turned round and said they were a jedi - would you let them sweep the roads? Of course not, either there off there heads or immature.

    So letting them chase criminals, give evidence in court, detain people, investigate crime - you really have to ask yourself if the system is working.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    buddism is non-theistic

    But is still classed as religion.

    The office of national stats (rightly) recognized that 390k of us were trying to fudge the stats, as generally religion is divisive and taking the p*ss is fun.

  25. goggyturk
    Coat

    Glasgow Jedi

    They derive most of their special powers from a strange elixir that energises their perception and allows them to warp space and time.

    Buckfast. Made by monks, for monks. Use the force, ya bass!

    OK, I'll get my coat now...

  26. Toastan Buttar
    Thumb Up

    In Soviet Strathclyde...

    ...The Force uses YOU !

  27. The March Hare

    wrinkled green muppet?

    I find your lack of faith.....disturbing

  28. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
    Anonymous Coward

    funny

    Not long after the first Star Wars came out, there was a not very good takeoff published, with one memorable line: "Funny, you don't look Jeddish."

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Glesga polis

    Given our national dietary habits it's a bit disappointing not to see a better showing for the Pastafarians in the ranks of our Scottish polis. Just think of all the noodly goodness that emanates from our noble master and protector, the Flying Spaghetti Monster.

    Our love of battered and deep fried Mars bars may make us a laughing stock, but give credit where it's due: at least our cops haven't resorted to battering cheeky wee lassies with their truncheons, simply because they dare to assemble in a public space to express a point of view.

  30. Stu Pid
    Joke

    Can see it now...

    Hmmm, arrest you I shall. Support Celtic did you. Lead to the dark side it does.

  31. DR

    FOI

    how identifiable is the information in an FOI request?

    I mean it's normal to ask on a job interview form for race/colour/religion but I always assumed that this stuff was confidential...

    now it seems that any random nobody could send an FOI request to my company and find out my religion, and a whole host of other supposed to be private details etc...

  32. Graham Marsden
    Coat

    Excuse me Lord Vader...

    .. but about the plans for the Death Star, well, I was on a train and I took them out of my briefcase, and you'll never believe this...

    ... aak, gakk, gasp...

    ... thud!

  33. Winkypop Silver badge

    Why not a religion?

    Jedi, Flying Spaghetti Monster, Christianity, Islam, et al.

    ALL of them are mere confections of man.

    Get used to it guys, there is no invisible sky daddy (or Ewok)

  34. Mike Holden
    Coat

    So many jokes so little time

    @Simon C - "/mines the one with the lightsaber in the pocket"

    Is that a lightsabre in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?

  35. 3x2

    multiple choice?

    (...) Also, would you trust your safety/welfare/Ewok to someone who believes he is guided by mind-controlling micro-organisms in their blood?? Thought not. (...)

    No, I put my trust in people who believe in an omnipresent invisible giant who makes everything in the Universe and can fashion a woman from a blokes rib bones in his spare time (Sunday).

    Thinking about it can I have the "mind-controlling micro-organisms" please Bob?

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Metrics

    When applying for jobs these days (not just in the police force, but ANY "public" job) they take the equal oppturnities form into consideration.

    So, these Stratclyde cops are just the jedi quota, as they needed a percentage to make the stats of "ethnic diversity" look good.

    Get more interviews if I ticked "other" rather than "catholic". Odd that.

  37. not sure
    Coat

    So

    Are they the ones who have the tazers?

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Jedi not a religion...

    Yet Scientology is? Both are based off science fiction...

    Anonymous of course :-)

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    @Winkypop -

    there is no invisible sky daddy (or Ewok)

    No Ewok? You trying to spoil my weekend?

  40. Inachu
    Thumb Up

    Could there be?

    Might there be a Jedi order in the USA as well?

  41. Martin Coule

    And atheists get lumped in with?

    I remember the form, and the Census people decided in their infinite wisdom not to have a separate box for us atheists, so it could be argued that we got lumped in with the Jedi.

    It was really badly received by a lot of atheists I know, considering how many people in Britain have no faith - more people than the fourth largest religion, by most counts.

    Hats off to the Jedi though - from no believers to hundreds of thousands in no time!

  42. al
    Paris Hilton

    I hereby create Paris Relegion.

    The main objective of the Paris religion is to envision the journey of self discovery through the spiritual ravines of the mystical mountains of Ms. Paris's anatomical contours to lighten up the introspection process. Knowledge of the knowledge and knowledge of the benign nature of the material possession in this surreal world to enhance one's worldly riches to balance peace within the self to wallow into the non-cosmic nirvana of the desires is the ultimate goal.

    5 Doctrines of the Paris Religion:

    * All disciples must use the Paris icon on el reg while making a post.

    * In depth knowledge about Ms. Paris is not needed, just using her as an inspiration is enough.

    * Forgive the fools who fail to seek enlightenment from Ms. Paris's limelightenment.

    * If you love your neighbor, post the tape only after mutual consent.

    * If you shop a fendi, wave it only enough to get the sufficient attention but not look enamored by your possession.

    Koan for the new beginer:

    If you are in Paris, would you practice your French ?

  43. Dr. E. Amweaver
    Black Helicopters

    Load of bantha fodder if you ask me...

    Incidentally, did anyone notice the Iranian Revolutionary Guard are now hiring Wookies?

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