back to article BOFH: Grand Theft Auto

"So what I'd like to know," the Boss seethes, "is what the hell took you so long?" "What do you mean 'so long'?" the PFY asks, sounding a little hurt. "You left here FIVE HOURS AGO to pick up a replacement toner cartridge!" "Yeah but..." "TWO OF YOU! IN MY CAR!" "You offered it!" I add. "But in any case we needed to be …


This topic is closed for new posts.
  1. mittfh

    Episode 5?

    Errr...what happened to Episode 4?

  2. mittfh

    Getting sneakier...

    Two RTAs in one episode - and the Boss is still dimwitted enough to believe they'll restore the original CCTV footage of him in the office...

    But surely it doesn't take this long to write an episode? Last year there were 40 episodes - we're 1/3 of the way through 2009 and we've only had 4-5 - at this rate there'll be less than 15 episodes by the end of the year :(

  3. Stuart

    So sweet

    Simon, Simon, where have you been? The world needs public service announcements like this one more often:

    "Here. The car stops, then backs up for 6 metres, forward for 6.5 metres, back 7 metres and then continues on it's way."

    "Oh, that," the PFY says. "We noticed our Symantec reseller walking along the footpath."

    "It was a gimme," I say. "We had to take it!"

    Such a sweet and happy way to end my day. Thanks!

  4. D Fife
    Thumb Up

    Freudian Slip?

    "So what I'd like to know," the Boss seethes, "is what the hell took you so long?"

    My thoughts exactly! :-)

    Still, another good laugh.

  5. Chris
    Thumb Up

    Ahahaa brilliant

    That one had me in stitches - he has to get the toner cartridge anyway, excellent :)

  6. Harald Paterek
    Thumb Up


    Quality over quantity. Best episode in a long time!

  7. Kevin Gurney
    Thumb Up


    "BOFH: Defiling the profile" is episode 4

  8. Matt D
    Paris Hilton

    Episode 4

    Been there since the end of March. Pay attention.

    Paris, because she didn't see it either.

    Matt D


  9. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Cheers Simon!

  10. John Mackenzie

    @ Episode 5?

    What you mean:

    Episode 4

    "What do you know about social networking?" the Boss murmurs quietly one morning, as I'm putting the finishing touches on my espresso"

    Mines the one with the complete set in the pocket....

    Mind you, it does depend where you link to BOFH from...

  11. Gerrit Tijhof
    Thumb Up


    Loved it! Niiiiiiice :)

  12. Anonymous Coward

    Okay, Smartass...

    Find Episode 4:

    It's not there (for now).

    It's probably just a mistake on the Reg's part. No big deal, and I'm sure it will be remedied.

    Why the heck do you feel the need to be a jerk? This is such a silly thing.

  13. On Dego
    Thumb Up


    In internet time we've loyal BOFH readers waited too long b/w posts. That said, the quality in this post is classic BOFH behavior. If only I could get away w/ pranks at this level. Mine are more mundane like re-arranging things at my Mom-in-law's to see how long it takes her to notice. Just doing my part to keep her from getting Alzheimer's.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Aaaahhhh. And then I will...

    ...allow another satisfied sigh, reread it a third time, then it's back to work...honest...

  15. Nick Palmer
    Thumb Up

    Symantec reseller?

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Actually their board of directors would have been more to the point, but still, a good effort!

  16. Anonymous Coward


    >"Wait 10 minutes and call the Bloke that sold the CEO that Lotus Notes based CRM package."

    Hey! People who inflict Lotus Notes on other people deserve much worse than that!

  17. Anonymous Coward

    "It was a gimme," I say. "We had to take it!"

    Hot coffee out the nose really hurts. You've got to give us a warning.

  18. Tim Schomer
    Paris Hilton

    @ AC 15:22

    " ..Hot coffee out the nose really hurts. You've got to give us a warning."

    It's BOFH, what do you expect. Rule 1 whilst reading BOFH, DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING!

    Paris, 'cos even she knows that.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up


    Loved it Simon, good quality stuff there. Not to mention a shot at Symantec and anyone who would inflict Lotus Notes on anyone. Gotta love it. Now if we could just get the Symantec board and every Notes reseller and the boss all rounded up and "accidentally" locked inside a shipping container together, then some serious fun could be had. I was going to add OS/2 zealots in there, but that would have been to cruel a thing to do, even to Notes resellers.

  20. Mike

    Killings too good for him

    "Lotus Notes based CRM package"

    Set him up for a long term in jail. or on the helldesk somewhere. Nothing quick, nothing painless.

  21. Codge

    @AC 15:22

    You had plenty of warning.

    The title reads BOFH....

  22. Stevie
    Thumb Down


    Easy to be a critic, but this year's crop feel like they were run off using a templated perl script and this one read like it was phoned in.

    Perhaps a creative break is in order to revitalize the BOFH juices?

    I'm a fan. Really.

  23. Rodrigo Rollan

    Lotus Notes and Symantec Mongers have it coming

    Been using the damn things for over 5 years now. Lotus Is like any other email client / PIM ..... in mentally retarded mode. Everything is formated for the vile Big Blue Offspring can handle it.

    Symantec antivirus is a slow, memory hogging piece of ......

    Running them down is just a way to put their salesman out of their misery.

    Way to go BOFH !

  24. Michael

    How to find episodes

    I learned early on that the best way to never miss a BOFH is to search on the author's name:

    You can even get it in RSS:


  25. Will Godfrey Silver badge

    Well worth the wait

    And I had to wait till this evening to read it. I must be getting soft, reading BOFH in my own time!

  26. Anonymous Coward

    Lotus Notes

    Our users brought a Lotus Notes based CRM, I very much like this sentiment.

    ... where are those car keys

  27. Taters


    And he didn't even kill the boss off in this one, getting back to our roots, eh simon?

    very good, i don't care how long i have to wait for another, long as they are as good as this

  28. James O'Brien
    Thumb Up

    It was a gimme

    Classic though now can we do it to St. Jobs and Mr. Ballmer?

  29. Lykofos
    Thumb Up

    Classic Bastard.

    OK, I hope I did not wake my housemate otherwise I have explaining to do. Classic! A nice way to end the day and a "sweet" thought take to bed. Now who would I want on that sidewalk?

  30. Andrew Moore


    Symantec and Lotus Notes!!!

  31. CTG

    Excellent comments

    Great set of comments this time. For a while there, BOFH commenters got stuck in a rut of always saying "back to top form, Simon", and then of course there has been that recent run of "why so long between episodes", but now the comments are spot on, just like in the good old days when comments on BOFH were first enabled (if you weren't commenting on BOFH back then, then you're not a true fan).

    'Scuse me, I need to lie down.

  32. Allan Dyer Silver badge

    Best ever comments, @CTG

    We're even getting recursive... though that might not be so desirable with the coffee/nose/keyboard ones.

    Mine's the one with the loop terminator and tissues in the pocket.

  33. Dex
    Thumb Up


    New product line - Sleeping Policeman.....made from.....sales reps, guarenteed to make your car run slower than EVER!

  34. Marina

    Looking forward to the next episode...

    Because then the Boss is just bound to get what he has coming!

    Whatever that is.

  35. mittfh

    Episode 4

    Now you've reminded me of the title of Episode 4, I do remember reading it...

    I can't help but wonder what the Boss will do if/when he eventually realises how far he's been strung up in his e-Dating (or should that be iDating nowadays?)

    But then again, given the number of traps that have been set for the boss to date, it won't be long before the company will have to appoint his successor...

  36. Chika


    I should like to complain sincerely and whole-heartedly against the suggestion that it is, in any way, acceptable to run over a member of the Symantec sales staff. Such a thing is, in my view, totally abhorrent and... wait... what are you doing?

    NO!!!! DON'T... <screeeeeeech> <THUD>

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hey! Symentec really are security experts...

    I remember encountering a computer about a year ago that had Norton GoBack and Norton 360 installed. The NSA couldn't crack it. GoBack used some wonky propriatary partition type, and once you got it running, it would just completely hardlock the second Norton 360 started. Bitlocker doesn't have shit on Symentec.

  38. Lindsay Silver badge

    Re: Excellent comments

    If I see another coffee spraying/snorting reference anywhere on the internet I'm going to go postal.

    IMO The Boss needs to be a bit smarter than a box of dead kittens or the things they do to him are too cheap.

  39. Jesthar
    Paris Hilton

    Lotos Notes...

    Given that our CEO is about to afflict us with the latest version of Lotus Notes (and that we're currently using a version which has had not updates available since about 2002), can we arrange further targetting? Lotus Notes or our CEO, don't mind which... ;)

    Paris, cos not even SHE is dumb enough to think Lotus Notes is worth the investment!

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Best BOFH of the year.

    Thanks Simon!

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Previous episode

    On a mostly unrelated note, why is this year's episode 4 ("Defiling the profile") no longer listed on the main BOFH page? I'm posting this here because commenting has already been disabled for the episode in question.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Symantec should be outlawed.

    Never did like Symantec, Simon is doing us a favour by running down the salesman...

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Okay, I'm thick...

    ....but will someone please explain the platinum cookie thing and the apparent missing episodes.

This topic is closed for new posts.

Biting the hand that feeds IT © 1998–2022