Why the fuck did they think they needed to taser someone who was already immobile? These things are getting seriously out of control.
Police were last week obliged to taser a 37-year-old mother of two who followed the satnav of her husband's $100k Mercedes into a Florida lake, the Ocala 'Gator reports. Destry Wymbough, of Lynne, had been travelling eastbound on Highway 40 close to Ocala when she took an unscheduled right, followed a dirt road for two miles …
I'm not against the use of force against someone who's attacking an officer who's trying to help them, but surely they could have just threatened to belt her one with their nightsticks - or even pepper-sprayed her back - if she didn't stop being an arse?
So what's with plod reaching for the taser as a first course of action?
otherwise the complete idiot might have been shot!
Of course, she would be a Darwin award candidate then, but then you can't winn'em all, can you. Especially when you have clearly lost a significant percentage of your marbles.
I seriously have NEVER heard of a woman who "due to premenstrual stress" placed the importance of discount shoes over her children.
At least she blamed a satnav AND was using a mobile phone, so the IT angle is sorted out.
It raises a question too: Is AI needed to compensate for the abundance of natural stupidity?
Transatlantic competition's hotting up. Last week a bozo tried to drive off a cliff here while following his satnav, and now the US trumps the UK again with this dozy cow.
The gauntlet has been thrown down, British satnav sheep, so see if you can beat that. You could try following your satnav through an Army firing range or driving off the middle of the Forth Road Bridge. Just a couple of suggestions to get you going. You could try watching Cronenberg's Crash for inspiration.
And we will expect the results to be published in full, el Reg.
On a more serious note, perhaps it's a good thing that she left her children behind. Might have saved their lives.
Taser in water? Why's that such a problem? Because water conducts electricity?
But also think about what the taser is.. two metal barbs separated by a fixed distance, a couple of inches.
Fire that into water and when the electricity is discharged, which way is it going to flow in the water? Obviously between the two metal barbs, the path of least resistance!
Not to mention, it's the current that kills someone, not the voltage. Now whilst the human body resistance is lower when wet, one kinda hopes that the manufacturers haven't set too high a voltage to cause sufficient current to be produced to cause electrocution when the victim is wet.
It happens to rain in many countries!
So it should be 'safe' even if the victim is in water at the time the taser is fired, it shouldn't kill. The collapsing to the ground and drowning might on the other hand...:)
@So what's with plod reaching for the taser as a first course of action?
Why is pepper spray or nightsticks better than a taser?
As for blaming the satnav....how long before one of these idiots runs over a child and blames the satnav for not telling them to stop? surely the lack of tarmac and presence of water would cause most people to stop the car, satnav or no.
It's been shown that most people that have an accident actually end up having more accidents in the future. Why? Because those that have an accident usually refuse to accept they were either wholly or partly responsible for causing the accident, (like the woman in the mercedes), and this attitude causes them to continue driving in the same crap way they did before..and so more accidents.
Most accidents aren't accidents, they're caused by useless drivers that think they know how to drive but don't.
That may indeed be the case, but far more millions do not 'go mental' because of it.
Also, you'd have a hard time in court suggesting that 'Sorry yer honour, but I was suffering from a chemical imbalance and that made me go mad' or 'I'm sorry, my genetic makeup predisposes me to moronic acts of violence, so I'm not responsible.' (although BOTH of these are regularly attempted as defences!!)
Back in earlier ages they called it 'the vapours' or 'female hysteria', but we don't accept those as accurate any longer. I suspect in the future we'll say the same about PMT/PMS etc.
The excuse doesn't wash any more.
Men are expected to 'keep themselves under control', so in this age of equality I demand that women do the same.
*ducks before stuff starts getting chucked at him*
Paris, because she clearly has an imbalance.
Indeed what IS the world coming to when more than half of the posters believe an April Fool's gag without even the most basic checking? Like the Ocala 'Gator??
Oh, wait, I was forgetting, it's not the World, it's the internet.
Forget the above; carry on, I'll get my coat.
..with the comments about the fact this so sadly could be true.
I mean its a great April fools story - it has all the elements Reg readers have come to love in a news report: tasers, fat dumb yanks, sat navs putting people in harms way etc.
It is true though that despite knowing it's a fool that I kept thinking 'This could well be true'. Obviously the mark of a good writer.
Lester, it won't be long before you are bundled into the back of a van & forced to work at the Ministry of Truth.
If you are suspicious, start Googling phrases from the story. If the story is only on one site, suspect a joke article.
If it is on more than one site, try looking for anything that is not just copied from a press release by a bunch of lazy journalists. If there is no evidence to back the assertions, suspect stock market manipulation.
If all journalists magically become careful researchers who publish only true stories, the population will turn into a bunch of gullible twits deserving of an obvious 419 scam. The reasons why humans are smart is because the need to be alert for lying humans. You cannot simply assume someone is honest just because they are not an MP.
"the taser is.. two metal barbs separated by a fixed distance"
Indeed it is and normally the voltage is insufficient to allow the current to jump between those barbs, the electrical resistance of the air gap is too high.
Introduce a human subject, whose body consists largely of water, and that resistance is decreased. The taser voltage is sufficient and current flows from one barb to the other, via the human conductor, shocking the victim.
Now introduce a medium of water between the two barbs. Is lake water more or less conductive than the human? My guess would be more, especially if it happens to be a salt water lake. This lowers the resistance and, based on V=IR the current flowing through the taser device increases proportionately. This could cause all kinds of malfunction and I doubt the manufacturer certify use of the device in water as a result. Merely holding the device in water could shock the user.
Let me put in another way - would you go and hide in a lake if you were caught outdoors in a thunderstorm?
I'm sorry, but I'm done. Every day I come here and am obliged to wade through this never-ending fast-flowing stream of sub-misogynistic slurry. The torrent of literal-minded moronic crap I can just about bear - all the cringey "mines the one" 'jokes', the hysterical, pompous Orwell-referencing and pointless, interminable screeds and rants, yeah, I can tolerate it, despite the fact that babysitting you bunch of at best boring and at worst hateful swine is not something I signed up for. (I just had to nix some fucking anti-semite wanker suggesting that Hitler was right - oh, just kiss my Jewish arse.)
But I've actually reached the end of my patience when it comes to your unrepentent bigotry. Maybe I should feel sorry for you - clearly you don't have many women in your lives, or you'd know better than to belittle and disparage and yeah, on occasion abuse the entire gender at every opportunity. You know you do it. Look at yourselves. Those of you who have posted and been puzzled as to why your comments don't appear - think about why that might be, and the things you said that I had to read. The ones of you who have miraculously managed to con some unsuspecting girl into going out with you - well, I bet you'd be bloody ashamed if they saw the kind of things you say on here without a moment's thought. Or maybe you wouldn't. Either way, you disgust me.
So that's it. Absolutely and utterly fuck the lot of you. I've packed up my stuff and deleted my Reg email account. I don't have another job to go to, but I'd rather sign on than have to mop up your nasty, noxious crap for a minute longer.
Agreed, but this one is pushing the envelope of the PMT defence in all directions.
I don't know of anyone who suffers from it unduly, I do know two diabetics and one epileptic though.
If you have a medical condition that puts others at risk, you have a responsibility to avoid the risk. And that includes taking medication. If early primrose oil is medication. Something she's admitted she didn't do.
And I still suspect this is an April Fool story.
Sarah, Sarah.. when you started this job, didn't they say, "don't let it get to you?" You clearly have. You've made yourself look silly in front of the very people you're professing to despise.
Look, no-one asked you to baby-sit us. All you had to do was hit the delete key when moderating comments that were unacceptable. And I assume you would have had a set of guidelines to work by? From several years of reading the Reg, I'm pretty sure you have. All you had to do was follow them. We've never met you and it's unlikely you'll ever meet any of us. Why should you walk away from your job as a result of drivel posted by people you wouldn't recognise if they passed you in the street?
I'm genuinely sorry you feel that you have to walk away, and I hope you'll reconsider, but in all honesty, you shouldn't have got involved quite as much as you have done. Reg comments sections are not serious Usenet newgroups or moderated mailing lists, which are media in which one can have a civilised discussion. You can't realistically do that here.
If you still can, I suggest you go out, get thoroughly pissed, chill out and come back. Not everyone here is an ignorant bigot, and you'll be missed.
"So that's it. Absolutely and utterly fuck the lot of you. I've packed up my stuff and deleted my Reg email account. I don't have another job to go to, but I'd rather sign on than have to mop up your nasty, noxious crap for a minute longer."
I suspect that the whole 'I'm deleting my account' part was perhaps part April Fools (otherwise how are we reading this?), however I bet you were still glad to have a good go at all of us (to use a phrase I hate) 'commentards'. I think the standard of comment on the reg has slipped in the past year or so- we seem to have lost the dazzling wit of the commentators I seem to remember with my rose tinted memories of the glory days of old.
Anyway sounds like you could use a hug and / or beer.
As far as most reg readers go anyway you sadly have to expect a high degree of misogyny. This is an IT news site, and it's a sad fact that a large percentage of the industry comprises men (with a tendency towards 'single' men). Not trying to justify it, but as you so succinctly put it probably most us have 'never had a woman in our lives'. Add to that the fact it's the internet (where nobody knows your name) and your actions have (seemingly) no consequence.
Anyway on behalf of a reg reader who felt suitably chastised- my humblest apologies. ;)
I've just rung the Reg to try to persuade her not to go. From the noise and shouting in the background, it sounds like things are seriously kicking off there. All I could get out of the slightly incoherent conversation was something about, "reviewing the comments policy" and "internal issues." They did say they'd provide an update later, but it sounded like standrd PR speak.
Oh well, if we lose the comments, then those of you responsible know who you are.
>Nobody could be that stupid, fat and ignorant.
Don't you believe it. I once knew a yank of the female variety (sorry Ms. Bee but it was so) who was so fat around the neck she couldn't parallel park, as she called it, because she couldn't turn her head more than a few degrees.
Oh, and there's so many dumb things in the article that although I want to believe it I really can't.
I remember the good old days when you had to send an message to the author and if your message was extra great it'd get on the round up.
Anyway - signs of an "episode" she forgot her kids, drove into the water then pepper sprayed the police trying to save her. Doesn't sound like a court case is the best thing for her. Not that what is best for someone is often the number 1 priority of the law. As a society we have a pretty low regard towards those who are in need of mental help.
While the taser may have been the only option to save her at the time, the subsequent criminal case is questionable, hope she gets a proper psychiatric review.
At least get some of the basics right if you're going to mock the 'Muricans:
Florida has no laws against cell phone use while driving
Radio stations in the States have 3 or 4 letters - no numerals
If the humour is on target, then these mistakes can be ignored. If the humour comes in making this believable, then do your homework first.
Fortunately everyone in Britain is perfectly formed and educated...except for the two fat seacows I saw get onto a FGW train who moaned about the "size of the small seats". They then occupied four seats to accommodate their enormous girths and proceeded to shove cake into their enormous pieholes.
Back in the days before PCs, when STIs were called VDs, PMS used to be called PMT -- Pre-Menstrual Tension (*not* Tantrums!)
There also used to be a bus company in Stoke-on-Trent called The Potteries Motor Traction Company, which was also abbreviated to PMT. You would commonly get men signing the late book (yes, they had those things in workplaces in those days) and writing "PMT" under "reason for lateness".
Mind you, in Derby, it's common to take a leak on The Spot and nobody bats an eyelid.
But we don't talk like that down here in the south... Especially the sheriff or the neanderthal deputies! Hell, they'd have just wrestled the hippo woman out of the car and strung her up by her legs, round of pictures taken, and the gator eaten. I think a Play Mobile of that event should be drawn up ASAP!
Flame, because gator don't taste like no chicken!
It's well past midday now so can we have confirmation this is indeed an April Fools please?
If it isn't then feel free to ignore me....and to Sarah I apologise wholeheartedly on behalf of the male sex for any offence we have caused you. We're not worthy etc etc etc.
Oh, and don't be so touchy....;)
(1) This is an April fool's joke. A bad one maybe, but one nevertheless.
(2) If Sarah really hated the mysogynist comments she would have just refused to pass them
(3) Likewise with the "mine's the one....." comments
An most importantly
(4) Without comments El Reg would cease to even slightly relevant. As I am sure you have all noticed absolutely none of the stories are original and usually they appear on here a long time after becoming common throughout the rest of teh interwebs and old skool news formats. Viewership would drop and ad revenue would disappear.
oh no - they have their american audience to think of. we must be kept in "wonderment" till the end. can't wait to find out. oh boy. [<-all lower-case to convey how my disbelief has moved on to utter apathy at this point]
@@sarah fans: I'm in! (and with the current exchange rate I can actually afford a pint!)
@"mines the one": you forgot "paris cos"
you couldnt have made a better case to lock up all women on rag.
that was so funny i almost blew redbull out my nose.
i love watching women lose it like this. proves every case ive ever made against them.
and knowing that this is only going to add fuel to the fire, but these are some of my favorite catch phrases for "unleashing the beast" so to say:
STOP BEING SO CRAZYY!!!
WOULD YOU JUST CHILL OUT ALREADY??
ARE YOU SERIOUSLY THIS INSANE?
haha seriously tho. guys be nice to her. shes "sensitive" right now.........
I refer all honourable - and indeed all dishonourable - gentlemen thissaway:
April Fool, beeyatches. Oh, and dj (and some of the rest of you) - I may have been faking it back there, but you are *so* on my List. Give you enough rope, did I?
Seriously though, thank you for all the support, and apologies for stringing you along. But ooh, we did larf.
As a long time sufferer of PMS can I please ask for more PMS jokes?
You have to have been there, done that, to appreciate just how life threatening PMS can be to sufferers and those around them. On the good days we all need something to help us see passed the next set of days when life ends up going up-side-down no matter how hard you try to keep it normal and take essential oils and B6, avoid foods containing molds - and that includes bread, alcohol, fruit, fruit juices and MarmiteTM.
No matter how careful I was at work, I would still need to spend the next week finding all the stupid mistakes I had made: it was as though my brain had been switched off and I no longer knew how to do even basic things like putting a piece of paper into the correct file.
As for job interviews and exams on the 'wrong days'. Forget it, no chance.
Those who suffer will do anything to be normal. So please, please, keep us laughing at our own expense. Help us to be normal.
And it does us (PMS sufferers) so much good to know that there are other folks out there who are getting into even worse situations than those that we seem to attract on our 'off' days. Every bit in that article 'could have happened' and for that I give grateful thanks to all who helped put the article together. And to all those who commented above. I have not laughed so much for ages.
It smelled like an April Fool joke from word one, but when I got to the surname Pensacola, I knew for absolute sure. C'mon guys, you have to do better than that.
Another clue: America knoweth not the charge of driving "without due care and attention." That's a Briticism. In the Excited Snakes, they use other words to describe the offense such as "driving while stupid".
"Back in earlier ages they called it 'the vapours' or 'female hysteria',
Actually, they didn't. The vapours maybe, but 'female hysteria' was an altogether more interesting phenomenom.
Ever wondered (or even heard of) the term 'non-doctor' on adverts for certain, umm, battery powered accessories for ladies?
I'll let you Google the rest but almost definitely NSFW.
Paris, because there's no fool like an old fool in April.
Oh, and Ms Bee?
Don't even threaten to go in jest.. I wouldn't want to have to go and buy dead tree stuff to see the occasional snippet of your writings...
...if'n it was a real story. Plus the cops don't speak English that well... they make AManFromMars sound lucid.
And as the joke goes: "What's worse than a tourist driver with a map? A tourist driver with GPS!"
Until recently most Garmin GPSes didn't know that 2 *major* highways here (I-4 and the 408 tollway) actually had an interchange!
I remembered today's date about two-thirds down the article... As some mentioned, it was a little too close to reality sometimes...
@ The Librarian
haha, I'm reading that book right now, and your comment brought a smile... :-)
You forgot to mention the Paris jokes, FFS! They surely are way worse than the "mine's the one" jokes, no?
Incremental nibbling away at reality!
You "over -the-ponders" don't have to suffer sharing a continent with a bloated radio gas bag named Rush Limbaugh, who is based in Florida. Not everyone living in that state has a name that rhymes with his. Well, many, but not all.
Sarah, surely my many previous posts have let slip the fact that I, too, am female? My partner, also female, suffers badly from PMS, grits her teeth and does a very high-level executive job through it all, and none but myself the wiser. April fool or not, I do tire of PMS being dragged in to explain, even as a joke, woman-on-the-rampage stuff. @Barbara Moore, I will concede that mine is not the only view.
That is rules about a good April Fool Joke :-
1) First, and most importantly, pander to prejudices. Fat Americans, PMS, dumb US cops, stupid females, satnavs etc. Those will grab plenty. Just throw NuLabour, Phorm and Jacqui Smith in and it would be perfect.
2) Rely on most commentators not reading the many comments already pointing out that this was (obviously) an April Fools joke (allowing those comments through was a brave move - probably as a result of much discussion; maybe El Reg does have ethics).
3) Rely on the fact that many commentators don't even bother trying to corroborate stories if it has already triggered one of their natural reflexes
4) Further rely on the deeply ingrained political correctness of some people to keep the joke (unknowingly) going by pandering to the feigned outrage of Ms. Bee to puerile jokes (the real irony being, of course, that El Reg is founded on puerile jokes)..
5) Use lots and lots of irony in the messages admitting this was actually an April Fools joke such that some people still don't realise what is going on (the ability to recognise irony is directly correlated with intelligence - never overestimate your readership).
6) Apologise for misleading people (I can't believe that you actually meant that - but I suppose that you have to pretend whilst actually going off to the pub for a laugh).
Ultimately you need to let the gullible down gently, and make them think that they were fooled by a sophisticated and subtle joke (you don't want to alienate them). After all, it;'s just the sort of people that fall for this sort of stuff that are the ones likely to fall for all of those advertisements. Gullible individuals are just those that these advertisers are looking for. "We have the most suggestible readership on the Internet would be a good line" - if only you could guarantee that they were trusted with any serious cash, but I guess their mothers only allow them pocket money...
This post has been deleted by a moderator
By Peyton Posted Wednesday 1st April 2009 14:18 GMT
oh no - they have their american audience to think of. we must be kept in "wonderment" till the end. "
Actually, the "UK"-ness of the wording made the unplausibility of the story stand out more, and more quickly, to those of us here in the states.
A direct quote of the sheriff wouldn't have contained the words "satellite navigation system", he'd have called it "her GPS", and of course the radio callsign with a number in it was a dead giveaway.
Out of deference to Ms. Bee, I left mine at home.
<< April Fool, beeyatches >>
While I wouldn't want to see you out of a job or in other difficulties, I've got to say I feel sort of deflated now. I was rooting for you for a while there, Sarah.
Okay. So it was an April fool; and so I fell for it. My admiration for your stand was wasted, but so be it. What can I say? I'm just not very good at 'getting' humour, I suppose.
Anyway, I'm glad you still have your job. For what it's worth coming from a long-time lurker, you seem to do it well.
(Oh, and I don't have a blanket opinion on PMS, incidentally. Different women are different, amazingly enough. It's not for anyone else to tell someone how they should or shouldn't be affected by it.)
She's had better rants... On a scale of 1-10, with 10 resulting in someone calling the SWAT team, I give her about a 4.5. She's had a couple of 7 or 8's but for an april fools gag, it meh. Although, the way some of the morons drive in florida, I think tasering should be madatory, the moment the cop pulls someone over.
After driving through 'God's country', Metro Detroit, I would have given my left nut for a fully automatic taser.
bah! I hate people!
I didn't post yesterday on account of having to hide out in a cave to avoid being eaten by the conficker C worm.
But if I had switched on my PC and read the Merc story I would've known straight away that it was an El Reg April Fool's gag.
So this post is to ask others here to please stop twittering on about how El Reg posters are gullible.
We most certainly aren't.
As for Sarah, I like the vast majority here am very upset that she was so upset that she quit her job.
I hope she will be able to find it in herself to forgive and forget and return to the fold.
Paris, because it's the capital of France.
Since I'm de-lurked now I might as well make the most of it...
<< What am I remembering? >>
There was a story on the BBC a week or two ago about a bloke who nearly followed a GPS off a cliff and had to be rescued. It's more common than you might hope. People have this idea that having a 'satnav' means they can switch their brain off entirely and let the computer make all their decisions for them. So they drive their heavy wagons down tiny narrow lanes and find they can't turn round, or they get stuck in rivers that are marked on the map as fords... and then they blame the GPS for the fact that they were driving around with their eyes shut and expecting a mindless machine to do all their thinking for them. They deserve all they get.
It's especially unfortunate, since people - certainly in the UK - tend to use little enough brain while driving anyway.
Actually, I didn't realise you were a gal, Hollerith - there are hundreds of commenters here with little to distinguish one from another (no avatars, etc) and I can't really retain much info about you individually. (It's only the major trolls, a small number of regulars and amanfromMars who I recognise, I'm afraid - not that I don't try, don't start crying y'all, etc.)
I don't really feel that way about PMS - of course it should never be used as an excuse, it's just that in many instances it can be an explanation. More power to your partner for battling through it, but it's always good to acknowledge whatever side of anything you're on that your experience is not universal (and obviously you do that explicitly right there). Women who are able to deal with it shouldn't, I think, beat up on the ones who struggle because it looks bad or lets the side down somehow - it's divisive.
I'm sorry it was you I ended up prodding to get a reaction I could react to for dastardly April Fool purposes - ironic, tho, huh?
While there are undoubtedly many women who suffer PMS to a degree that "business as usual" requires a herculean effort (brain gone MIA, cramps from hell, &c), there are also too damn many women who use "PMS" to excuse bitch- fits and other unacceptable behavior instead of taking responsibility for their actions ("I'm sorry, I should not have snapped at you, and I'll try to keep my shit to myself"). On the other side, I'm sure men have similar universal- application excuses for their idiot behaviours too. Wherever it's drawn, the gender line has morons on all sides of it.
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