back to article Grey squirrels invade Nutt house

A Northern Ireland woman is on the front line of the ongoing battle against grey squirrel hordes after her house was invaded by massed sciurine forces, the BBC reports. Oonagh Nutt, of Moira in County Down, explained that the incursion began when advanced squirrel patrols entered her garden from a nearby park. She said: "I …

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  1. Nev Silver badge
    IT Angle

    As anyone who has to deal with them knows....

    ... they are just rats with bushy tails and good PR.

  2. TeeCee Gold badge
    Joke

    "everything but the kitchen sink"

    She needs to try that then. I'd like to see how far the little buggers get after being firmly walloped with a kitchen sink.

    I'd suggest one of those old-fashioned "Butler" stone sinks for maximum squirrel-incapacitating effect.

  3. Rob Crawford

    Typical of Lisburn council

    If only she lived in Nutts Corner (near Belfast International airport) we could have mocked her situation even more.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Zap em...

    I suggest getting a few big scary half wild farm cats and putting them up there.

    Do Tazers work on Squirrels? ;o)

  5. Kevin Johnston Silver badge

    re: Nev

    Yep...grew up on the Isle of Wight which is one of the last red squirrel havens and they are widely known there as tree-rats. There was a story of one of the cross-solent ferries not being allowed to dock as a grey squirrel was seen aboard and they had to catch it before docking but that may be an urban myth. Still, at least red squirrels seem to have a much lower population growth.

  6. Andus McCoatover

    Only one way...

    ...to get rid of a mole^H^H^H^H squirrell is to "blow it's Bloody 'ead off!"

    may I suggest: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fePU5CIHpas for advice?

    Alternatively by her own admission, she DIDN'T USE THE KITCHEN SINK!!! That'll fuc*k 'em.

    Gets 'em every time. MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

  7. Sureo
    Black Helicopters

    Red Squirrels ...

    ... got into my shed one winter and trashed it thoroughly. They were very angry too when I evicted them in the spring. Not to mention the raccoons that lived underneath. I can't complain about that, however, my neighbor had skunks living under theirs.

  8. Dave Harris

    Noisy buggers

    Especially when they'r emaking more squirrels. Louder than foxes, almost.

  9. Sarev
    Unhappy

    Sounds like our rats

    The little buggers come from the fields and live in our roof, eating insulation and causing leaks. Poison them and the house stinks for a couple of weeks then you have a couple of weeks of flies everywhere. Then you wait a few months for the next family of rats to move in. Nice.

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    "they go to the toilet in the attic"

    At least, they are house-trained and won't leave their squirrelish poo everywhere.

  11. Jason Scrutton
    Thumb Up

    100% effective remedy

    It isn't overly pleasant, but after attempts to 'rehome' the little frs and otherwise encourge them to go elswehere, I found an air rifle with telescopic sight to be very effective indeed...

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Is it a day early?

    This must be an April Fools - "advanced squirrel patrol"

    Come on register, you know its still March dont you?

  13. Richard
    Gates Horns

    Rats with fluffy tails

    Replace the facias with plastic ones and any other entry/exit points, ensure there is no access to any food, trap the bastard things and let them starve. Then to find the corpse just follow your nose.

    Of course the councils could reclassify them as pests BECAUSE THEY ARE. Then of course they would have to start including them in their pest control measures. That might cost money though so I think it can be forgotten, wouldn't want the councillors to go without their twinning expeditions after all.

    I blame Bill Gates

  14. Winkypop Silver badge
    Alert

    Oonagh Nutt

    Who writes this stuff?

  15. michael

    here is the it solution

    http://xkcd.com/382/

  16. Mike
    Gates Horns

    Popped their claws?

    It's a good job the don't wear clogs, imagine the noise in your attic.

    Thread hazelnuts on to string, put them in the garden, a full power air rifle, logan silencer and you're away, completely legal way to shoot american invaders in the UK (oh the satisfaction).

  17. Anonymous Coward Silver badge
    Anonymous Coward

    mothballs

    It is said that the smell of mothballs will drive them out. (Used discreetly--a neighbor drove herself out for a day or two using too many.)

    @sureo: Yes, but raccoons regard at least the small squirrels as snack food.

  18. Andus McCoatover

    Council? Now there's a thought!!!

    <<Of course the councils could reclassify them as pests BECAUSE THEY ARE>>

    Bet there are more wheelie-bins than squirrels.

    So, all council have to do is RFID the little fuc*kers. Then charge 'em for how much crap they excrete. Fine 'em, too for dropping litter like nut shells, and we can get rid of the Council Tax (==Poll Tax, remarketed) once and for all. That'll turn them all to Pykies and Fly-tippers.

    Could backfire, tho'. With Britain at its worst, I guess householders with this vermin would get charged for the extra occupancy. Or fined for overcrowding. Wouldn't surprise me a bit.

  19. Yorkshirepudding
    Go

    wipe them out.... all of them

    nuke the site from orbit

  20. Psymon

    Squirrels are tasty!

    If I can't find any ducks or rabbits, I'll often go for a few greys.

    nippy littl wotsits though - you've gotta be quick getting them in your sights!

  21. Mike Shepherd
    IT Angle

    Squirrel trap

    B&Q do a squirrel trap for about £15.

  22. Peyton

    Cheaper solution?

    Get a dog or two. Might have to trim the trees a bit if they overshadow the roof I guess, but I grew up in a wooded area, always had dogs, never had a squirrel problem... Course, my last name isn't Nutt either - surely a name like that is just begging for a squirrel problem.

    As an aside, how does one pronounce "Oonagh"? Well, I'm assuming it's not pronounced uuu-naag-hhhh as it looks (not that isn't a perfectly lovely name?).

  23. GrahamT
    Boffin

    @mothballs

    We had polecats (wild ferrets) in our attic in France and were told to use mothballs to discourage them. Unfortunately naphthelene mothballs are illegal now and the modern replacements don't work.

    Traps were useless; they nicked the bait (eggs) and sprung the traps with them on the outside. Even our old rural neighbours couldn't figure out how they did that.

    Repointing the walls and blocking as many gaps as possible seems to have reduced their visits, though as they can climb vertical walls and get under roof tiles, not for long I suspect.

  24. Nic Brough
    Joke

    Meh

    I moved into a house recently where the surveyor noted "a significant infestation of squirrels in the attic".

    The scrabbling in the walls stopped inside a week - the cat has a lovely squirrel-fur coat, and a large cheque from Walkers Crisps Ingredients Acquisition department ;-)

    Joking aside (Cajun Squirrel crisps are vegetarian), the nut-ridden little maniacs have all vanished since the cat moved in.

  25. Andus McCoatover
    Thumb Down

    @ Nic Brough et al. (NOT for the squeamish)

    You mean...

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zVjhTdgiJN4

    http://www.backwoodsbound.com/zsquir17.html

    http://101things.wordpress.com/2008/08/12/roast-squirrel/ (looks like the twelve-bore was a bit enthusiastic

    Yummy!

  26. Linbox
    Stop

    cats don't work

    Tried setting our murderous feline bastards onto the tree rats and they declined to shred them to pieces. Too big I guess. A fireman told me once that they reckon 25% of all house fires are caused by them. 0.177 inches of lead fired into their heads at extreme velocity seems to do the trick...

    I don't understand people who feed them or worse, behave like a friend of mine who has adopted 3 baby rats^H^H^H^H squirrels and is hand rearing them with baby milk. His photos on FB are like a chick magnet ("oh, aren't they cute" x103). I'm thinking of sending him a box of cockroaches as he likes vermin so much.

  27. Nik
    Happy

    Dinnertime

    Yum Yum!!

    http://www.cookingsquirrels.co.uk/

  28. Stevie Silver badge

    Bah

    I would think in these days of reduced income, any free source of food would be welcome.

    You will need a cleaver. Big with a rubber grip (so your hand won't slip when the blood starts flowing). Thick gloves for bite avoidance. An apron, rubber would be best. And a kitchen.

    Recipe for Squirrel Souflé:

    Capture a squirrel from the herds swarming in the loft using a humane trap. Place the struggling rodent on the chopping board. Raise the cleaver high, the polished steel glinting in the blood red glare of the setting sun and bring it down - WHAM! - on the rodent's exposed neck! The terrified squeals and death twitches of the helpless squirrel!

    Then make it into a souflé.

    Keep a sharp lookout for the anti-souflé brigade and their simpering lackeys.

    (With apologies to the Python Team and the editors of the Brand New Monty Python Bok who thought this up first).

  29. Stevie Silver badge

    Eh?

    [4 Nic Brough] But...what do you use for the souflé?

  30. Steve Dulieu

    I'm sure I've metioned this before...

    http://www.scarysquirrel.org/

    Cheers, Steve.

  31. Paul

    Typical

    Sounds about right for Lisburn Shitty Council. Maybe she should rehome the squirrels to Lagan Valley island, see if they still think it's not a pest then. :)

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Illegal immigrants?

    What's your Immigration Dept. doing about it? Can't they deport them? We have a similar problem, although not as destructive, in Melbourne with our possums, so we exported a number of the little sods to NZ. They love it! The possums that is, not the NZ'ers.

  33. Patrick Bateman
    Flame

    Rodenator, oh yes

    OK, maybe not 100% suited to this case, but bloody good explosive fun. Seen these in action for mole control. If used on soft soil, it will turn your lawn upside down.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2umEFHeo6mw

    Trust the Americans to invent it.

  34. EdwardP
    Flame

    Dog?

    Get a dog (or a cat), let it loose, wait a while, and then go and clean up the mess.

    No more squirrels.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    @TeeCee

    "I'd suggest one of those old-fashioned "Butler" stone sinks for maximum squirrel-incapacitating effect."

    A Belfast sink would be more appropriate ;)

  36. Mike

    @Mike Shepherd

    >>B&Q do a squirrel trap for about £15.

    This may be true, however if you capture a squirrel it is illegal in the UK to release it into the wild again (as it is vermin), besides it will come back.

  37. Astarte

    What's in a name?

    Imagine the squirrels surrounding the house saying 'What's in there?'

    'Nutts' says one.

    'Right lads, let's go and get 'em - even if we have to tear the place down.'

    Perhaps Mrs Nutts should change her name to that of a suitable predator. Mrs Cats or Hawks would probably do it. Or even Mrs Blackadder.

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