back to article Pot Noodle boils up instant doner kebab

There's great news today for those of you who like to go out on the lash and then get your laughing gear around death wrapped in pitta bread but sometimes can't even be arsed to hit the pub before partaking of late-night nutrition: You'll soon be able to avail yourselves of a doner kebab-flavoured Pot Noodle. Indeed, the …


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  1. AndyC
    Thumb Down


    Pot Noodle, the only food in the universe were the container tastes better than the contents...

  2. Luis Ogando
    Paris Hilton


    How much are they?? 1.01GBP?? Hmm </glib>

    I don't know if my local 'bab outlet will 'cook [me] one in the time it takes to boil a kettle'. Most 'babs are uncooked to ensure timely bodily ejection, complete with a satisfying projectile factor.

    Can we have a Playmobil mock up..?

    Paris, 'cos she's got a badly-packed kebab... I think.

  3. Gianni Straniero

    Credit-crunch recipe

    Here's how to make one properly. You will need: 1 Doner Kebab Pot Noodle, 1 pitta bread, 1 bottle Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce, kettle, lager to taste.

    Fill kettle (with water, not lager) and set to boil. Empty sachet of MSG dust into Pot Noodle. Add boiling water to Noodle but NOT TO THE LINE - only add enough to cover the noodles. Put pitta in toaster and leave Noodle to steep while the pitta is toasting. Open pitta, and add Dave's Gourmet Insanity Sauce.

    Stir Pot Noodle so the mixture is well-moistened. The lack of water should have created a gungy mass that can be tipped wholesale into the pitta. Eat manually, washed down with copious quantities of lager.

  4. Peter Kay


    The worst part about this, is that it implies at least some of the time the pot noodle might be bought sober. Doner sellers should be legally provided to refuse to sell to anyone who is less than 75% drunk, or certifiably insane.

    Pre-meditated purchase and consumption of a doner kebab pot noodle should be a crime.

    Personally, I'm never drunk enough that a doner kebab seems a good idea, although I will admit to a late night burger van burger or two (probably not a good idea, either..).

  5. Sebastian Brosig

    real thing

    yes you can buy a "real" doner kebab but this one comes complete with the pot to be sick in afterwards - keep Britain tidy!

  6. Alexis Vallance


    "And what are they doing bringing out a doner kebab flavour? How lazy do you have to be. If you want that authentic taste, go around to a kebab shop, where they cook it for you in the time it takes to boil a kettle."

    The 'restaurant critic' doesn't seem to realise that none of this matters to a Pot Noodle customer!

    Neither is the taste. It's just stomach bulk, which is fine!

  7. The Fuzzy Wotnot

    Dried meat? Dream on!

    I wouldn't get too excited the chicken ones are veggie friendly as they only use soya substitute!

  8. Ash

    Other Unilever products

    - Lynx (body sprays)

    - Cif (cleaning fluid)

    - Domestos (bleach)

    - Persil (washing powder)

    - Vaseline (petroleum jelly)

    All of which significantly more nutritious, and flavoursome, than any Pot Noodle.

  9. Richard Cartledge
    Thumb Up


    I get my doner kabobs home, and freeze 4/5ths of the meat, buy my own pitta breads and ready to use salad and chop an onion and can make my own whenever I fancy one.

    Subsequently, it only takes 30 secs to microwave the tower strips and puff the pitta in the toaster.

  10. adam


    Life is now complete.

  11. Vincent Ballard


    You've been able to buy microwavable kebabs in Budgens for years.

  12. John A Blackley

    In dreamland

    I suppose it would be dreamland to wonder when a British food company will get media coverage for bringing out a dish that is affordable, tasty and healthy?

  13. Joe K
    Thumb Down

    Hard to say which is healthier

    During one thrifty time i had to eat nothing but pot noodles for three days.

    I didn't shit for the next fortnight.

    Terrible, terrible things they are.

  14. Tom

    May god have mercy on us all

    I used to have to drive past the Pot Noodle everyday, and the smell made my stomach turn!!! It used to stay with you all the way from Croespenmaen Industrial Estate all the way in to Crumlin. If I had the window open I swear I could taste it all th way to Pontypool.

  15. Sam


    Or rather, they DON'T cook it properly for you in the time it takes to boil a kettle.

  16. Dave Stark


    Reminds me of T in the Park a few years ago. The sadists at Pot Noodle were handing out Bombay Bad Boys at the entrance to the camp site.

    Several thousand people. 3 and a half toilets. Spicy Pot Noodle all round.

  17. Anonymous Coward

    dried meat pieces

    Really? I thought that pot meat was just soya chunks...

  18. Toastan Buttar
    Thumb Up

    Fings ain't wot they used ter be

    Official Pot Noodles are pretty rubbish these days. I think they tried to reduce the fat or salt content or something. If you want that good old stodgey MSG-laden taste you remember from your student days, try the Asda own-brand ones (not Smart Price). Mmmmmmm, now that's how programming fuel SHOULD taste.

    Got the munchies now...

  19. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Pft!

    You big kebab nerd.

    I like a Pot Noodle now and then for an evil treat of nostalgic wrongness. Shan't be interested in this one though unless it comes with mint *and* chili sauces.

  20. Anonymous Bastard
    Thumb Up

    Close, but not close enough

    This is truly the ultimate man food snack:

  21. stizzleswick
    IT Angle


    This proves it... Pot Noodle belongs in the non-food section.

    But where's the IT angle?

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    If there is something that can overcome all the perceived doom and gloom hanging over good old blighty then this surely must be it. When I read about this I almost felt like packing my bags and moving back there, especially when I saw that they also have Lamb Hotpot, Tikka Masala and Chicken Satay flavours. Then I regained a grip on reality, besides I'm getting visitors this weekend so it looks like I'll be pressing them to do some last minute shopping.

  23. Anonymous Coward


    That is all.

  24. Anonymous Coward

    pot noodles have always disappointed me ....

    I always expected them to be like pot brownies

  25. Stevie


    As an ex-pat who has not partaken of British Food Culture for far too long (how I miss real cod'n'chips) I have to say that I am shocked! SHOCKED to find out that a pot noodle now costs more than a quid and that people will actually pay this for one.

    As for proper post-boozer projectile vomit-inducing food, the Mecca of the form has to be the faggots 'n' chips made by the Parsons Nose in Coventry city centre pre 1984.

    Someone told me that the first year I was in the USA (84-85), a health inspector found three dead alsatian dogs hanging on a clothesline out back. This must be a vile lie because I can't confirm it on teh intarweb, but it *could* explain the vomiting, which seemed independant of the amout of drink consumed.

  26. Richard Baxter

    £1.01 for that?

    Pot Noodles were about 35p when I was a student. Bloody inflation.

  27. Ben Rosenthal

    @Toastan Buttar

    yeah they made a big thing about reducing the salt and fat levels a few years back, they're not worth bothering with since then.

    On the occasions that I decide I want instant noodle based snacks at the speed of a kettle boil, I don't care if it's a bit unhealthy!

    Gief back the old flavour naow!!!

  28. Alan


    Last time I had a Pot Noodle was after the Stone Roses gig at the Spike Island chemical dump.

    We'd had an all nighter before, arrived at the site sans money, so had nothing to eat or drink until close to mid-night and the only thing approaching food at the Shell garage on Runcorn ring road was a "chicken" & mushroom Pot Noodle. I ate half and chucked the rest away and not touched one since.

    Thanks for bringing back those bad memories...

  29. Paul

    Want! Want want want want WANT!

    Call me twisted and sick, but I *REALLY* want one of these now.

    Sadly (or mercifully, depending on your point of view) they don't sell Pot Noodle here in Leftpondia. I miss Pot Noodle. "Cup Noodle" and "Maruchan Instant Lunch" just aren't the same.

    Maybe I can buy some online, though seeking the psychiatric help I obviously need may just be a cheaper option!

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Satan's Tapeworm

    Pot Noodle caused my guts to explode in a bout of Irritable Bowel Syndrome that took years to finally battle into submission.

    Truly it is Satan's tapeworm.

  31. Cameron Colley

    What is this puritan bollocks?

    Since when has "healhy" important?

    While Pot Noodle may not be quite what it was, it is still a food that can be enjoyed.

    Simply slagging off Pot Noodles and kebebs just puts you in the "can't think for myself" camp and is, frankly, frightening.

  32. Anonymous Coward

    Can't wait... find a dead rat inside. :/

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    @Cameron Colley

    I agree!

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I'm an American...

    ...and I can't understand a word of that article.

    Paris, because she can't either.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I bought a pot noodle once...

    I was starving...

    I still didn't finish it.

  36. Tom

    dead rat

    Can't wait to find a dead rat inside. :/

    No that's next months new flavour... but it will be made of soya.

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @John A Blackley

    "I suppose it would be dreamland to wonder when a British food company will get media coverage for bringing out a dish that is affordable, tasty and healthy?"

    Asking a bit much there. I'd settle for any two out of the three...

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Obvious really

    Kebab or kebab flavoured Pot Noodle, yeah. You'd have to be pissed for either to seem appealing so it's an ideal new product.

    Now waiting on Rat and Ketchup flavour. With extra ketchup.

    Paris, nice kebab love...

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Obvious really

    Kebab or kebab flavoured Pot Noodle, yeah. You'd have to be pissed for either to seem appealing so it's an ideal new product.

    Now waiting on Rat and Ketchup flavour. With extra ketchup.

    UniDibbler TM.

    Paris, nice kebab love...

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    All very well but...

    ...Beef and Tomato flavour is still the Daddy.

  41. Martin Glenn

    Time for a Red Dwarf qoute!

    Lister: I tell you one thing: I've been to a parallel universe, I've seen time running backwards, I've played pool with planets, and I've given birth to twins, but I never thought in my entire life I'd taste an edible Pot Noodle

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Not the same

    Not the same as when Golden Wonder made them, back then they had some taste and salt. Sick of this health bandwagon making everything taste bland, put the salt and fat back in! Those were the days of the "ace of spades" adverts, and zig and zag had a promotion where every pot was a winner (though mostly items like cocktail umbrellas).

    A few years ago during my student days, I relished the "Posh noodles", these were absolutely delicious. Proper tasting noodles, delicious sauce, yum! Would love one for lunch today but can't seem to find them anywhere, obviously not approved by the nulabour food police.

    As the above poster says, if you really need a doner fix, stock up on the microwave variety before a night on the tiles. Iceland (yes I know the "screaming kid" clientele and that annoying witch in the adverts but they're reasonable value for some of their stuff) sells them 2 in a box for £1. Not recommended when sober, but post-pub seem to taste great. Just remember to turn them over halfway through to avoid a soggy/dry nan paradox. Morrisons used to sell a delicious 'fresh' (ie. in the fridge section not the freezer) microwave kebab, but then they sold their shops to Asda I can't find this anywhere else.

  43. A J Stiles

    @AC 14:56

    I don't think you'll be entirely satisfied with McDonalds' hash browns, either.

  44. DR

    bloody city boy

    "And what are they doing bringing out a doner kebab flavour? How lazy do you have to be. If you want that authentic taste, go around to a kebab shop, where they cook it for you in the time it takes to boil a kettle."

    He might be able to just wander around the corner, but not everybody lives in cities with a kebab house on every corner.

  45. Dcope

    More dwarfism

    LISTER: We're going to die, aren't we? How much food is there?

    RIMMER: There's half a bag of soggy Smoky Bacon Crisps, a tin of mustard

    powder, a brown lemon, three water biscuits, two bottles of vinegar and

    a tube of Bonjella gum ointment.

    LISTER: Gum ointment?

    RIMMER: Yes, it was in the first-aid box. It's that minty flavour. It's

    quite nice.

    LISTER: It's quite nice if you smear it on your mouth ulcer, but you

    can't sit down and eat it.

    RIMMER: You may have to.

    LISTER: That's it? There's nothing else?

    RIMMER: Just a Pot Noodle. Oh, and I found a tin of dog food in the tool


    LISTER: (Sighs.) Well. Pretty obvious what gets eaten last. I can't

    stand pot Noodles.

    /coat the black bomber jacket and the furry hat:)

  46. Dave Harris

    maggi noodles

    Big thing here in Malaysia, noodles, msg, meat-type product, all you could want.

  47. Damien Thorn


    At least they provide a handy container to puke into afterwards.

    2 of the worst foods on earth combined. it ALMOST makes me appreciate my wifes cooking, um actually no, she cant cook either she burns toast.

  48. Thomas Swann

    How about...

    Balut flavour Pot Noodle?

    Google it.

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