May as well close entries now, I think this one's won it. Nice work (although I did spit some pasty out)!
Rival Canadian and American boffins went head to head this week, battling to resolve one of the most hotly-disputed scientific questions of recent times. That is of course: are hippos a type of amphibious whale, or are they in fact a freshwater pig? Heading up the porker-potamus school is Professor J G M Thewissen of the …
It is quite obvious that the Hippo is nither a pig nor a whale, it's a Hippo and has always been a Hippo forever since God created it.
I don't understand why these "scientists" keep making this evidence up, everyone with any common sense knows evolution is (as the title says), the so called "fossils" are probably unrelated creatures from the great flood (about 2345 years BC).
People actually believe this.
Lewis is a military man, so he should no about the dangers of pooh-pooh more than us civvies. I quote one of the more reknowned military thinkers of the Great War:
"If there's one thing I've learnt from being in the Army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh. I knew a Major, who got pooh-poohed, made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh. He pooh-poohed it! Fatal error! 'Cos it turned out all along that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of other officers who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment. Morale totally destroyed... by pooh-pooh! "
- General Sir Anthony Cecil Hogmanay Melchett
Not only does this need to be settled in the hippodrome, but in fact with the protagaonists and their followers battling it out in mud, mud, glorious mud, there's nothing quite like it for cooling the blood (though whether of Mobypottomi or Porcinepottomical origin will have to wait for the referee's judgement).
Everything evolved from the primordial gloop, some gained legs, posteriors, mandibles, brains and then sentience. Then the internet, then YouTube, then the sentient creatures cast their gaze upon the comments laid forth on the Tube of You.. and decided we are all better off evolving back i puddles of slime that have no fingers.
"Give not that which is holy unto the dogs, neither cast ye your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet."
Academic jousting and posturing is to no avail. Dog has spoken and it is so written in his book. Atheists and sceptics can resolve the matter more scientifically by quantitative measurement of the methane output of whales, hippos and pigs. Answers on a postcard to Lord Mandelslime of Greenhouse Gasses.
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