US woman attacks missus with sperm-filled syringe

A Massachusetts woman has appeared in court on a domestic assault and battery rap after allegedly attempting to impregnate her wife with a plastic syringe containing her brother's sperm. Stephanie K Lighten, 26, of Pittsfield, was reportedly “all liquored up” when she made unwelcome advances towards her other half, 33-year-old …

[Eponymous Cowherd]

Time to get the Playmobil out.

Not IT.

But who gives a damn. Top story.

[Sweep]

don't need a title

"her MySpace page is now "set to private""

and we don't need no stinkin IT angle either!

[Alex]

Darn it El Reg!!

PICTURES!!

I wanna see them (or a Playmobil re-enactment)

[Juan Inamillion]

And it's not even Friday!

I had to read that twice. You really couldn't make that up, could you!

Oh, and errr... semen doesn't survive for long outside of the body. When you have to take a sample to the hospital, you have to keep the container at body temperature (i.e. under your armpit) and get it there within the hour after ejaculation, otherwise your little soldiers don't survive.

Unless, of course you're in the car in the hospital car park....

Apparently.

/with the snips in the pocket...

[Anonymous Coward]

"Wife"?

Wouldn't be her wife I suspect. Civil partner, maybe? According to my dictionary anyway.

I wonder why doesn't she just get pregnant herself if she's so desperate...albeit with the steaming white love piss of someone other than a close relative preferably.

Paris...because even she looks classy by comparison.

[Anonymous Coward]

Sorry, has to be said.

Clearly Stephanie should stop being such a prick and lighten up.

[Anonymous Coward]

One teeny question...

...how did she get her brothers semen? Or maybe I shouldn't ask.

[Richard]

I know this is an over simplification but...

Why didn't she just impregnate herself? OK, not with her brother's juice, for down that road oversized foreheads and webbed toes lie, but she could have just gone to a clinic.

There sure are some crazy people from Lesbos.

[Andy]

Only in America!

... I hope.

Anyway, if you want kids, being lesbian seems like a relatively fundamental error.

[Ivan Headache]

OK

Where's the picture?

[robbie]

Unholy Trinity

Thank God for the prescience and vigilance of our Scottish Parliament and that this sort of thing will never happen here: even if it did noone would be able to keep the photographs.

Laughing all the way to the sperm bank (they're still handling the odd depositor unlike two other famous Scottish establishments).

[Anonymous Coward]

(No title)

Why wasn't the story broken here first, considering this is a Lesbian magazine?

[al]

Is there a youTUBE version of this story ?

yup.. bad pun.

Paris, coz she might've helped her by swallowing the evidence.

[Ralph B]

It must be his fault

Obviously the brother should be imprisoned for his crime of attempted rape-by-proxy.

[lansalot]

shocking !

It's quite a tale - and one that, frankly, I'd have paid cold hard cash to watch.

Liquored-up lady-licker lamps lover over minor, mucky, man-goo misunderstanding ?

[Anonymous Coward]

in the words of the Digg hive mind...

Photos or it never happened.

Paris because, well, you know.

[Andus McCoatover]

Wow.

Don'tcha just luuve Merkan trailer-trash behaviour. Which is why I watch it.

Cupid Stunts.

Must admit, she obviously had some spunk.

<coat/>

[Hedley Phillips]

Who on earth

Who on earth chugs off and then hands the sperm over to their sister?

Or maybe I don't realise how popular sperm swapping is between siblings.

[Anonymous Coward]

I guess the yanks would say ...

"that gal got spunk"

[Whitter]

Grow up

Seriously people: this is a very sad story. A woman has been abused here (allegedly of course) - it's not funny.

[kain preacher]

@ac

Wouldn't be her wife I suspect. Civil partner, maybe? According to my dictionary anyway.

Nope Massachusetts allows same sex marriages.

[Boz]

picture

Here is a picture of the girls, from when my local radio station reported on it.

http://www.wxdx.com/pages/tim_benz/index.html

The picture is near the bottom.

[Matt Bradley]

POIDH

^^^^^ You know the drill.

[Anonymous Coward]

Another sad story

And I don't know why i'm laughing...sorry old git.

[Anonymous Coward]

Is it...

Available on Video yet?

[Andus McCoatover]

@Boz

Thanks, but this video can only be seen by 4.85% of the world.

Oh, well. Merkans as behavioing as usual .

(Not @ you, Boz. Just the way protectionism/isolationism works.)

[Anonymous Coward]

You couldn't make it up

If a man had tried to do something similar, it would have been called RAPE, and it wouldn't be a laughing matter. Apparently, lesbian rape is OK, though.

I was actually approached once by a lesbian couple (both good friends of mine) with a view to providing a sperm sample. I had visions of mayonnaise jars (why mayonnaise in particular? Why not a jam jar?) and turkey basters, and soon-to-be-regretted drunken teenage gossip from the existing child within the relationship ("You know my little brother? Well, my mum's friend ****** jacked off in a mayonnaise jar one time, and she got a turkey baster and .....") Anyway, as it turned out the one who was going to carry the baby was actually bisexual and would have been OK with more "traditional" methods.

But other things got in the way, the relationship went through certain changes and my trouser tadpoles were never required in the end.

Posted as AC, because I am still friends with the other parties concerned.

[Bad Beaver]

Reminds me

The whole description reminds me of the opening scene of the Dawn of the Dead remake, with the chase, doorbashing, jumping on cars and all. I demand a reenactment.

In other news, the weblink posted by Boz contains a clip from Family Guy that Hulu won't let me check out because I'm not 'merican. FUCK YOU, HULU!

[ThinkingOutLoud]

Pictures?!

Guys,

There are enough clues in the story to convince me these "ladies" are unlikely to be the most glamorous creatures in their neighbourhood... (Dungarees, Hush Puppies, crew-cuts, get the idea?) Playmobil reconstruction please.

Paris because we'd love to hear such a story featuring her & LiLo! Then we can demand photos.

[Anonymous Coward]

We need pictures!

Or at least a Playmobil.

You really just can't beat a "inebriated dyke with a turkey baster, a pot full of Harry Monk and a glint in her eye" story, can you? Someone's going to spend a long, long time living this one down, probably not least the guy who had a tug into the tinfoil.

Paris, cos I'd love to baste her turkey

[LaeMi Qian]

@ al

"Is there a youTUBE version of this story"

No, but it's on gooTube.

Ba da dum

[KansasGirl]

Artificial pregnancy.

Another great example of social engineering. Thank God she wasn't successful.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ooooooh! Oooooooh!

White wee-wee!!

[Youngdog]

Oh come oneWhitter...

...If they arrested everyone who got drunk and chased lesbians around with syringes full of fresh semen this site would be a lot quieter.

No?

Just me?

I'll get my coat - its the one with the dubious stains on the pockets

Bill - because he's been trying to do the same to us for years

[Telecide]

Confusing

So the victim armed herself with a turkey baster and her brothers sperm? Bearing in mind that the majority of US shootings occur with the victims own gun, couldn't she see what was 'comming'? Its like something out of a porned-up Carry On film. She could have had someones eye out with that 10cc!

Paris because she wouldn't allow any of that fresh protein to go to waste.

[Anonymous Coward]

Virgin Birth

With access to the Internet, surely she could have been more effective in her attempts at once removed proxy birth. Some ethyl, a bit of GHB, whambamthankyoumaam, replace the Pills, and why did the periods stop? OMG another Magdalene event?

Probably work better in Utah though, they believe in that stuff AND are high flying porn consumers.

Mines the one marked 'amateur theriogenologist' on the back.