Time to get the Playmobil out.
But who gives a damn. Top story.
A Massachusetts woman has appeared in court on a domestic assault and battery rap after allegedly attempting to impregnate her wife with a plastic syringe containing her brother's sperm. Stephanie K Lighten, 26, of Pittsfield, was reportedly “all liquored up” when she made unwelcome advances towards her other half, 33-year-old …
I had to read that twice. You really couldn't make that up, could you!
Oh, and errr... semen doesn't survive for long outside of the body. When you have to take a sample to the hospital, you have to keep the container at body temperature (i.e. under your armpit) and get it there within the hour after ejaculation, otherwise your little soldiers don't survive.
Unless, of course you're in the car in the hospital car park....
/with the snips in the pocket...
Wouldn't be her wife I suspect. Civil partner, maybe? According to my dictionary anyway.
I wonder why doesn't she just get pregnant herself if she's so desperate...albeit with the steaming white love piss of someone other than a close relative preferably.
Paris...because even she looks classy by comparison.
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Thank God for the prescience and vigilance of our Scottish Parliament and that this sort of thing will never happen here: even if it did noone would be able to keep the photographs.
Laughing all the way to the sperm bank (they're still handling the odd depositor unlike two other famous Scottish establishments).
If a man had tried to do something similar, it would have been called RAPE, and it wouldn't be a laughing matter. Apparently, lesbian rape is OK, though.
I was actually approached once by a lesbian couple (both good friends of mine) with a view to providing a sperm sample. I had visions of mayonnaise jars (why mayonnaise in particular? Why not a jam jar?) and turkey basters, and soon-to-be-regretted drunken teenage gossip from the existing child within the relationship ("You know my little brother? Well, my mum's friend ****** jacked off in a mayonnaise jar one time, and she got a turkey baster and .....") Anyway, as it turned out the one who was going to carry the baby was actually bisexual and would have been OK with more "traditional" methods.
But other things got in the way, the relationship went through certain changes and my trouser tadpoles were never required in the end.
Posted as AC, because I am still friends with the other parties concerned.
The whole description reminds me of the opening scene of the Dawn of the Dead remake, with the chase, doorbashing, jumping on cars and all. I demand a reenactment.
In other news, the weblink posted by Boz contains a clip from Family Guy that Hulu won't let me check out because I'm not 'merican. FUCK YOU, HULU!
There are enough clues in the story to convince me these "ladies" are unlikely to be the most glamorous creatures in their neighbourhood... (Dungarees, Hush Puppies, crew-cuts, get the idea?) Playmobil reconstruction please.
Paris because we'd love to hear such a story featuring her & LiLo! Then we can demand photos.
Or at least a Playmobil.
You really just can't beat a "inebriated dyke with a turkey baster, a pot full of Harry Monk and a glint in her eye" story, can you? Someone's going to spend a long, long time living this one down, probably not least the guy who had a tug into the tinfoil.
Paris, cos I'd love to baste her turkey
...If they arrested everyone who got drunk and chased lesbians around with syringes full of fresh semen this site would be a lot quieter.
I'll get my coat - its the one with the dubious stains on the pockets
Bill - because he's been trying to do the same to us for years
So the victim armed herself with a turkey baster and her brothers sperm? Bearing in mind that the majority of US shootings occur with the victims own gun, couldn't she see what was 'comming'? Its like something out of a porned-up Carry On film. She could have had someones eye out with that 10cc!
Paris because she wouldn't allow any of that fresh protein to go to waste.
With access to the Internet, surely she could have been more effective in her attempts at once removed proxy birth. Some ethyl, a bit of GHB, whambamthankyoumaam, replace the Pills, and why did the periods stop? OMG another Magdalene event?
Probably work better in Utah though, they believe in that stuff AND are high flying porn consumers.
Mines the one marked 'amateur theriogenologist' on the back.
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