back to article BOFH: Cable entanglements

"I've been thinking," the Boss says, wandering into Mission Control feigning nonchalance. "Surely with the number of movements in the building at the moment and the increasing copper price and all, we should invest in some data cable. Keep a stock of it on site. Ten boxes or so, what do you think?" "Excellent idea!" the PFY …


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  1. Stewart Knight

    At Last

    He's BACK!!!

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    I'm officially on BoFH strike...

    Once a month simply is not funny!

    Lets picket el-reg central, until we get more regular coverage on the exploits of our Bastard overlord!

  3. Edward Miles

    I think...

    That was actually worth the wait! Well done!

  4. Smiler

    My God, it's the BOFH!

    One article a month now, why so few? I miss my weekly BOFH hits.

  5. D@v3


    but not great

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Was that actually written by Simon Travaglia?

  7. Ian Matthews

    absolute class

    New keyboard please

  8. Ben Oldham


    Not as "bastardy" as some, but the reply from the saleswoman was pure gold!

  9. Anonymous Coward


    One a month?


  10. Mike


    what about when the PFY finds out? i'd avoid the lifts... and the stairs... and any room with a door handle...

  11. TheThing

    About bloody time!

    Mid March and we're only up to the third instalment of the year.... I shall be writing to ask for my money back.

  12. Bo Pedersen
    Thumb Up


    I hate to think what the PFY is going to do when he finds out what those bruises really are! :)

  13. L. W.
    Thumb Up

    Subterranean landing...

    Saves on the cost of a roll of carpet and quicklime!!

  14. JimC
    Thumb Up


    Great stuff.

  15. Chris
    Gates Halo

    And all that for a 16Gb usb drive...

    LOVE IT!!! Thanks for brightening my friday up!!!!!

    Come on Simon one episode a month is WAAAAAAY TOO LITTLE!!! You got us hooked now keep delivering man or we the Reg Readers will have to conspire and replay out fav episodes... with your reg liason as the boss...

  16. Robert Conlon
    Thumb Up


    Hee Hee, It's great to see how smooth The Bastard can be in a tight spot. Victimising the cowardly PFY put just the right polish on it. After all it is what PFY's are for.isn't ? Little bitches.

    Gotta say it makes me want to abuse the herd a little this morning.

    Thank You Simon

  17. Andrew
    Paris Hilton


    Paris. Simply because she's an expert I'd like to have work me over...

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    "Ah that explains the bruises around your neck"

    There was a delay in reading, the light bulb coming on and the coffee hitting the monitor. Love it :-)

  19. amanfromMars Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    Da. DaDa. Da

    Now we're cooking with Pro Gaz. :-) ........ ""I have gift vouchers for several major curry houses, an open tab at a number of large licensed establishments and a morally casual attitude," she responds." ....... for First Class Travel, Satisfaction Guaranteed.

    Who doesn't respond XXXXStreamly Well to Honey Perfectly Phormed and Delivered?

    Nice One, Simon........ that brought Flashback and more than a just a few Most Pleasant Memories Oft Repeated in the Cause of Promoting Excellence and Trust in Bi/Multilateral International Relations/Covering Operations to Cloud Clandestine HyperRadioProActivity...... Astute Plays. :-)

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    My kind of girl

    "I have gift vouchers for several major curry houses, an open tab at a number of large licensed establishments and a morally casual attitude,"


  21. Tony


    "I have gift vouchers for several major curry houses, an open tab at a number of large licensed establishments and a morally casual attitude,"

    In a previous life, I worked with a number of people that had had offers of a similar nature. But nothing ever happened to me like that.

    Now I'm in a completely different job and it still never happens - the most I get offered is the crappy 128 Mb usb keyrings that they tried to hand out at vendor shows 5 years ago of which they still have a couple boxes left. (and they only offer me the one, the tightwads)

    Either that, or I get sent a box of mints which went passed their best before date 2 years ago (I'm looking at you Microsoft!)

    Still a good BOFH - keep em coming

  22. Robert Moore
    Paris Hilton

    Love it

    "I have gift vouchers for several major curry houses, an open tab at a number of large licensed establishments and a morally casual attitude," she responds.

    Brilliant! We need more of these.

    Paris, because she has a morally casual attitude too.

  23. Michael Sheils


    But what is with the long waits between episodes?

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters


    No MiG icon so this will have to do - THANKS (and its about time? hehe) Great start to my Friday!

  25. weirdcult
    Thumb Up

    Like the sound of that...

    Can i have the name of the supplier please.

  26. Anonymous Coward

    what I really expected

    Was for BOFH to have her arrange the thicknecks have a party for the PFY to make it more realistic. Need to keep up the image, after all.

    Thanks Simon.

  27. Atilla the Hun (No relation)

    Cable order coming up..

    Never mind the quality, feel the freebies. Send her round please.

    And a return to weekly updates from the Bastard would be most welcome.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Wait just a farking minute!

    The BOFH gets (gasp!)... the girl?

    What is geekdom coming to? [other than dangling prepositions...]

  29. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Wait just a farking minute!

    Don't dangle that preposition at me.

  30. Olof P

    Eau de rodent

    Brilliant, simply brilliant.

  31. cheeky chappie


    Fine rendition, please keep them coming only MORE frequently! My addiction is such that a month is tooooooooo long!!

    Mine's the one with all the back editions of BOFH in the pocket!

  32. William Towle
    Paris Hilton

    Re: Smooth

    Robert Conlon> Gotta say it makes me want to abuse the herd a little this morning.

    There's a mental picture I didn't want after the closing paragraph. Please assure me you're referring to lusers??

  33. Mark Cooper

    OK The Jig is up - WHERE IS SIMON?

    Not only are we reduced to 1 episode per month now, but El Reg has obviously signed up someone to 'ghost write' the column.

    While all 3 (yes count them, 3) episodes this year have been mildly humourous they certainly don't create the same rib-aching effect as episodes in previous years.

    As for all those that have commented positively - CAN YOU ACTUALLY READ? Did your MUMMY have to write your comment for you? Have you compared these latest watered-down, inneffectual musings with the brilliant, thought provoking, side-splitting, keyboard-ruining, monitor-staining episodes of previous years or are you just mindless sycophants?

    Enough is enough. If Simon isn't available to write this column then just say so and kill it, rather than allow his reputation to continue being tarnished by these pathetic substitutes.

    Lets see if El Reg has the guts to allow this comment through - my last two didn't make it, probably due to equally disparaging remarks.

    P.S. If Simon really did write this column then I will expect no less than a visit by two or more people armed with cattle-prods, er, sorry, circuit testers.

  34. Alan Esworthy

    Quantity versus Quality

    Oh, goodie! I check every Friday, of course, and was delighted today to find a new episode. Simon, keep up the good work. I won't complain about the reduced frequency of late because when you do at last produce a new BOFH it is a special treat.

    <undeserved cynicism> Just please don't trade that special treatitude for story quality! </undeserved cynicism>

  35. Andy G

    ONCE A MONTH !!!!!!

    'mon... sort it out... not NEARLY often enough.... Bl00dy YAHOO!!! gets more coverage than this !

    Disgruntled (but laughing)

  36. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: OK The Jig is up - WHERE IS SIMON?

    Hmm. Where to start with this?

    Simon is still as ever the author of BOFH. He isn't available to contribute weekly at present.

    I rejected one comment of yours on the last BOFH for reasons of twattiness (Mine? Yours? You decide!). I haven't seen another by your fair hand - it may still be in the queue. I'm accepting this so that I and others can respond to it in all its angry-young-man glory.

    Or, if you prefer:

    We're forcing the intern to write the columns now as a cost-cutting exercise. Since he is the trembly, pant-wetty sort, it takes him several weeks to do it because his liddle hands are shaking too much to hit the right keys. Sometimes I have to stand over him myself and intermittently thwack him over the head with a steel ruler.

    But I didn't let your comments through because I was frightened at the widespread subversion and mayhem they could ignite. The truth is that I often quake at comments and reject them out of *sheer blind terror* of the consequences of publication.

    There you go. If you want to follow the magic hawk into the maze, turn to page 43. If you want to stay and fight the goblin lord, turn to page 51.

  37. Tyson Boellstorff

    Only thing my vendor gave me was

    a candy dispenser and #&# candy that came from china. Mmmmm. Tasty melanite.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Once a week

    Like others said, back to once a week please!

  39. b166er


    If Simon has had other concerns lately and therefore has found it a bit of a stretch to write BOFH for loyal followers, then I can only hope things are better for him now and thank him for the effort.

    I did really LOL a bit this week, so I reckon things are on the up!

  40. Tyson Boellstorff

    Can I ask...

    WTF is wrong with people that can't wait patiently for a BOFH installment, choosing instead to dole out abuse for a free article either not updated to a set time schedule, or without exactly 7 gut-wrenching laughs?

    Do they not realise that Simon, as the creator of the BOFH, has diabolical plans for lusers that annoy? You would think the spade, carpet, & quicklime would motivate fucktards of the 3rd order.

    Maybe abuse motivates other humour writers (something I doubt), but the BOFH is the BOFH for a reason. Looking forward to the installment where BOFH handles the situation at hand.

    I am very pleased with the quality rather than quantity model. Carry on, Simon!

  41. Mark Cooper
    Black Helicopters

    Re: Re: OK The Jig is up - WHERE IS SIMON?

    Phew, thank <insert deity of choice here> for that, I thought everyone at Reg Central had died.

    While obviously the second of your scenarios appeals more to my 'angry-young-man' side (and at my age I take that as a compliment, considering I started in this business more than 30 years ago), I fully accept your sanitised version of the truth and will stand down from my obviously subversive and juvenile attitude.

    Obviously at least one of my previous comments got wiped out by net goblins before reaching you. I can't remember including anything too 'twatty' in any of them (good word, BTW), certainly nothing that Simon (if he is indeed, as you assert alive and well but unable to contribute as frequently these days) wouldn't laugh off, but still, Friday afternoons being what they are...

    Still undecided about page 43 or 51. I might just have to toss something to decide.


    P.S. Nice to know that even moderators have a sense of humour.

  42. Shane Orahilly

    Re: OK The Jig is up - WHERE IS SIMON?

    "Sometimes I have to stand over him myself and intermittently thwack him over the head with a steel ruler."

    Need a new intern?

  43. Marty McFly Silver badge


    For the past several years BOFH has been something to look forward to every Friday. Because of this year's move from weekly to monthly I had actually forgotten to look forward to hitting The Reg this Friday.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sarah BeeOFH

    'Sometimes I have to stand over him myself and intermittently thwack him over the head with a steel ruler.'

    Yes Miss, please may I have another...

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    > Sometimes I have to stand over him myself and intermittently thwack him over the head

    The lucky, jammy bastard...

  46. This post has been deleted by its author

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    It was finding an old episode of BOFH that led me to El Reg in the first place! While I'm on almost every day anyway, each and every Friday I'm checking to see if I can waste that extra bit of time before the clock hits 5(ish, I've got 'Manager' in my title now, I can hit the pubs early - extra bracket (normally, can't beleive it's 7pm, that's 3 good hours drinking time wasted. At least it's paid for a good night when I do escape!)) <Gotta close those brackets!

    Anonymous because I don't want the bosses knowing I'm reading El Reg while being paid and I don't want the PFY knowing I actually do have to do work from time to time.

  48. Jason
    Thumb Up


    I missed most of the day, and so the chance of reading this during the hours I'm paid, running round fixing problems caused by sub-par cable...

    Fucking scousers

    Excellent though, keep 'em coming!

  49. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Been following BOFH fer YEARS, Matey

    For many years, before the BOFH became entangled in some bizarre weekly schedule, I waited patiently, drooling with anticipation for the next installment. I may be alone, so very, very alone in this, but I am delighted that the BOFH is no longer hitting the station on a given day, I like to think he is now being given a proper amount of gestation time.

    All the whining about "not enough, not enough" simply proves to me that I am not the only addict out here, but I'm afraid that some of us have a funny way of showing appreciation. Complaining about this situation sort of seems like something a luser would do, whut whut?

    Thanks, Simon, it was a delicious read - I think the line "torn between a rock and a hard place" made me pull a muscle in my face, you bastard. Whatever is diverting your time, I hope all is well and thanks for the BOFH, I'm glad to see him whenever he deigns to crawl through the door, unshaven and wreaking of last nights excursions.

  50. Steve Sherlock

    Oh Sarah....

    "There you go. If you want to follow the magic hawk into the maze, turn to page 43. If you want to stay and fight the goblin lord, turn to page 51."

    I've some real fond memories of reading those books when I was a kid - thanks for the reminder. Almost as good as the A1200 my brother cracked open the other day :D

  51. Bill Cumming
    Dead Vulture

    Think it's....

    ...part of the BofH's master plan...

    He's actually been writing one a week as usual but...

    Get us all worked up about Monthly Episodes then he'll take our wallet (For safe keeping security reasons you understand.)then invite us in to the Tape Safe to see all the hidden stored Episodes....


    *<Evil Chuckle>*

    "Ok" the PFY say's grabbing his coat "His round then?"

    "And the next 5 or 6" BOFH say's pulling out the Credit card and a wad of cash...

    "Think we'll need to get a bigger safe..?" The PFY muses...

    "Well seeing these demographics..." the BofH mutters looking at El Reg's Phorm log files....

    "We just might..."

  52. Zapatos de la Muerte

    Re: Re: OK The Jig is up - WHERE IS SIMON?

    You realize, of course, that that's what we'd expect you to say.

    Now, pardon me while I run out for more tinfoil.

  53. Pierre

    Much needed Intarwub feature

    I read the story, And I thought to myself, what a wonderful world... yes, I thought to myself... (known air)

    Then I read some of the comments, and I thought to myself, seriously, where be the cattleprod through keyboard feature the web needs so badly?

  54. Juillen

    @Sarah Bee..

    That was cruel, malicious and unfair.

    I usually breath deeply, and put down the coffee cup to read BOFH (to avoid the particular mishaps with monitors which, I suspect, soon end up on hapless users' desktops, leaving them wondering why their screens now vend coffee, but no longer illuminate except for the odd spark now and then)..

    Then I sit back with the steaming hot mug of fresh caffeine and browse the comments.

    Alas, today there is one more user with the lastest in environmental technology (a lightly coffee scented monitor with a power saving mode so efficient that it won't light up. Though I'm sure that state only extends to the monitor, not the user attempting to use the on/off switch).

    Time to try the Peyote coffee and head on over to Page 43 methinks.

  55. Duncan Carter

    Like it...

    "I have gift vouchers for several major curry houses, an open tab at a number of large licensed establishments and a morally casual attitude," she responds.

    Pure class :D But as has been said so many times, why now only once a month?!

  56. Anonymous Coward

    @Sarah Bee

    Maybe it's time for El Reg to catch up with the TV channels. We need El Reg +1 to show repeats of BOFH...... maybe launching on the 1st of next month?


  57. Joe H.

    @AC Wednesday 18th March 2009 09:23 GMT

    Good Idea, on a Friday when there is no new episode, can we run one of the editor's favorites?

    If Simon needs a break, let him have one. If any of the heartless commentators above have issue with how often he wants to write a new episode, feel free to try out my insulation tester after I set it to "deep fat fry".

    I admit, I have read all the BOFH episodes, and like <AC Friday 13th March 2009 19:08 GMT> I discovered El Reg in the same way and became a regular reader of all the other lovely content here as well. Additionally, when I don't see a new episode on a Friday, I go dig one out of the archive and have my chuckles and move on. <dangling this preposition for you SBeeOFH>

    As long as the editors/barrel o' monkeys let us know it is a re-run, where is the problem?

    Unless Simon has issue with this and in that case, don't upset him. He's a fine lad with a sunny disposition so why spoil it.

    Mine's the one with the 2400 baud modem in the pocket.

  58. Anonymous Coward

    We need more!

    I can't live with only one post a month :|

  59. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Back to weekly BOFH please!

    Yes, I to am one of those who discovered El Reg through BOFH (started reading BOFH 2001 or 2002) and like Joe H. above then also started reading other content here (still remember drooling over a Sony Vaio X505 article ""; mine works OK to this day ).

    Having read all BOFH episodes I could find on the net, I too had some doubts about Simon still being the author.

    Since this is a free article, we can only be thankful BOFH saga continues, but a the same time can ask (politely) to return to weekly Friday schedule.

    Weekly BOFH please!

  60. Simon King
    Paris Hilton

    Forget Paris....

    Can we have a Sarah Bee icon pliz? Yowza!

  61. Rick
    Dead Vulture

    Monthly updates?

    I consider the shoddiness at the way BOFH has been treated to mean its demise. It was the only thing that got me through a friday afternoon...

  62. Alex C

    Jeffrey Bernard

    On those rare *ahem* occasions that Jeffrey Bernard was too drunk to write his articles the editor of (I think) the Spectator would simply publish a short line stating "Jeffrey Bernard is unwell". Keith Waterhouse wrote rather a good play with the same title.

    Could the fine folk at El Reg emulate this so we don't spend increasingly dull Friday afternoons refreshing the website to see in BOFH is back? At least we'd know not to bother waiting.



  63. Eugene Goodrich
    Paris Hilton

    Ah, cryptic references!

    "Umbrella murderers" - well done, sir! A nasty way to die, but far from the nastiest, if you're less important.

    Paris, because she'd be a much more pleasant demise than ricin.

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