back to article Dominican lad suffers six-day stiffy

A 23-year-old male from the Dominican Republic spent five days in hospital suffering from an attack of priapism while doctors battled in vain to encourage his hideously empurpled member to succumb to deflatory treatment. According to Peru's El Comercio, Antonio Rosa admitted to having quaffed "sexual stimulants" mixed with …

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  1. Benedict

    Send in Ann Widdecombe!

    (shudder)

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Paris

    do I really need to explain...?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    6 days?

    He wasn't downloading "One Night In Paris" over a 56k line was he?

  4. Tom Silver badge

    6 days?

    My woman wouldnt get out of bed for that!

  5. Sordid Details
    Paris Hilton

    One has to wonder...

    "...We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften."

    Eh? What are those then? Does one of them involve a pretty nurse in the best Benny Hill style?

    Paris would know what to do.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    amazing

    hard hitting journalism, straight to the point, upstanding source, etc., et c.

  7. Luis Ogando
    Coat

    Misspelling?

    Shouldn't the doctors be battling in VEIN!!!

    HAHAHAHAHA!!

    Mine's the one with the Viagra in the pocket..

  8. D
    Paris Hilton

    Nothing to add.....

    but Paris, because she knows what to do in this kind of emergency.

  9. dervheid
    Happy

    Six day stiffy?

    My wife'd be happy if I had a six minute stiffy!

    It's true what they say, auld age disnae come itsel!

    I'll bet that experience will curb his enthusiasm for a while.

    No mention of whether his "female friend" was happy with the non fading erection or not!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    Barely amusing and what the frak has this go to do with IT?

    Oh come on. This wouldn't have even made it into a medical journal. Please stick to IT related subjects. If I wanted to read stupid stories about super uncontrollable stiffies I'd be browsing a completely different website.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    This is Reg-worthy...how?

    "stiffy"...hur hur hur.

    Oh, I appear to have navigated to a Beavis & Butthead quote site.

    V poor. Stick to the 'tech, kids.

  12. This post has been deleted by its author

  13. Gordon Matson
    Happy

    "...We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften."

    I hope he went private, they have nicer nurses for that kind of thing.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    makes you wonder...

    ...where he hung his coat

  15. Daniel Silver badge

    @AC(s) re: IT?

    BOOTNOTES.

    Look it up.

    Then go back to steaming up your glasses whilst underlining all the rude words in library books

  16. Kevin
    Coat

    "the usual treatments"

    At least he didn't get "The gush"

  17. Keith Crooks
    Happy

    In the words of the old adage ...

    ... waste not, want not!

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Single guy (or married!)??

    I can only presume so, otherwise surely his girly would have more likely have kept him locked in the bedroom rather than bundled off to hospital?! :-D

    *Awaits comment from Sarah Bee regarding girlfriend-nympho stereotyping...*

  19. Andy Enderby
    Unhappy

    The usual treatment .....

    Would involve getting some of the blood hideously empurpie-ing his member out of said member. This generally involves a surgeon and something sharp. Whilst a distinctly unpleasant prospect, it beats gangrene followed his tadger dropping off, which would be distinct possibility. Regular grade impotence could result even if it didn't rot off.

    Neither prospect would be too appealling one suspects.

    drugs (the usual suspect - that favourite of spammers everywhere), booze and testosterone, an explosive mixture and a known complication of Friday and Saturday nights at casualty departments everywhere....

  20. Chris
    Paris Hilton

    @ This is Reg-worthy...how?

    You must be new here...

  21. The Fuzzy Wotnot

    Nothing unusual then?

    "We carried out the usual treatments"

    This is obviously seems like something that they have to deal with on a regular basis!

  22. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Single guy (or married!)??

    Nope, no comment from me on this one - consider me pre-defeated, on all counts.

  23. Anonymous John

    Titled

    At least he won't roll out of bed.

  24. Roger Heathcote
    Dead Vulture

    Really...

    "Thanks to Chris Winpenny for the hard news tip."

    The word "news" is pushing it a bit eh Lester?

  25. Jamie
    Linux

    @Barely amusing and what the frak has this go to do with IT?

    Well lets see what this could have to do with IT.

    He cannot get access to porn on the internet as he cannot get his chair in close enough to the desktop due to his unlucky situation.

    Now think about all the poor old IT admins who were thinking about taking some blue pills before a pint at the local this Friday will now get to think twice.

    There I have tied it in two seperate ways to an IT angle.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @Sordid Details

    I think it's a picture of my Nan in her unmentionables.

  27. adnim
    Joke

    Suffers?

    why, was he on the receiving end?

  28. Naich
    Alien

    The usual treatment

    I've heard about this "treatment". They get a really ugly fat nurse to whack it with a cold spoon.

  29. Justabloke

    @AC re it?

    DFO...

    What part of "Dominican lad suffers six-day stiffy " contained in "Bootnotes" led you to believe it might be an IT related story....

    I'm guessing you have a 6 day stiffy growing out of your forehead....

  30. David Hill
    Thumb Up

    Comments

    I agree there is zero IT content, but if Reg didn't bring these stories to our attention we would miss the intelligent and witty comments. I fear that Beavis and Butthead's comments would not have been as good!

    Keep it up Reg, even IT people need a laugh! (or should I leave the "even" out?)

    David

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Surely

    you'd have taken full advantage of it for 3 days (taking painkillers as neccesary) then headed off to hospital.

    When the genie from the lamp asked him what he wanted, the tired young man misspoke slightly and said "I'm knackered, man- I just want my 40 wanks, you know?"

    Seriously, though- poor guy! That'd hurt!

  32. Warhelmet

    Dominican?

    Am I the only one to have read the strapline as involving a monk?

  33. Daniel Wilkie

    Well...

    I've been exposed to several creative films friends have bought back from their trips abroad which would have cured him quick-smart (I mean seriously, how many people can honestly be into asian amputee midgets?)

  34. Tim

    @Naich

    That reminded me that some years back a friend (honest) reported that he had suffered an unwanted, er, uprising during a hospital appointment and the nurse gave him a glass of very cold water. Moments later she very sternly said "you weren't meant to drink that".

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Dominican?

    " Am I the only one to have read the strapline as involving a monk?"

    Nope ...

    Still, full marks for use of the word 'empurpled' - it's now word-of-the-day in our office. High praise indeed :-)

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    So why did you read it then?

    To all the people complaining about the lack of IT content in this article....

    Why did you read it?

    when you saw the title ‘DOMINICAN LAD SUFFERS SIX-DAY STIFFY’ what IT content exactly were you expecting to find?

    A review of a new Dell Blade Chassis perhaps? Or maybe an insightful article about the benefits that a new processor architecture will bring to low power computing?

    Which bit of ‘DOMINICAN LAD SUFFERS SIX-DAY STIFFY’ did you find misleading?

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Re: So why did you read it then?

    >A review of a new Dell Blade Chassis perhaps?

    Bugger, I have a rather embarrassing need to find out how they cured the poor lad.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Treatment

    "We carried out the usual treatments to encourage the penis to soften, but didn't manage to obtain the desired result."

    Odd. Pictures of Rosie O'Donnell in a thong usually works for this sort of thing.

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Ack!

    Oh, thank you *very* much! Some of us have dates tonight, y'know!

    *Looking for the cheese-grater in my pocket so I can scrape my lobes of that awful image*

  40. David Eddleman
    Joke

    Bootnote

    Anyone else find this a bit odd?

    "Free whitepaper – Best practices in SOX compliance"

    A use of a sock, repeatedly, could have the right help...

    A-dur-hurr.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Go

    @Sarah

    I think my heart just stopped there for a moment....

    @David Hill - even IT people need a laugh! (or should I leave the "even" out?

    erm, make that "especially"

  42. kain preacher

    Hmm

    Should of showed him a tape of Janet Reno doing bob dole with Hillary Clinton

  43. Maksim Rukov
    Coat

    erecting a stiff defense for the poor lad

    I feel I have to take a stand for this poor lad, if only because no-one else wood. Just because every Tom, Dick and Harry don't take meds willy-nilly doesn't mean you have to be so hard-on him. "Stick nor stone nowt break his bone" you may say, but remember that the penis mightier than the sword. You would do well to re-member that.

    Mine's the one with the deep pockets.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    No IT angle??

    Come on - hardened Dominican server has 6 day uptime, nobody seems to be able to take the thing down.

  45. Mike Hams
    Coat

    New Meaning

    To just going out for a stiff one at the pub.

    I'm here all week.

  46. JP Strauss
    IT Angle

    RE: IT angle

    The man had a Stiffy. Old tech, but still. Shame if it was only 3.5"

  47. Ishkandar
    IT Angle

    Erectile dysfunction at its worst !!

    Please spare a kind thought to the poor lad when he has to use his *lap*top !! Why, the keyboard will be slanted in an RSI-inducing angle and he might be unfairly accused of auto-stimulation !!

    There, an IT angle (pun intended) !!

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