back to article Boffins ponder Geordies' lack of winter clothing

Boffins are pondering one of Blighty's great unanswered scientific questions: Just why do Geordies insist on wearing the legal minimum of clothing even when a chill wind is whipping across the Tyne? For the benefit of those readers not au fait with Tyneside apparel habits, the good burghers of the fine city of Newcastle will …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    o

    Chapel Hatpegs

    That is all.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Hmm

    Either they can't afford clothes or they've barely evolved from dragging their hands while walking. Probably even worse on a Saturday night.

    <- she doesn't wear clothes either

  3. mantrogo

    The Answer...

    here's a challenge for you that will help answer the question: Go out on Friday night to the Bigg market in your coat, hit 3 pubs and 2 clubs and STILL have your coat. No chance.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Correction

    "south of Watford" should be "south of Watford Gap", the service station on the M1 in Northants that acts as a border checkpoint between North and South.

  5. Dabooka
    Boffin

    I'm thinking it's because...

    you're only outside for a short time, and then stuck in some super heated, cramped bar where the last thing you need is a jacket.

    The real question, is why the Newcastle fans go topless on the terraces?

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Possibly...

    A lager / alcopop beer-coat?

    /runs away...

  7. Danny
    Coat

    or...

    There's no point taking a (real) coat out when you're only outside the bar/taxi for 30 seconds at a time and the beer jacket's waiting for you on the way home..

  8. Jon H

    Photos!

    We need photographic evidence / proof !!!

  9. James Le Cuirot

    I've wondered that

    I'm a Jerseyman who used to live in Durham and frequently visited Newcastle. They would indeed be in mini-skirts in practically sub-zero temperatures. Now I live in Scotland but it's warmer here than it was there.

  10. The elephant in the room
    Coat

    Fight juice might have something to do with it...

    I do hope I'm the first to make the joke that I'm getting my coat because I'm Southern.

  11. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    It's not a Geordie thing

    During the recent freeze the Lincoln Standard Miniskirt shrank by more than a percent.

  12. Mitch Kent
    Coat

    Related stories...

    Related stories

    * Newcastle men dodge post-bog handwash (15 October 2008)

    There has to be a 'soap in my other non-existent jacket' joke in there somewhere?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    The real reason why...

    Currently living and working up in Newcastle, I can quite happily tell you the main reason for not wearing coats is that if you can taxi to the Quayside, then move quite quickly door to door to the various pubs/clubs and not have to fanny about with cloakrooms (that quite often cost and lose your coats)

    However, if I am just pubbing it, then will take my coat and drop it down near the seats.

    Its a bit of a stereotype of somebody from the North East. I'm not sure it's just Newcastle though as I've seen the same lack of coats in Glasgow and London...

  14. Hud Dunlap
    Happy

    What? No pictures

    What's the difference between this and the polar bear club? The people who go swimming in the ocean January First.

  15. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    It's simple...

    Metrocity Taxi's, cheaper than a coat and twice as comfortable.

    Also;

    Most pub's, bar and nightclub's in Newcastle don't have coat rooms.

    Coats cause drag when you're running away from the Police after a fight in the street.

    They restrict movment when you're working a coal mine.

    http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Newcastle_Upon_Tyne < more interesting facts about Newcastle and Novocastrians.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Pirate

    Not just Newcastle

    Head up to Aberdeen and in seriously cold temperatures (like 10cm of snow on the ground) and you will still find the wee bonny lasses in nothing more than mini skirts and low cut tops. A Basque friend once said it was so they could easily be hugged... no man could resist the poor girl looking freezing... Must be all that deep fat fried food they intake giving them an extra thick layer of subcutaneous fat... In fact must be something related since none of the nice looking ones (with something in their head) would be caught like that...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    It's not just Geordies...

    ...it's Weegies too.

  18. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Beer Coat

    Beer Coat (n.) the invisible force that keeps you warm, irrelevant of the external temperature, after consuming vast amounts of alchoholic liquid refreshment.

    I've included a picture of my beer coat as my icon.

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    There is science behind it

    In geordieland there are a few factors at play here.

    1) It's cold, if everyone were to wear a coat, then the cloak rooms of bars and clubs would need to be huge.

    2) This would make the bars smaller making the owners less money

    3)Tyneside residents would rather spend their brass on bargain booze.**

    4) This all leads to a negative correlation between air temp and sq inch* of fabric covering bum.

    * See the science - that's an inverse square law.

    ** geordies are a bit like yorkshiremen, but with the generosity removed.

    The coat, nah, mine's the one showing corned beef legs.

  20. Dave Jones Silver badge

    Piano legs, anyone ?

    Back in my day it seemed like the time spent wearing minis was directly related to the thickness of the thighs. You could have made a thousand Steinways from the legs on view between the Tyne and the Tees. And that was just the men (boom boom). More delicate figures favoured maxis.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    The real science...

    Why take your own coat when there's a chance you could half inch someone else's BETTER Coat....

    At least thats what I figure, due to the rise in crime rates in the land of the Geordie?

    Of course, this lack of coat phenomenon is not just local to Geordie land..

    Now has anybody seen my jacket?

  22. yewtreeservices@gmail.com

    I'm guessing this is related...

    ...to the results of a previous study into Geordie behavior in responce to temperature.

    50 Degrees. Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens.

    40 Degrees. Southerners shiver uncontrollably. Geordies Sunbathe.

    30 Degrees. Southern cars will not start. Geordies drive with their windows down

    20 Degrees. Southerners wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. Geordies throw a t-shirt on (Girls start wearing mini-skirts)

    10 Degrees. Southerners begin to Evacuate. Geordies go swimming in the North Sea.

    Zero degrees. Southern landlords turn up the heat. Geordies have the last barbecue before it gets cold.

    Minus 10 Degrees. Southerners cease to exist. Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket.

    Minus 80 Degrees. Polar bears wonder if it's worth it. Geordie Boy scouts start wearing long trousers.

    Minus 100 Degrees. Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Geordies put on their long johns.

    Minus 173 Degrees. Alcohol freezes. Geordies become frustrated because the pubs are shut.

    Minus 297 Degrees. Microbiological life starts to disappear. The cows on Newcastle town moor complain of vets with cold hands.

    Minus 460 Degrees. All atomic motion stops. Geordies start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.

    Minus 500 Degrees. Hell freezes over..........Newcastle United win a trophy.

  23. Tom Silver badge

    Its not an immunity to the cold

    its more of 'I've left me wallet at home - see'. Or not drinking sub-zero fluids to avoid tasting them.

    Actually when I lived up north BCH (before central heating) only sickly people wore coats.

    I was happy in a t-shirt and jeans down to -5 if it wasnt precipitating. I can even keep warm now by doing physical excersise! In a couple of years the recession will have you landanars getting warm as you'll have to let your personal trainers go and carry your own bags up stairs to the gymnasium once you've driven past your house five times looking for a parking space.

  24. James Hughes

    30second between bars?

    I vaguely remember queueing up outside some bar right on the front in Whitley Bay on News Years eve, absolutely b**l**ks freezingly cold, wearing a thick coat, watching the local lasses in their crops and minis. We were out there 10 minutes at least. I was about to die of exposure, and they were still alive and chatty.

    They make 'em hard up there, which is more than I could manage in those temps.

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Get your coat love, you've pulled

    I'll get my.. oh wait, I didn't bring one.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Easy.

    Freezing point of water = 0 celsius.

    Freezing point of ethanol = -114 celsius.

    Human bodies are supposed to be 55-75% water but here in the north...

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Co-incidentally...

    I was pondering this the other week while having a smoke outside the club I work at... I asked the boss, who's fairly well travelled, if this is an odd UK custom or if residents of other countries that have sub-zero, or approaching sub-zero, temperatures have the same scant regard for their own well-being. He confirmed my suspicions with "Its a UK thing, which actually gets worse the further north you go" (See there must be a middle, not just north and south, if we in Stoke-on-Trent see "up there" as north... Actually we probably consider Manchester to be "up north"!)

    Still, I'm not going to complain... I'll never tire of seeing pretty ladies in mini-skirts (but not those god-damn awful shorts!)

    // My coat? Of course, I don't have to pay for the cloakroom!!

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Simple formula

    simple

    k*l = 1/s

    where

    k = No of kebabs shoved down throat in last 12 months

    l = No of lagers shoved down throat in last 3 hours

    s = skirt length

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    As someone from the south who rarely wears a coat when going out...

    ... I can say it is because when I am going out and get indoors, if I had a coat I would get too hot, and would have to take it off and find somewhere to put it, then probably forget it when leaving at 4am while drunk.

  30. Mike Richards Silver badge

    Not just Newcastle

    You see teenagers wearing next to nothing on the wintery streets of Scandinavian cities; but the frost / snow / rain / hail (usually at the same time) quickly cull them, so surviving adults walk around dressed properly in dead animals.

    Reykjavik has heated pavements - which when you think about it shows a great deal of consideration for the drunks.

  31. Michael Brennen
    Happy

    must be social

    Being from Durham not far from Geordie land I reckon its down to culture, you go out have a skin full and drink some more, go clubbing drink yet more so to save on forgetting your coat on leaving or having to pay for a cloakroom you get tanked up a fast as possible to get on the 'beer banket'.

  32. This post has been deleted by its author

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    you've missed the best bit...

    ...which is some geeky science types have figured out a way to approach scantily-clad chicks as research *and* get paid for it!

    Mine's the one with the Big Bang Theory script in the pocket.

  34. This post has been deleted by its author

  35. Cameron Colley

    It's because you're staying in.

    I may be a soft southerner (Yorkshire) but I'd not wear a coat vif I were planning to spend my evening in hot bars and clubs.

    That said, a conversation with a Dutch taxi driver revealed that the girls over there wear much more subtle, prim clothing -- so it is probably a combination of factors.

  36. Quirkafleeg
    Gates Horns

    Re: I'm guessing this is related…

    “Minus 500 Degrees. Hell freezes over..........Newcastle United win a trophy.”

    Hmm, yes, there was that Intertwobit trophy in 2006. A certain amount of skating to work took place.

  37. David Simpson
    Flame

    Not just Geordies....

    I'm from Belfast and the same applies there, it also happens in Edinburgh (where I live) and Glasgow.

    I think it comes down to not carrying coats around all night, you go from taxi to club and by the time you move on to another club you are drunk enough not to notice or care about the weather.

    And yes obviously southerners are just soft.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Even across the pond

    here in New Hampshire, you see the same thing! Recently got to -20F, and people did start to complain, tho'...

  39. Oddbodd

    And it's not just the pubs and clubs...

    Every time Newcastle United are on telly, even if it's an away tie at Antarctica United, there's always at least one shot of a shirtless, bald, Geordie shouting his mouth off while swilliing lager (more recently, this has been the club's owner). What is also noticeable about each of these fellows is that they make Jabba the Hutt look like something off a Special K advert. Natural insulation, innit?

  40. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Up north the men are men and....

    ... the sheep are nervous.

  42. Mark Duncan

    Speaking as a non-coat wearing Weegie

    My theory is it's down to mental fortitude. Living in Glasgow where it is almost permanently cold and wet you have one of two options. Either

    A) Step out the door with a mind-boggling array of coats, fleeces, scarves, snoods, boots, thermals, brollies, gloves, windbreakers etc in a pathetic and doomed attempt to stay warm and dry

    or

    B) Man up, accept your fate and live with it.

    P.S. I have one thing to say to the guy who outrageously suggested that there are, in existence, 'bonny lassies' in Aberdeen - Pictures or it never happened.

  43. Anonymous Coward
    Flame

    Lack of brain cells.

    You only need to see CCTV footage of Newcastle on a Friday or Saturday night, or watch NU supporters to appreciate it isn't absence of clothing that characterises that lot but absence of brain cells. No style. No taste. No sense. And you can't understand a word they say anyway.

    There's actually a genetic line traversing the country. It follows the route of Hadrian's Wall. At one end is Newcastle, at the other is Carlisle.

    Carlisle is far more suited to scientific research than Newcastle.

    Go into its shopping centre and it's full of Identikit people who all seem to have come from a giant council estate. Shiny black shell suits with white stripes down the pants are the height of fashion for the men. The women can't afford black plastic bags to dress in so chuck on anything. They're all very loud and very ugly and say "eh?" at the end of every sentence. The council estate has one hairdresser so all the younger women have lank dyed black hair. Older women have their hair dyed blonde and permed in tight curls.

    Carlisle is the only place in Britain where they stage Cinderalla as a Christmas panto and none of the Ugly Sisters need to wear make-up.

  44. Loki

    Russia

    Here in Russia their behavior is really strange. As soon as it drops slightly cold they immediately wrap up in 10 layers and even when winter ends it takes them weeks to respond to the fact. Even when it rises to +20 they still go around with hats on. However, goes higher suddenly the main street becomes like a fashion parade as all the girls pull out their summer collections... nice.

    I get really strange looks sometimes when i go out to throw the garbage in -20 weather in just my shorts and a t-shirt. Funny how i feel the cold less than the Russians (nb: i'm a Yorkshireman).

  45. Francis Offord

    COR BLIMEY

    As a former Southerner who has lived in the frozen North since 1971, and having arrived here from the tropics, I can assure you that most of those mentioned in your article actually do feel the cold, but only marginally. I was a taxi driver for a load of years and on one morning, at around 3:30. I was awaiting my nexr fare when the door opened and a young lady entered. Her teeth were chattering as the weather outside was below zero, a half a gale blowing and bleaching down with snow. Her dress was an oversized "T" shirt secured with a belt and, as far as I could ascertain without physical contact, nothing else. Her opening comment was,"I'm freezing" and my thoughts went to the "I'M NOT REALLY SURPRISED" department. That was several years ago now and by this time she would be considered overdressed in the same circumstances.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    Geordies & Other Northeners

    Northerners have many adaptions for surviving colder climates based upon their geographical origins in the North:

    1) Monkey Hangers - spawn of Hartlepool - this lot emit sufficient radiogenic energy to keep them and an entire taxi queue warm on account of that nice fast breeder reactor they have. They also save on lighting but the green glare is hard on the eyes.. Think Dr Manhattan, but green.

    2) Smoggies - Denizens of Teesside - Exposure to decades worth of an incredible array of industrial chemicals have rendered them immune to the cold by virtue of mutation, think wolverine but less sociable. Mutant powers are often triggered when beer is used as a catalysis for parmo fueled endothermic reactions

    3) Geordies - Everybody in the North according to barely educated southeners - Either too dumb or too hard to worry about the cold possibly both - think Superman because when you get down to it, hes hard but he's also a dime bar

    4) Mackams - The "other" Geordies - They get so worked up when people call them Geordies their internal temperature rises sufficiently to melt a glacier or two. Think Johnny Storm - The Human torch because he gets upset easily as well.

    NB: This information should not be read as yet another cynical attempt to discourage any more southerners from moving moving up here and disturbing our tranquility, nor should any credence be given to the stories of cannibalism or human sacrifice which were in the main proven, on a balance of probabilities, to have only happened to a few people who wondered off the path when everyone in the pub told them not to.

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