back to article Rapists should be raped, declares Jordan

Prodigiously Bulgarian airbagged glamour minx Jordan has announced that rapists should henceforce be raped themselves, one of a raft of proposed measures designed to restore law and order to the UK's crime-ravaged streets. The would-be lawmaker - whose body sensationally comprises 40 per cent water, one per cent other stuff …


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  1. Rob Beard
    Thumb Up


    "She's apparently upping sticks to the US with hubby Peter Andre"

    Woohoo! Sounds like a good excuse for a national holiday if you ask me!

    What would be a good penalty for releasing crap songs, having your vocal cords removed?


  2. Mark
    Paris Hilton

    So therefore

    I must get paid to get my moobs out.


    What about "Airheads should have high pressure air pushed into their head"? Or "people talking shit should have shit put in their mouth"?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    But speeding's ok

    if you can get off on a technicality.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    ...surely then someone would have to rape the rapist rapist? The whole country could get sucked off^M^M^M in. Maybe some sort of circle jerk?

    And what happens when, inevitably, a raped rapist is found innocent? Do we rape the accuser? The judge? Jordan <shivers>?

    I never understood people who think that the best way of demonstrating that "hurting people is bad" is by hurting people.

  5. hikaricore


    What a dumb bitch.

  6. Robin


    To what extent would the eye-for-an-eye thing apply?

    Let's say I commit a parking offence (yeah, unlikely I know, but bear with me for a sec). Would the council get to obstruct my driveway for 30 minutes? They could even have an official argue with me that he 'just nipped into the shop for some change' or something.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Horses for courses

    I have a mental image of Jordan, dressed as a judge, sitting atop a horse, which is forcibly sodomising a convicted rapist who has been doused in female horse scent. It's not an entirely displeasing image. Like something from from Studio 54 during the height of the disco era. I doubt that it would cut crime, however.

  8. Andy Barber

    Brighton is saved

    Well coming from Brighton*, she would approve of same-sex marriages wouldn't she. Where's she off too then, San Francisco? (It's also 3000km further away from Blighty!)

    * To non Brit's, Brighton is the "gay capital" of the UK.

  9. alan
    Paris Hilton



    if all the rapists were to be raped, then the prison officials that raped them would be raped, and eventually the HM prison service would run out of rapists to rape the rapists, they would have to turn to other .gov services, then to the public, and the whole thing would spread like an epidemic of rape.

    everyone in the UK would end up firstly raping someone, then being raped in punishment. Maybe Jordan likes the idea.....

    paris cos she has less grotesquely over-inflated legislation

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I reckon

    she is probably complete filth in the sack!!

  11. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    What is her opinion...

    ...on, quite popular in some countries, custom of stoning female adulterers to death?

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Is she offering her services?

    >> “The way I see it is an eye for an eye. So if someone rapes a girl he should be bent over and

    >> the same thing done to him. I’m sorry that’s just the way I feel. I’m very strict.”

    I think the mere thought of being forced to have sex with Jordan is enough to put of any potential rapist. Heck, just the thought of Jordan is enough to put most people off for a week.

  13. Anonymous Coward

    Vengence is mine, sayith Jordan

    While I sympathize with the death penalty, and raping rapists (which the truly sick ones would probably enjoy too much, but who am I to use reason, I'm a nobody). The others remind me why people need to read classical books, like maybe, The Scarlet Letter? When it is convenient for us, we believe people can change. Marking them for life seems as extreme as what we see happen in the most fundamentalist countries. People like her are what happens when you let thoughtless and disturbed people punish the other thoughtless and disturbed. I mean seriously, most of them say they are Christians even, and I have a strange feeling Jesus would not approve, to say the least.

    One nice thing about freedom of speech is that you get to be warned of the crazy ones right from their own mouths. And they have no idea they are doing so, or how insane they really are. True justice would be that after she put in the needle, they find out the one she put to death was innocent after someone else comes out and admits to the crime with hard evidence. This actually happens, but, because of the spectacle she would create, it would be too hard to keep as quiet as they tend to when a famous governor does it behind the wall of a signature and a confusing justice system.

    Sane is crazy and crazy is sane, welcome to bizarro world!

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: Bootnotes

    " Interestingly, Jordan does not suggest a suitable punishment for parents who give their kids bloody silly names. "

    And here's where we see the whole house of cards fall down, because the appropriate punishment for such a crime -- an eye for an eye -- is to give the _parents_ silly names. But the perfectly normal "Katie Price" has already benn traded in for the name of an F1 racing team (which incidentally has a *boy's* name).

  15. Anonymous Coward


    Was she thinking of how the other jungle jane inflatable funbag was treated (Sorry I use the word thinking in its broadest possible sense)

    Mines the one with the bicycle pump and the puncture repair kit in the pocket.

  16. Paul

    But I bet...

    She is anti Sharia Law...

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture


    Is there even the slightest relation to any IT angle here?

  18. Richard
    Paris Hilton


    Excuse me but this article didn't mention our favourite heiress' opinion.

    With her on the Drink driving though.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    "Rape the rapists" ?

    Why, that's insania!

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    What a hypocrite she is.

    This is all coming from the woman who used to repeatedly speed through our village at 60mph + in her brand new Range Rover and when caught said in her bimbo voice "ooh, I didn't know what the speed limit was."

    So Jordan, willing to give up your cars are you? No didn't think so.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Raping the rapist rapist.

    If the rape victim did the rapist raping then the circle of rape would be complete and everyone would then be happy.

  22. Bumhug

    But what if....

    The rapist consents to his punishment?

  23. Master Baker

    She is stupid

    But I would like a ride on her milkers

  24. Dave Gregory

    Oh well done

    Now that's fixed the world, hasn't it?

  25. Max


    Kent Brockman: At the risk of editorializing, these women are guilty, and must be dealt with in a harsh and brutal fashion. Otherwise, their behavior could incite other women leading to anarchy of biblical proportions.

    [pause, pounds desk]

    Kent Brockman: It's in "Revelations", people.

  26. Benny


    How comes she can get away with Bubba comments....

  27. Ferry Boat

    What's the one per cent other stuff?

    I'll take a guess it's not brain cells.

    Anyway, the punishment for parents who give their children bloody silly names is to be given bloody silly names themselves. Oh... hang on.

  28. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: and???

    It's not the angle, it's the width.


  29. Anonymous Coward

    have you heard?

    Jordan has become an actress, she already has two Golden Globes.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Thinking about it

    This story should in fact be entitled "Jordan condones rape"

  31. dreadful scathe

    @Sarah Bee

    Can you arrange to have Gerhardt executed for that joke? Its a reasonable request!

    (if you dont have that power, then frankly, its about time you got it)

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    An eye for an eye...

    So a bad song for a bad song - I'm off to sing Disney songs badly and out of tune in Jordan's face (and Peter's, while I'm at it) to punish her for attempting to start a music career!

  33. Tom Austin
    IT Angle

    Some kind of...

    ...automated rape machine that the to-be-punished rapist gets strapped onto?

    There's your IT angle. Of a sort.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I don't get it

    What's wrong with what she said? Seems eminently sensible to me.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    From the Viz "100 Borderline Boilers"

    "Melon wrangling fuckwit" is her correct title.

  36. g e

    Waste of skin

    Stupid cow. Obviously not been in the news recently enough so she came up with this. Hope we never hear from her again when she fucks off west.

  37. Phil Standen
    Thumb Down

    Re: Brighton's Influence

    Brighton (here) is also one of the most liberal places in the country. So I doubt it has influenced her too much.

    However, we do seem to think that if you own a car and want to park it on the street you should be raped so maybe I am wrong.

  38. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Finally an answer... the tricky question. 'Who's dumber - Paris or Jordan?'

    Thanks to her comprehensive energy policy, Paris is the brains of the outfit.

  39. Mark

    Just had a thought

    Well, two really

    1) "So if someone rapes a girl he should be bent over and the same thing done to him. I’m sorry that’s just the way I feel."

    So how is the girl supposed to rape the man like that???

    2) "I’m very strict."

    Isn't this just incitement to doing naughty stuff?

    PS, mater baters, she doesn't have "milkers". But if you're looking for silicone sealant in a handy jumbo pack...

  40. Tim Groven

    Re: ffs

    Best comment ever. Gave me quite a laugh. Thank you!

  41. N1AK


    If she's willing to get hit by a speeding vehicle as fair punishment for her penchant for speeding then I'll consider her views on the matter slightly more seriously, until then I'll just consider her a hypocrite who is either stupid or smart enough to act convincingly stupid.

  42. Henry Wertz Gold badge


    "Is there even the slightest relation to any IT angle here?"

    Well, I *suppose* they could use an automated rape-bot. As much hentai as they sell in Japan I'm sure they could pick one up there.

  43. Anonymous Coward

    Re: Horses for courses

    Stop it now... that sort of mental image can get you locked away under the new laws...

    Jordan - what an idiot.

  44. J-Wick

    Re: and???

    Ooooh Sarah, you're *such* a tease....

  45. Rob


    Nice :)))

  46. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @Mark : The practical difficulties of state sanctioned rape.

    >So how is the girl supposed to rape the man like that???

    Strap on?

  47. Anonymous Coward

    Wasn't Me!

    Would raping yourself count?

  48. Andy Barber

    @Ponder Stebbins

    > Mines the one with the bicycle pump and the puncture repair kit in the pocket


  49. Graham Marsden

    @Sarah Bee

    What, no pre-emptive ban on Bubba comments...?

  50. Anonymous Coward


    I may be out of work, but that is one job I will not be applying for; Electric Chair, Beheading or the old Hemp Fandango would be OK, but there is no way I'm giving some guy one up the....

  51. Inachu

    lets make sure.......

    That the evil doer is raped not by another man but forced to take in a full sized horse.

    Internal bleeding for repeat offenders is a must.

  52. John Savard

    Going Slightly Too Far

    Rape is far too evil to be used as a punishment for any crime.

    However, had she merely suggested torturing rapists to death, I would have been happy to give that proposal my unqualified support.

  53. LaeMi Qian
    Thumb Down

    And child abusers should be abused as children

    Oh wait, many of them were, leading to...


    Personally I think we should quickly and painless put down the 5.5 billion stupidest, most useless people in the world to bring our population back to sustainable levels (which is why you won't see me lining up for the job of global dictator - who wants that decision! - well the first billion or so are easy enough to choose, but then it starts to get into arbitrary definitions of stupid and useless).

  54. Spoonguard

    oh, those crazy Jordanians

    no wait

  55. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Arguably, if the penalty for rape is to be raped, then the perpetrator has already consented when he committed rape in the first place and therefore isn't being raped.

    Then Chuck Norris dies.

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    But on the other hand...

    Would any of you posters agree that a nine year - out in four years sentence is adequate for a man who not only participated in a ten man gang rape of girl with the mental age of an eight year old. But also, in a premeditated act, brought caustic soda along to douse the victim in to cover their tracks?

    Not only does the victim of this sadistic crime have to cope with the mental scars of this ordeal, she is permanently scarred from the caustic soda.

    I challenge ANY of you to think that justice has been served.

    I’ll also add that some of the ten also recorded this act of animalistic barbarism on their mobile phones, so it’s not exactly like there is an issue of misidentifying someone or the act was consensual.

    Come on, I’d welcome any considered argument as to why these men deserved the sentence they got.

    Personally, at best I’d want them to get life in a normal wing of a prison. Not a cushy one where nonces get put. Perhaps a “Daddy” could make them his bitches. At worse, I’m thinking the Brazen Bull would be a good one, as they burn, they could reflect on the chemical burning of their victim.

    Now, before any bleeding heart liberals accuse me of advocating Sharia Law, there is a gulf of difference between the crime and punishment I describe and killing someone for adultery. I don’t condone the amputation of a limb for theft. Or stoning someone for sex outside of marriage.

    But justice in the UK seems to be favouring the rights of the offender over the rights of the victim.

    Another travesty of justice recently was with a woman who got mugged, but the Judge thought that the woman was too good a witness and thought that she would prejudice the case against the w*nker who mugged her. So he dismissed the case. WTF?

    Who exactly polices these judges? Who has the power to remove them from duty for gross inability to do their job? Or even prosecute them for failing to uphold justice?

    I don’t want blanket judgements for crimes because I know that each case does not follow a formula. But, justice miscarries in some spectacular ways and it should be corrected.

    Price’s comments may be misguided, but at least she has something say to about the issue.

    Paris would go “What issues? This is my puppy, isn’t it cute?”

  57. Anonymous Coward

    Room for more?

    Amusing (in a pitying way) as she is, I really don't think the Reg has room for *another* pointless celebutard brainless bint!

    Please refrain from any more coverage of this woman (to coin a phrase: "don't feed the troll!"), and stick to Google/Jobs/Wikipedia baiting :-)

  58. Pierre

    Yes, but what about...

    ... rappers?

    Also, it's good to see that a couple Reg commentards are about as clued as your average brainless bimbo." Kill all them law-breakers instead of sending them to the covert luxury palaces they call "prisons" Arrhh! Kill kill kill!."

  59. elderlybloke

    Jordan, is it/she a Hominid?

    I am in the South Pacific and this "Jordan" is Greek to me.

    Could belong to a close species to Paris I suppose.

  60. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Rapists should be raped, declares Jordan

    Perhaps it would help if she could keep her nose and very large mouth out of issues that she obviously does not understand & don't concern her anyway.

  61. Rob Stiles

    Rapists should...

    ... have their balls removed. No repeat offenders and quite a deterrent.

  62. Mark

    re: Rapists should...


    Now I have said to people who think that women who dress like tarts "deserve it" that if dressing provocatively was a crime punishable by rape, then rape should be a crime punishable by having their balls cut off.

    But that is to indicate to these idiots that although there is some blame to be had for it (in the same way as walking into a Skinhead bar and snogging as many of them as you can if you're a bloke means you'll get a f'n kicking: you shouldn't have done it, but the kicking is still GBH), that doesn't make it right to rape them.

    But when plonkers like you Rob say that anyone who rapes must have their nads removed, I wonder whether you think someone who wants men mutilated should have their eyes and tongue cut out.

  63. Mark

    re: But on the other hand...

    And would you agree that a ten year sentence for someone who didn't rape but was merely accused of it (and is now on the sex offenders register for all eternity) is completely wrong too?

    Justice is about not punishing the innocent. Revenge is about punishing the presumed guilty. If you really DO have the guilty, deterrence is about punishing the guilty.

    We have a justice system. Not a revenge one and not a deterrent one.

    If you don't like it, move somewhere where they don't sweat the punishment too much. Afghanistan, for example, under the Taliban.

  64. Mark

    @LaeMi Qian

    One comic had the answer to stupidity: remove the warning labels off everything and let nature take its course.

  65. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    So Long Jordan and Peter

    America deserves you. We won't miss you.

  66. Kwac

    @Jordan, is it/she a Hominid?

    Greek to you, eh?

    Hubby (with whom she appears to share a brain cell) is from a Greek-Cypriot family.

    I suspect that the island of Cyprus (where they have just built a 'luvverly' pink house) will declaring a national holiday with the news they're heading for the USA.

  67. Anthony Mark

    Rapists should be raped?

    I was under the impression that this happened already...

  68. Cris Wilson

    @Rob Stiles

    How do you put the balls back on again when you find out you've made a mistake?

  69. Alice Andretti

    "Dirty Jobs" horse-sex episode?

    "Ashley Pomeroy" said:

    "I have a mental image of Jordan, dressed as a judge, sitting atop a horse, which is forcibly sodomising a convicted rapist who has been doused in female horse scent. It's not an entirely displeasing image."

    They could have Mike Rowe's TV crew film it and put it on the show Dirty Jobs - they seem to like horse-sex stuff there ;)

    "I doubt that it would cut crime, however."

    Yeah, you're probably right.

  70. Alice Andretti
    Paris Hilton

    Have Paris tease them to death, WITH horses.

    "Rob Stiles" said:

    "Rapists should have their balls removed. No repeat offenders and quite a deterrent."

    Some of them might *like* it too much.

    Besides, it wouldn't stop them from being violent in other ways.

    "John Savard" said:

    "However, had she merely suggested torturing rapists to death, I would have been happy to give that proposal my unqualified support."

    A lot of people would agree with you.

    "Cris Wilson" said:

    "How do you put the balls back on again when you find out you've made a mistake?"

    Er, yes, that could be a problem alright...

    Well then we'll just have to settle for life in prison, no paroll, no exceptions unless DNA evidence someday proves them innocent. Go back to having such prisoners dig ditches or make license plates or do something else productive that benefits society, rather than just being leeches that suck up taxpayer dollars on their free room-and-board, free cable TV, free weightlifting/gyms, free internet access (for "research" - bah!), etc. Hell it wasn't until just recent years that they were even prevented from smoking cigarettes in prison. I have actually met people who *prefer* to be in prison (don't ask how - if I tell you I'd have to kill you), especially during the freezing-cold winter months in some areas, because in their *own* view they get everything handed to them on a silver platter there (compared to life on the streets or in certain street-gangs, anyway - obviously different depending on what strata of society they're from). Time to make prisoners work off their crimes, pay for their mistakes, instead of just getting a nice cushy place to hang out for a while.

    Here in the U.S., convicted sex offenders are regularly released back into society after short sentences, even when they're judged as being "At high risk to re-offend", and once they're back out on the streets/neighborhoods/etc they often re-commit the same offenses all over again.

    Obviously "rehabiliation," and the current lenient prison/judicial system (at least in the U.S.), doesn't work very well. So it's not surprising that some people support more extreme ideas.

    - Maybe Paris could *tease* sex-offenders to death while they are utilizing some of the other posters' horse/etc ideas ;)

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