Fake plane death businessman left SOS bullet-point list

The US financial advisor who attempted to fake his own death in a light aircraft crash will certainly not be elevated to the pantheon of criminal masterminds, after police yesterday revealed he'd left a bullet-point list of his fake distress call in the plane before bailing out. Marcus Schrenker, 38, took off from Anderson, …

[Winkypop]

One name

Darwin

[Sam Tana]

That full list of bullet points

* Remember pilot's licence!!!

* make radio call

* cracked windshield

* window imploded

* bleeding profusely

* fake own death

* bail out of plane

* start new life

* DON'T show pilot's licence to ANYONE!!!!!11!

* Profit

[Allan Dyer]

title?

And I was expecting the PPT of death!

[Anonymous Coward]

Its America

and he couldn't find something to blow his plane up with? Fly about for a bit, then yell "Ahmed, no!" and "It's suicide!" down the radio, turn on a timed explosive wrapped around some shaved dead animal, stick it on autopilot and jump out the side.

Plane goes bang, blood & guts all over the place, police assume there's a suicide bomber who did the blowing up. Guy probably goes down as a hero for blowing up the bomber before he could get the plane to hit anything important and dies depressed that the greatest thing he's ever done was actually a fake that he can't tell anyone about.

[Anonymous Coward]

But why did he...

...make the distress call? If he'd just left the plane to crash, it probably wouldn't have been found for days (Fosset-style) and the windscreen would have almost certainly been smashed. The open door could be explained by the impact, and he'd have got away before anyone had a chance to ask him for ID.

If he ran his company like this plan, no wonder he tried to escape.

Paris, because she'd come up with a smarter (and better-execute) plan than this.

[Simon Williams]

Bleeding hands on the roof of the car, now!

If he'd tried to commit suicide by cutting his wrists, wasn't it unnecessarily cruel to cuff him, however dimwitted the fake plane crash might have been?

[Matt]

you couldnt make this sort of stuff up!!

the guy is a legend! when you think he cant do anything more stupid, he then leaves a checklist in the plane!

What gets me, over all of this is that with this chaps level of intelegence he actually managed to obtain a real pilots licence in the first place!

[Ash]

@AC "But why did he..."

There would be no human remains in the craft, and it would be identifiable from markings and / or flight plan details.

He could have bailed, but they'd then have assumed that he'd turn up for medical attention somewhere.

Dead guys don't crawl far, and tend not to be too hard to find with a big silk sheet attached to themselves. Especially in urban areas, which is where it sounds like he landed.

[Steve]

Right..

Thats where Mr Bean got too!!

[dervheid]

What a diddy!

A daftie, a numptie, a complete tube!

It's a wonder they didn't find a script. (Given what we have so far, it'll probably turn up sooner or later anyway)

[Hollerith]

A new verb

To schrenker

As in 'he schrenkered himself': revealed himself to be a totally incompetent tosser who, on top of failing, also turned himself into a laughing-stock.

[Anonymous Coward]

@A new verb

what a total schrenker

[jai]

darwin awards

if he had managed to kill himself, he'd surely be well placed to get this years Darwin's, no?

as it is, sadly, he's still part of our gene-pool

[Sarah Bee]

Re: darwin awards

No no no. Darwin Awards go to people who die through not trying hard enough to stay alive. This guy stayed alive through not trying hard enough to kill himself.

To those commenters, I say this: You have failed, sirs.

[Anonymous Coward]

Dumb Fecker

The police should have shot this dumb fecker to put him out of his misery and he could of then added suicide by cop to the list (but before he gets shot). This sort of Yank makes Bush look half intelligent......

[Robert Moore]

News story from Canada

I heard a news story on my way home from work, that he was picked up in a campsite where he had signed in using his REAL name.

[Anonymous John]

@ That full list of bullet points

You've missed some.

• Turn round and put hands on car hood.

• Put hands behind back for cuffing

• Listen to Miranda warning

[Mike Moyle]

Be fair...!

Charging him with making a false distress call -- okay, that's a fair call; but "purposely crashing a plane"...? No such thing!

It was flying just fine on its own, last time he saw it!

[Ken Hagan]

Explains a lot

"If he ran his company like this plan, no wonder he tried to escape."

I wonder just how much of the present financial crisis is down to the fact that people like this had their sticky fingers on the levers of high finance. Remember folks, until someone thought to ask where the money was, his business was considered successful.

How many times have we all heard the smug retort "If you're so smart, why aren't you rich."? To judge from this joker and others in his line of business, intelligence (or at least the ability to ask pertinent questions) is actually a barrier to wealth.

[Angus]

Ok

Let this be a warning to anyone who bought the “Anyone can be a Master Criminal” books..

Obviously not everyone can be.

[Anonymous Coward]

One can see why...

....he is a failed business man.

[Tim Bates]

@Ash - Re:Why did he...

If he planned it right, he could have had the plane crash into the ocean or a large swamp. No one would question his missing body then.

If he'd headed a bit further east, he could have even added the mystery and drama of the Bermuda Triangle to his fake death.

[Lionel Baden]

Darwin award

You dont actually have to die to recieve a Darwin award you just need to remove yourself from it

e.g. Whilst jumping out of the plane thinking OH SHIT my checklist, Try to turn round gets gonads caught on door latch, .2 seconds later a nice bloody trail down to the ground !!!

^^ That would be worthy of a Darwin :D

[Amanda]

What doesn't get mentioned enough when discussing this jerk...

Worst part of his fail: his plane landed rather close to a subdivision (what you Brits call a housing estate, I think). I sincerely hope he gets slapped with attempted murder charges. Intentionally leaving a working plane to fly who knows what distance deserves nothing less.

@ Ken Hagan: "How many times have we all heard the smug retort "If you're so smart, why aren't you rich."? To judge from this joker and others in his line of business, intelligence (or at least the ability to ask pertinent questions) is actually a barrier to wealth."

There's probably a peak IQ for wealth gathering, beyond which people tend to ask too many probing questions and are too able to do the maths in their heads. My younger brother, who is terrible at math, sold cars with large loans to people and thought he was doing them a favor. He thinks I will be wasting my money by paying for my next car in cash. "But it loses like 20% of its value once you drive it off the lot!"

"Precisely why I don't buy new cars and would never borrow money for one."

[Anonymous Coward]

Obviously he read my book

"Faking your own death for Dummies". That checklist is in one of the PowerPoint presentations in the bundled CD, in the same folder as the mp3's of gunshots and "Engine runs rough, then stops" sound effect.

[Telecide]

Shrenker?

Is that like being called a Munson??

Paris because she can't understand what all the fuss is about.

[Lukin Brewer]

Sounds like "Marge versus the Monorail"

Captions in a drawing in Lyle Lanley's notes:

<-ME

<-MONEY

<-FLAMES

<-DEAD FOLKS

Lyle: I dunno why I keep leaving these lying around.

[Loki]

Useless

He failed to fake his death, and then apparently failed to commit suicide for real. This guy is a complete failure at everything.

[Bill]

He should have turned the plane toward the ocean...

enough said.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: He should have turned the plane toward the ocean...

or gone for paddle in a canoe.