back to article I've only shagged two blokes, insists Paris Hilton

It was a bit lonely over Xmas without a single snippet of seasonal Paris Hilton news, so we're delighted to offer today some hot celebutard goss guaranteed to warm the cockles of your chilly parts - our fave jetsetter insists she's made the beast with two backs with just two people. According to the Standard, the talented and …

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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    A title is required.

    well thank you for this fine piece of reporting. and its not even friday yet..

  2. Al
    Paris Hilton

    Is it panto season?

    Can we shout 'Oh no you haven't?' at the top of our voices every time she says this?

  3. Dave
    Paris Hilton

    You know it's just after holidays when....

    Slow news day (week) at El' Reg by chance? And there was me starting to hope that the dire lack of (interesting?) stories was starting to fade away after the break.

    Oh well.

  4. Neil Greatorex
    Stop

    I get half a million just to show up at parties

    WTF?

    There are people who pay to have a celebutard come to a party?

    Sad. Very, very sad.

  5. Carl Carter
    Paris Hilton

    Paris

    Where's the Paris angle?

    mines the one with RETARD on the back. Just like my idols', Paris.

  6. hikaricore
    Paris Hilton

    It's quite obvious...

    It's quite obvious that there is only one thing she is truly good at, and it ain't showing up at parties.

    IMHO it rhymes with cucking socks.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Methinks

    that "a couple of people" is vague enough to be aimed at intentionally misleading. When someone says they've "only had a couple" [of drinks], it's very likely to be slurred...

  8. Rick Eastwood
    Thumb Down

    Move along nothing to see.................

    Type your comment here — plain text only, no HTML

  9. Colin Guthrie
    Paris Hilton

    If you've seen Clerks....

    I'd imagine the other critical number is much greater than 37!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    She said "people"...

    ...so it doesn't just have to be men...!

    Mine's the one with comedy memories of female friends who went to bat for the other side. :-)

  11. raving angry loony
    Stop

    wondering

    Wonder why El Reg is so fixated on Paris Hilton? Why doesn't El Reg also fixate on some male sex object who fucks around? Or is it OK for the men to screw everything in sight and not even have it mentioned, while the women have to put up with a glaring spotlight on their extracurricular activities? After all, last I checked there were two people in that Hilton video, yet nobody seems to mention the unethical bastard who made and released the video.

    It's a hell of a sexist and demeaning double standard that El Reg is upholding here. Which is, admittedly, par for the course.

  12. Maverick
    Paris Hilton

    I'm her second

    Too...

    many...

    inuendos...

    can't...

    think...

    of...

    witty...

    one...

  13. Eddy Ito
    IT Angle

    is?

    Was it a married couple or just a preference for no more than two at a time? As Bill Clinton put so eloquently, "it depends upon what the meaning of the word 'is' is."

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    "a couple"

    An appropriate measurement in this context...

    And it doesn't neccesarily mean "two". Okay, to pedants like us it does but to "sane" people it can be used to mean more than that.

    See what you've done? you've confused the poor girl with your grammatical pedantry!

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    Counting

    Half a million just to show up at a party. $8 Million in total. So only 16 parties all year ?

    Can she count ? Perhaps that "two" = "twenty"

    She's still a fantastic person - just look at the way she got back at John McCain...

  16. Arthur Silver badge
    Paris Hilton

    She forgot a bit of the sentence

    There should be "at a time" at the end.

  17. Craig
    Paris Hilton

    Wasn't there another sex tape of hers...

    ...there was another tape around online wasn't there? Not as graphic, but naked in bed.

    So, 100% of her sexual evenings ended up on the internet?

  18. Steven Raith
    Thumb Up

    Just kiss?

    "I've only done it with a couple of people. People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss."

    Yeah, I have known a few lasses use that line, but it all depends on what and where they are kissing, doesn't it!

    Steven R

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Semantics of "done it"

    I believe the normal US semantics of "done it" exclude sword swallowing, which "friends tell me" made up a fair portion of said tedious grumbleflick.

  20. Aetyr
    Thumb Up

    Misinterpreted...

    When she said "I've only shagged two blokes" she clearly meant for the ending "...at a time" to be applied. Presumably she got distracted before she could finish the sentence because she caught sight of something that looked slightly phallic.

    I'm putting a thumb up, because I reckon that's something Paris has let a lot of blokes do.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    NOOOOOOO...

    I thought she was a virgin

    Waiting for the day she married to experience the magic of sex!!!

    /me Goes off to sulk at the news!

  22. RW
    Coat

    @ raving angry loony

    Don't you realize that the El Reg comments are the property of a private club of pimply faced youths (and their aged wannabe congeners), with senses of humor at about the 4 y.o. level?

    All presided over by that formidable matriarch Sarah who don't take no guff from nobody.

    If sexism is the worst criticism that can be levelled at this cabal of the callow and uncaring, I think Ms. Bee needs to break out that black leather bustier she bought at Folsom last fall and put it to some use. Surely there is a higher form of expression for so much concentrated juvenility.

  23. Efros
    Paris Hilton

    Yeah

    And Madoff only nicked a couple of quid.

    Cos..well just cos.

  24. David Simpson
    Paris Hilton

    TWICE !

    Seeing as Paris has been caught on camera having sex TWICE with two different guys then

    I think someone didn't realise she meant "I've only shagged two blokes ON CAMERA"

    Phew ! what a slow news day is no-one at CES ?

  25. Dan White
    Paris Hilton

    @raving angry loony

    Perhaps if we can find a reasonably good looking *male* heir to a fortune of billions who:

    1) Films themselves shagging and gets it realeased all over the Internet.

    2) Gets their Blackberry hacked on a semi-regular basis, revealing celeb phone numbers (Note the IT angle...)

    3) Appears to be a thick as pigshit, yet...

    4) Earns a fortune just for turning up at parties and acting as thick as pigshit...

    ... then I'm sure there would be equal coverage in The Reg. The closest I could imagine would be if David Beckham suddenly turned into a porn actor. After all, he already has the perfume brand and the fuck ups with text messaging... ;-)

  26. Chris Bradshaw
    Boffin

    Weasel words

    Perhaps Ms. Hilton has taken a lesson from Bill "sexual relations" Clinton... For example, "done it" means what exactly?? Just intercourse? Or videotaping a fellatio session?? Releasing said video on the web??? (slight pause for Google search...)

    And "couple" is also a weasel word - it doesn't have to mean exactly two, does it? "I just had a couple of beers" could mean anything from about a half pint (a fourteen year old kid to his friend the next day) to about six (a driver chatting to a traffic policeman), to about fifteen (a Reg hack on a quick lunch break)...

    She's probably just upset that she hasn't been commented on enough recently. Or, then again it could be that she doesn't count the ones that she can't remember.

  27. steven kraft Silver badge
    Go

    OK, I'm surprised nobody has said it yet.....

    That would be "only two blokes" today????

    To be fair, she was busy with her brief presidential run in 08.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Timeframe?

    Does she mean shagged two fellas this year (2009) or since she was 12?

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Wait, I've seen this before

    Is this where the celebutard claims to be waiting for a prince to take her virginity, where she flashes a prince and gets banned from royal functions or where she gooses a prince at a charity do? I'm not quite sure which one this is.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @wondering

    El Reg: "sexist""demeaning double standards"

    Good. Keep up the good work and keep the PC brigade on the boil!

    Paris - lovely girl, but was she referring to having done two men or done too many men?

  31. Kevin Thorn
    Paris Hilton

    The other one was me...

    ...and I've got the video to prove it!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    doesn't count

    it only counts as sex if there was at least 1 orgasm and no condom was involved.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Seriously...

    Well, the other one must have been me then. I've had her, and she was crap.

    Paris, wiping away tears of rejection.

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    When in Paris

    Think she must have been misquoted, she probably meant 2 blokes AT THE SAME TIME.

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Oh man!

    Just what we need to start 2009. A Paris Hilton story which is going to get thousands of responses.

    Hands up (if you can spare them for a moment) everyone that thinks she is telling the truth.

    And Paris because I am a wannabee.

  36. Keith T
    Heart

    also available for just kissing.

    I'm also available for just intelligent chat and kissing Paris. Have your people call my people, and we can get together.

  37. Keith T
    Heart

    Oh Paris

    If I didn't have low standards, I'd have no standards.

  38. MsJamie
    Coat

    "I've only done it with a couple of people."

    Funny how everyone assumes that she meant *guys*...

    Mine's the one with the dental dam in the breast pocket...

  39. Mr Floppy
    Heart

    She's shagged only two blokes but ...

    Plenty have shagged her.

    Just lie back and think of England girls

  40. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    now this is a proper start to the new year

    A gratuitous paris story. Jeebus bless everyone at El Reg, just the story I needed after the day I've had. So far as Paris only doing the horizontal mombo with only a "couple" guys, sorry but I'm not buying that line for a second. After all she has to have some way to occupy her time in between showing up at parties and shooting atrocious reality tv show.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    On behalf of the citizens of the US...

    I'd like to informally apologize to the world for:

    Paris Hilton

    Bill Clinton & Co.

    The entire Bush Clan

    Disco

    Global Warming

    Global Cooling

    France

    Al Gore

    Al Franken

    Several shitty remakes of Frankenstein.

    Congress (or the apparent lack of PROgress)

    The common cold

    Nichole Richey

    the term "BFF"

    the quotation mark

    spastic colons

    and Microsoft.

    Thank you and have a pleasent day, where ever you are.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Boffin

    A couple

    "A couple" is not the same thing as "A pair of" ..

  43. TeeCee Gold badge
    Coat

    Obvious really.

    She said "people". That's fairly specific and leaves plenty of scope elsewhere, species-wise.

    Off now to the costume hire shop and to practice my barking.

  44. Vladimir Plouzhnikov

    She said...

    ... "a couple of people", not "a couple of men". So, at least one of the people may not have been a bloke after all.

    On the second thought - you have covered just such eventuality by including James Blunt in the list...

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Heart

    People make up stories, but mostly I just kiss.

    "but mostly I just kiss"

    Paris, you delightful creature, you are more than welcome to just 'French-Kiss' my purple Porche any time you like!!

    Where's the IT angle? 45' without bending.

  46. Anthony Mark

    Only done it with a couple of people?

    Fellatio doesn't count as 'doing it'.

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    Liar liar Paris

    Is she a liar? Half a mill, in yanky dollars I presume, to appear at parties is what she is saying and yet, at the partyist time of the year, New Years Eve, Paris was slumming it at the, as Jerry Seinfeld described, "asshole end of the world" in Sydney Australia for a $100,000 appearance at a party.

    Factor in exchange rates and demand for the celebtard and it would seem she is inflating what she truly gets for appearances for those desperate enough to want a "celeb" at their party. No doubt she is applying similar rubbery math to the amount of fellas who have shagged her. My guess the experience now would be like throwing a sausage down a hallway.

  48. ShaggyDoggy

    £500k

    I'd pay her $500k to STAY AWAY from my party

  49. Martin

    OK, OK

    I admit it ........ The other one was me !

    ....... and my doctor says the rash will be gone in a week or two if I keep taking the meds.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I've no idea

    But I bet she asks to see their bank statements first

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Hmm...

    So, Paris is a very expensive call girl with a fancy last name????

    It also depends *where* she kisses...

  52. This post has been deleted by its author

  53. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    So who is the other one?

    OK there is I, but I thought I was the only one!

    OK which one of you is Spartacus?

  54. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Judging by her video...

    I believe her!

  55. arran
    Thumb Down

    I can Actually believe this

    I mean, have yous een the video? sack of spuds comes to mind when viewing her performance frankly.

  56. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: I can Actually believe this

    Well, yeah. I think it's totally plausible. I just don't believe she's that interested in sex full stop. Some people aren't. I'm sure she isn't short of offers but then if men are constantly hurling themselves at you, you might get a bit jaded.

    Funny how it's just assumed she's a galloping slutbeast because she's mind-bogglingly famous and blonde and doll-like and we have evidence she's had sex with *one* bloke. Like, way to extrapolate.

    Wow, maybe I am a feminazi after all, eh?

  57. Bill Fresher
    Paris Hilton

    If there were loads

    I believe.

    If there had been loads of people we'd have heard about it... and we haven't.

  58. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @hikaricore

    "It's quite obvious that there is only one thing she is truly good at"

    With only two practice sessions under her belt, I doubt that very much.

  59. Paul

    Hmmm, @Sarah

    She's blonde, dumb, and famous for what exactly? could it possibly be the video evidence of her being a "galloping slutbeast"

    Your too kind Sarah! Some people would call her Americas most vacuous, shallow waste of genetic material, after all she's swallowed enough of it!

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