back to article Steve Jobs dismisses death rumours

Ever since Steve Jobs said he would not be giving the keynote speech at MacWorld, there have been lurid rumours that his health had taken a serious turn for the worse - but the Apple bigwig has finally had a go at putting the world straight. Jobs said today that his weight loss during the year is the result of a hormone …


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  1. Richard

    Could it be..?

    That said hormone is egosterone?

  2. Ed

    RE: Could it be..?

    Seems unlikely that egosterone would cause 'wasting'... More likely the opposite...

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns


    Disproving the myth that an apple a day keeps the doctor away....

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo


    Surely thats iEgosterone

  5. Sampler
    Jobs Horns


    ^title says it all


  6. Ted Treen

    Wait for.....

    ...the surfeit of schadenfreude from tiny minds who would revel in someone else's misfortune.

    There are many people with whom I would disagree politically, sociologically, economically, computationally(?) and just generally.

    That said, I would not wish misfortune or ill-health upon them.

    Hope you're soon fit again, Steve.

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Job's diet

    Hormone imbalance? He's a complete fruitloop about diet, no wonder one of his crackpot ideas has made him ill. I mean Fruitarian didn't work and it seems the modified vegan hasn't either.

  8. Big_Boomer
    Jobs Horns


    Nah, Apple finally realised that they don't have enough women on the board to Jobs volunteered to change sex. Once the process is complete he will institute a complete resdesign of all their products making them all white and pastel colours and stylish.

  9. Anonymous Coward

    I thought

    Most mactards had a hormone imbalance!

  10. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters

    Credit crunch TBH...

    He's been living off gruel for the last 6 months.

  11. JayKay
    Jobs Halo

    Mr. S Jobs

    Get well soon Steve.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Wait a minute... I think you might be on to something there...

  13. Christoph

    @ Big_Boomer

    No need. Their original design was done by a woman.

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    While I agree that you really shouldn't wish ill on anyone, Stevie boy is well known for being an egotistical prick who thinks he is better than everyone else and acts in the same manner towards everyone. People like that tend not to get too much sympathy when something happens to them.

    Personally I hope he realizes it is time to step down. After that I don't care, I hope he goes on to live a long and full life. As long as I no longer have to listen to him going on about 'this is going to change everything' and having to listen to all the mindless idiots who dribble just because he has spoken. All hail Jobs the great saviour! Once he goes, Apple will tank like it did before and can go back to being a itty bitty player in the market who everyone that has sense can ignore and leave it purely to the posers. As it is because of the perceived 'massive' increase in popularity (and it is only perceived as the increase has been mainly in the U.S. and we all know they are mostly gullible idiots who buy anything because shiny marketing told them to). I have been forced to add them to my network and they cause me no end of headaches. I really detest having to deal with the awful OSX so called 'interface'. Trying to get anything non-media related done is a nightmare. Apple tech support are quite good and can be very helpful although I will never call them geniuses (how cheesy is that?)

    You on the other hand given your previous posts are definitely a cultist of the church of jobs, and I for one won't be sorry to stop having to listen to the bleatings from people like you about how superior Apple products are and everyone who doesn't like them or criticizes them must be mentally defective.

    We all know that Apple is a one-man show. History has already shown what happens when he is no longer at the helm and I can't wait to see it happen again. Fashion is notoriously fickle, so you get what you deserve when you deliberate target that market. Mullets, bum-bags, leg warmers, big hair, ski pants, shell suits. Just add Apple mac to the list of the formerly fashionable.

  15. Colin MacLean


    The doc probably told him to get a grip and eat a steak every now and then.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Two words ...

    Insulin deficiency - bear in mind he had a chunk of his pancreas removed in 2004-ish (Google for "Whipple Procedure") and one of the tell-tale signs of mature-onset diabetes is rapid weight loss (been there, but put the weight back on again :-( )

    Given that the usual survival rates for pancreatic cancer are something like 5% after 5 years, Steve-o is a very lucky man indeed and I wish him well.

  17. hugh

    the hormone problem would go away if he paid her.


  18. Mike Moyle

    @ AC 16:23 -- Re: @Ted

    Webster...? Is that you...?

  19. John Savard

    It Isn't Hard to Conclude

    What hormone, when taken, allows the body to take up more proteins from the diet?

    Fortunately, Steve Jobs has no ambitions to become an Olympic athlete. It sounds like the docs are going to have to put him... on steroids. Yes, anabolic steroids.

    Of course, we can presume the dosage will be limited, and Apple stockholders should have no cause for alarm.

  20. Paul

    The Old Ones are the Best

    Apple Flunkie No 1 : "Terrible news, Steve Jobs is dead"

    Apple Flunkie No 2 : "Shit, who's going to tell him ?"

  21. Robin

    re: @Ted, AC 16:23

    Is it somebody's first day back to work by any chance?

  22. deadbeef


    He needs to get his hands on some weight gain 4000. Beefcake!

  23. Joe

    Tones of government

    I've got nothing against Steve & Co., but Apple's speech of "unwavering support" etc. sounds to me to be just like the sort of thing pushed out by the politburo of some Stalinist regime to cover up the fact that the general secretary hasn't been seen in public for months...

    Not that I'm comparing the two, you understand. I love Apple and pledge my allegiance to the Party and fathercompany.

  24. Ron Eve
    Jobs Halo

    @ AC 16:23 -- Re: @Ted

    Nah - can't be Webster. Sentences are too well constructed and nowhere near enough bile dripping from every word.

    I sometimes wonder if I live in a different world. Admittedly I deal with (mostly)Macs in (often very) mixed environments, working alongside IT staff who have to deal with both and I've not found anyone yet who has anything but praise for the way Apple have turned their platform round. (OK some still don't like Macs but that's a personal thing).

    OS9 was pretty dreadful on a mixed network but OS X, because of it's *nix roots uses the same 'standard' protocols as everyone else.

    The OS X interface is pretty universally recognised as being very easy to use, but perhaps you're one of those souls who believes that unless you're getting your hands dirty with command line then it's not a real OS.

    Oh wait, have I just taken the bait?

  25. Thomas

    @Mike Moyle

    Webster's not shy, is he?

    My personal viewpoint is that I prefer OS X because it's just so much less hassle. No registry for successive not-quite-perfectly written applications to slowly corrode, 99.9% of software doesn't have an installer saving plenty of time, stuff like filetypes that an application can open are an innate property of the application itself so don't rely on a programmer somewhere making the right system calls, file system metadata is used to do convenient things like allow individual files to be associated with individual applications rather than just using the blunt instrument of file extensions, etc.

    That said, if you just don't like the user interface or, as in the AC post, get annoyed with any system that works exactly like Windows, obviously you're going to be frustrated. Possibly even as frustrated as I feel watching internet people try to claim objective justification for tearing each other apart over subjective choices.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Steve Jobs does not exist

    ... and never did.

    ... ... ...

    I wonder what this post will do to Apple share prices: they are apparently so sensitive that they can be influenced by comments on blogs!

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ AC 16:23

    Who rattled your cage?! People like you should learn to keep their opinions to themselves. Like it or not, historically Jobs along with Wozniak, is one of the most influential people in desktop computing. It's a shame that he's ill and I hope he recovers soon.

  28. Vonga

    @JS - he's just bulking up for the deathmatch with Steve B

    Cage fight, with one chair each

  29. Ted Treen

    @AC 16:23

    Nope, I'm not going to rise to your baiting -

    i wouldn't even describe you as a retard:- just someone who, IMHO, is incorrect.

    You have EVERY right to your own point of view - irrespective of how wrong it is.


    Keep up the baiting - you're a master!

    OK, coat is being fetched.....

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    @Thomas - Apple, computing for iDiots

    Apple - for users who cannot install a driver without a helpline number.

    I'm an Apple, I can interface via firewire - wait, oh fuck, where's that port gone...

  31. bruceld
    Jobs Horns

    Umm k

    As if Steve Jobs will ever tell the entire world that his cancer has reappeared. As if Steve Jobs would admit that he's going in for cancer surgery again so that the shares in his company would bottom out. As if Steve Jobs would tell the planet that he is at deaths door which would basically kill off Apple.

    I really do hope he gets better soon. He has to provide a fix to my Apple iPod iTouch from constantly forgetting the time zone, time and date!

  32. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Re: It Isn't Hard to Conclude

    Anabolic steroids? Don't those lead to irrational rages, visions of grandeur, and "shrinkage"? Ok, so no one will see a difference in Jobs' behavior then - good.

    Hormonal imbalance - more like PMS. This explains all Apple products since "he" came back: "Make the lusers all use iPuke and take away all of their choices!" Explains a lot.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Gates Halo

    Jobs has already clocked off

    He's dead already. All you're seeing is a CGI version of Jobs created by Pixar edited to fit a load of old audio samples that make him say what Apple want you to hear.

    The Mac rumour sites seem to be suggesting that he's widely tipped to rise again on the third day, so don't give up hope yet!

  34. jake Silver badge

    @Ron Eve

    "The OS X interface is pretty universally recognised as being very easy to use, but perhaps you're one of those souls who believes that unless you're getting your hands dirty with command line then it's not a real OS."

    The OSX user interface is pretty simplistic, true. However, like other UN*X based operating systems, OSX can not be properly administrated without the command line. Anyone who thinks otherwise might be fooling themselves (and/or their bosses), but they aren't fooling anyone with a background in UN*X system administration.

    "Oh wait, have I just taken the bait?"

    Yep. I'm afraid I have, too :-)

    Get well soon, Steve ...

    Maybe you should have accepted my offer of chickensoup a few months ago ;-)

  35. Johnny G

    Poor business continuity

    Why the hell are they so reliant on just one man?? No company should find themselves in this position - it's incredibly poor management.

    They need to train up a few more staff with the right communication skills and make them wear jeans at product launches Jobs styleé to make them look keeewl.... Credit where it's due, Apple sure do know how to market to the masses.

  36. Anonymous Coward

    Hormone imbalance !

    The guy had pancreatic cancer and the pancreas makes some very important peptide (not steroid !) hormones, I suspect he is no longer making an vital hormone and has to have it injected - the prognosis looks poor.

    Mac fanboys you better start learning Linux now or it's evil Redmond and Vista purgatory for you.

  37. Ascylto

    @ Johnny G

    I couldn't agree more!

    Imagine a Microsoft reliant upon just one man ... say, Steve Ballmer.


    I hope Steve Jobs gets well, and soon.

  38. proops


    Actually, Jobs has neuroendocrine tumour. Just because it was in the pancreas doesn't make it pancreatic cancer. It's very different from adenocarcinoma and it's highly unlikely that Jobs is diabetic even if he had some of his pancreas removed.

    He would almost certainly suffer from enzyme deficiencies however, which makes putting on weight very difficult.

    Anyway, these cancers often - but not always - emit hormones. These can be used for treatment using octreotide and sandostatin (which are hormone-based). So it's probably an iPod-white lie... he'll be getting hormone-based treatment for a spread of his tumour, which in turn will make him feel ill.

  39. Ian Johnston Silver badge


    When I was at school, one of the girls was ill with a "hormone imbalance". It showed up as an increasing waistline: about four months after it was first noticeable she was really huge around the middle. Otherwise she looked fine - glowing with health, you might say.

    It must have got really bad then, because she left school. Luckily, they must have found a cure, because she was back four weeks later and, amazingly enough, the bulge (or "bump") had completely vanished. Wasn't that great?

    Anyone got a recent sample of Jobs' urine?

  40. Anonymous Coward

    The docs just didn't want to tell him...

    ...that he'd picked up a virus.

  41. Anonymous Coward


    Enzymes are not hormones and it is pancreatic cancer (cancer of or contained within the pancreas) you idiot ! He had the Whipple procedure which actually removes the head of the pancreas thus affecting some of it's function. Got his histology report handy have you ?

    Over or under production of hormones (it's all about hormone regulation) can affect a variety of metabolic pathways. Go re-read Wikipedia or which ever half arsed page you read to try and make yourself look authoritative and research islet cells and what they do, I am a Biochemist who works for a Pharms co in an prostate oncology lab so if you would like to debate the issue feel free.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    cut jobs

    every day we hear of major company cutting jobs.

    when are apple going to cut jobs?

  43. proops
    Thumb Down

    Re: Anonymous coward biochemist

    I never said enzymes were hormones. Try reading my post again.

    I know the difference between neuroendocrine and other forms of pancreatic cancer. I didn't get it from wikipedia but from first-hand experience. Part of the problem with these kinds of cancers (neuroendocrine and carcinoid) is that they're classified by primary location instead of behaviour (check out the common scientific outline), which is why people -- even biochemists! -- jump to the wrong conclusions.

    I strongly recommend you educate yourself here: or here:

    I don't have Steve Jobs' histology report, but I have had an email conversation with him about it.

    Now, who's a bigger idiot?

  44. mark adrian bell
    Thumb Up

    And he still manages to be CEO of Apple.

    What? He had a Whipple's procedure? And he still manages to be CEO of Apple? That's heroic. Mr. Jobs, I salute you. Recover well.

    - (nurse) Mark

  45. Matt Taylor

    Not a one man band....

    Once you find out about who actually designed the iPod, iMac and iPhone. You'll soon come to realization that Steve is no God. But just a good CEO.

    What will happen to google when the founders leave?

    What will happen to facebook when its founder leaves?

    What will happen to eBay when it's founder leaver?

    Apple went wrong because the fools that ran after jobs left were fools.

  46. N

    Get well soon, Steve

    I agree with you Ted, I would not wish misfortune or ill-health upon anyone

  47. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    This should be a reminder to all of our common mortality.

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