back to article Walmart's Jesus Phone no better, no worse

Mercilessly squashing any vestiges of what rumors remained of a $99 iPhone, the megamall-master Walmart today let the world know that, yes, they will be offering the Jesus Phone to the world beginning on Sunday, but no, they won't be adding a $99 super-savior to the mix. Yawn... Walmart will sell the ubiquitous black 8GB …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Still nearly functional

    Biggest con on the market

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    How about a iPhone for Verizon?

    If Apple wants to sell more iPhones all it has to do it open up to any carrier you want or at least to Verizon! If Verizon were to get it my household would have 4 of them the first day!

  3. Anonymous Coward

    Well I'll be

    Oh well looks like I was wrong about the wallmart/iPhone rumors. I'm still not sure this will ultimately help the bottom line of Apple or AT&T but time will tell. After all saving a whopping 2 bucks = /yawn. Or as the kids today say, meh.

  4. Preston Crow

    Yes, but not at Walmart

    "What, don't progressives, libertarians, and Greens also want to "Save money" and "Live better"?"

    Yes, but not at Walmart. Progressives and friends shop at Target, the Walmart for people who don't want to shop at Walmart.

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Halo

    What'd you expect?

    Jesus to change his spots?

    It was just that- foreplay ! One guess who gets shafted !

  6. Steve Wineberg

    It's not about the $2

    I don't think a lot of Europeans *get* just how large the United States is. Although, with your greatly improved educational system I will bet that a whole lot more of you know the numbers than Americans themselves do. I digress. Wal*Mart is everywhere. There are 6 within a half-hour's drive of me, and nearly as many Best Buy locations... however, with around 5 million inhabitants, Indiana has 1 Apple store. THAT is what the Wal*Mart partnership is all about. I am on my way out the door to visit my wife's family in St Louis. We will drive 276 miles, and pass 1 Apple store (The Galleria in St Louis) and at least a dozen Wal*Marts along I70. Regardless what the folks in California and New England think, there is more to the US than just the coasts.

  7. Kenny Millar

    Rik is an (==donkey)

    Negative reporting, in a negative style.

    If you can't speak sensibly then don't speak at all.

    You aren't even man enough to reply to my emails about the term 'Jesus Phone'

  8. Heff
    Paris Hilton

    apple targeting browsing shoppers?

    IDK, the kindsa folks that buy a cellphone from walmart always baffle me; you never save any money compared to a dedicated network stockist for being tied into the same deals, and it doesnt offer the flexibility or potential savings of buying one online, off-contract, either. I guess walmart is just shooting for the sector of the market that _might_ buy an iphone, but wouldnt go into an apple store or an AT&T outlet.

    Im guessing that they start selling the 3g iphone in Areas where AT&Ts coverage isnt 3G as standard, or isnt covered at all. That, along with confused mouthbreathers shopping at 3am should ensure a nice glut of refurbished models, and possibly a class-action lawsuit against apple from Joe-sixpack and his acrylic-nailed wife, who complain that apple made a phone that looks too like an ipod to be told apart from them in the store.

    iphone + ipod touch + 3am shoppers + side-by-side purchasing with no sales assistant = recipe for the lulz. (the lulz = hilarity, for those of you stuck in the tech market but unable to keep pace with acronym and abbreviation trends.)

    Paris, cos, wait wat iphones at walmart oh look a quarter help my clothes fell off is that a camera omg.

  9. E_Nigma

    @Verizon AC

    They would probably sell more iPhones that way, but not too many as many iPhone buyers are willing to deflect from current operators and they'd lose the cut from what AT&T charges the customers, which they only get because iPhone is exclusively sold by the one provider. This is probably more profitable.

  10. Jacob Lipman

    @Heff regarding "confused mouthbreathers"

    Seething with such the masses may be, but alas, 'tis from within the ranks that you complain.

    Read the article a bit more carefully, and you'll note that a contract must be signed to get the phone at the advertised price. It will not simply be sitting out on a shelf.

    Mouthbreathing idiot.

  11. vincent himpe


    tss. what has the world come to. It used to be that only wealthy people could afford a 600$ iPhone. You could flash it in front of someone , people would kiss the ground you walked on.

    People would marvel at the sght of one. ( You could say to people : i distinctly saw you marvel at my iPhone. Jes, the iPhone used to be fit for the emperor of Queppu )

    Now every lowlife can buy one at wallfart. There is nothing anymore that makes them stand out.

    Maybe it's time for Prada to release a new one.

  12. Tom

    $2 savings

    With the savings you can buy both iFart and Pull my Finger!

  13. Glenn Gilbert

    Jobs' says no

    Fascinating that one of the world's most agressive and sucessful (for them) negotiator couldn't force Apple down on price.

  14. Simon Buttress

    @Glenn Gilbert

    Yeah they could have easily said no. I'm not sure what the Wal-Mart sales predictions are or how much cut they get from each phone & contract combo sold but they both must multiply together to make it financially worthwhile.

    I wonder how much they argued and cajoled about dropping the price, maybe Jobs said upfront "there will be no price drops or extra let's talk business"

    I'd love to get one, an iPhone (I love my iPod Touch) I really was wanting to buy the 3Jeez version when it came out but I'm gonna hang back until it's untethered from O2 so you can PAYG and they bring it up to a similar level of gadgetry & function on my current Nokia.

    Stop icon, as that's what I've done with regards to purchasing said iPhone.

  15. Shane Lusby

    @ Steve Wineberg

    Its not that those of us on the coasts don't realize there is more to America, its just that we realize those portions of America don't really matter, other than as a large swath of land that must be passed over to get to somewhere real.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Oh right!

    El-Reg hacktards get their predictions wrong (AGAIN!) so it's Wal-Marts fault???

    No - I'm not affiliated with Wal-Mart - I'm not even a Merkin....

  17. Ian Michael Gumby

    @Glenn Gilbert

    How do you know what Wal*Mart negotiated from Apple?

    The point is that you don't know what Wal*Mart agreed to in terms of quantity and price.

    Is the Wal*Mart, trailer park, rural community ready for an iPhone? Lets face it, its a lot of cash for a phone where disposable income is at a premium and 3G service may not be available.

    It could be that Wal*Mart didn't buy in large enough quantity and are using the iPhone as a draw to their stores where they have a more lucrative market for other electronics. You know, where they're punting older TV models at a steep discount to the prices of the new models. Clearly Wal*Mart isn't looking for a loss leader and is just putting their toe to test the waters.

    As to those who like Verizon, sorry, but they're a bunch of crooks and incompetent wankers.

  18. Anonymous Coward

    Stupid..really stupid.

    Someone fire the guy that wrote this article.

    I want the old reg back.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    It's not about Walmart

    It's about Apple & ATT having more outlets to screw consumers from.

  20. jai

    ignore option?

    on social networking sites like MyFace and all that, we have the option to ignore/block someone so we don't see anything they write.

    would it possible to have a similar thing on ElReg? So we can just block ignore all articles by writers who are just using this as a soap box from which to grind their axe?

    or someway of telling who wrote the article from the front page so we do not have to bother clicking the link and presumably mistakenly making the article appear more popular to your stats that it really is.

    the rating bar at the end of the articles just doesn't seem to be making much difference.

  21. Heff

    @Jacob Lipman

    Oh yes, I _must_ agree with you, because clearly Wal-mart shoppers frequently read and abide by the details of the papers they have to sign to buy TVs and other consumer electronics, evidenced by the massed merchandise in the "returned items" section at customer service?

    Glad we had this chat.

    fire symbol for people who're offended at the generalistation that people purchasing consumer electronics at 3am from walmart might not be the sharpest in the world.

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    @Shane Lusby

    Dear Lusby:

    I guess it is time to cut off the food supply. BTW - our population is every bit as big as the coasts. It is just that you coasters are F@#$ wits. (I knew someone from NYC who thought that they could drive from Madison to Yellowstone in an afternoon...)

    Even Paris knows that the fun spot is in the middle.

  23. Herby

    Is it really worth $2?

    Lets do some calculation, shall we:

    US Federal minimum wage: $6.55/hr (it goes up to $7.25 in 2009).

    Current price of gasoline: $1.78/gal (I filled up today, it is much cheaper than in September!).

    Mileage for my big gas hungry SUV 16 Mi/gal (It has a nice built in calculator!)

    Distance to my local WalMart: 7.1 miles (Yahoo Yellow pages!)

    Distance to my nice friendly Apple Store 3.4 miles (Yahoo yellow pages again!)

    Additional miles to WalMart: 3.7 miles (.23125 Gal, $.42 [rounded!])

    Now let's get there at a reasonable speed: 30mph, takes 6.8 minutes, another $.74 at minimum wage.

    Now we're left with $.84, or in minimum wage terms, or about 7.7 minutes to argue with the minimum wage clerk (I'm being kind here!) at the WalMart desk.

    That is to JUST BREAK EVEN.

    Not included:

    Even more arguing with the clerk about finding the thing.

    Time to park (maybe a wash, I don't know).

    Attempting to get past all the customers who don't know what they want (what is a gigabyte?).

    The pain and aggravation of having to go to WalMart in the first place.

    The fact that my time is worth more than minimum wage (most of the time, I am unemployed right now, but the $900 in unemployment every two weeks is something!)

    And last but not least: I just don't like WalMart. They (mostly) sell cheap junk!

    Enough said!!

  24. Richard Kilpatrick
    Thumb Down

    I don't want to lose the source...

    But FFS. The Register has become utterly useless in terms of signal to noise. And "Jesus Phone", STILL.


    *removes bookmark*

  25. jai


    despite the article author's claim that the $99 rumours had be squashed by the Wallmart announcement, it turns out that you can get an iPhone for $99

    but i guess that wouldn't have had the sensationalist anti-apple angle that the author was looking for

    there are some people who write for El Reg that actually do some research, but seems they are getting fewer and fewer in number. the quality and accuracy of articles on here is resembling more and more those on wikipedia

  26. Mr B

    Viva next iPhone generation

    iPhone 4 Gits

    Free of Charge.

    Mine is the leopard skin.

  27. Hayden Clark Silver badge

    You won't see a Verizon iPhone ever

    ... as the radio design and data firmware would need totally rebuilding, as Verizon's network is a non-standard flavour of CDMA.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Jobs Horns

    Nobody cares

    It's still an overpriced, functionality lacking piece of rubbish bought by fanboys for the picture of an apple on it and it's lack of common, useful functions like copy/paste, or a keyboard that can be used with fingers larger than children's.

  29. Moss Icely Spaceport
    Thumb Up

    @ Shane Lusby


    They don't call 'em fly-over States for nothin'

  30. Gulfie

    @Nobody cares

    Entitled to your opinion as you are I have to say that your comment about the keyboard is plain wrong. I have long and wider than average fingers (good piano playing hands, I can reach an octave plus two, shame my coordination is crap) but have never felt the iPhone virtual keyboard is difficult to use. Like any small keyboard, it takes a little use to get used to how it works. The keys are at least as big as your average phone keypad.

    Would it be handy to be able to pair with a bluetooth keyboard? Well yes, but only for those rare occasions when I want two write more than a three line email, or SSH into a remote server to restart something. So that's about once a fortnight then. At best. I can live without it.

    You're on the money with cut and paste though. And notes don't synch anywhere - not even with stickies on my Mac which is almost as bad as the lack of cut and paste. Also, something all the non-users haven't twigged - only certain applications respond if you switch from portrait to landscape mode (not good) and email isn't one of them (very bad).

    See? It is possible for an iPhone user to get his head from out of his butt and make constructive criticism - but can you? Merry Christmas x

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I bought a new phone last Friday...

    It's not an iPhone. I looked at it.

    But 700$ for the phone and 55$ month for the carrier that comes with it is a bit rich for someone that only spends 15-20$ a month on calls and internet access.

    Peter R.

  32. Matt Bryant Silver badge

    Just imagine...

    ....the shock and horror to iBoners here in the UK if they appeared in Asda! Asda are owned by Walmart (some Asda stores in the UK were rebranded as Wlamarts) and already sell some 02 phones, it would be hilarious if they started selling the iBoners' fave fashion statement in probably the most down-market superstore short of Lidl!

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    With all the hype about the phone being $99, surely a better rumor to start is that Walmart are having a 50% OFF SALE starting on First February. SO, DON'T BUY ANYTHING FROM THEM BEFORE THEN !!

    We know who the rip-off merchants are, so happy new year to them and long may they take to rot down into that little pile on the sidewalk that they are !

    Seasons Greetings to everyone at the Register, you always brighten my day ! :)

  34. David

    just imagine some more .....

    Lidl is German (as is Aldi, the other 'wear dark glasses before leaving your car, supermarket) and we all know that the Germans can't do ANYTHING without a drawing -- not just any drawing, but the latest and properly approved drawing. Drawings take too long to make and now that anyone can make one on their Apple MAC (or PC if Noah had a pair on board !), most drawings have errors. This means that your eyefone from Lidl comes with pregrems and ipplukations which don't werk !

  35. David
    IT Angle

    Supermarket sells iPhone ... I should care? Why?

    I have an iPhone, I'm even posting on an iPhone now but how is this news?

    Supermarkets have been selling mobiles in Europe for years!

    Would El Registerio report this story I'd it were about the equally revolutionary Nokia N96 or one of the new funky blackberries? Or the LG touch screen phones?

    To me this is just giving Apple free publicity!

    Also, stop calling it "the Jesus phone". It's become a r

    It's a decent smartphone but does it really need every minor tweak to it's US distribution channels covered in huge detail from a strangely negative piss taking angle?

  36. Mike Groombridge
    IT Angle

    dear el reg

    Please turn down the volume of anti iphone/Apple articles it's getting rediculous

    i don't have one and don't want one have played with a few but the tied in contracts to much for personal calls (plus i perfer vodafone) and i have a work smart phone for internet access and email so getting ones pointless. but i don't need to hear about every little thing that happens with them this article could have simply been

    walmart start selling iphones not as cheap as believed will subsidaries start selling it (asda)

    and thats all. the moaning about rumours that aren't ture (well durrr thats why the are rumours) was unnecessary

    if it was a discussion on the social/political aspects of the elite smug i have an iphone i'm so cool (yes they do exsist if you have an iphone and you think i don't know any one whose scug about owning am iphone thats cause it's you) now that the huddled masses can get them more easily though a mass distribution system (and how this will dilute apples brand images or elite and cool) well that may have been insightful (it will clearly lose it's social status if every one has one and something else we have to take it's place, the problem for apple is will the over popularity. )

    for balance i got my first apple product recently it was a second hand 2 gig nano i now keep in my work laptop bag to hide the noise of 2000+ servers when working in the company datacentre. it was given to me when my friend got himself a iphone 3g which is used maining to check the footie scores and fantasy stats while in the pub on the weekend.

    any way point is more tech news/social poliitical commentary less ranting cause you didn't get a jesus phone for christmas.


  37. A.Zydron


    Come on guys, I enjoy reading the register, but can you please reserve some respect for the religiously inclined like myself. I personally find it offensive to refer to the iPhone as the Jesus phone and a detraction from what on the whole is a very entertaining view of the IT industry that The Register provides us with. I am sure that you can come up with a better epithet for Job's foray into the cellular phone market.

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