Nothing more to say that that.
Technology has brought many transcendent benefits to our culture, but possibly none have been as consummate in its exquisite magnificence as this holiday season's nonpareil of elegance, Baby Alive Learns to Potty, a child's doll that craps. Surely this darling $60 dumper is the apotheosis of a dream first dreamed by Charles …
How long till we get a doll that gets pregnant at the tender young age of 4 as appears to be where the trend is going over here in the states?
/I know this will kill this post but sorry mods
/Mines the one with the coat hanger in the pocket
/Anon because I don't need to be burned alive for that comment
My daughter had one of these things several years a go. I must admit that hers kept quiet about the whole process rather than announcing it with pride.
A word of warning to parents who think that it is cute. When your kid decides to see if it can eat other stuff (the doll not the kid), you are in for regular bouts of surgery to unplug the ugly looking thing (sorry the doll not your kid!).
But if you don’t get there in time, you might hear her say, 'Oops. I did it aga-- Nope, I won't say it. I won't, I won't, I won't.
Anyway, this is the natural extension of those japanese (and now american, I guess) potty training things that sing a song, complete with toilet-flushing sounds, when your kid drops a log. Any guesses what happens if you put this doll on one of those? As Keanu Reeves would say... Whoah.
If the world is fortunate, we will progress to the Hello Ouroboros doll that starts with eating its own toes, working upwards, and pooping it all away until there's nothing left. Sort of an incarnate (inplasticate?) metaphor for the Federal Reserve System of the US and the ECB.
/The "GO" button for obvious reasons
"How long till we get a doll that gets pregnant at the tender young age of 4 as appears to be where the trend is going over here in the states?"
If I recall correctly, the Philippines still holds that particular record. The girl in question was either four or five years old; she turned out to be a very early bloomer, as her uncle discovered to his chagrin after molesting her. The child's child was raised as her sister, the uncle went to jail, and they all lived happily ever after.
There is a record of five year-old Lina Medina giving birth, but most of the facts are different. Lina is from Peru. Lina's father was arrested on suspicion of incest, but was released because of lack of evidence. As Lina's periods started at age 1, her father would have known of a risk of pregnancy. Lina's son was raised as her brother. A quick web search shows no evidence of a daughter born to a five year old from the Philippines.
The manufacturers need to look at the whole process - not just the end result.
It starts with the child having a faraway look on thier face. This moves to one of concentration followed by a noise that is similar to that of errupting pools of hot mud. Then there is the look of pleasure and relief on the child's face which is accompanied by a stench that comes from stygian depths. At this point in time no-one wants to go anywhere near the dear little baby , especially as when it is lifted up (if yer lucky) the babygrow changes colour from the feet upwards in to a nice mustard colour. (If not lucky then there is no babygrow to contain the toxic bio-hazard waste). The infant now needs to be introduced to a sheep-dip and pressure washer. Sandblasting is reserved for when the nappy can't be changed for a few minutes and the sludge has turned in to rapid-settting concrete.
Women -weak? Nah, I've seen full-blown macho men gag at even the thought of changing a nappy. No, not specifically women's work - it's work for really strong people.
After looking at the distorted features of that pooping homunculus, and reading of its fell purpose, I went immediately to YouTube to search for a video of someone setting light to one. But there was to be no relief, as no such cleansing-by-fire could be found.
I shall have to make do with pasting it into a few Bonfire Night scenes with Photoshop. Web 2.0, you have failed us once again, where it could have made a difference.
At almost a dollar apiece, those diapers cost more than real ones. Make the kid buy the diapers with his or her allowance and see how much Baby Alive gets fed then.
(Note to Family and Children's Services: I do not use the "no food" method to reduce diaper costs for my actual baby.)
1. I recall seeing in a Physiology Text Book, a 3 year old fully mature woman.
No pregnancy , but capable of it !
2. I spent 10 years working in the sewer business , and actually it wasn't all that stinky.
The worst smell I can recall was when I was involved in digging a trench in a rubbish tip (freshly filled) for storm water drain. Yuck I can smell it now !
I can vaguely recall various "snackie- patsy" type dollies that came equipped with spoons, bottles to be filled with water (or worse), bowls, dehydrated "cereal" mixes, and so forth. I shudder to think about what accumulated inside, especially given how diligent kids (and their caretakers) are about thoroughly cleaning their toys. Also, if kids learn early on that babies are not just little bundles of cute and cuddly joy, but messy and expensive (replacement dolly diapers are how much?) work, there might -- dare we hope? -- be a dip in the teen pregnancy rate.
Yet another step towards the AI reality, if you don't defecate can you really be alive.
And on another, though related note, aren't most tomatoes, that are imported, grown in 'night soil' a rather fancy term for sewerage, which is also another rather fancy term for poo, but with tampons thrown into the mix.
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