back to article Mixed reviews for semen-based recipe book

The chaps out there who were wondering just how to give the missus a special treat this Xmas might consider a tasty alternative to taking her up the Oxo Tower - a glossy book of semen-based recipes: Screengrab of Natural Harvest on Lulu's website As the blurb rightly points out, semen is "inexpensive to produce and is …


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  1. Sam

    Not the first

    Haven't MacDonalds been doing this for years, according to urban myth?

  2. lansalot


    I find this a bit difficult to believe. Are we talking a sweetener or flavour enhancer here, as in to be used sparingly like a herb ? Coz I like a bit of trifle at xmas, and even if I started now I doubt I'd produce the full order in time... Chances are by next week I'd be half blind and with palms as red as Gary Glitter's at a school play.

    Still, it's a good way to hoodwink the missus (or other as appropriate etc) into trying it out. Once she's wolfed down the blancmange, you can hit her with "see, I told you it wasn't as bad as you made out !!!" and from there on, no further complaints :)

  3. flobadob

    Shit pie

    Shit pie - the sequel

  4. bluesxman

    I hope...

    ... this one will be in Santa's sack this xmas.

  5. Sir Runcible Spoon
    Paris Hilton


    "consider a tasty alternative to taking her up the Oxo Tower"

    Presumably this would just lead to more 'product'.

    Paris: coz she could start her own sea-food restaurant based with this cookbook.

  6. Danny
    Paris Hilton


    If you have insulted the chef in your local indian curryhouse then I bet youve been eating it for years in your Korma.

    Paris, she's been gobbling the stuff for years.

  7. Nic Brough
    Paris Hilton


    Is it vegetarian?

    Obviously, it's not vegan, but the most common form of real vegetarianism allows for things that can be extracted from animals without killing or maiming them - primarily eggs and milk, so my bet is that this is ok too!

    Someone beat me to the Paris jokes, but I still needed a ? icon

  8. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Too many Cooks spoil the broth

    Its always available in my house in a handy pump dispenser unit. The only issue with this book is that all the receipes take 10-15 to cook but its the half hour prepartion time which is an issue.

  9. Anonymous Coward

    Sorry no can do

    Not suitable for vegetarians :-D

  10. Master Baker
    Jobs Horns

    Like a fine wine and cheeses...


    I watched a TV show once about odd couples. This woman made her blokey shower with his doings tied-up in a plastic bag. Apparently she liked it stinky. Dirty cow. I'll bet she's a Stilton eater...

    Whatever next? Flem stew? Winnet and cinnamon shortbread?

    There was also a story not to long ago when computers on a train spotted a blokey in a field eating a horse. Well, to more more specific he was eating a certain part of said horse.

    Perhaps he was on a survival weekend? People don't milk horses for fun, do they? Survival in rural Hampshire with ex-SAS trooper Andy McNab... and in this episode, Andy milks a horse for protein...

    Shouldn't this book be banned under El Gov's new bad porn laws?

    Jobs, cause I'll bet he's given a few

  11. Che Gannarelli


    Such characterizations leave a nasty taste in the mouth!

  12. Simon

    The recipe goes?..

    "Wank into a bowl,

    add 2 eggs

    and some flour.

    Then beat it as hard as you can, again"

    Eww, you would have to make sure you are not doing it near anything hot like an oven.

    Also make sure you dont buy this book for single women otherwise she will be knocking on the neighbours door Not-for-a-cup-of-sugar or heading on over to the sperm bank.

    Yeah, Gross!

  13. Tim

    Where's ...

    the relevant Playmobil demo of the catering techniques? Couldn't you pull it off?

  14. Andy G

    i'd like to . . .

    . . . meet the chick who was trying all these recipies.

  15. Noel


    Surely this should be printed in hardback with lamanted pages preferably able to fit into one palm.

  16. Anonymous Coward

    I really don't care to see...

    ...the recipe for tossed salad

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    I have to ask

    Do you spit or swallow the food?

  18. Mr Grumblefish

    Reminds me of a Japanese porn film

    I once saw.

    In fact it reminds me of every Japanese porn film I've ever seen.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    helmetdale on toast?

    mines the coat tith the texture of hardboard thats stuck tothe wall....

  20. James O'Brien

    This is new?

    Ive been laughing my ass off at the comments about this book for atleast a month now. Funny as hell though.

    As for the stinkie pinkie umm eww.

    /Mines the one with the soap in the pocket.

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Tempting though it is...

    I think I'll stick with the breast milk ice cream.

  22. Pierre


    Hem, you cook your food, right?

    As for raw stuff (salad dressings or whatever, I don't even want to know), I guess the secret is to do the same as with raw meat: carefully source your supplies...

  23. LINCARD1000


    Well, *some* vegetarians have no problem with it at all.

  24. Anonymous Coward

    @master baker

    "There was also a story not to long ago when computers on a train spotted a blokey in a field eating a horse. Well, to more more specific he was eating a certain part of said horse."

    you have a one track mind.... surely you mean commuters....

    mines the one with the Gordon Ramsey book in the pocket !

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Know a girl who loves cooking, and loves, erm, you get the idea.

    Can't wait to see the look on her face at Xmas ;-)

    AC, because I don't want to give the game away!

    Paris, because she's probably eaten a lot of the stuff as well

  26. Francis Boyle Silver badge

    re: Sorry no can do

    Not suitable for vegetarians?

    Surely you mean "vagitarians".

  27. charles paul
    Thumb Up

    From the inside...

    It looks like this book is for real (or a really really elaborate net-hoax).



    Oysters are so beautiful, it is a shame to throw away the shells after just one meal. Resavour the feeling of a silky succulent oyster slipping down your throat by using the shells as semen serving dishes.


  28. Noel

    Pass the Bread Sauce....

    I think you'll find that the baby gravy darling.

    If the other half decided to impregnate herself with the blacmange from this book - would this mean we would have jelly babies ????

    God only knows that the Fondu would be like. Let alone the Jerk Chicken.

  29. twat

    Bush tucker trial!

    This must be on the menu for the next I'm a Twat Get Me Out of Here!

  30. Frank Z
    Gates Horns


    I believe the heat cooks the herpes out of the semen. Correct me if I'm wrong...

  31. Anonymous Coward

    @Frank Z

    I believe the heat cooks the herpes out of the semen. Correct me if I'm wrong...

    You're correct, of course. Simple pop the testicles into the oven for an hour @400Fand everything

    will be just ducky.

  32. Chief sub

    Danger a-head

    Please...don't anyone give Blumenthal this book for Christmas.

  33. Andus McCoatover

    Difference between an egg and a wank?

    OK, you can beat an egg...but (etc)... You got it.

  34. Goblin

    Is this book real?

    It's a bit hard to swallow.

    Coat on, taxi waiting.

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