I remember it as...
"Hitler, has only got one ball.
Goring, has two but very small.
Himmler, has something similar,
and poor old Goebblels, has no balls, at all"
Anyway, if it's in 'The Sun', it MUST be true...
It's official: Hitler really did have only one ball, confirming the suspicions of Brits who during WWII musically suggested* the Führer was a 'nad short of a full lunchbox. That's according to the Sun, which says the fact was confirmed by German army medic Johan Jambor who saw an injured Hitler during the 1916 Battle of the …
I am reading a biograph of him and stalin at the moment comparing their lives against the political and economic times they lived in. This book was written by a cambridge don 15+ years ago. It still talking about the ussr :) And he mentions this. It came out in the autopsy completed by the soviet doctors who discovered his body, to which the allies had copies.
"Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, cut it off when he was small."
That last line does not fit the Colonel Bogey tune at all.
The version I learned as a child ended with the line..
"His mother, the dirty bugger, cut off the other when Hitler was small."
This was all in the autopsy done by soviet doctors who discovered his body. The autopsy itself was declassified during Gorbachev times.
Prior to that this interesting fact as well as Lenin's and Beria's syphilis as well as a few other interesting medical tidbits about the 20th century leaders were classed as top secret.
The only change here is that it looks like the soviet doctors conclusion that Hitler suffered from a well known developmental problem was wrong. It is not uncommon for one or both testicles to fail to fully descend into the testicular sack as the fetus develops. So after finding only one testicle present the autopsy concluded that it was quite likely that Hitler suffered from at least one developmental condition from his very birth.
another vote for:
hitler has only got one ball
goering has two but they are small
himmler has something similar
but poor old goebals
has no balls at all
[no mothers or albert halls involved]
now does anyone remember the other song which - along with the hitler ballad - comprised every snotty kid's repertorie of risquéness when i was wee [to the tune of jesus christ superstar]:
georgie best superstar
wears frilly knickers and a see-through bra
he wears a wig
wears a wig
that's why they call him a dirty pig
[they dinnae write 'em like that anymore!]
I remember it carrying on..
"Hitler has only got one ball, the other is in the Albert Hall. His mother, the dirty bugger, cut off the other when Hitler was small. She threw it into the deep blue sea, the fishes thought it was time for tea. The fishes, got out their dishes, and had scollops and bollocks for Tea!"
That came from my Grandfather who had his crew singing it during torpedo runs whilst being the "belly of the iron beast" (Chief Engineer on RN and Merchant ships)
This has been a constant source of dischord between me and the missus for ages - both in our 40s, we learnt different versions when kids.
Mine was the 'poor old Goebells had no balls at all', hers was the 'his mother, the dirty bugger...'.
Nice to see it's not just us two disagreeing :o)
whilst it is quite an amusing ditty, and of course possible, I hear Winston Churchill was an hermaphrodite, and use to enjoy bigay rumpy pumpy with Erwin Rommel who had a third nipple on his buttock cleft.
I somehow think this is part of a propaganda mill, we are quite good at this, come up with a story and then use it to slander the enemy, ups moral and all that.
What is more interesting that the Sun is running the story, my suspicion is there is a rise of the right and they are trying to run stories that reawaken the memories of the war, or war movies, to make people come back to centre. It is probably due to the rising unemployment which is always a catalyst for right of centre thinking.
But hey look at Russia, under socialist Labour Stalin, I hear he couldn't get it up unless they were young 13 year old girls, I suspect the far left is going to be more of a problem.
I think it is high time MPs took a pay cut, virtualise the house of commons, turn the existing building into a nightclub. And, the MPs lead by example, live on very little, in fact the same amount as being on the dole.
That would send a message the people could understand and probably agree with, let's face it these MPs have caused the current economic problems, they should not be sheltered from the affects, nor should they seek to be. They should take the middle centre path of humbleness and exist at the same level they have bought the country to.
... of that rhyme was learnt in the playground in the 1950s. It went:
Hitler - has only got one ball
Goering - has two but very small
Himmler - his balls were similar
But poor old Goebbels
Has no balls at all.
BTW, has anyone else noticed that ApfelFührer Jobs appears next to the story about the Nazi leader's nuts? A coincidence, I'm sure...
I read in a book (that I have been unable to find now) that the ditty was composed by Churchill's press secretary while he was taking a bath. He sang it to Churchill, because he thought it would amuse him. Churchill laughed out loud and insisted that he sing it to the Chiefs of Staff when they met. They fell about laughing, and passed it on down the ranks.
The version quoted was: Hitler has only got one ball/ Goering has two, but very small/ Himmler was somewhat similar/ And poor old Goebbels has no balls at all.
On a related subject, one of Garth Ennis's comedic "Adventures in the Rifle Company" stories features a mission to recover Hitler's missing bollock, now imbued with mystical powers.
Hitler, has only got one ball
The other, is in the Albert Hall
His mother, the dirty bugger
Cut it off when he was small
She threw it, in to a conker tree
It fell down, in to the deep blue see
The fishes, got out their dishes
And had scallops, and bollocks, for tea.
Not quite sure how said ball found its way in to the Albert Hall once it had already been eaten by fishes, but stranger things have happened.
Hitler, had only got one ball,
The other, was hanging on the wall,
His mother, the dirty bugger,
Had cut it o-off when he-e was small.
Hitler, had only got one ball,
Goering, had two but very small,
Himmler, was somewhat similar,
And poor old Goebbels, he had none at all.
I don't recall ever hearing anything about Albert Hall in the song, and some of the other wording and cadence most people remember above seem a bit different too - e.g. in my version the word "balls" didn't occur in the Goebbels line.
It's interesting to see the Chinese Whispers effect on such a well-known song across so many boundaries, where such communication was effected before the copy-paste advent of the Internet.
The black helicopter because it's the closest imagery to a swastika (both physically and metaphorically) in the icon list!
The versions above do not fit the tune of Colonel Bogey, in particular the second line. The version I know is:
Hitler, he only had one ball.
Göring had two but they were very small.
Himmler was very similar,
But poor old Göbbels had no balls at all.
Wheter any of it had any foundation in fact is completely irrelevant!
Perhaps 1 of his little lads 'removed' them in a dramatic life/death struggle, so when he was discovered we all thought he had none?
Course if its The Sun then the only thing that they do thats interesting is flaunt page 3 models on their front cover, which in its own right is a rather lazy way of getting away with heaving up grade ZZ tripe story coverage that Tabloid newspapers are known to invent for their own purposes. Okay okay they were very close if not on the mark this time, we all know Hitlaar didn't have a complete set of Male genitalia. Could his charisma be related to his abnormal Testosterone levels attracting other men as well as women (and at the same time freak them out) as evolution intended? It must of been an awkward life being Hitler...
Sorry, potentially pig-ignorant question here: wasn't Hitler's body burnt, along with Eva's, after a dose of petrol had been poured on both of them?
Was there really enough crispy Hitleric remains for the Soviets to work out how many balls he had (or hadn't)?
Would have thought all fleshy stuff would have been burnt away by the time they found him. Or did he burn out before the balls got barbecued?
I dont see how any post mortem could have been carried out by the Ivans or anyone else since Hitlers body was consumed by cremation which, although incomplete, would have used up the smaller items first and his balls would certaintly have qualified on that score. Back to the drawing board?
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