Jacqui Smith prints seized by No2ID in daring dabs grab

The Home Secretary's fingerprints are missing, and being held by No2ID at an undisclosed location. Earlier today, No2ID General Secretary Guy Herbert told The Register, a water glass thought to have Jacqui Smith's fingerprints on it was 'borrowed' from a Social Market Foundation event where Smith was speaking. And, improbably …

[Anonymous Coward]

two words (ish)

sweeeeeeeeeeeeet!

and

pwned b*tch!!!!!!!!

[Mike Crawshaw]

Careful now...

I'm not sure that this falls within the boundaries of "legitimate protest", as defined by Hazel Blears....

</sarcasm>

I'm sending No2ID a crisp e-tenner towards this hero's reward!

[Anonymous Coward]

hur hur

" it was inevitable that she would one day be fingered"

fnar fnar

[Anonymous Coward]

The images! get them out of my head!

"it was inevitable that she would one day be fingered."

Paris....

[Fred]

DNA too?

We really need a DNA sample too. This should be possible to obtain from a small quantity of blood. About 8 pints should be sufficient.

[Anonymous Coward]

Excellent ...

... really the first people who should be fingerprinted and given ID cards are the MPs. Their details should go on the database first to demonstrate how safe it is for the rest of us. It's obvious that the first trials should've been done at Parliament.

[Anonymous Coward]

Ave it!

This is absolute genius!!!!!!

If' she's got nothing to hide then ........... (you know the rest).

[Jamie Kitson]

People 'can't wait for ID cards'

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/7712275.stm

Hahahah ha ha haaa

[Anonymous Coward]

RE: People 'can't wait for ID cards'

Lying cow.

[Anonymous Coward]

Muahahaha

So who is going to be the first person to clone the new ID card, alter the finger print data using Jacky Spliff's newly found dabs and place a piccy of Mr Bin laden or <Insert other "terrorist"> ?

Epic Fail !

Come the revolution my friends :)

[Gordon]

So, what now?

Far from wanting to rain on anyone's parade, but what are they actually going to do with her fingerprints? Commit a crime and leave the glass at the scene? Sell photocopies of them as a Christmas novelty? Come on...

It's like photocopying a passport and claiming to have cloned it - you're not going to fool an imigration officer with a photocopy.

As for Mr Brown's fingerprints, you're welcome to them. You'll find them on my door handle, keyboard, coffee mug, mobile phone, iPod, car keys... Help yourself.

Yes, that is my real name.

[Tony Paulazzo]

I am a free man not a Title...

> I believe there is a demand, now, for cards - and as I go round the country I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long

Jacqui Smith - Home Secretary<

So, she's been trolling the mental hospitals then. Thumbs up to no2id. Death to Phorm.

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Excellent...

"It's obvious that the first trials should've been done at Parliament."

For some unknown reason the trials I immediately thought of involve a wall, final smoke and a firing squad for those who came up with the original idea.

[Anonymous Coward]

Gagggghhh

Re: " it was inevitable that she would one day be fingered"

Now the thought of that makes me feel quite ill

[Mark]

re: So, what now?

Well, go through the Manchester airports as Jaqui. Register some new users with her fingerprints (this will ensure that if JS ever wants to apply for something, she won't be able to get a card because her fingerprints are already on the database and she must be an imposter).

I get a strange feeling of Deja Vu here. I think this exact same conversation went on when the bet for the collection of these fingerprints were on El Reg.

Does Gordon not read responses? The gordon on this site, that is, We KNOW that Gordon Brown doesn't listen. Well, he may listen, but if you don't say what he wants to hear, he'll ignore you, which isn't a lot different from "not listening" in results.

[Steve]

@Gordon

First off, why Paris?

Second, I imagine they will appear all over the place, t-shirts, mouse mats, coffee mugs, online avatars, you name it!

[Anonymous Coward]

Re: Excellent ...

"the first people who should be fingerprinted and given ID cards are the MPs. Their details should go on the database first to demonstrate how safe it is for the rest of us."

Indeed, just like John Gummer's daughter and the beef burger during the BSE crisis.

Either put up, or shut the fuck up.

[Brian]

it was inevitable...

Well, she did top the 'politician we'd most like to finger' poll carried out by some lesbians a while ago, so perhaps it was inevitable...

And people saying they want ID cards immediately?

She's delusional - she obviously thinks that all the cat-calls of 'Papieren, bitte' are people asking for ID cards.

Loony old cow.

Mine's the one with no identifying information whatsoever in the pocket.

[Matt Kimber]

None so blind as those who will not see.

"But I believe there is a demand, now, for cards - and as I go round the country I regularly have people coming up to me and saying they don't want to wait that long."

Suggestions for the "people" in question...

1) Other People's Totalitarian Government^W^W^W New Labour MPs?

2) Companies with (or likely to get) ID card contracts who fear if we change administration the whole lucrative lot has a danger of being flushed down the toilet?

3) Talking to herself while looking at the mirror?

One assumes the rather empty pre-registration list will be "accidentally" populated from some other data source - after all, they've proved to be extremely proficient at copying the stuff to USB keys and CD-ROMs, so why not into another database?

[David Hicks]

@Gordon

The possibilities are endless, Identity theft is just the start. Fingerprints can be faked in a variety of ways once you have the blueprint, from there you can use the id card to get a passport, credit card, access to her bank accounts...

[Anonymous Coward]

@Brian

Especially inevitable as El Reg is apparently a lesbian website (http://www.theregister.co.uk/2008/05/06/indy_reg/)...

Lets hope Browns appear sometime soon! And expect a backdated law to be passed illegalising the collection or ownership of fingerprints soon after...

[Anonymous Coward]

Dogfood

>the first people who should be fingerprinted and given ID cards are the MPs

Someone buy this man a beer!

Can we also extend this to include all pollies only getting a state pension, trialling the new recycling and bin restrictions and any other policy they are happy to apply to us but not themselves?

All govt policy should pass the "dog food test". If they won't eat their own dog food why the hell should we?

[Tom]

If shes nothing to hide

perhaps she can give me her bank account details and her mothers maiden name?

[blackworx]

Brilliant

To the commentor who wondered what No2ID could do with Jackboot Jacqui's prints: how else would they get this much publicity for a measly grand?

[John Bailey]

But people DO want ID cards..

The consultancy firm that they hired to do the fesability study,

the companies that are going to tender to produce the system,

the companies that make the cards and readers,

the companies they hire to lose the data etc.

All are dead keen on ID cards. Especially if they know that they will never have to deliver, as the chances of Gordie's mob getting in next time are about as much as Paris getting the Nobel prise for physics.

The only thing that could make it a bit more sticky is if they somehow sneak in some method that makes it incredibly difficult to cancel, or a few more terrorist attack attempts just as the vote is going through. Who wants to be seen as soft on tourism after all..

[Anonymous Coward]

Freakin' Sweet

Now all we need to do is setup a web site, which has high res scans of everyone else's fingerprints and the ID cards (well, the fingerprint bit at least) will never work.

Of course, if Jacqui is to be believed, it doesn't matter because the scanners will be able to tell if the 'finger' is alive or not. No, really.

In other news, it's funny how she and Gordo hadn't handed over their fingerprints, what with how secure the fingerprint scanners are going to be.

[Gordon]

So, what next?

Paris: because she doesn't think things through.

How, exactly, are you going to register Ms Smith's fingerprints for anything? The person overseeing the registration process would have to be blind not to notice that you're not using your fingers to create the reading.

You might as well take a koala with you and scan it's prints.

And yes, by virtue of my reply, I can confirm that I do read responses!

[Anonymous Coward]

Prints

I'm going to stop touching stuff with my bare hands in case someone gets hold of my prints.

Mine's the one with the tied-together mittens threaded through the sleeves.

[Ishkandar]

Wot ???

Re: " it was inevitable that she would one day be fingered"

Enough to make any real man go all queer !!

As for Gormless Gordon's dabs, that's easy enough. Just ask any Arab leader to make a print of his bottom. I'd bet Gormless Gordon was there earlier !!

[IR]

License to kill

Now she can get away with murder, leaving her fingerprints everywhere and saying that her fingerprints are public so anyone could have done it.

[Dunstan Vavasour]

First people on the database

The first people into the database shouldn't be the MPs, it should be their children. The first sets of medical records into the NHS grid should be the children of MPs. And so on.

Nobody else's children should be expected to go in before those who sponsor the database. If it's not secure enough for Gordon Brown's children (WITHOUT VIP flags), it's not secure enough for mine.

[Claire Rand]

"Can't Wait"

well its very true, people can't wait.

Literally

You won't be allowed to wait, there will be penalties for those who try

so in one way it is true to say people can't wait. since that will be against the rules.

these prints need to be made into latex gloves. so everyone can share the same prints ;-)

[caffeine addict]

first use for the prints...

the first use has to be to create a set of latex gloves with her fingerprint ridges on them.

That'll be fun, when 90% of the crimes in the country are committed by the same person.

( Wasn't that in a Bond movie...? )

[Sampler]

Where can I get...

A t-shirt with a nice enlarge Jacqui fingerprint across the front.

triple-xl if they have it...

[Dan Keating]

Unfeeling robot in a dress

Jacqui Smith has an android look about her. I suspect that they will find she has no fingerprints.

[Jay Zelos]

Fingers

".........And expect a backdated law to be passed illegalising the collection or ownership of fingerprints soon after..."

I read that as ilegal ownership of fingers.

Its only a matter of time...

J

[Anonymous Coward]

@ideala2 / Sampler

Firstly Sampler - seconded. If someone uploads the pic we can get these sorted! Will El Reg store sell them for us? :-)

ideala2 - please be nice about "those who work supermarket tills" - they're all better at maths than A Darling / N Rock / R Boss, all of whom were taught by G "i hid IOUs under mattress for the next generation to find") Brown

[Anonymous Coward]

faking fingerprints

I think you're all missing the point.

Sure, you can fake fingerprints, but you'll probably need to fake irises and facial features too as there will need to be live scanning to back up what's on your DNA, I mean ID card. Then if anyone is using someone elses fingerprints fraudulently there will be CCTV footage, from the shop where they bought supplies (whatever they may be. Not to mention a trail if they bought by card...which will probably be mandatory in the near future so all purchases will be traced back to you- there are also ideas floating around about buying things in future by giving fingerprints, instead of using cards and pin numbers) and CCTV covering so many places that there will be footage of the criminal leaving their house, all the way to the bank (or wherever) and if that's not enough, we have extra evidence as their position will be tracked by their mobile phone, which will be registered to their full name and address when they bought it, and everything they've been looking at online will be available to back up the fact that they're a bad person and once searched "ID cards" or "fingerprints" on google.

That is if they haven't decided to go ahead and just chip us all instead. I guess it would save a lot of money at least.....

[Anonymous Coward]

What to do with fingerprints,

The standard technique is to use gelatin. You treat the fingerprint to make it visible, using superglue fumes. You then photograph the fingerprint and use the photograph as a stencil to etch a copper plate. You then use the plate to mould the print in a thin sheet of gelatin, which is the stuck on you own finger with a gelatin solution.

The fake print is invisible to casual inspection, and has been shown to work 80% of the time. Breing gelatin, the evidence is simply eaten if at risk of detection.

Paris, because I am sure she knows all about being fingered and faking it.

[Anonymous Coward]

Phorm & ID Cards

You know it makes sense!

[Dave]

Supermarkets

I see she's trying to get supermarkets to collect biometric data for her. Good way to get people to shop at the competition (provided they don't all do it).

[Anonymous Coward]

Just a publicity stunt

Most of the comments would seem to indicate that the major failure here is that neither the government or the media have managed to communicate to the public even a basic understanding of the principles of biometric verification or identification.

As Gordon Brown (the other one!) pointed out - what would anyone do with someone else's dabs?

Any scheme based on the confidentiality of biometric data would be deeply flawed.

AFAIK, there is no suggestion that this is being proposed.

[dervheid]

"Jackboot Jacqui"

LMFAO!

Brilliant.

And SO appropriate.

[Anonymous Coward]

RE: What to do with fingerprints

All it takes is for somebody to commit a crime with those replicas and her career is over

[Anonymous Coward]

"Finger of god"?

Wasn't that the slang term for orbital artillery (ie large - and very heavy - rocks and huge great fsck-off depleted uramium rods dropped from great heights) in some sci-fi novel series?

In which case, please be careful where you point the Finger as we don't want unncessary destruction of famous British buildings...

Mine's the one with "Nuke the shite from orbit. It's the only way to be sure" emblazoned on the back and the lead lining.

[Anonymous Coward]

@Dunstan Vavasour

Yes, remember how Harriet Harperson demonstrated to all the world how bog standard comprehensive education was acceptable for the children of Labour voters, but NOT for the children of Labour ministers? I think I heard that our Tone also pulled strings when it came to his own child(ren) ?

It's the one with a "Get into a Grammar School Free" card in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

Jakkky

Here is my finger, a middle one raised so you can see it properly.

Best regards

The British Public

AC, 'cos I know that beeatch is watching

[TimM]

How long?...

... before No2ID is raided with claims that grabbing her fingerprints amounts to an act of terrorism *

* - using the same anti-terrorism laws that councils can use to snoop on individuals for filling their bins incorrectly.

[Dave]

She's right

No, No, really she is right: I would love to have a few official British ID cards, particularly one in the name of Jacqui Smiff, one in the name of Gordon Brown, a David Cameron, a Charles Windsor, a few of my bosses at work - I think you get the drift. At least this is one step closer to me getting the first on my list.

And getting everything that is on the 'John Lewis List', twice.

[Gordon]

@Fraser (Freakin' Sweet)

I very much doubt that the fingerprints will be printed on to the ID card - they'll be encoded on the chip, along with other biometric data.

The photo? Well yes, that'll be printed on the card.

And yes, I know it's possible to clone the data on the chip - but unless you are the identical twin of the card holder it isn't going to help much.

PS: Isn't "biometric data" a great term to instill fear? The phrase "facial measurements and eye colour" just isn't as exciting...

[Graham Marsden]

Here's an idea...

... Invite Jackboots Jacqui to make a speech on the value of ID cards at your local Students Union etc, then, as she gets to the door, have officials standing there demanding to see her ID because "how do we know you're the *real* Jacqui Smith?"

Then make her stand there for ten minutes (preferably in the cold and rain) whilst you go inside and "check the details"...!

[Anonymous Coward]

I am NOT a number

Wait a mo', Sycks...

Oh, sh1t.

@Gordon - So what next? You're right. The koala would be too smart to let you try to fingerprint it and would probably rip you a new hole.

Paris undestands all those fingering definitions.

[Andus McCoatover]

El Reg Bastards!!!

"Brown's still up for dabs"

Laughed so much, it made me drop my pint. Fuc*king pricey here in the Frozen North. And it was Newkie Broon...

'Course, why should Whacky Jaqui worry? Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. That's why she doesn't need curtains in her house...

Titter. (actually, I'll pass on that one....)

[Mark]

@Gordon

Gordon,

You clone the chip.

You put YOUR pic on it.

You are now THEM. How many people are trained to work out signatures? So why are so many people looking at the signature? Because that's what they must do. Whether it is genuine cannot be assessed but that isn't in the job description.

Similarly, Whacky's prints will be on the card. Your pic will be on the card. And Jaqui won't be able to get herself on there because there's a collision in prints.

NOTE: what is stored is a hash effectively of the print, not the print itself. So you have no proof that you "stole" Jaqui's prints, since you don't HAVE the prints you used on the card. And anyone who knows that the print isn't on there will then know that it's possible to have a collision between two numbers in a hash.

So how does Jaqui get an ID card???