back to article BOFH: Fine detective work

"What's this?" the Boss demands, tossing a tattered faux leather-covered book at me. "This?" I say. "It looks like someone's diary." "Your assistant's - but what's inside it?" "I don't know. I'm not in the habit of reading personal stuff," I respond, choking down a chuckle. "I suggest you do!" he snaps. "Why, what am I …


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  1. Rosuav

    Bye bye...

    Another boss bites the dust - err, I mean lime and carpet!

    Hooray for another episode. I get twitchy when the Friday's episode doesn't come through!

  2. dreadful scathe
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    elementary my dear boss

    why the spade? are we going treasure hunting ? :)

  3. Duckorange

    I've got an old lock-up if that's any use

    It's where I keep my old tin bath and catering-sized sacks of quick-lime, because YOU NEVER KNOW.

  4. Louis
    Thumb Up


    The next Fred West, a corporate spy!

    Incidentally, is the BOFH trying to get rid of the Boss, or the PFY? Putting one onto the other is a surefire way to lose one of them, chances being the Boss, but he seemed to be dropping lots of hints that the PFY is a sociopathic mass murderer.

    hmmm... the beginnings of a whole new storyline? BOFH vs PFY? Been watching much UFC lately Simon? ;)

    Also, this says be the first to comment, but seeing as this has been up for just over an hour, I can't see me being first. However, if by remote chance I am... WOO! First to Comment! Took it's cherry! :)

  5. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Why must we now wait 2 weeks for a new episode?

    1 finger typing in the dark, or what?

  6. keith matthews
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    sheer genius!

    need I say more

  7. gr1bb
    Thumb Up

    Very Good Bofh

    Sweet. Old school detective work. Good job!

  8. gr1bb
    Thumb Up


    awesome BOFH. very old school

  9. jan
    Dead Vulture

    someone is on there way out

    a nice hint for next time is new boss -P

  10. Anonymous Coward

    dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum-dum

    I sense a disturbance.... but it isn't in The Force...

  11. Andrew Jones

    new boss needed

    Its a job for life

  12. Danny
    Thumb Up


    WAY too obvious buildup, could see it coming from miles away, yet still tears are rolling from my eyes from laughing so hard.

    another work of brilliance.

  13. Anonymous Coward

    Where is the camera !

    I have just had my desk moved, While I was on holiday! This is giving me an idear, and so many options. Come to think of it its about time the boss had a "site visit".

  14. Nick Palmer
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    Absolute class!

    ""What do you mean what's my point? Do you think I'm stupid?"

    "Have you not heard the expression 'Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle?'" I respond."

    New monitor please, this one's all soggy and coffee coloured!

  15. Anonymous Coward

    For Jim the Boss

    Jim get your monkeys to type properly, or at least don't drink on Friday lunchtimes! Your spelling and grammar is the worst I've ever seen. I doubt you even know half the words you've typed, and probably need a dictionary just to read this comment!

  16. Why
    Thumb Up


    They are in the US - so knowing the ins and outs of US law doesnt really help much.

    Brilliant Episode.

    Must have weekly updates!

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Re: For Jim the Boss

    But... he... it... Argggggh!

    To whoosh or be whooshed, that is the possibly non-exclusive or.

  18. David Ndhlovu

    @ Jim The Boss

    Marry me. x

  19. Anonymous Coward

    To: Jim the boss

    Be a pal, bring my car around back, open the boot, set the tyre iron out, and have a look in for the BB's I spilled there yesterday -- I'm going to need a lot. By the way, you may want to remind the receptionist you're going to be out for a long lunch, so not to expect you in for quite some time.

  20. Robert Moore

    People, stop feeding the troll

    JIM THE BOSS. Can I come work for you?

  21. mittfh


    a) The BOFH stories are fiction - not reality!

    b) If the stories were a reflection of reality, you would undoubtedly have discovered what the PFY *really* gets up to at night by now...

    c) The stories are set in the UK - specifically somewhere in London.

    d) Why haven't you investigated that loose stair rail I mentioned several weeks back?

    e) Accusing "Why" of misspelling is a bit rich, given that (i) you can't spell, and (ii) you haven't discovered your caps lock key yet... "Do as I say, not as I do" .... but then again, that pretty much sums up the average boss...

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Just as the laughter from BOFH had subsided, along came Jim The Boss and his wonderful spelling critique...

    Thank you El Reg.

  23. Alastair Smith

    Love the little touches

    > "When do you expect him back?" the Boss asks furtively.

    > "Back? Oh, right! Um, in an hour?”

    Genius :-)

  24. Anonymous Coward
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    Huzzah for fridays

    Fresh cup of coffee, new BOFH, and possibly a new boss coming in the next few episodes. Thus far it's shaping up to be a good friday.

    BTW, Simon needs to write jim the boss into an episode or two. I can only imagine the fun he'd have with that.

  25. Anonymous Coward

    Y'all missed this???

    No one's even commented about the subtlety that the PFY is out with the boss's wife. Which is why he's going to get rid of him. Now go back & re-read the story *stern look*

    Also, the BOFH & PFY are both well aware of encryption techniques, so why the bloody hell would the PFY keep a paper diary lying about?

  26. Nursing A Semi

    @ Jim the Boss

    Please tell me this is what passes for irony in the colonies these days.

    And no Jim I am not doing the laundry.

  27. JT2008


    We need a Troll icon, just for Jimmy.

    Hey JTB, can you send a pic to El Reg?

  28. Frumious Bandersnatch
    Thumb Up

    truer words never spoken

    'Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle.' Love the way the boss^H^H^H^Hex-boss has as much sleuthing skills as our Jim the Boss here. Hey Jim, I hear there's a job opening you might be interested in...

  29. Aaron

    "He's a bit tied up at the moment."

    Lucky sod.

    Also: "No one's even commented about the subtlety that the PFY is out with the boss's wife."

    He's not. 'It's a joke - the page is blank!'

    And: "...why the bloody hell would the PFY keep a paper diary lying about?"

    He didn't -- the Bastard did, having made it up specially for the purpose. Seriously, go back and read it again, you can't have been paying attention the first time.

  30. amanfromMars Silver badge

    Tarts and Vicars, Nuns and Satyrs

    "Also: "No one's even commented about the subtlety that the PFY is out with the boss's wife."" ... By Aaron Posted Friday 24th October 2008 23:06 GMT

    Normally that is a reserved occupation/occasional ocupational hazard and/or pleasure for BOFH Execution/Executive Privilege.

  31. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @People, stop feeding the troll

    But he's such a *cute* troll, we ought to make sure he's kept happy and safe and warm for a long time to come. (But it's someone else's turn to clean up that disgusting drool!)

    Besides, if we didn't have JIM THE BOSS around to amuse us, we'd probably have to ask (very nicely, of course!) the BOFH to send the boss or a beancounter off to the woods to inspect the delightful garden outbuildings - especially the Dread Gazebo...

  32. jay019

    RSS Feed

    Can we have a BOFH rss feed please.

    Or if there is one, tell me how to find it.

  33. Anonymous Coward
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    Words of Wisdom

    "Never test for an error condition you don't know how to handle"

    What a wonderful bit of sage advice that is...

    As for JTB, surely he is pulling our leg here?

  34. Kevin Reader

    Excellent Story - capped off by the ads at the bottom

    I got the story along with ads for Locksmiths and Private Detectives. Brilliant use(?) of adwords.

    All it lacked was a carpet warehouse and a gardening supplier!

    Mine's the coat with "Site Security" on the back - ho hum.

  35. Brian Kelsay

    He's a quick one

    Wow, you can't slip anything past the current boss. This is one case that you don't want to go digging into or you'll end up digging your own grave, literally.

    Can I have a look at his list? Just for a few ideas of my own. Purely for research mind you. I'm just really interested in forensics you know.

  36. Anonymous Coward

    where is the PFY??

    First this

    "Boss's missus, pub, 8:30.”

    Then this

    "Off at lunch with the new woman from the pub."

    even though the page in the 'diary' was blank, i think these two lines are the bofh dropping a subtle hint at the PFY's activities, obviously too subtle for the boss with his 'detective' skills

    and Smiley face because JTB gave me an extra laugh

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