"Our Paris has wasted no time marking her new territory."
Yeah, I think I saw that movie.
Here's some excellent news for El Reg's enormous Paris Hilton fanbase: The extravagantly talented heiress has declared she's decamping to London, having already spent a month here slumming it in a £7,500-a-month Hampstead pad while filming a show for MTV. Ms Hilton cooed to the Daily Mail: "I love it here, I am going to move …
First something to drag you feet first into my historical context:
Now the coup de grace:
"I once skanked a man, who felt up a girl, who was dissed by the Prince of Wales"
Now the uncomfortable confession:
I think i have just demonstrated exactly why i have been a cultural outsider for all of my thirty years...
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@Neil - Is your comment sarcasm? If it isn't, which previous Tory government used to bar rich 'merkins from the UK? I don't remember one, in fact I distinctly remember them crawling up the US's arse whenever they could, just the same as the current lot do.
Everyone I've ever met who remembered Tory rule with nostalgia, seemed to be confusing their personal relative happiness ('cos they were younger, or had a better job, or a better shag) with the actual affect that Tory policies had upon their own life, which was often in fact negative.
Jolly Roger - because they are all scumbags...
It was a matter of class because the princes should have had the style and grace to just say hello and then get on with whatever they were doing.
They proved themselves tellingly to be without the grace or class - like little children.
I think Paris would do well ignoring them completely, the UK clique isn't exactly worth mingling with anyway unless you look like part of a horse, the whole inbred lot of them.
Yeah, I'll have my coat now, thanks. It's the one without the horse hair, cheers.
Welcome to your spiritual home, baby. Pop down to your local Job Centre and check out the vacancies.
"Government seeks bright, uninhibited, dumb bimbo to replace empty headed, ageing female ideologue. Apply in writing to the Home Office."
I know you don't need the money, but think of the power-tripping. Yours for the asking, kiddo.
Let this be a lesson to you all. Be nice to our American friends or they'll line up the heavy artillery. We could end up with Britney Spears, Scrawny Spice*, Lindsay Lohan, Pamela Anderson and Christina Aguilera.
And unless Mr Chips wins next month, they could even saddle us with Sarah Palin.
*Yes, I know Scrawny Spice originally hails from over here, but she's saved us the cost of transportation.
Ah ha ! Our master plan is working !
First we export "the Paris" ... then "the Lohan" followed by "the Spears" ...
"I'm proud to be an American, where now we're Paris-free.
You can't give her back you're stuck with her now, and boy we pitty thee.
And I'd proudly stand up one more time, and send you a few more twits ...
... for there ain't no way on God's green earth --- you could grow such perfect ___ !
Celebrity + Retard = Celebritard, surely..?
And the Nostrodamus award for future prediction goes to.... Jimmy Somerville for "Communards"... Obviously something to do with communists and retards. I would say that he also predicted the "when you pirate MP3s you're downloading communism" poster too, but then I realized that no-one has ever downloaded any of his work :-D
Keep up at the back!
This particular neologism has been circulating on El Reg's comments for weeks. Anyway, the word is 'celebretard' - a combination of 'celebrity' and 'retard'. The clue is in the shared 'rit' sound in the middle, geddit? Inserting a 'u' sound simply misses the point.
Tell 'em, Sarah.
Yes, Paris is known to have the intelligence of a doorknob.
Yes, Paris has been accused of being a waste of oxygen and organic matter.
Yes, she may have all the social graces and etiquette of a wildeebeast
Yes, she has starred in a couple of home made videos that has raised more than the occassional eyebrow
Yes she may have even had the occassional public drinking binge that's ended badly,
and yes, Paris tendeds to flash more than her pearly whites at public events as long as there isare plenty of cameras around.
But damnit we at el! Reg have lovingly adopted her as a mascot (of sorts). So please have a bit more respect for our dimiwtted, alcohol swilling, pussy flashing, skanky amateur p0rn star, OK.
minor correction... average IQ is always 100, which oddly enough means that if a person with an IQ lower than 100 leaves your area, and you are above 100, your IQ will actually come DOWN.
So you can thank Paris for handing you a lower IQ..
If you have 2 persons, person A with an IQ of 80, and person B with an IQ of 120 (to make the average IQ of 100), and person A is removed, person B will now have an IQ of 100.
Hope that brightened up your day :-)
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