back to article ‘You can Google Checkout any time you like, but you can never leave...’

In our second extract of Bringing Nothing To The Party, entrepreneurial chancer Paul Carr finds himself enviably ensconced in a swanky Hertfordshire hotel at the pleasure of Google. But will he make it out alive? The trouble started with one of those emails that you assume must be the result of an administrative error. Dear …


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  1. Fluffykins Silver badge

    Final top:

    Get the BOFH in there as well.

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters


    ... is what you've reminded me of.

    "They're all trying to kill me."

    "Who's trying to kill you?"

    "Every one of them!"

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Black Helicopters


    Sadly, this story reminds me of a bust-up I had with my girlfriend, except I really did think she had it in for me, and she, for her part, was only pretending to work for Google. Humour failures all round.

    /don't ask

  4. Chris G

    Now I feel a little better

    I thought I was the only one with a twisted, cynically paranoid sense of humour, so now I know there are at least two of us.

    But seriously though, you don't really think they want to kill us?

  5. Herby

    Who is Number One

    You are Number Six.

    I am not a number.....

    Look, I couldn't resist!

  6. Jon Double Nice

    Interestingly enough

    The Grove is actually in Watford, but they conveniently leave that bit of information out of their address and all PR...

  7. graeme leggett Silver badge
    Thumb Up

    Lovin' it

    So good, I've reserved the book at my local library.

  8. TrixyB
    Thumb Up


    Brilliant - A really good article. Keep up the good work El Reg!

  9. Ian Michael Gumby
    Thumb Down

    Pretty lame if you ask me...

    I'm sorry, but lets look at the facts...

    1) You failed to close the deal on "Emma".

    2) You got Google and some Aussie peeved at a joke that went over their heads.

    3) You should have thought about a more convincing line before the "they're going to kill us".

    4) You forgot the first rule of the "spy game". You get the girl and everyone around you to get drunk while you stay relatively sober. This way, you keep a clear head about you so you can take advantage of the situation.

    Oh and in hindsight, you could have diffused the situation by asking the "Californian" if he knew the song "Hotel California". If he said no, then tell him he needs to do a penalty shot and to go google the lyrics up on the 'net. Tell him to look for the verse "You can always check out but you can never leave." Tell him that you're having a swell time as such a swank place, and that you feel like you're staying at the hotel California. Then tell him he needs a second penalty shot for interrupting your conversation with "Emma".

    Then you could have gone back to "Emma" had your conversation, and maybe closed the deal.

    C'mon man! Where's your game!

  10. Anonymous Coward

    You should have named them

    After all, they knew who you were by your name tag, so you had to have read theirs too.

  11. James Taylor

    BOFH mixup?

    This reads almost like it could be a plot-line from BOFH! Perhaps inspiration for one of the upcoming ones eh?

  12. RogueElement


    you must be number 2... and just because you are paranoid - it doesn't mean that they aren't trying to kill you. Sorry - no penny farthing, will a round smiley face do?

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