Arrrrr!
That thar BOfH evidently be missin' out on International Talk Like a Pirate Day! Ye'd have thought he'd be makin' the scurvy dog boss walk t'plank for talkin' t'him like that!
BOFH: Remote access malarkey
"...And so you can just log in to my machine and look at it whenever you like?" our user asks indignantly. "Uh-huh," the PFY says, fixing the user's printer settings while he's talking. "And I don't have to give you permission or anything?" "I'd have assumed that was implied by ringing the helpdesk?" the PFY says. "Yes …
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:50 GMT hi_robb
Ah remote access
Another great BOFH and so true. The number of times in the past I've had users switch off their PC's when I jokingly remark about seeing everything they have been up to, when I've done a bit of servicedesk stuff :-)
Stupid idiots do not realise that this just makes us all be really interested in having a damned good poke around.
Mines the one with the MSTSC in the back pocket
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:50 GMT Richard
So Bloody True....
...It never ceases to amaze me how every now and then an otherwise sane user suddenly starts believing that they, their email, and their personal files and instant messages would become so interesting for an administrator that they would forgo .......
This is so Bloody true.... Why is it that the (L)users never seems to get this? .... even after you´ve taken the time to patiently explain it to them while beating them around the head with a copy of the company IT Usage policy... preferably rapped around a brick!
As ever the BOFH Rules...
Role on next Friday!!!
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:50 GMT Anonymous Coward
El Reg frontpage nightmare
I'm assuming that this superb BOFH is missing from the front page of the site's story feed for a good reason?
But hey - thumbs up to Simon, reminds me of tech support in a school... some amazing stuff was on user's machines, even though they tried to filter it.... Those where the days...
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:50 GMT Anonymous Coward
Keep your head down....
"...because then we start wondering what the hell it is you have that you don't want us to see. And before you know it the administrator concerned has passed you on to someone such as myself whose sole purpose is to keep you talking long enough to fire off a backup of the contents of your hard drive."
Classic.
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:52 GMT Buford
Who's machine is it??
Fix it, but don't touch it. Typical user BS. If I had to get up from my desk to fix every issue, they couldn't afford the mileage charges. When did things change where a user thinks that they have the right to privacy on a machine that they do not own?? If they only ken that we can also connect to their home machines. What morons.
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:53 GMT Rosuav
As we're all friends here...
... wait, since when was the BOFH anyone's friend? Ah yes, I remember. There was an episode in which that occurred... 2003, the BOFH-father. Yes. Alright, carry on!
Glad to see a new episode. And hey... it STARTS with user paranoia instead of having to CREATE it half-way through!
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:53 GMT Skinny
Most Amusing
Seriously though, the advent of easy access remote control has made the life of anyone working in IT, especially support personnel, SO much easier and less stressful.
I sometimes think back to the bad old days of having to talk a user through repairing their own monitor, when I couldn't see what they could see, and was reliant on them telling me what was going on, which seldom, if ever, seemed to bear any relation to what was actually on the screen.
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Friday 19th September 2008 14:53 GMT Chris
Beautiful
Simon, you should be knighted.
A while back I worked at a place where I was the sole SA.. I always told my users that I was monitoring everything... when in reality I couldn't give a flying fuck what they looked at, I was more interested in reading the reg and something awful!
But the fear kept them in check. Happy days!
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Friday 19th September 2008 15:22 GMT Name
So different, so very different from the home life of our own dear queen
I've had this precise conversation with hapless users- and one in particular, who was a dead ringer for a prototype Nathan Barley. He seemed most offended when I asked what made him imagine that anything he could do, say or know would be of sufficient interest for me to spend time poking through his email, or his machine. I also pointed out that the location of his porn stash was relatively common knowledge, such that you didn't need root-level access to find it anyway.
Suffice it to say that he performed a deeply splended mime that reminded me of a goldfish, leaving me free to take advantage of the freshly-brewed coffee that someone with an above room-temperature IQ had just prepared to get us through the morning.
(Paris, because maybe her data might occasionally be interesting)
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Friday 19th September 2008 16:02 GMT mittfh
@Peter D'Hoye
Not on the front page? Surely any BOFH worth his salt would know how to type in "<CTRL> t http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/" by now? Only takes me 6 seconds - which is noticeably quicker than moving the mouse up to Bookmarks and scrolling down the list...
I'm also the kind of person that quite often guesses Wikipedia URIs, rather than using the site's built-in search facility.
Meanwhile, if ye want t' abuse lusers whilst takin' advantage o' "International Speak Like a Sea dog Tide", but cannot master th' linguistic subtleties o' buccanneer-speak, then try headin' o'er t' this link: http://www.syddware.com/cgi-bin/pirate.pl
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Friday 19th September 2008 16:16 GMT Skinny
One other thing
I realise that you're putting the BOFH story in a frekily huge box to the side of the main stories, AND in the BOFH section at the bottom of the page, but I have to say it made it harder to find.
The huge box looks like ad advert, so I of course, didn't pay it any attention.
The stuff at the bottom is so far down the page, and below the 'do not miss' banner that I actually forgot there was stuff that far down.
Can you please also leave the article appearing in the stories list as normal? Oh who am I kidding, I'll probably get used to it, but old habits die hard you know.
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Friday 19th September 2008 18:59 GMT Anonymous Coward
@Skinny
Ah yes! 'My monitor is black!'
'Have you switched it on?'
'I've pushed every button and thrown every switch!'
[Oy]
'OK, have you checked the electrical cord? Sometimes the cleaning crew get a little careless.'
'There's a little yellow light on the front of the monitor.'
[!]
'Have you turned the computer on?'
'Oh! Oh! Thank you so much!'
clickety rm -rf /home/[user-id]/* clickety.
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Friday 19th September 2008 22:50 GMT Scott
Scarily Familiar
I have had this question so many times that I know the words off by heart...
My answers?
It's not your PC, its ours. If you are polite to us, we will let you borrow it for a while.
We have over 2,500 accounts. I am not going to find much by randomly opening accounts.
We use AD and/or Centennial to automatically check all computers for large ammounts of media files.
If we find stuff (and we will), you had better hope that we just delete it!
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Sunday 21st September 2008 08:32 GMT Craig
i love it..
This is the kind of story that keeps me sane, barely lol.
I am no longer in the tech support field, but dang, bofh always saved my soul from going bleeding insane, from all the lusers and jerks calling and working with me at unknown isp's :)
Fans of bofh really should have our support group or message board :)
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Sunday 21st September 2008 08:32 GMT Herby
Amazing what you can do with "remote access"
Back in my support/BOFH days (1981 or so), the computers I worked on had remote access modems on them (I had designed the hardware). While these were only character interfaces, the people who ran the boxen were "dumber than cheese". We would always "ask" first, as it would lock out the control terminal at the remote location. The "fun" part was that we could call up the computer and switch operator talk paths all around. All of a sudden we would monitor the voice, and interject some remark at the proper time. "Hello there" would elicit almost a scream. Always fun.
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Sunday 21st September 2008 08:38 GMT Eric Dennis
Clueless User
You have no idea how many times I've been through this scenario doing desktop support. Ridiculous users seem to think that IT has to "ask their permission" to access their PC remotely and look at anything on it. The fact is that the PC belongs to the company and is connected to the company network and that the employee serves at the pleasure of the company. Most users never read the "Technology Use Policy" that they sign when they are hired, but it clearly states that the user understands that the computer they work on is owned by the company, the IT Department can and will access it at any time for any reason without either informing the user or "asking the user's permission", and that the contents of the user's hard drive as well as any logs on the PC are the property of the company as well. The silly users must think that it's like when they are at home on their home PC, but unfortunately for them, that isn't the case.
In the case of someone who is screwing up the network printer settings for example, you wouldn't want to "ask them" for permission to access their PC remotely. In the case of a hacker doing damage to company data systems, you don't WANT them to know you know what they are doing.
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Monday 22nd September 2008 10:48 GMT A J Stiles
Thought it was just me
And there I was, thinking it was just me who liked to login to other people's machines and alternately open and close their CD drives when I was bored ......
Of course, their home folders are all on an NFS share "so they can move desks and take all their files with them" (cough), so I don't even need to login to their machines to see their stashes of files.
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Monday 22nd September 2008 14:39 GMT Gordon Grant
Classic
Simon, back to the classic and you have such fine taste in single malt although I might point you towards any of the islay malts, slightly smoked flavor - hmm would remind you of bbq'd bean counter .... yeah i'd do the same but I would backup and then empty his my docs / temp internet of all files etc ...
Disturbing you on a friday afternoon is a cardinal sin - I think a reformat to windows 3.11 is in order or something as evil - setup to work on 1st boot of course...
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Tuesday 23rd September 2008 11:35 GMT Andrew Tunney
@BOFH: Remote Access Malarkey
"Sometimes," the PFY admits. "Although other times I find that if I leave the call open long enough the user'll go back into their printer settings and remember they stuffed around with the local printer/network printer combo and put it right themselves."
Just pure gold - scary thing is that I've done this before today and it does work.
Paris - because I am still trying to work out who is smarter; her or users...
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Friday 26th September 2008 18:25 GMT Anonymous Coward
Re: As we're all friends here...
Actually, the BOFH is my friend. Always has been.
Who am I, you ask?
Why, the janitor who's never appeared in any of these stories. The only janitor in this burg with more computing gear in his house than a regular computer center.
True, a lot of it's old kit, but I've managed to eBay enough stuff that I'm basically rolling in it. All that for helping to clean up a few minor messes, and never touching any power in the computer room. And, of course, never, ever bothering him for computer help - but always accept any help he offers.
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Biting the hand that feeds IT
