back to article Pub toilet todger tiff ends in bloodbath

Three men were last week shot dead in a south Durban tavern after a "remark about a patron's penis size" turned seriously nasty, South Africa's Independent Online reports. Police inspector Michael Read explained that two groups of men were in the Merseyside Pub and Tavern in Umbilo enjoying the football clash between England …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle


    ...can you even pretend to have an IT angle here?

  2. John Macintyre

    bunch of k**bs

    guess they guy really did feel that his was bigger, and felt like proving it. one thing though:

    "returned to the tavern where they opened fire on the five men. ... Things turned nasty very quickly"

    Surely rather than turning nasty after they'd opened fire, the sheer fact that they turned up and opened fire on these people proves it was already pretty bloody nasty? (no pun intended there) or is the idea of people opening fire on other people in public places relatively normal these days?

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    it angle

    clearly the it angle must stem from them being in a pub!

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton


    Darwinininin-ism at work ! (always assuming it was the large-todgered group that got blasted) ie small-cocked morons shoot well-endowed rivals, thus earning themselves a well-earned rest at the republic's pleasure where they'll do further damage to the genepool.

    Paris, cos she's 'touched base' often enough...

  5. James Cleveland

    Re: bunch of k**bs

    > or is the idea of people opening fire on other people in public places relatively normal these days?

    You'd be surprised.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    A good deterrent to online pharmacies

    Are you calling me small?

  7. This post has been deleted by its author

  8. Anonymous Coward

    This never would have happened if they'd adhered to the urinal code

    --Select a urinal as far from other patrons as possible

    --Do not look at another man's manhood (or lack of it)

    --No talking. If any talking must be done, it must be limited to a brief greeting, and should only be addressed to someone with which you have at least passing familiarity.

    --No discussion of what went on in the restroom is permitted, except to comment on how someone had vomited all over or ripped a stall door off while in a piss-drunk state.

    These simple rules are for everyone's protection and urinary enjoyment, so please follow.

  9. david

    That's what happens when you mix...

    ...booze, guns...

    ...and little winkies.

  10. Dave H

    The Rules

    I thought there were rules about men's room etiquette ie: no talking and only looking directly ahead, etc. These rules should mean that Dubya and Osama could stand next to each other at the urinals and not know about it, let alone have a ruck!

  11. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    This is South Africa, people

    Mr Macintyre, this is South Africa where the vast majority of robbers are armed and the rape rate is the highest in the world. I'm still trying to figure out the IT angle here, though.....

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Dead Vulture

    Reg can't count (completely offtopic)

    Why does reg say there are 2 comments, when there are in fact 5?

  13. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    free sex change due for those detained

    They can continue thier (mines bigger than yours) competition in the state pen.

    Where no doubt those who are already in there will be more than willing to show just how big thiers is.

    I wonder how they will like becoming the new Bitches on the block, should go down(on hands and knees) well.


    Paris,,, she's a master at dodgy style...

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward



  15. Anonymous Coward

    @By John Macintyre

    "or is the idea of people opening fire on other people in public places relatively normal these days?"

    In SA, sadly it is...

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    <insert title here>

    Is it me or does this sound like something from a Guy Ritchie movie?

  17. /\/\j17

    Doesn't Sound Like My Local...

    "At some stage, one man from each group went into the tavern's toilets and there was an argument over the size of their penises."

    As you do...

    No image as all the good ones have gone.

  18. Anomalous Cowherd Silver badge

    @ bunch of k**bs

    > or is the idea of people opening fire on other people in public places relatively normal these days?

    In Durban? Yup.

  19. Don Montgomery

    sorry to hear it

    I understand that guns are currently outlawed in Britain. What are the chances that law-abiding folks will ever be allowed to defend themselves there?

  20. Vincent

    A bit childish really.

    Seriously. People who are over 30 years old having a row over the size of their penis? Why does it matter? School children are more mature than this.

  21. Chris

    Cock Fight??!

    (I can't believe that no-one's said it yet!)

  22. Patrick R
    Thumb Down

    must feel sorry

    For those who died.

    And for those wo feel so insecure about their short d* that they have to keep guns in their boot to protect their... honour ?

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down

    re. sorry to hear it

    The point of the UK gun laws is to ensure that "law-abiding folks" don't really need to defend themselves. They're highly unlikely to be faced with a gun; being armed won't really help much as the criminal is going to be in the driving seat, he'll be the first to produce a weapon and will probably be the first to fire.

    Yes there is a certain amount of gun crime in the UK, but compared to SA it's practically non-existent; certainly not something you'd associate with middle-aged people watching football in a pub.

  24. Vic
    Thumb Down


    is the idea of people opening fire on other people in public places relatively normal these days?

    Unfortunately I'd have to second and third the other comments. This is SA, y'know.

    And some of the guys fetching the blasters from their boot? Cops. Don't know if there's an IT angle in that bit of info either but it's effing depressing.

  25. mutt1170

    Shooting in RSA

    A shooting?!

    In South Africa?!?!

    In public?!?!?!

    Surely not, say it ain't so!!!!!!!!

    Once saw a T-Shirt brought back from SA with a picture of a Glock 9mm and ammo on it. The writing around/over the picture said:




    Kinda sums it all up rather neatly don't you think.


    Aliens cos, well have you heard Percy Montgomery in interview?

    Guy sounds like he has a skin mask and eats rodents for dinner!

  26. N1AK


    1/ The shootings were in South Africa, so the British peoples ability to defend themselves is pretty irrelevant.

    2/ Given that in the UK we have around 96% less deaths per capita caused by shootings than the US I don't think we are missing the ability to defend ourselves quite as much as you think. Of course it's perfectly possible that in fact having legal gun ownership would make us Britains safer, but that would mean that America's high rate of killings with gun was caused not by number of weapons, but by American citizens being 25 times more likely to kill each other, or 25 times more likely to make someone want to kill them... which come to think of it isn't that hard to believe.

  27. Anonymous Coward

    Which size

    Everyone seems to be assuming that the perpetrators were told that they were poorly endowed. I find this likely as well.

    However, if I were outside my own neighborhood and complimented somebody on the mouth-watering heft of his equipment, I might also very well end up watching my life running out of a gaping chest wound.

    Just saying.

  28. ratfox
    Paris Hilton

    But, really...

    What's the Paris Hilton angle?

  29. t1mc

    the IT angle

    They hid behind the till, I can't believe nobody guessed it....the stocks were shot to bits when the bar manager did his weekly check.

  30. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    ... when you come through an SA border post they ask you if you have a firearm. If you say no they give you one. I love South Africa but the crime is terrible.

  31. Sceptical Bastard

    The underlying cause...

    Quote: "... were in the Merseyside Pub and Tavern..."

    If you name your pub the 'Merseyside', what do you expect?

  32. Mike Bronze badge
    Paris Hilton


    you don't mention which one really did have the largest penis

    @AC with urinal code:

    *cough* you forgot the first rule, it is unspoken/unwritten

    paris looks like she is trying to measure a really tiny penis

  33. Daniel

    was it about cock size ...

    ... or the fact that they got butt raped in the one day games in England?

    I demand an Andrew Flintoff icon.

  34. Simon B

    The biggest dick belongs to ...

    Who has the biggest dick? Theres all seem the same to me; complete and upper massive DICKS!! Oh well, at least there are a few less dicks in the world!

  35. Tom Kelsall


    How is the word "Defence" relevant in reference to firearms? "Defence" would be a bullet-proof vest or some other thing capable of blocking high velocity projectiles. When faced with a gun (attack weapon) having a gun yourself simply doubles the number of attack weapons present; it does not allow you to DEFEND yourself, it allow you to attack first.

    Guns are not, never have been and never will be a defensive device; they are a WEAPON of OFFENSE. They can be used to attack. Their presence alone might be a deterrent to attack from another quarter; however when two opposing parties each have one firearm, the deterrent effect is neutralised.

  36. Richard Freeman
    Black Helicopters

    re Don Montgomery

    "I understand that guns are currently outlawed in Britain. What are the chances that law-abiding folks will ever be allowed to defend themselves there?"

    Less Guns means they don't need to...

    Lets look at the numbers:

    Gun crime in the USA for 2006

    (Population 301,139,947)

    Source US dept of justice

    Crimes committed involving firearms:

    388,897 or 1,291/Million


    11,566 or 38.4/Million


    188,804 or 627/Million

    Aggravated assaults

    188,527 or 626/Million

    Gun Crime in the UK for 2006

    (Population 60,776,238)

    Source UK Home office

    Crimes committed involving firearms:

    18,489 or 304.2/Million


    59 or 0.97/Million


    3,979 or 65.47/Million

    Serious injury (not including death)

    507 or 8.34/Million

    Which looks safer - A country where everyone can have a gun?

    or a Country where you cannot carry a gun?

  37. Anonymous Coward

    Don Montgomery

    Anyone who justifies gun ownership, by suggesting they could use it on another human being should be banned from even looking at a gun.

  38. Simon Brown

    @ Don Montgomery

    "Three men were last week shot dead in a south Durban tavern after a "remark about a patron's penis size" turned seriously nasty, South Africa's Independent Online reports."

    Read the article, it was in South Durban, in South Africa, where luckily enough people are allowed to carry guns and therefore defend themselves against accusations of mini-winkyism such as this.

    In the UK we would have to put up with the embarrassment of having another man look at our penises while urinating without resorting to murder. Maybe one day the powers that be will allow us all to carry guns and Britain will be as safe as the US where you are 25 times more likely to be shot dead than here in Britain.

    Until then we will just have to resort to using knives...

  39. Scott


    I think Canada has more guns per head than America, so i'd go with the "They make you want to shot them" theory.

  40. JP Strauss

    This is South Africa

    Our per capita murder rate is 10X that of the USA.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Guns won't help you against criminals...

    You're not likely to have the gun loaded, in your hands, ready to shoot, when you need it.

    Guns are for protecting yourself against your government, should it run amok - as governments are wont to do on occasion.

    Disarm the populace, and you are just begging for Fascism to return. It's the armed citizens who keep the jackboots from kicking down your door.

    Cry all you want about the numbers. We lose more people to the flu, than to firearms.

  42. Maisie Donaldson
    IT Angle

    It's always interesting to hear from people interested in guns

    But they never seem to explain why they all have such small willies.

  43. jake Silver badge

    Nothing to do with DSWs

    "You're not likely to have the gun loaded, in your hands, ready to shoot, when you need it."

    Depends on who you are, your current circumstances, and how you were trained. Guns are just tools. Dangerous tools, but tools nonetheless. When you understand a tool, what that tool is for, and how and when to deploy it, chances are pretty good that said tool will be at hand when you need it. "It's a poor craftsman who blames his tools ..." should be extended to include " ... and a poor commentator who doesn't understand what he's commentating on!"

    When used (in)correctly, an ax, a claw-hammer, or a largish screwdriver can be lethal at distances in excess of 30 feet (horizontal), which is much further than most (civilian) gun deaths. (I throw an ax at logging competitions, and can easily hit a human-sized target at 75 feet; I watched a guy get killed by a claw hammer thrown from 35 feet up in Humboldt County (was an accident, don't ask); and a friend once won a bar bet by sticking 7 of 10 Craftsman brand #41588 screwdrivers into a straw archery butt at 15 yards in under 15 seconds ... with pretty good grouping (#41588s are about two feet long, and nearly a pound in weight)). Shall we ban axes, hammers, and screwdrivers?

    IMNECTHO, the world-wide "gun problem" is a social problem, not a tool problem. That problem being idiots in charge of firearms. This includes the IdiotInChief[tm] at 1600 Pennsylvania ... That being said, I don't profess to have an answer to the problem. All I know is that a ban on guns isn't the answer because criminals, by definition, don't obey the law.


    I grew up shooting. I've had guns around me & mine all my life. At our last extended family reunion, we had over 400 people in attendance. Nearly all shoot regularly, and I believe all own guns. We have not had a single incident of gun violence perpetrated towards us, or by us, since before the turn of the 20th century. No accidents, either.


    43 years ago, I earned 5 cents a head taking out gophers in the family veggie patch. I am only 47. I still have that .22 Savage, given to me on my 4th birthday. It was purchased new by my grandfather, just before the Great Depression. It helped feed the family during the Depression. It looks like it might have to feed the family again ...

  44. Dave Coventry

    Gun ownership irrelevant...

    Just a couple of points.

    I know it's a week or so on, but this story is continuing.

    Firstly, the guys who went to get their guns were Policemen. Therefore the issue of gun ownership is irrelevant.

    Secondly, because this IS South Africa, the shooters are claiming that they were defending themselves from racial slurs.

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