back to article Ivan O'Toole? That's nothing, snorts Hugh Jass

The sorry tale of Ivan O'Toole, which last Friday caused a certain amount of merriment among the less than kind hearted members of our beloved readership, attracted an email suggesting that Mr O'Toole had faked an email address and hoodwinked the Reg Bootnotes secretariat. The missive in question came from one Hugh Jass, who …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    It's a nectar card... all you have to do is fill out your name on the form differently and the card arrives with that name on.

    Hardly proof of identity, although I am well prepared to believe that someone with that name exists.

  2. TheThing
    Thumb Up

    Not bad but...

    My favourite is a guy I worked with for a while who was called James Timoney. He did, of course, prefer the name Jim.

    I have to admit to humming the tune mercilessly.

  3. Luke Wells

    A classic

    When I've completed a database project..... for years I have been inserting a "test" record into the database as "Hugh Jass"

    Sad I know, but I've always found it amusing to see how long it takes employees to locate Mr Jass and start laughing.

  4. Steve Kay


    Back when I were 17, my provisional driving licence had my formal title as "Doctor", for a jape.

    This is a Nectar card, this proves nowto.

  5. Fab De Marco

    Excellent - any other takers

    Do we have the variant of Hugh Jass... Hugh Janus

    Apparently whilst doing Grease some time ago, in which Shane Richie and Samantha Janus starred, some vandals (or some might argue comedy Geniuses) arranged it so that the billboard read Rich Anus.

  6. Rick
    Paris Hilton

    I think we need a contest

    Who has the best name and can provide clean and clear evidence may get some prizes from cash n carrion?

    >/Paris cause well you know!!!

  7. Warren


    Of course it's been 'shopped - the numbers aren't blocked out on the original....

  8. DavCrav

    Nobody called that on the electoral roll...

    ... according to

  9. TeeCee Gold badge


    Nah, far too complicated.

    Occam's razor says that he's just filled out a Nectar application form in the name of Hugh Jass. They don't give a shit what name you want on it.

    Off to Sainsburys now to collect some points for that nice Mr. M. T. Merciless, who lets me use his card.

  10. DavCrav

    And another thing!

    There are two people in the UK called Ivan O'Toole, according to so even if that guy isn't him, there is someone who isn't him who has his name.

  11. Columbus

    a list of all the poor unfortunates..

    found on a memory stick left on a train naturally

  12. Iain

    Pedants Anonymous

    If you look carefully the 'ss' at the end of Jass is slightly higher than the 'Ja'. No CSI type software needed here.

  13. Simon Painter
    Thumb Up


    The S in JASS is slightly lifted and is consistent across both of them, something you would expect from a single letter punch being mis-aligned. If this was a photoshop job then you would expect them to be inconsistent with each other or uniform on the baseline.

    Still, it does not prove that some guy didn't sign up for a nectar card with a fake name. I would be more convinced with a drivers license or a debit card (but not a credit card as you can add duplicate cards on to your account with any name).

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Not just Nectar

    A friends Egg Card was James Bond, not even close to his name....

    Also It's an old card....

  15. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    According to... - there is 1 Hugh Janus :)

  16. Dan White
    Paris Hilton

    @Nobody called that on the electoral roll...

    Means nothing, you wouldn't find me on a searchable electoral register either. If I was called Hugh Jass or Ivor Biggun I'm pretty sure I'd opt out too.

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Sara Cox wins.....

    She called her son Isaac

  18. Pie
    Paris Hilton

    Doesn't have his name in it's database, it's based on the 2001 census (which was the last not to have an opt out) so he could be younger than 26 and called hugh jass.

    there is a person called Cherrypie according to, parents eh who'd have them.

  19. Jame_s

    On a sort of related note..

    I used to work in a building on canal st called canal house

    there was a sign on the front read "Canal House - Entrance at rear" - you can guess which letter mysteriously disappeared.....

  20. randomtask

    Do a search for the name on and a number of Hugh Jass's come back!

  21. Dominic Kua

    Oh dear lord

    Forget a shopped Jass, there's a Hugh Jarse on the electoral roll according to yournotme.

    That poor man.

  22. heystoopid
    Paris Hilton


    Or on you tube Jay Leno Tv Show June Wedding round up of the following

    Choices in names says gay Paree ?


    2 people with the surname: Fuchsova

    And one with the forename: Muthughanthreege

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    There was a German German teacher (he was a teacher from Germany who taught German) at Bath University called Berndt Koch

  25. Anonymous Coward

    easy to forge, easy to paintshop

    but easiest of all is simply to make a formal request ... I, for example, have an account in the name of Michael Mouse.

  26. Anonymous Coward

    Even more annoyingly...

    ... should surely be :-(

  27. Matt Thornton

    One side effect...

    Of outsourcing everything to Asia, is some humourous names. I'm currently dealing with a chap, whose first name is "Sukhdeep". You can imagine the fun to be had in suggesting possible brides for him, Ms Throat springs to mind.

  28. Chris
    Paris Hilton

    My mate's last name is Hunt ...

    ... so we call him Isaac.

    Paris, cos she's got one too.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    Similar to when they amended the name of a street in Manchester - Canal Street. Some comedy genius removed the C and S...

  30. Dangermouse

    My name is...

    ...Hugh J. Penis.

    Stop sniggering at the back.

  31. Ian Poole

    RE: I think we need a contest

    I win!

    Try googling Seymour Bush...


  32. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Dunno about that, but

    I did meet a lady called Jenny Taylor. Made me snigger, anyway...

    Anon. because I think she worked in IT...

  33. Mike

    Obvious but true

    I know a gentleman by the name of Michael Hunt. Yes he shortens his name the same as I do.

    The one with Seymour Butz on the label, please

  34. Mike

    Oh, nearly forgot...

    If this is going to be a recurring story type on here, we need a Bart Simpson icon as well

  35. JP Sistenich

    Best Name Competition?

    I thought that was already won by Batman bin Suparman a while back.

    Photo of Singaporean ID to prove.

    The red cape with the black, pointy-eared cowl please...

  36. syntax23
    Thumb Up

    true story

    I used to work with a gay guy called ....

    Roger Mycock

    Thats honestly true...

  37. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Needs a title

    I have seen a medical specialist with the name Ivor Payne. i did think I was the victim of a cruel joke at first.

  38. Chris Holford
    IT Angle

    IT angle

    Years ago I had a shareware word game called BAGO;

    -the author called himself Hugh Jarse. There were 'easter eggs' which popped up pictures of scantilly-clad buxom females;, apparently at rare, random intervals. -or at least, despite trying, I never found the combination to trigger them. :(

  39. Anonymous Coward


    Didn't George Michael register at hotels under the name Hugh Jass. I can't be arsed to google it.

  40. David
    Dead Vulture


    I went to school with a girl called Joy Staines. It didn't seem funny at the time ...

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Looks Fake anyway...

    If you zoom into the pic between "Hugh" and "Jass" the pixels change considerably, it looks like the "MR HUGH" has been pasted on in front of the original "JASS" as the later part has a background consistent with the rest of the card. Also in the same area the bottom edge of the card is lower than the rest of the bottom edge....well it looks like that to me anyway?!

  42. Reallydo Wannaknow

    Cruelest Name

    I used to work with a programmer, poor fellow ... first name Richard, last name Head. He never used the nickname "Dick". Understandable.

  43. Anonymous Coward

    "Randy Hooker"

    Google it - is quite a popular name...

  44. Phillip Allen

    BBC gardener...

    There's a Gardeners World presenter called Gay Search...

  45. DutchOven

    old nugget

    I'm surprised no-one has mentioned the perennial "Drew Peacock" yet.

    (coat because I'm checking all your IDs to make sure they're real)

  46. Doug Glass

    A Favorite

    Holden McGroin

  47. Anonymous Coward

    Names in the News

    A couple of years ago, there was a hullaballoo over women at Augusta National (where The MAster's golf tournament is held) and a protester actually managed to get quoted in the newspaper under the name Heywood Jablome.

  48. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Richard Head

    I used to work with a Richard Head. He was a lorry driver delivering stuff to road constructions sites.

    Obviously his mates would call him Dick. :-)

  49. Anonymous Coward

    Truth is stranger than fiction

    At the first company I worked at, there were a few interesting names including a Tony Moroni, Dick Tate and, yes, there was a Michael Hunt. I was told that Michael was very sensitive about his name being shortened, so I never risked it.

  50. Jonnie Justice

    Unlucky for one child in a family to have a bad name.

    There were two brothers at my school called, Andrew and Peter Ness. Registration were a riotous affair.

  51. cynic

    Another couple ...

    Mr. & Mrs. Thyme, who named their son Justin. Also Hugh Jardon comes to mind

  52. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Fungus the bogeyman....

    Lives / lived in sheffield, had something to do with the university and was the first ever credit card customer of the maplin electronics shop back in about 1991 as i remember.

    Needless to say i asked for identity and there it was on his old style driving license...

  53. LaeMi Qian

    Dwayne Pipe

    And while my board first-name is rather humorous too, it isn't quite my real name. But that didn't stop my actual name being shortened to it all the time at high school.

  54. Anonymous Coward

    First saw this at a tradeshow...

    ...and didn't quite believe it, but Wayne Kerr really does make test equipment:

  55. Scott Hopper
    Jobs Horns

    And the winner is...

    "Hi, we have a reservation under the name of Kunt."

    -"What is the first name?"


    -"Absolutely. (to a hostess)Could you please show the Kunts to their table? Enjoy your dinner."

    I believe it is actually illegal to publish a a customer's credit card receipt, no matter how edited, so I can't furnish the written proof. However, this is truly one of those times when reality makes you cry.

  56. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Someone I worked with...

    Claimed he once spoke to a lady named Beta Turner Over - possibly not that spelling (and possibly not true) but makes I laugh.

    As does Judge Willie Stroker; (maybe that didn't come out right... no that's not what I meant either... bother)

    Paris I think because of the obvious connotations...

    Girl walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre - so he gives her one ;)

  57. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    from Amsterdam

    I give you...

    Mr. Gerrit Out

    - not pronounced as it looks, of course, but apparently it is not compulsory to tell your receptionist that when providing a list of expected visitors...

  58. Justin Whiteoak

    marriage is a funny thing

    Whilst out working I met a married couple. THe wife was busy telling me that she was not taking her husbands name as she didnt think the name tickle was appropriate to go with Tess.

    Personally I dont see an issue with Mrs Tess Tickle

  59. RKP
    Paris Hilton

    How about..

    An IT teacher who taught in a college I attended, she introduced herself on the first day of class thus: "Hi, I'm Gai Daily". She was a stunner too and certainly had my perverted imagination running at full steam.

  60. Captain DaFt
    Thumb Up

    A couple of my favorites

    Maiden Name: Truly Gold, Married name: Truly Boring. (Her wedding made headlines just because of the name.)

    And, apocryphal, The Sonova family that once had a summer house in New Orleans called "Sonova Beach".

  61. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    That nothing My next dor neighbour is called

    Mike Hunt.

    Irish guys will also find this amusing, I was in school with a Ulick Mc gee.

  62. Anonymous Coward


    I had an Asian student in one of my classes at university who had the name "Fu Ken Ho"..... seriously. The subject was marked in groups and it used to crack me up every time I saw his group submit an assignment with that printed on the cover. Also had an Asian tutor called "Wrong Do" honestly the worst tutor I ever had.

  63. Roy Gamsgro


    I once knew a girl named Randi Hole... :P

  64. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    A few real people I have known

    I worked with a Justin Sunshine and a Teresa Green (more fool her as it was her married name). Lastly there was William Anker,

    IT as the first two may be reading this.

  65. Beachhutman

    Taffy was a

    boss I had, in Leeds, about 1992, who rejoiced by the name of Ivor John Thomas. I didn't know his middle name til later. Then there was the Danish gent who no one would believe was real, Bent Kock. He will google.

  66. Phil

    Went to school with...

    A guy called Richard Soale. Come roll-call time, his was the only name called out surname before initial (the rest of us being initial then surname). Guess that's the only way the the teachers could keep a straight face.

  67. Alan James

    A really, really, unfortunate name

    I once knew a guy called Mike Hunt. He was very assertive about it, brazening it out like. I never once heard him call himself Michael, Mick or Micky.

    Instead he'd answer the phone with all guns blazing. Example. "Mike Hunt, how can I help you?" Or, "Mike Hunt, what can I do for you today?".

    His PA had worked for him for over ten years and she still cracked up every time. But I guess that was payback for all those times when she got the worst of it. "No I'm sorry, Mike Hunt is out of the office." Or "Mike Hunt is on holiday until next Tuesday".

    I think it helped that said Mr Hunt was a very large and very fit former rugby player, with whom one would not proactively seek a disagreement.

  68. Charles Pearmain
    Jobs Halo

    @Hugh Janus

    Ok, its a quiet morning, VERY quiet. But I admit to a snigger when I saw where the following url carried me to:

  69. David Sidebotham
    Jobs Halo

    This ain't funny

    Having lived with this type of problem for many years I can say that once you get over youthful shyness having a funny name can be an advantage.

    However any parent with an odd name should think carefully about the selection of a first name, for example I should hate to be named Richard and I think that O'Toole would also have the same problem with Dick. I also heard about a woman named Edna Box (head in box), sometimes these things are not obvious.

    You also have to be careful with associations. For example I once worked for a chap called Kingsley Fairy and then later for Brian Bonniface. I could never stand next to either in case someone should say "Oh look there is ... and ...". Just not on is it.

    It gets worse. My grandmothers family name is Alcock and I cannot stand next to my cousin for the same reason. Some unkind person might observe that my family moved from front to back in two generations.

    For once in my own name:

  70. Graham
    Thumb Up

    According to

    There is one person in the whole of the UK with the name that must result in a barrage of jokes after every introduction, "I'd like you to meet Mike Hunt".

  71. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Here in the US...

    About 15 years ago I was looking up a telephone number in the directory. The name I saw, I told myself, had to be a joke. I called the number only to reach a rather angry gentleman you started the conversation with, "Yes! That is my actual name in the phone book. Wong Numba is my actual name. If you are calling to really talk to me, I'm sorry for being mad. If you're another assh*le calling to see if you get a real person, go F*ck yourself!".

    Needless to say, I told him I must have dialed the Wong Numba.

    Yeah, I was a real prick in my youth.

  72. Andy Pyne

    Not a sweary one, but funny none the less

    Lt Cdr Flex Plexico

    Also I think there's a guy in the US military called Max Fightmaster.

    Well....I thought they were funny

  73. Paul

    I have worked with

    Wayne Kerr

    Rosie Blum

    Mike Hunt

    at various points in the last 10 years.

    None of the projects worked...

  74. James Condron

    My Name...

    During a (very boring) few weeks off with a broken wrist, and after exhausting the impulse buying possibilities of the internet, I added 'Superfly' as my middle name. I even shelled out for the extra legal copies in case I lose the original.

  75. Tom Rowan

    Big Company Directories...

    ..are a great place to find some awesome names. I've worked for a couple of the really huge Global organisations and searching in the Outlook directory can be very enlightening.

    There are all sorts of w*nkers and similar in there.

    Worth an hour if you're in a global company...

  76. Peter

    Silly names

    Late 60s there was a guy in the RAF in Gibraltar. His name was something Hardly-Stiff, but he always pronounced it Hardly- Styf...

  77. Ishkandar

    and then there was....

    ...a Welsh(?) chappie called Hugh Rinal !! And an Irish chappie who was christened Patrick but always nicknamed "Break" because his surname is O'Day !!

    And an English teacher called Mr. Steaker who absolutely refused to apply his initial because his name was Peter !!

    But the best was a colleague whose real name was Simon Horatio Ignatius Trelawney !! No shit !! He waged a 10 year feud with his parents from the age of 8 until he could legally change his name by deed poll !!

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