My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole The regular readers among you will know we're a bit fond of stories relating to parents who slap their sprogs with ill-advised or downright perverse names, as evidenced by the cases of 4Real, Metallica, @, John Blake Cusack Version 2.0, Renault Megane and, spectacularly, Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Well, this in-depth …
In my life I've known a few good ones. As a kid I knew a guy called Peter Gotobed. Seriously! I sat next to Roger Bannister at school - although he couldn't run a mile in his life, let alone 4 minutes.
If you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer you should spot a couple of humorous names in the titles. Brian Wankum is there from the start, and Thomas Wanker makes an appearance later on.
Say it quickly...
"I've no tool"
It took a sec, but I got it. Phil McCrackin is better, imo.
When I worked in customer service, we had an account under the name of Mr. Diesel T. Truck. No shit. Diesel Truck! His middle name was "Tractor". That's right, Diesel Tractor Truck.
And he named his son "Mack".
I knew a kid called Wayne Kingham. He had a massive chip on his shoulder and a weird superiority complex, so he always felt he had to intimidate people. Being a short-arse didn't help him, but his two big mates did. I'm pretty sure his name turned him into the dick he became, a bit sad really.
... of very diminutive stature christened Richard. All who knew him made heroic efforts NOT to call him "little/tiny dick".
And then there was this guy in Hong Kong who thought that Ivan was a real cool christian name. Unfortunately his surname was Ho !!
However, a real cool pseudonym, most often used in various shows and conventions to fox the aggressive salespersons, is Ivor Ardon !!
Went to college with a guy named Royal Champion. He went by Roy. I'd have gone by, "Boy who killed his parents for giving him his stupid name and no court would convict him" myself.
Not quite so bad as a teacher from the 50s in my home town. Ima Smith. She married Bill Hoar. I still shake my head when I read of someone named Ima.
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Know some guy in the Sealed Knot, whose name is Dick Crack, seems he had to goto hospital a while back, not sure on the reason but liquid intake of some sort was involved....
After the nurses stopped laughing, he had to show them some id to get them to believe it :)
Who gave us such classics as:
Delbert the Dynamite Dude
Ivor Lott
Lucky Dick
Lucy Lastic
Lazy Bones
Milly O'Naire
Penny Less
Tiny Tycoon
Toy Boy
Tony Broke
Conclusive proof really that if you get them when they are young, comic wash them, then they will turn out as brainless adults naming their sprogs for a lifetime of ridicule.
Though actually Delbert the Dynamite Dude may have been quite a good name to have, where is that deed poll.
...for someone I knew in University. His name was Wayne Kerr. Wayne Bevin Kerr to be exact. Poor bloke. Not only for the obvious joke, but the fact we kept making Muppets "mihmihmih" noises every time someone mentioned the "B. Kerr" part of his name. ^_^
Kept on wishing our Physics lecturer was named "Honeydew".
My first job's corporation (GRCI) had a subsidiary with an even worse name than you can possibly conceive (at least for marketing purposes).
But there was someone in the phone book by the name of Foo Kyu Chen. I kid you not. I used to call the lab and hope I'd be answered by Fu Kyu.
But then, the even worse name I mentioned above was "Beagles for Research."
When I worked for IEEE, eons ago, there was a short paper submitted by a German author whose surname was the F-word. After verifying that, I had to shepherd it through galleys and page proofs (metal in those days), as our typesetters kept changing it to the common German name Fuchs (fox).
I guess this author did not want to disrespect his paternal line. A case of extreme filial piety?
Went to school with Jimmy Riddle, Joy Jester, Mike Hunt.
Dated a girl named (Jenny) Virginia Peters.
Worked with Anne Marie Ondick (Have you seen Anne Marie Ondick?)
Had a room-mate that we would send mail to (Had an Irish Postman)...
under the name of Richard Wanker. The postman always rang the bell and waited to see if he would open the door, and hand it to him, and just laugh!!!
Met a Dale Rivers.
And I live not far from Climax, North Carolina.
In Pennsylvania, there are 3 towns, in a row, Blue Balls, Intercourse, and Climax!
Rich Hard Stan More Buck
Paris, (made her laugh so hard, she cried)
'cause she knows there is more to a person than just a name,
There is also the money aspect. I've got that covered too!
Used to work as a postie, on one of the deliveries there is a Chinese restaurant called Hing Ho, Kept seeing letters addressed to Fuk Hing Ho and assumed it was just some people taking the piss. That is until I was working on the desk and she came in to get a package... Kept a straight face while looking at her ID and finding the parcel, right up until the point where she walked out the door
Paris, because.... Do I really need to explain?
True -
I used to know a lovely Scottish girl called Isabel Cummings . . . except that she always went by the traditional Scottish short form of . . . "Isa . . ." (Pron: Eyes-ah)
I presume by now everyone else here is mentally tuned into that famous sketch from Monty Python's Life of Brian with "Biggus Dickus and Incontinentia Buttocks"
The one time we went to VA to visit my aunt and uncle they introduced us to their new acquaintance Dotty Snotty whose son was named Scotty.
There is also a barn not far from my house that has a plaque "A. Hole, D. Hole, 1837".
Also its only Blue Ball, Pa. Unfortunate accident with a pistol that made it singular not plural;). And Rick forgot about Bird in Hand being right there too, and Virginville is right nearby too.
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