back to article My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole

The regular readers among you will know we're a bit fond of stories relating to parents who slap their sprogs with ill-advised or downright perverse names, as evidenced by the cases of 4Real, Metallica, @, John Blake Cusack Version 2.0, Renault Megane and, spectacularly, Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. Well, this in-depth …

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  1. Daniel
    Thumb Down

    Sir Conn Medic

    tells me that that's not very funny at all.

  2. Billy Gannon

    Appropriate names...

    I was in school with a guy whose second name was Gamble. His mother was called Betty Gamble...

    and yes, she worked in a bookies office.

  3. Anonymous Coward
    Unhappy

    Spare a thought...

    Not at all comical, but I used to know a guy by the name of Marion Wancio, needless to say the poor sod had had a stutter since childhood.

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I think I'm being thick...

    But I don't get it.

    Kind regards

    Richard Assman.

  5. thomas k.

    better than ...

    Well, better than Lon Moore, I suppose.

  6. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    HP

    There's a guy at HP in the US that's called Richard Bossack but prefers to be called Dick Bossack

  7. theotherone

    guess who called his son

    Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee

  8. Gordon Stewart

    Another...

    I used to work with a guy called Austin Martin

  9. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Another...

    Clifford Edge.

    I kind of like Audio Science, but Pilot Inspektor is up there with Zowie Bowie.

  10. Dick Lovewell
    Paris Hilton

    Real names

    I've always been quite happy with mine. None of this 'name of pet and road" rubbish for some of us to come up with their pr0n star name for some of us...

    Paris, because her name is more than a name too.

  11. Dave_H
    Happy

    Names

    I did some contract work for a German called Dr. A. Kunt, who joked that his brother was an Inspector in the local police.

    My father went to school with a James (Jimmy) Riddle.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Funny names

    In my life I've known a few good ones. As a kid I knew a guy called Peter Gotobed. Seriously! I sat next to Roger Bannister at school - although he couldn't run a mile in his life, let alone 4 minutes.

    If you watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer you should spot a couple of humorous names in the titles. Brian Wankum is there from the start, and Thomas Wanker makes an appearance later on.

  13. Daren Nestor

    I knew a guy called...

    Gerard King. He was insisted that his name was Gerard, not Ger... why do parents do this to their children?

  14. William Wallace

    Re: Another

    My uncle worked in insurance for 30+ years and collected a large number of odd names. His favourite was Orson Carte.

  15. William Wallace

    Re: Another

    Rather scarily, I just googled "orson carte" and was presented with teh following snippet

    "Orson Carte, our man on the tools, ponders life's great mysteries ... Orson Carte ... Orson Carte, Security Installer columnist, writes on security ..."

  16. Simon Williams

    Check out the shortening before naming the baby

    I once knew a Joanna King who was sick of people chatting her up at parties with the opener 'You must be Jo King'.

  17. Mark

    Ivana Trump

    I wonder if anyone's ever said to her, "well go ahead, don't hold it in on my account"

  18. Frank

    Just call me...

    What about Randy Bender?!

  19. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I really did....

    go to school with Richard Head!

    Paris because, well you've seen the video...

  20. Sarah Bee (Written by Reg staff)

    Re: Check out the shortening before naming the baby

    I've met a Jo King. There's a lot of it about.

    I knew an Andrew Rowsell. Mr A. Rowsell. His sister was called Louisa. Naughty, naughty parents.

  21. pctechxp
    Happy

    least he wasn't called

    Ivor Bigun

  22. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    what wrong with Ivan o toole?

    I dont get it.........

    I once took a support call from a Wan King

    and his father was Lee King.

    I also new a guy a called oliver klosov

  23. Matt
    Boffin

    MY SIXTH FORM TUTOR MAY HAVE BEEN AN ALCOHOLIC

    She was called Stella Foster. That much is true.

  24. Solomon Grundy

    Don't Forget

    Mike Hunt. He's actually a surgeon at a nearby hospital (but he goes by Michael, go figure).

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    "Sarah Bee"

    I don't know, is there?

    Mines the one with the green & black stripes.

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I went out with...

    a girl called Shelly Beach

  27. Mark

    Jo King...

    ...but have you met a Wayne King???

    ( I haven't, but there must be one or two about )

  28. GrahamT

    @Dave_H

    I also went to school with a Jimmy Riddle, and once worked with a Teresa Green.

    My daughter went to school with a John Lennon.

  29. Dave Ross
    Happy

    I hope for the day...

    we find that someone is actually called Warrick Hunt...

  30. Michael

    You don't get it?

    Say it quickly...

    "I've no tool"

    It took a sec, but I got it. Phil McCrackin is better, imo.

    When I worked in customer service, we had an account under the name of Mr. Diesel T. Truck. No shit. Diesel Truck! His middle name was "Tractor". That's right, Diesel Tractor Truck.

    And he named his son "Mack".

  31. coozoe
    Alert

    This guy got the bird from his parents

    His name was Bob O'Link. I worked with him.

  32. Doc Technical
    Paris Hilton

    I wonder if he's related...

    ...to Miles O'Toole.

    Paris, because she's been there and done that.

  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    There are consequences

    I knew a kid called Wayne Kingham. He had a massive chip on his shoulder and a weird superiority complex, so he always felt he had to intimidate people. Being a short-arse didn't help him, but his two big mates did. I'm pretty sure his name turned him into the dick he became, a bit sad really.

  34. William Wallace

    Re :Jo King

    Every time I hear the end of Gardener's Question Time on Radio 4, the announcer states that the "producer was joking".

  35. yeah, right.

    bad names

    Mr and Mrs Dyck, living next door to a friend of mine, named their son Randy*. They must have really hated him.

    *: Seriously. Search for "randy dyck".

  36. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I once knew..

    a woman named Anne whose maiden name was Redican, which only became marginally better when she married a Merry (Meradeth) Player. My wife knew a woman called Rose Rose (her married name) and I swear I went to school with a girl called Theresa Green!

  37. Mike Moyle

    At a university I attended...

    ...the organizational board outside the offices of the School of Public Health listed the lead researchers in the communicable diseases section as Dr. Clapp and Dr. C. D. Cox.

  38. Peter Johnstone
    Joke

    I bet he wished he'd been called...

    miles!

  39. Alan Ferris
    IT Angle

    There is a story ...

    ...that a GP once had to persuade Mr & Mrs Janus not to call their son Hugh.

    Who cares if it's true, it's such a nice story

  40. damonlab
    IT Angle

    My vice principal in school was named

    Anita Cox.

  41. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    More bad names

    I used to work with a network engineer named Michael Kok. Yes he went by Mike. Lead to all kinds of derisive snorts and chuckles when he would join a conference call and announce himself.

    Then there's also the race car driver Richard Trickle. Yes, he goes by Dick.

  42. Doug Glass
    Thumb Up

    Real Names

    Patricia Hogg

    Harry Cox

    Richard (Dick) Eaton

    David Derryberry

    Patricia Screws

    I went to school with all of these very warm bodies....some very warm indeed.

  43. Tom Ware

    There is a vet out there...

    ...called Everard Koch.

    Fine upstanding fellow too.

  44. John Watts
    Thumb Up

    Support call

    Years back I took a call from Joy Center who lived in (wait for it..)

    .

    .

    .

    .

    .

    Climax North Carolina.

  45. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Let's not forget...

    The American racecar drive, Dick Trickle.

  46. Anonymous Coward
    IT Angle

    We have a bloke at work...

    ...called Ken Hunt. We had to change his email address and username as he didn't like the regular one very much!

  47. gaz
    Paris Hilton

    Couple of names

    At one of the Hospitals I support, there is an estates engineer called Wayne Kerr!

    Also my step daughter who is called Erin, refuses to accept my surname because it's Dawes!

    Paris - cos well why not, and she has a famous name

  48. Ishkandar

    I knew a guy...

    ... of very diminutive stature christened Richard. All who knew him made heroic efforts NOT to call him "little/tiny dick".

    And then there was this guy in Hong Kong who thought that Ivan was a real cool christian name. Unfortunately his surname was Ho !!

    However, a real cool pseudonym, most often used in various shows and conventions to fox the aggressive salespersons, is Ivor Ardon !!

  49. Jason Harvey

    yeah...

    I knew a girl names Lisa in high school... last name Moorehead

    I work with a guy named Mike Hundt and does go by Mike.

    My name was rather the boring thing until the Friday the 13th movies came out.

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Funny names

    I kid you not, at my school there really were two pupils called Paul Styrene and Tammy Paxman - what on earth were their parents thinking about?

  51. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Wayne Carr...

    I work for a major pharmaceutical company and we really do have a Wayne Carr at our place along with a Richard Bollock

  52. Richard Claunch
    Happy

    Here are a couple more!

    I went to school with a guy named Mike Penix, and you can guess his school nickname!

    For many years the District Attorney in our county was Buddy Phallus!

  53. Mark
    Pirate

    Luckily

    you usually get to plant the evil SOB's who did that to you.

    Feel free to point that out to them while they are alive and add "by the way, thanks for the stupid name".

  54. SnowHawk
    Happy

    New a couple odd ones in the US Army

    I went through boot camp with James Dean, and Kirk James.

  55. Chris Teague

    And more..

    Went to college with a guy named Royal Champion. He went by Roy. I'd have gone by, "Boy who killed his parents for giving him his stupid name and no court would convict him" myself.

    Not quite so bad as a teacher from the 50s in my home town. Ima Smith. She married Bill Hoar. I still shake my head when I read of someone named Ima.

  56. This post has been deleted by its author

  57. gaz

    And one more....

    A good few years ago I had to set up an email address for a new member of staff called Gay Boyes. Absolutley true.

  58. Alan

    "Lasers".

    A support guy at a vendor of ours is called Scott Evil. I asked his coworkers if he'd changed his name especially and they told me no, and not to mention it.

    Yes, I'd love some chocolate ass-cream.

  59. Ron Eve

    Python

    there was a Python sketch involving a character called Smoketoomuch, who apparently wasn't aware of the significance of his name until pointed out to him...

  60. tony trolle

    and more (2)

    Mary Christmas - a London Pub/bar manager

  61. tony trolle

    And those old enough to remember

    "That's life" on the BBC. Some Post Office telephone workers put one of there co-worker phone numbers in the phone directory but changed the name to "Wong Number".

  62. Steve Liddle
    Happy

    Imagine going to hospital with a name like...

    Know some guy in the Sealed Knot, whose name is Dick Crack, seems he had to goto hospital a while back, not sure on the reason but liquid intake of some sort was involved....

    After the nurses stopped laughing, he had to show them some id to get them to believe it :)

  63. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    I don't get it

    by Hugh Toole.

    Paris, because maybe she does?

  64. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Just read an article by

    an officer in the army about his time in Afghanistan who rejoices in the moniker Major Spares!

    ;)

    ROFL!

  65. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I blame Buster and, Whizzer and Chips

    Who gave us such classics as:

    Delbert the Dynamite Dude

    Ivor Lott

    Lucky Dick

    Lucy Lastic

    Lazy Bones

    Milly O'Naire

    Penny Less

    Tiny Tycoon

    Toy Boy

    Tony Broke

    Conclusive proof really that if you get them when they are young, comic wash them, then they will turn out as brainless adults naming their sprogs for a lifetime of ridicule.

    Though actually Delbert the Dynamite Dude may have been quite a good name to have, where is that deed poll.

  66. JohnG

    Linsey Doyle..

    ...was a girl living in SE London.

  67. Mick
    Happy

    my name really is...

    Michael Myers... and no I prefer Mick to Mike but still get all the Halloween quips, indeed last year I bit the bullet and bought the outfit for a fancy dress party!

  68. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Actually, I got that wrong

    The Major was, in fact, Major Slack which is even better;).

    Paris, because she's not slack, at all.

  69. Phil B

    Drew Peacock...

    A friend was about to call her (unborn) baby Drew until someone pointed out her surname was Peacock.

  70. Steen Hive
    Heart

    Drapes

    New a rather fetching young lady in Limerick, Éire called Annette Curtain.

  71. Neoc
    Unhappy

    Spare a thought...

    ...for someone I knew in University. His name was Wayne Kerr. Wayne Bevin Kerr to be exact. Poor bloke. Not only for the obvious joke, but the fact we kept making Muppets "mihmihmih" noises every time someone mentioned the "B. Kerr" part of his name. ^_^

    Kept on wishing our Physics lecturer was named "Honeydew".

  72. Michael
    Pirate

    Bad Names, Worse Karma

    My first job's corporation (GRCI) had a subsidiary with an even worse name than you can possibly conceive (at least for marketing purposes).

    But there was someone in the phone book by the name of Foo Kyu Chen. I kid you not. I used to call the lab and hope I'd be answered by Fu Kyu.

    But then, the even worse name I mentioned above was "Beagles for Research."

  73. Argus Tuft

    my doctor's name

    is (truely) Dr Payne...

  74. Justin Cottrell
    Paris Hilton

    Worst name in existence

    I know of a man called Wayne Kerr, runs his own company called wayne kerr test. Quite a big company. See http://www.waynekerrtest.com/

    Poor old sod, who would give anybody a name like that????

  75. Diarmuid Pigott

    Big shot at the IOC

    is called Dick Pound, something that Roy and HG were endlessly delighted by (google them if you don't know them already)

  76. Larry Adams
    Paris Hilton

    Strange names...

    When my wife was expecting our second child, the Ob-Gyn see saw a couple of times was Dr. James Coffin...

  77. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Support Call...

    @ John Watts

    How could you forget Intercourse, Pennsylvania?...

    Paris, because, well, you know....

  78. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Support Call...

    @ John Watts

    How could you forget Intercourse, Pennsylvania?...

    Paris, well, you know why...

  79. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    I work with...

    Cosy Quarters.

  80. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    I remember well...

    My University graduation ceremony. We all had sheets listing the people who were being awarded degrees, and none of us could wait to see how the Chancellor was going to pronounce the name of a certain Oriental woman who's name was spelled "Fuk Yu". Really.

    How we laughed!

  81. Neil

    Pilot Inspektor

    That'd be Jason Lee of My Name Is Earl fame...

    When I was in tech support there was a customer called Barry Batman. His account kept getting cancelled and he kept having to prove it was his real name.

  82. Chris Williams

    Well there's a Randy Fitzpeter...

    ... which leads me to wonder (with the obvious conclusion to this sentence galloping toward us very predictably and at full speed) if Peter Fitzrandy?

  83. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Work colleague

    with the name of "Dick Tester", not sure if his name was really "Richard" but everyone in work knew him as Dick.

  84. 2FishInATank

    TVS/Meridian News Bod

    About 15-20 years ago there was a news reporter on the TVS/Meridian news called Chris Peacock.

    He went by that monicker for several years before 'rebranding' as Christopher Peacock.

    He may still be there for all I know/care.....

  85. Daniel
    Pirate

    There was a doctor in a hosiptal in Herts ..

    ... in the 80's called Dr. De'Ath. No joke ...

  86. Sandra Greer

    Couldn't help it ---

    When I worked for IEEE, eons ago, there was a short paper submitted by a German author whose surname was the F-word. After verifying that, I had to shepherd it through galleys and page proofs (metal in those days), as our typesetters kept changing it to the common German name Fuchs (fox).

    I guess this author did not want to disrespect his paternal line. A case of extreme filial piety?

  87. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    James T Kirk?

    One of the well known US AV vendors in the UK, had an account manager by that name...

  88. Jon
    Paris Hilton

    Job & Title

    My parents accountant was A. Swindler. They mentioned asked why he didn't use his first name. It was Adam...

  89. Stewart

    More Doctors...

    A few years back I saw a Doctor Cartilage who specialised in joints.

    When I lived in America one neighbour was called Randy Slicker - and he didn't see anything amusing in that...

  90. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    It could be worse

    I once worked with a Martin Amegashitsi, and I know a Juan King.

  91. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I always sign the Downing Street e-petitions as...

    Ann R. Sole

  92. Anonymous Coward
    Happy

    Another from the states

    Paige Reader

    (married name)

  93. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Names are fun

    I work in insurance, and the following gems have been seen in our cases:

    - Mustafa Kok

    - Dat Phat Ho

    - Fook Yuen

    - Fattie Gohbad

    - Stephanie Hunsucker

    I also went to High School with a Harry Johnson. In college, I had a class with an Araya Sunshine.

  94. David B

    Highschool English teacher of mine...

    ... was named Harry Dick.

    True story.

  95. Doug Glass
    Go

    Lest We Forget "American Grafitti"

    Mike Hunt

  96. rick buck
    Paris Hilton

    Pro Nunciations

    Went to school with Jimmy Riddle, Joy Jester, Mike Hunt.

    Dated a girl named (Jenny) Virginia Peters.

    Worked with Anne Marie Ondick (Have you seen Anne Marie Ondick?)

    Had a room-mate that we would send mail to (Had an Irish Postman)...

    under the name of Richard Wanker. The postman always rang the bell and waited to see if he would open the door, and hand it to him, and just laugh!!!

    Met a Dale Rivers.

    And I live not far from Climax, North Carolina.

    In Pennsylvania, there are 3 towns, in a row, Blue Balls, Intercourse, and Climax!

    Rich Hard Stan More Buck

    Paris, (made her laugh so hard, she cried)

    'cause she knows there is more to a person than just a name,

    There is also the money aspect. I've got that covered too!

  97. Michael Chester
    Paris Hilton

    Another one

    Used to work as a postie, on one of the deliveries there is a Chinese restaurant called Hing Ho, Kept seeing letters addressed to Fuk Hing Ho and assumed it was just some people taking the piss. That is until I was working on the desk and she came in to get a package... Kept a straight face while looking at her ID and finding the parcel, right up until the point where she walked out the door

    Paris, because.... Do I really need to explain?

  98. Dan Taylor

    My Maths teacher was called

    I Boreham

    I also worked with a guy called Richard Teasdale , which took about 30 seconds to change to 'Dick Tease' in the address book.

  99. Hans

    Lovely girl

    True -

    I used to know a lovely Scottish girl called Isabel Cummings . . . except that she always went by the traditional Scottish short form of . . . "Isa . . ." (Pron: Eyes-ah)

    I presume by now everyone else here is mentally tuned into that famous sketch from Monty Python's Life of Brian with "Biggus Dickus and Incontinentia Buttocks"

  100. John

    If I remember rightly

    There was a Korean government minister called Bum Suk. I also believe there was a footballer called Bum Soo. Or how about Danny Shittu? On the NVQ spreadsheets test I did in 1994 the grocer's was called Ivor Orange; surely it should've been Ivan....

  101. Niquapod
    Go

    Odd Virginians and unlucky builders

    The one time we went to VA to visit my aunt and uncle they introduced us to their new acquaintance Dotty Snotty whose son was named Scotty.

    There is also a barn not far from my house that has a plaque "A. Hole, D. Hole, 1837".

    Also its only Blue Ball, Pa. Unfortunate accident with a pistol that made it singular not plural;). And Rick forgot about Bird in Hand being right there too, and Virginville is right nearby too.

  102. Niquapod

    Odd Virginians and unlucky builders Follow Up

    I forgot. I've never seen the town Climax, but Paradise is right after Intercourse.

  103. Talamasca

    a few more

    Uncertain, TX

    Looneyville, TX

    Boring, OR

    Brothers, OR

    Sisters, OR

    Hell, MI

    Defiance, OH

    Eighty Four, PA

    Hurricane, UT

    Okay, OK

    Two Egg, FL

    Big Bone Lick State Park, KY (no pun intended)

    Or the Korean pole vaulter, Kim Yoo Suk

    Went to school with a girl named Vicky Vick.

  104. Scarlet
    Happy

    Well they kept me amused

    I'm my sort placement within a payroll department i saw a few p45's drifting through the place.. Mr Glasscock caused a few giggles in the department, and i went to school with a tabitha (you can imagine how people called out to her)

  105. Clayton Smith
    Paris Hilton

    Want to by a car?

    We have Dick Witham Chevrolet in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, USA (for our over seas folks)

    Also, here in the states, Randy is just a name, not a description.

    Paris, just beacuse

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