back to article Welder in DIY penis enhancement nut mishap

A Malaysian welder who tried to lengthen his penis by fitting a nut to it had to have skin removed and blood drained before doctors could remove the offending add-on. Local news organ The Star reports that the unfortunate 20-year-old tradesman was hoping to impress ahead of his engagement this week. The welder, who works in …

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  1. tom_mandory
    Stop

    pics

    any pics?

  2. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Doctors said...

    "Doctors ... yesterday said the patient would be discharged."

    Aaaah, so the patient didn't discharge on the docs. Thank heaven for small mercies.

  3. Steve Foster

    "nut mishap"

    fnarr, fnarr.

    It sounds like he'll be lucky not to have *lost* length...

    And I'm casting my vote for Euphemism of the Century to "bout of tumescence".

  4. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Brilliant

    "bout of tumescence", quite brilliant!! :-)

  5. Pete mcQuail
    Paris Hilton

    the patient would be discharged

    No, sorry I will resist...........

  6. Mike
    Thumb Down

    Cant belive

    You asked for pics.......

  7. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    What a wanker...

    All he had to do was buy some of those pills you can get on the Internet.

  8. This post has been deleted by a moderator

  9. TeeCee Gold badge
    Joke

    That'll teach him to use a nut.

    We all know that there's no substitute for a good screw.

  10. RaelianWingnut
    Heart

    Something for the weekend, sir?

    If his intended had been a reasonable gal such as myself, she'd have bought him a strap-on.

  11. adnim

    @tom_mandory:pics

    Wouldn't you prefer to look at some pictures of kittens instead? I most certainly would.

    Still each to his own, there's no accounting for taste, or lack thereof.

  12. Anonymous Coward
    Stop

    pics...

    or it didn't happen

    ...where did he put the nut?

  13. Silvergunner
    Joke

    Darwin Award special mention?

    This is perhaps the silliest thing i've heard all week. But saying that, "Peer Pressure + Credit Crunch = Cash-saving DIY Alternatives". Not that DIY Alternatives work properly, as shown in this case...

  14. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Nobody? ok then...

    ...so he got his nut off?

    Mine's the one with the Swedish made Penis Enlarger pump in the pocket.

  15. James Pickett
    Happy

    Escape

    If I was the fiancee, I'd take this as an omen, and leave him in the workshop. He's obviously happier screwing himself...

  16. Openminded Cynic
    Stop

    What a nut job!

    Indeed

  17. Michael H.F. Wilkinson
    Coat

    @Openminded Cynic:

    I rather prefer nut case

    mine's the one with the spanner in the pocket

  18. Internet ToughGuy

    Name him

    No way a story like this broke without somebody knowing what the guy's name is. And if I'd done it, I know my name would be in the article.

  19. Paul Crawford Silver badge
    Coat

    Size?

    They have not said what size of nut was used, nor what thread. Presumably he was using some size of metric coarse thread, but we need to know!

    The one with the 2" Whitworth spanner please...

  20. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Cure for a Bout of Tumescence

    This is where it's helpful to have a mental picture of Margaret Thatcher naked on a cold day. No need to call for help at that point.

    Mines the one with the Fembots on the back.

  21. James O'Brien
    Coat

    *twitch*

    Just what I needed to wake me up in the morning :P

    I cringed when I read article

    /mines the one with the nuts in it

  22. radian
    Unhappy

    wtf?

    Streuth Jim, Your post has given me a headache.

  23. Elmer Phud
    Happy

    @ Paul Crawford

    Although not specific about the nut it was obviously self-locking.

  24. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Sounds like a job for...

    http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/west_midlands/3485625.stm

  25. Hugh Jorgan
    Stop

    Who cares what type of nut

    Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosey. Even a welder would know this. Anyone check his union card?

  26. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    I'm sorry...

    But if that actually is true then the laws of natural selection have come through for humanity just it time! Heaven knows that the gene pool is seriously polluted enough as it is, but could you imagine MORE little morons like this, running around participating in the creation of more little morons?

    Mine's the one that has "Stupid people should NOT breed" on the back

  27. Eric Werme
    Joke

    When he gets married....

    I guess the next step will be to tighten the union fitting.

  28. Ian

    @Cure for a Bout of Tumescence

    You complete and utter bastard.

  29. Anonymous Coward
    Alert

    At least he didn't try welding

    At least, he didn't try to weld on an extension...

  30. Nick Lord
    IT Angle

    Reminds me of the old poem

    There once was a man named Joseph Locke

    Born into this world with a cork-screw cock.

    All his life he vowed to hunt

    For a girl with a cork-screw c*nt.

    But when he found her he dropped down dead,

    For the girl he found had a left-hand thread.

    Can't believe nobody's used the IT angle icon yet!

  31. Sam

    Does this mean...

    ...he's a nutter?

  32. skeptical i
    Go

    warning to the fiancee ...

    I hope she heeds it.

    Go! Go now! As fast and far as you can!

  33. Dave
    Coat

    And it says on the package

    May contain nuts

    I'll get me coat

  34. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    @Cure for a Bout of Tumescence

    >This is where it's helpful to have a mental picture of Margaret Thatcher

    That is enough. That would cure a near fatal viagra overdose.

    >naked

    Please stop, I quite like sex and I'd like to be able to do it again sometime soon

    >on a cold day.

    You "£$"£%

    Mine's the one with the Accidental Darwin Award in the pocket (no way I'm breeding after reading that posting!)

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    No everything is not all right

    It might not be all right for a long time.

  36. Secretgeek
    Happy

    @RaelianWingnut

    Aaalriight.

    Giggity-giggity.

    Nuff said on that I think.

  37. Dan
    Thumb Up

    @Jimtheboss

    I can see you are going to become the new resident t*@tatron...

  38. Nemo Metis
    Coat

    @Dan

    I thought we'd already let get to that point.....

    as for the story... nah, the jokes are too obvious there, so i'll just get my coat now....

  39. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Nuts or balls

    Could be worse there are some who insert ball bearings under the skin for that ribbed for extra pleasure feeling.

  40. Andus McCoatover
    Happy

    I wonder...

    ...did he use gas or arc to "join his union membership"

    (Snigger)

  41. Andus McCoatover
    Happy

    Nut sir prised.....@Nuts or balls

    Would'nt,be from experience, would it?

    OK. 'Nuff.

  42. Anonymous Coward
    Joke

    Jaws of Life?

    I heard they used the tweezers of life instead.

  43. Steen Hive
    Thumb Down

    @Thatcher

    Mental pictures not required - Thatcher's very existence would make one question the wisdom of bringing children into the World.

  44. Anonymous Coward
    Coat

    Must have gotten it cross-threaded

    OUCH

  45. Ishkandar

    What wimps !!

    In my day, the "cure to that Bout of Tumescence" is a sharp whack with a long hard stick. The shock will bring tears to his eyes and an immediate cessation of tumescence !! Works with dogs and other animals too !!

  46. JC
    Paris Hilton

    Don't Give The Kids Ideas

    ... now everyone's going to want one.

    Paris, because she wouldn't know any better either.

  47. C W
    Paris Hilton

    At least he didn't

    mix up the Loctite with the WD-40.

  48. pete
    Happy

    Somebody, anybody...

    Give this writer a raise!

  49. andy
    Go

    Raise?

    >Somebody, anybody...

    >By pete

    >Give this writer a raise!

    "bout of tumescence" surely...

  50. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Numb Nuts

    The guy is clearly a "Tube"

  51. Swee' Pea

    Chris or Lester?

    This seems like a Lester story. Granted, I had to look up "tumescence" but I also had to double-check the by-line.

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