'Why not try nude female midgets?' says Microsoft Adcenter

Microsoft Adcenter helpfully sent me a link to lists of low-cost keywords I could advertise on, categorised by sector, to “unlock new customers”. I had a quick look through the ’sport and rec’ list. Here is a small sample: Adcenter suggests "dogging swindon" Adcenter suggests "carriage dangerous goods road 1996 schedule 12 …

[Mark]

I want whatever 389 is

They're so exhausted/out of control after it they can't even type any more!

um gorw jfosf woomhama.

(because that's what I say when I get my clarinet played by PH!)

[Niall]

Duck Porn

Having seen a documentry on the mating habits of ducks, which includes multiple males hoping on one female and occasionally drowning her. I can only imgaine the extreme nature of their porn. best not to go there.

[Kevin Whitefoot]

Good to see my home town in the limelight

You mean that "dogging swindon" didn't attract you Andy?

Seems to be a strong connection with rugby. I wonder if this is a coincidence?

Coat or Paris? Decisions, decisions. Have to toss for it.

(A coin, you dirty minded person!)

[Gordon Pryra]

This explains why Micosoft's search is bobins

If they rate the "Watford Hare Krishna Temple" as Sports_&_Recreation or Hunting, this may explain why no one bothers using their search,

And presumably, why no one is going to give them any cash to advertise on thier rubbish system.

Incidently, how much would Google charge for me to have the duck porn keyword? (And rest assured, I will be typing that in when I get home from work O.o)

[Kev Beeley]

Well

I fully expect the entire list to be bought by eBay and/or Tesco before the end of the week

[Anonymous Coward]

Hare Krishna Temple Watford

How does one monetize that exactly? And where's the synergy between that and the sport of Rugby?

Watch out Google - not.

[Anonymous Coward]

Duck porn

What's the difference between kinky and perverted?

Kinky is when you use a feather

Perverted is when you use the whole duck

[Stephen Stagg]

Ooh, sue Microsoft

so, the advertising term 'Under 16 Nude' has been 'recently used' has it? (line 4035). If it's illegal to link to pirated music and videos, it must be illegal to link to illegal child porn content.

Of course, vulnerable children don't have the strong legal backing the likes of the MPAA have, but still.

[Joe K]

Yeesh

I can only hope that its a slip of the keyboard that changed "fuck" into Duck.

If not, then the Internet is a far wierder place than i thought.

[Scott]

BOFH

Please, please get the BOFH get a bean counter fired with Buck Porn. thats just to funny, sorry got to say it again Duck Porn still laughing now.

No Ducks where harmed in the writing of this comment.

[Anonymous Coward]

MS AdCenter

just rang them today asking

1)

why its £5 to sign up in England but $5 elsewhere -

answer- "it's the rate of exchange"

2)

Why min ad price is 5 cents in US and 5p here

ans - nobody really gets an ad for 5 cents

3)

Your name

ans - william anchor

paris .. because of her CPC

[Andy]

Duck porn

Googling for "duck porn" gets me 93,400 matches.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

No gay duck necrophilia?

That even got an Ig Nobel prize

see

http://improbable.com/ig/ig-pastwinners.html

http://www.nmr.nl/nmr/pages/showPage.do?itemid=1930&instanceid=16

as for 389: perl before or after RSA encryption?

[Anonymous Coward]

auto bidding like google...

So if MS had a similar "Use up any left overs of your ad budget on stuff you didn't ask for" system like google, could we expect that some of these might automatically get bought up (because you obviously wanted that - [we know better than you])... when did you last check that your google ads dont appear when you type in Duck Porn??

[Anonymous Coward]

@Joe K

Or Rule #34 on Count Duckula?

[Reptar]

yes plees

Plese sen me linkz 4 duck porn. i wil trade linkz 4 mouse bdsm.

[Pete]

the real questions are

... why did they think you'd be interested in those particular titles?

>These keywords are actual terms recently used by your customers

and what exactly do you do for your "customers"?

[Mattyod]

Wish I wasn't at work

I'm strangely interested to know what on earth a search for "Duck porn" returns.

[Mark]

re: Duck porn

Nah, perverted is when you light up a cigarette for the Duck afterwards...

[Secretgeek]

“vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv”

I think you'll find that was amanfromMars' last search.

[Anonymous Coward]

Duck Porn on YouTube

naughty threesome - kind of funny (and safe for work)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t33neiY9L_A

[DAN*tastik]

Confession

The search for *n b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv* originated from my computer. I forgot to cover my keyboard. I was playing with my duck. The duck was running away from me. The duck ended up on the keyboard.

I will make sure it doesn't happen anymore. I don't want my duck to accidentally type www.live.com on my keyboard again.

I think I'll drawn my duck ( I chose the closest icon I could find )

[Anonymous Coward]

Nude female bodybuilders

Um... I don't think that one was me.

[Zmodem]

lamers

it should be dogging swindon picnic area just outside of swindon

[Lupus]

vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv

I don't know about you but "vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv" is now added to my obfuscation addon.

[Michael H.F. Wilkinson]

vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv

that's just a very lame insider joke used among Brockian Ultracricketers

Sheesh, how often have I not heard that one when some white mouse scored a 6.

[Gilleain Torrance]

google : 1, microsoft : 0

A search for "vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv" on google.com now brings up this article.

A search on live.com brings up "no results".

Clear winner : google.

[Anonymous Coward]

DAN*tastik

"I think I'll drawn my duck ".

I think you mean, "I think I'll *drown* my duck.

Drawn is the past tense.

Mine's the one with all the rejection slips from comics in the pocket.

[Anonymous Coward]

RE: “vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv”

Oh, I do searches like that all the time.

When the PHB stress me out by pressing me to complete a project that would take a year to complete in a week.

I get angry and frustrated, and bang on the keyboard at google's main page.

Dead vulture, because I wish the PHB was.

[Tim Bates]

I think Microsoft need the FCC's "list of words"

Krusty: I could even tell the FCC to take a hike. Look at this list of words they won't let me say on the air. (Hands Bart a piece of paper)

Bart: Aww! All the good ones. Hmm, I never even heard of number nine.

Krusty: That's two-ing thirteen while she's eleven-ing your five.

Bart: Can I keep this?

Krusty: Sure, no twelve off my ass.

[Anonymous Coward]

@google 1 : microsoft 0

Whereas Yahoo lists Andy's blog above this article.

[Martin Maloney]

WARNING!!!

Duck Porn

No Peking

[Anonymous Coward]

I got youtube Donald Duck porn

Joe K;yes the internet is a far weirder place than it has any right to be.

[nukemdomis]

Duck Porn ain't so bad

I wish I could say that they were trying to spell "duck pond" or "*uck porn", but unfortunately some kinky people were most likely looking for some fresh ideas.

Try owning a site with the name "horsebanger" in the URL and then you'll really see some unbelievable stuff. I've seen far more repulsive search queries and keywords

[Anonymous Coward]

nude female midget

I'm planning on naming my new race car "the little nude female midget", don't anybody bid on that one. It's mine! Yes it's a small car, I don't have a big budget!

Some free advise to Microsoft. Yes I give advise for free! Stop shooting yourself in the foot. It's never worked before so stop doing it! HAHAHA

[Adrian Tritschler]

Just had to try...

Results 1 - 2 of 2 for "“vn b m gn mbnmncbm xbc bcv 0 vfkmjirhtfnkj nb b x bmnx bv". (0.40 seconds)

[Anonymous Coward]

Title

Would rather choke my chicken than drown my duck. Or should that be the other way round?