back to article Mashed up Met Police crime maps go online

A test version of the Metropolitan Police crime statistics map has gone online showing crime figures broken down by ward and sub-ward - about every 600 households. A quick search for the Vulture Towers postcode shows we're in a high crime area with 44 crimes in June compared to just 29 in May. Reg staffers were probably not …


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  1. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    rhyme with boris




  2. Michael Saunders

    Boris' name

    Boris "I'm just a Doris" Johnson.

  3. Solomon Grundy
    Thumb Up

    Centralized Safety

    It's nice to see that there is zero crime in downtown London. From Temple to the Tower and Beech to Upper Thames I know that I can travel with impunity: fearing neither violent or unpleasant things will happen to me.

    God save the Queen and the Met for they provide the peace loving citizens of the Empire with a haven of safety amid the 'High, Above Average, and Average' levels of crime in the surrounding wards.

  4. Alexis Vallance

    What to do

    Decisions decisions. Do you either burgle a recently robbed street who probably have shiny new gadgets from their insurers, or do you target an area that hasn't been done for a while, and rely on their complacency.

    This is a mad idea!!

  5. John Macintyre

    rhymes with boris

    i kinda like him so can't be too rude, but...

    Horrace (sounds like a horse)

    Norris (ie auntie)

    not so much a rhyme but catchy:

    bongo boris

    bonkers/bananas boris (that's the last one, back to nice boris)

  6. Anonymous Coward

    Well as he is London Mayor ...

    Use rhyming slang - so Mayor "Chuck" Johnson.

    Could lead to all sorts of weird images and obvious hilarity ...

    Oh and re: the cop site. Also nice if they had an overlay of "Solved crimes" - but that might prove a little embarrassing,

  7. b
    Thumb Up

    cool, crime's down in my area!

    i wonder if this will have a bearing on house prices?!

    er, i.e. go down even faster?!

    thumbs up for that!



    stuff and nonsense:

  8. Les Matthew

    I'm average

    12 in May 2 in June, sandwiched between two high areas about 50 yards away on either side.

    That makes me feel really safe.

  9. Adam Foxton

    Boris rhyme

    Bore Us? No, he doesn't manage that...

    Corus? No, they make steel pipes and the like.

    Whore us [out]? No, that's Brown...

  10. Drenkmeister

    Chuck Norris?

    Duff on crime, duff on the causes of crime?

  11. Jet Set Willy

    Hows about...

    "Bonkers" Boris Johnson.

    or "Barmy"

    or "Buffoon"

    they don't rhyme but they are fairly accurate monikers.

  12. D@v3

    Doesnt rhyme as such but...

    how about Boris ' bloody stupid ' Johnson

  13. Sam

    Apologies in advance

    And apologies to Billy Joel.

    I don't care what consequence it brings

    I have strained my brain for lesser things

    I think I've gone mad, I've hurt my head bad,

    But Boris Johnson is the hardest rhyme.

  14. Tom
    Thumb Up

    What's really new?

    The Met have had a crime figures website for a while, in fact it's linked as 'Detailed Crime Figures' off the new one. What's new - the whizzy Google maps stuff and the coloured areas for the hard of thinking, plus it goes down to subward rather than ward level. What's missing - quite a lot of types of crime (anything except burglary, robbery and vehicle crime) and per-month comparisons so you can see trends instead of being mislead by statistical spikes from one year to the next (June 2007 had twice as many murders as June 2008, but that doesn't mean the murder rate has halved).

    A cursory glance shows that crime is reducing, on the whole, nearly everywhere, but that the 'high' category covers a huge range of possible values. The boundaries are entirely arbitrary, in fact, and some explanation of how they're set would be nice.

    The main problem with it is comparing dissimilar areas using the crude measure of crimes per x people - the West End is a crime hotspot on this, presumably because it's got a lot of robbery crimes committed against people who are visiting, rather than locals (pickpocketing, in other words). This skews the figure a bit, because the resident population is relatively low. It indicates a crime problem, but not one that local residents need worry about overly or one that should affect house prices (which are astronomical there anyway).

    Also, it's mid-August now, and neither site has figures for July up yet...

  15. breakfast

    more rhymes




    It's a shame it doesn't quite stretch to "embarrassed".

    I guess "Forrest Johnson" has a certain something to it, though, a little feather of downy blonde hair blowing past a park bench... "Life is like a.. err.. well... hmmm... life... yes... what was I talking about again? Ah yes! Life... it could be considered shallowly analagous to a.. erm... yes... a box of chocolates. Hand-made belgian ones, obviously- none of that cheap cadburys tat for me!"

  16. Matt Bradley


    Isn't it just "Mayor Bo-Jo the clown"? Or am I missing the point?

  17. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    What about (at a stretch)

    Tori(e)s "blond haired tosser" Boris.

    Must something about blondes and intellegence genes

  18. Block


    i got one!!!

    boris (dances the morris) johnson

    florist kind of works too though the idea of boris morris dancing is frightenly easy to picture.

  19. Anonymous Coward

    Doing maps properly

    Point data (crimes)? Aggregated and classified by completely arbitary boundaries (wards)? Have they ever heard of the modifiable area unit problem (MAUP)?

    Given the right boundaries to map by i bet i can make almost any crime cluster in London vanish faster than you can say Home Office Statistics.

    Mine's the one with the "Basics of Geographic Information Systems and Cartography" guide in the pocket.

  20. Garth
    Paris Hilton

    The only thing that jumped out at me was...

    Clitoris... or Chorus, vaguely.

  21. Gianni Straniero


    Should be styled with his full title:

    His Excellency Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson Pasha, Sultan of London.

  22. Phil

    Genus Boris

    The name could depend on the Boris-ific context:

    - Botches Boris

    - Botched-it Boris

    - Hubris Boris

    - Catharsis Boris

    - Paralysis Boris

    - Biostasis Boris

    - Vulgaris Boris

    - Abinus Rhinoceros Boris

    - Bulbus Posteriorosis Boris

  23. Chris

    RE: Centralized Safety

    "It's nice to see that there is zero crime in downtown London. From Temple to the Tower and Beech to Upper Thames I know that I can travel with impunity: fearing neither violent or unpleasant things will happen to me."

    That's because The City of London (i.e. this area) isn't covered by the Met, but instead the City of London police - so the Met doesn't have the figures.

  24. Andy ORourke

    So what is meant by vehicle crime?

    Is it TWOCing, causing death by dangerous driving, drink driving etc or is it speed, sorry safety camera offences?

    If you appear to be living in a high crime area and don't think you are then take a look around, how many safety cameras are in your area?

  25. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    hmmm names for Doris, sorry Boris





    Morris Dancer Johnson?


  26. baz rowlingson
    Thumb Up


    Boris the Loris

    actually, he does look a bit like one....

  27. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Why rhyme anything?

    The Tory party call Boris BoJo because his initials are rude.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Boris 'the novice' Johnson?

    Does that work?, I always got the impression he was a novice when he talked. Just seemed to be clueless. Of course he could be brilliant - I've never met him, but I just kind of got that "I'm a politician because i'm totally incompetent at anything else and wouldn't survive 10 minutes in industry" vibe. Or well he's not been Mayor long, so still fits.

    Paris, because... oh i dunno.

  29. Anonymous Coward

    For all those cynics out there

    Take the survey

  30. this

    not a rhyme but

    surely Bendy Boris a a ring to it?

  31. Andrew Taylor

    not a rhyme either

    but what about "Karloff" 'cause his policies certainly scare the shit out of me.

  32. Andy

    Surely it's...

    ... Bollix Johnson? (Try Benny Hill pretending to be Japanese.)


  33. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward


    I prefer The "Night" Mayor.

  34. Dave

    I wonder

    how many plods are sitting in offices to gather and compile the data for this rather than being out on the beat?

  35. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    @ Mycho

    "The Tory party call Boris BoJo because his initials are rude."

    And what's wrong with Blow Job the Clown?

    At least it's more discrete than David 'Walks about with his helmet in his hand' Cameron...

  36. Julian Taylor Silver badge
    Jobs Halo

    Boris ...

    as in

    "Hey, hey Blonde BJ

    How many bendy buses did you get rid of today?"

    or not as the case may be

    (EJ Thribb is 17)

  37. JohnG

    Estate agents worried?

    They hadn't heard of upmystreet or a bunch of similar sites that give a load of information about any chosen area in the UK on topics like crime, school results, council tax, political representation and so on.

  38. jack horner

    Surely it's obvious...

    Why all this obsessing over rhyme? What's the problem with 'evil tory cunt'?


  39. Jimbob

    Boris rhyme

    Boris 'The Blade' Johnson. As in the character in 'Snatch'. Hang on a minute.....that won't go down well.

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