back to article Yes! It's Joyce McKinney, admits Joyce McKinney

The mystery that has gripped the world for days on end is finally resolved today as Bernann McKinney, keeper of cloned canids, admitted to being Joyce McKinney, molester of Mormon missionaries. The Daily Mail mumbles surprisingly quietly that it was right all along and that the 57-year-old, who hotly denied that she was who …


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  1. Anonymous Coward


    Um, favourite pet dies so you shell out good money to have it cloned into five more. You're NOT bringing back the same pet, just playing with fire/nature and artificially creating new ones which share the same genetics!

    I hope they turn into devil dogs, expire within a few weeks like the unnatural spawn of Satan they are, and drag you down with 'em you deluded muppet!

  2. Ryan Barrett

    Mad cows buy cloned dogs

    Oh, what a headline.

  3. Dangermouse

    Good deed?

    What fucking good deed?

    If she had got five new dogs from the local rescue centre then it might pass off as a good deed at a stretch, but not as it is.


  4. david

    A little hint...

    ...if you want to prove how good you've become - don't lie.

    Oh and try doing something really good rather than a selfishly wasting cash on having dogs made to order.

    I wonder if she has had the dogs dna tested? I'd have been temted to send her half a dozen pups of similar breed and take the money...but my morals have always been questionable when it comes to separating rich stupid people from their beer tokens.

  5. Kyle


    So cloning dogs creates "unnatural spawn of Satan" but using electronic equipment to post on interweb pages doesn't? Good to know, I'd be up to my eyes in cackling, trident-waving puppies otherwise...

  6. James Monnett


    the title says it all

  7. graeme leggett Silver badge

    From cracker to cracked

    Says it all, though I'm still waiting for the wikipedia article so I can read the encylopaedic version of the life and works of the cultist-napping dog-lover.

  8. Andy Brown

    Good deed?

    Yup - definite good deed there, chaining up a mormon missionary :)

  9. Anonymous John

    What next?

    Cloned Mormon missionaries?

  10. Ben Tasker

    Given her wild sexual tendancies

    is she perhaps a dogger?

    Taxi's booked I'll grab my coat on the way out

  11. Anonymous Coward


    oh this is just too much.., and as everyone knows mimes have carte blanch to travel across borders how clever knowing full well no one would risk having to see some painted performance artist walk against the wind one more time. I am going to hide now and all this better be gone when I get back weeble weeble.

  12. Anonymous Coward

    so I guess

    she used the missionary position?

    My coat's the one with "Joy of Sex" in the pocket...

  13. Steve

    five dogs

    So that's five more missionaries she can set them on...

  14. StopthePropaganda

    coulda been worse

    she coulda been chaining up the dogs...


    Warning: serious NSFW

  15. Paul Crawford Silver badge

    The Boys, er, Dogs from Brazil

    Nope, she is a fruit cake.

    As already posted, to use the money to save or re-home potentially thousands of abandoned dogs *would* be a good deed. To squander it on an exercisers in genetics shows how stupid/deluded she is.

  16. Anonymous Coward
    Anonymous Coward

    Course she's a fruit-cake...

    She's blonde.

    A Female.

    And this seals it - a Yank.


  17. Anonymous Coward

    ... or a Christmass Pudding?

    Blond - Check or is that a bleach job?

    Female - Check or is that some surgical enhancement?

    Like Mormons - Check ... uh right

    Yank or Reb - Ah who the heck cares except the north south putters

    Oh well It could have been worse - She could have been British with an unnatural affection for Corgis (the dogs not the little cars)

  18. Martin Lyne


    did she get this sum of money for the cloning? WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE WORLD??

  19. Dr Patrick J R Harkin

    "keeper of cloned canids", "molester of Mormon missionaries"

    And El Reg goes for the tricky synchrised triple alliteration, difficulty rating 8.88 - could we be seeing another gold for Team GB here? I don't know, it's 4am by my body clock and I've been watching people running round and round in circles for eleven straight hours and after this I have to go commentate on the rhythmic gymnastics while keeping a straight face and it's back to the studio Harry.

  20. Rebecca Putman

    I don't care about the dogs... I know how to deal with the Mormons when they come calling!

    Flames, because I *HATE* it when religous fanatics of any stripe come knocking on my door, on which is a sign that says I'm a day-sleeper and DO NOT DISTURB!

  21. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Down


    is she finally going to jail or going to be on Oprah (a U.S. TV talk show).

    And I really want to know where in the living daylights did she get $50K for cloning?

    Looney is right!

  22. Charles Manning


    With a name like that the mutt probably killed itself.

  23. Anonymous Coward
    Paris Hilton

    Sorry but...

    ...I'm still stuck with the idea of being kidnapped by a sex crazed woman and forced to enact the act in a light bondage situation in Dorset....though any county will suffice...

    other than that... Booger? Who calls their dog after snot?

    Paris....does she ever visit Dorset?

  24. Mr Larrington
    Paris Hilton


    When do we get the Playmobil version?

  25. Hud Dunlap
    Paris Hilton

    Didn't she used to be a hottie???

    I thought she used to be really good looking. Did chaining up the morman destroy her looks?

    Paris, because I wonder what she will look like in twenty years.

  26. Anonymous Coward

    For the benefit of AC's 'Christmass (sic) Pudding'

    To the rest of us, Yanks are Americans - Rebs don't exist/count.

    That would be like classifying Brits as Royalist or Puritan. It was a long time ago. It was a civil war. Get over it. We did.

  27. Mike Groombridge

    @... or a Christmass Pudding?

    if she had a thing for the little cars i'd be far more worried.

  28. Anonymous Coward
    Thumb Up

    Booger - the Movie

    She couldn't monetize the publicity otherwise. What movies they're gonna make... The Joyce of Boogering... Booger's Joyce... Booger Nights...

  29. Richard
    Thumb Down

    Good deed?

    How is cloning her dead dog ever considered a good deed. It could be considered a pathetic waste of money that only adds to the worldwide overpopulation of our canine freinds. She's a loonspud of the highest order (IMO)

  30. Throatwobbler Mangrove
    Thumb Down


    ...the fact that she's a fugitive rapist isn't more relevant? Or is it OK to regard her sexual assault of others as a laugh and a giggle because it was a man/Mormon who was the victim?

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