Craigslist supervillain seeks henchmen

Much as we love our belittling, thankless toil rewarding career at the Reg, we have from time to time mused that it would be good to find a vocation in which we could fully express our suppressed violent side. And so it is that today we find ourselves tempted by this Craigslist ad, apparently placed by authentic supervillain …

[Pete]

KOGVOS

If they have a position available as Keeper of the Goons and Voice of Sanity then I'll throw my ring into the hat.

[Martin]

Thanks, but no thanks.

I'd need at least 22k p.a.

Paris, *the* Femme FLATale.

[Scott]

monkey

Depends on the super hero where fighting, Wonderwoman Yes Please, Hong Kong Fui not a chance.

[Snake Plissken]

Bin dun

Someone tell this guy that we've all seen Dr Horrible and he did it better.

[Mike Groombridge]

bah need at least 35 to leave my bofh position

plus wheres the benifits ok beating up spys and police is fun but these no mention of free medical or dental moving allowance what about ak47's are there provided or do we have to bring our own guns

plus we all know that after 3 or 4 "top" agents going missing they send in the real top agent gun who can shot us all dead with a hand gun without reloading from 400 yards while we fire manically and don't hit anything he'll then suduce the femfatale and destory the secret under ground lair.

i'll stick to torturing my users (and the english language with my bad spelling)

[Anonymous Coward]

Not up to it

Of course, if you don't have the stature to fill the henchman role, you could always apply for the Blue Midget job...

http://london.craigslist.co.uk/etc/773367307.html

[4a$$Monkey]

No Pension Scheme

...but then with the average life expectancy of henchmen there's probably no point paying into one.

[Graham Marsden]

Must be willing...

... to be expendable and to attack Hero one at a time in order to be casually hurled aside or die horribly whilst Hero makes a merry quip about your demise as your boss makes off in his *one* man (didn't you think about this before hand?) escape pod.

[D. Hayes Blanchard]

Nostalgia

Whenever I read something like this it makes me nostalgic for pre-internet goofing off where one actually had to go outside to do it.

[Phil Cooke]

Miss Bee

Now Miss Bee,

Let's be honest - you aren't applying because you're over qualified!

[tristian o'brien]

thats all good, but who needs a broom?

someone in Clerkenwell is selling a nice double broom. they go on to explain how their flat looks in the ad though - maybe cos they've swept up the place nicely

why would anyone want to rent a though broom? i'd go to woolworths

http://www.gumtree.com/london/08/27145008.html

http://www.gumtree.com/london/08/27145008.html

http://www.gumtree.com/london/08/27145008.html

[Sarah Bee]

Re: Miss Bee

It's a constant problem for me.

[Tim]

Bah! Craigslist is for lusers!

I found all of my henchmen on the shelves of maplins, radioshack and in the scrapyard! <some assembly required>

[Juliette Martens]

You'll all be sorry...

..when he turns out to be the genuine article.

I for one welcome etc etc

[Phil Cooke]

Re: Miss Bee

I thought it might be :)

[Mike Dyne]

Lighning Guns...

are no good if they can't also shoot shurikens.

http://www.esreality.com/?a=post&id=1556348

[Anonymous Coward]

Interested

Preffer Leather to Rubber - is this a problem?

[Adrian Jackson]

@Mike Groombridge

Comparing salaries directly is a very narrow way of looking at things. Sure, on paper the BOFH job pays 15k more, but you've got to think of the benefits and perks of the jobs.

The chance for near infinite cruelty and villainy. Superb holiday opportunities. The ability to - during office hours - cackle maniacally and plot the downfall of all who oppose you. Power to strike fear into the hearts of your enemies. The knowledge that through your daily actions, the cause of Evil is being advanced.

That's what you've got now. But I'm sure the henchman job has perks as well.

[Jodo Kast]

Honestly people

through me a frickin bone here.

I've been frozen for 30 frickin years.

[Pete]

Re: Interested

Yes it does. It limits the number of vegetarian goons who may want to work alongside you. The last thing you want, while actively helping the master in his latest plan for world domination, is to get into some long-winded argument about the technicalities of intensive animal farming with the goon next to you. Go on, embrace rubber and make life easier for yourself.

[amanfromMars]

Hook Line and Sinker

Sounds like Mayfair Dungeon type work and QuITe Spooky. It certainly pays the usual peanuts thus to guarantee monkeys rather than bonobos. However its Phish is well registered here.

Certainly AIMaster Pilot in Planning World Domination is not an unattractive Lure.

[Mart]

I got you your orange sherrrrbert

is it ok i'm susceptible to being hypnotized?

[RW]

What I wonder

Will the Miss Bees of the gang be required to wear "approved garb"?

I'm thinking of very tight (indeed, breathtakingly tight) bustiers or corsets made of, say, sharkskin, complete with High Victorian whalebone stays and seriously severe lacing. You would have your choice of butch black or feather boa pink, however. An inner lining of Kevlar™ would add function to form, thereby honoring Gropius's famous dictum in an ass-backwards sort of way.

I can't even begin to speculate what "approved garb" might be for the male gang members. Padded Tudor codpieces, perhaps?

Go for it, Miss Bee! You are our heroine!

[Anonymous Coward]

@RW

Padded? Wimp.

[Kanhef]

hmm

"a 'right-hand-man' position is frequently available"

Sounds like a rather high turnover rate. Someone once said there are minions, lieutenants, and trusted lieutenants; promotion to the latter category is *always* awarded posthumously.

[Harry Applecart]

Don't be so sure about the pay...

I'm certainly going to be applying - it may only be 20k starting, but commission is mentioned. Imagine the commission you'd get for a successful bank heist!

[Anonymous Coward]

Article link out of date

The original post was apparently flagged by some humorless craigslist users, but it has been reposted here if you still want to get in touch with Mr. Zerapi.

http://london.craigslist.co.uk/sec/787280608.html

[Anonymous Coward]

If the pay is an issue you can be your own supervillian!

Some suggestions to add evil to your everyday workload

1. Randomly send password expiration emails to your users. New passwords must include capital and lowercase letters, numbers, symbolic characters and be no more than 2 characters in length.

2. Farm out your network management to Comcast

3. Create a "word of the day" contest with a new word picked at the beginning of each workday. Reboot your production servers whenever you hear anyone uses that day's word.

[cd]

Yawn...

So Microsoft is hiring again...

[Fozzy]

Interesting

Considering I continually suffer from headaches due to suppressing the urge to go on a murderous rampage throughout the office ( I have to deal with some serious Lusers ). I could turn over a new leaf and give into those urges in this new job Hmmm. it;s certainly has possibilities

[Arnold Layne]

It's a shame...

...that villainsupply.com went down the pan. He could have got all his evil genius needs, and some, there.

[amanfromMars]

Jumping Ahead .......

I'm certainly going to be applying - it may only be 20k starting, but commission is mentioned. Imagine the commission you'd get for a successful bank heist!" .... By Harry Applecart Posted Thursday 7th August 2008 19:59 GMT

Harry,

Some would find upsetting the applecart with a Successful Banking System heist, a much more rewarding commission, for it would have added virtue and greater value whether successful or not, for its commission would evolve/metamorph into a very lucrative, as in priceless, systems protection, with funding never ever a problem and therefore any figure a mere irrelevance/red herring/SMART Phish.

If One knows the System, and the System knows that One knows the System, then the System should be SMART enough to Provide for ITs every Need, and Provide Unlimited Feed for Knowledge Protection and Beta Future Use thus further Ensuring and also Practically and Pragmatically Stealthily Insuring against any Novel Abuse as the System is ReHashed to Remedy ITs Vulnerabilities/Open Ports.

"If the pay is an issue you can be your own supervillian! " ... By steven kraft Posted Thursday 7th August 2008 22:39 GMT

Yes, I suppose you can, steven, but pay will never be an issue for a supervillian, which is all rather a Colossal Enigma and a Riddle Rapped in AIMystery of Turing MAJIC*......... but no less Real for all of that Alien Input. In Fact, IT is probably maybe definitely much more Real because of IT, although that Quantum Step for Man is AI and a Giant Leap for ManKind ....... but IT does you No Virtual Harm making IT and thus can be Heartily Recommended.

I Kid U Not.

* http://www.abcfield.force9.co.uk/Majpos.html :-)

[Chris Hawkins]

Digital Rights Aboose

I say Eccles, would you like to be a hired Goon?

Methinks Messr.'s Millgna, Grytpye-Thyng and Moriaty would have something to say about this unauthorised use of the term "Goons"!

Nonethless, I must admit that anyone going by the name of Jacque Zerapi could only have delusions of grandeur of becoming the next Peter Sellars.

Better watch out Miss Bee or you'll have Auntie down on you!

[wulff heiss]

@Adrian Jackson

how exacly does that differ from being a BOFH?

[Anonymous Coward]

@Scott

Think you mean Hong Kong Phooey mate

If he pays 100k per annum I might think about applying.

Anonymous because I don't want no trouble.