I had to turn it off
due to getting a boner
Paris Hilton - the compromised candidate
Paris Hilton got astride the hustings in the US presidential election today, and redrew the boundaries on the previous front runners’ energy policies. Hilton was dragged into the election when Republican contender John McCain, in a campaign ad, referred to his Democratic rival Barack Obama as lightweight celebrity like Paris …
-
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 17:10 GMT AC
might as well
vote for her, not like it's going to be any better with the other two.
although I'd rather have captain mccain chips on board than that other lameass.
imagine the scandal
"PRESIDENTIAL SCANDAL :: PRESIDENT HILTON DID *NOT* HAVE SEX LAST NIGHT"
"presidential aids are stunned and have rung for the doctors."
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 17:10 GMT Webster Phreaky
Paris has better tits than Osama Obama ....
and I'm sure "BO" is fantasying about Paris while doing the beast with two backs with mega fat ass and thunder thighs Michelle the angry black beoch. You know it's that jungle thing ... where's the white "womens"?
Seriously, Paris has a couple long legs up on "Barry" - More cogent energy plan and she can delivery as an impressive a pre-written speech via teleprompter, but she can't talk with a dick in her mouth while (home) video cameras are running.
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 17:10 GMT Anonymous Coward
One is Presidential, one Residential, one Jezebel
The whole 'Obama is an airhead celebrity' thing was because he went around looking like a President and McCain went around looking like a doddery old man who should be in a residential home.
One presidential one residential.
They just tried to attack him on their weakest point, McCain doesn't look like he could ever be president. At best he'd be a Lieberman sidekick.
Anyway, my votes for Paris, she's a total Jezebel, erm, I mean totally jizzable.
-
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 17:10 GMT Marc Lawrence
Outtakes
Now there was a strong strong hint that there must be outtakes... perhaps each time she took off her clothes and had to start again...
Wheres is that reflection coming from?... seems to be dappling her face and body alot... Perhaps there is another glistening pool somewhere off camera.
Unfortunately - there is actually a seed of something in what she says. If only the pres-candidates would rise to the challenge and endorse her thoughtfulness.
-
This post has been deleted by its author
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 18:49 GMT Ron Eve
@Paris Hilton... why?
Me neither mate. I've seen far more attractive women in the Kings Road, Chelsea on any given summers day. <sigh> I have to say it seems like she's got something of a sense of humour though. Which can't be bad.
Stop Press: Blimey! Webster made a comment which didn't involve berating Macs!! Unless you count John MAC Cain...
<ahem> mines the one with the campaign badges...
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 19:55 GMT Norman Wanzer
Shocking
/rant
It is shocking that a person known around the world as a 'ditz' would come up with the obvious solution which both candidates have basically ignored. And while I can't say that I agree entirely with her ideas or her solution she has at least started the ball rolling in the right direction. The US as a country has forgotten how it was created. I'm not talking the revolution or all the fighting that followed. I'm speaking more about the group of men who sat together for days on end hammering out a document that we would follow for 200 years. They took opposing ideas and view points and came up with a working COMPROMISE. And that, more than anything else, is what both parties have forgotten how to do.
For the last 8 years we have heard nothing but 'We couldn't get that done because the other party would not compromise and do it OUR WAY' which is the same as saying we wouldn't accept any other way but ours. A compromise is usually defined as a solution no one likes but every one can live with. However, if you are a political party in the US it is defined as when the other side gives in, sees reason and does things our way. If we as a country are going to move out of our current crises then this has got to change.
/-rant
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 19:55 GMT Tawakalna
multi-tasking Hilton..
"but she can't talk with a d*ck in her mouth while (home) video cameras are running."
bet she could if she really tried! :)
She's got my vote already, except I'm not 'merkin so can't vote in their 'lekshuns, and she's not running despite what cartoon pictures are vaguely coalescing in her pretty if somewhat underdeveloped brain.
Could she be any worse than Dubya Dunce (No) or Ronald Raygun (No) <? >
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 19:55 GMT Kevin Reader
This started because McCain accused Omaba of being popular...!?
Thats the maddest thing. Obama was accused of being a celebrity. In the new lingo a celebrity is famous, well liked (by many), has often random opinions, and the media like shoing them. Now in the new politics that sounds like an audition tape. No messy (political) convictions, good hair, etc. So basically we have a politician accusing his opponent of being popular and electable.... Clutching at straws I think.
The only scary thing is that Obama seems quite vacuous when he does not have a script. Kind of Reagan like. Ofcourse there is always the theory that McCain is a brainwashed deep agent released by the communists to infitrate america. Wasn't this atleast one film plot? Atleast Hilary has gone. I was always worried she might sneeze and have her (plastic?) face fall off. I assume she had the same surgeon as Michael Jackson...
They should definately elect Paris. She has the best energy policy - and only uses what she needs to - she's good with plastic (or so I heard) and can read an autocue as well as any of them.
And its nice to be able to use Paris without feeling naughty.
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 19:55 GMT Kimo
Offshore Drilling...
(no, I mean for oil) is not a "Short Term" fix for the price of gas (over here, we're now paying nearly half what you Brits pay for Petrol, which we somehow have labeled as a "gas" despite its liquid state) unless she means 10 years is short term (it takes time to build and install oil platforms, refineries, and other dohickeys). Good try Paris, but that's not much of an energy policy. It would be just another four years of Bush...
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 19:55 GMT Ed
Um as an after thought...
I think she should run... I mean she would get enough votes to win, we know that, but imagine what she would do to the armed forces...
Just picture the Drill Sargent with the new squad,
"Right maggots, today we will learn to apply lip stick, Labowski wheres your dog,"
"Sir ! In my other hand bag drill sargent Sir !"
And can you imagine the sight of a platoon of M1A2's charging through the desert in a pink and peal paint job...
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 21:17 GMT Anonymous Coward
Webster, old chum
I fully appreciate that you don't get out from your basement, well, at all, which, it would seem, means that human anatomy must be added to the big list of things of which you know absolutely bugger all, but I'm in the mood for helping those less fortunate than myself this week.
So, just for future reference (and you may want to write this down, perhaps on a Post-It you can stick to one of the monitors in your Jobs Monitoring Bunker, or just your own jobbies on the wall, whatever comes to hand first [my money's on the turds]), men don't have tits, so it wouldn't be altogether surprising if Paris were to be better equipped in the mammary department than Barack Obama.
Note that this doesn't work the other way round: if you look closely (there are, I believe one or two pictures on the web), you'll see that Paris Hilton doesn't actually have any tits, just a couple of under-achieving bee-stings. However, and this is important, this does not mean that she is a man.
Hope this helps.
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 21:17 GMT WTF
Paris has saved America!
Someone call the guys out on all those deep sea platforms and up in the arctic refuge that Paris has vanquished the America-hating environmentalists! At long last, they can finally turn on the spigots and get that sweet black gold flowing! SUVs and Hummers for all my fellow Americans!
Not there, eh? Details, details....
p.s. Phreaky, seriously man, you don't know funny. Knock it up a notch or two, or knock it off.
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 21:17 GMT Anonymous Coward
That response is a work of art
Good, and especially SMART response. She avoids taking a stand where any side can take advantage of, some good humoured dressing down of the specific abuser and in generally enough of an edge for them not to try again. Simply superb. Excellent.
As for Paris "not having braincells" - I think there is simply no way to tell unless you know her personally. I don't think she's as stupid as some make her out to be, but there is simply no way to be sure.
Back to the topic, that response is class, and EXACTLY right. WHoever came up with it (Paris or whoever) understands precisely how to play the media.
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 22:02 GMT Anonymous Coward
@Ed - Pink M1A2's
Sir,
I work at the facility where most of the M1's, M1A1's and M1A2's were manufactured and they are truly amazing vehicles... And a few years ago, when the Saudi's expressed an interest in purchasing them, several were quickly painted the now famous Desert Camoflage that most are now fit with. Funny thing though, I can't recall if it was some reaction with the primer coat or something else that was sprayed on, to inhibit rusting, but several days after the paint dried, they turned pink.
While the quality and manufacturing folks didn't have much of a sense of humor about it, some of us thought it was hysterical. And personally, I thought it could have been the accidental genius discovery of the century, as who in their right mind would ever expect a brigade of drab pink tank's? Not only is it something that you certainly wouldn't expect, and after the initial "shock & awe" & ensuing laughter wore off, you'd already be sighted and probably be in the process of being fired upon.
But no, they had to fix the problem...
-
Wednesday 6th August 2008 23:36 GMT Anonymous Coward
Melt the whales
Bumper sticker: "This SUV is powered exclusively by bio-fuel (extracted from whale blubber)."
The version of ONIP that I recently viewed (pR0nhub dot calm) had a slight audio/video synchronization problem, so that Paris was seemingly able to speak while her mouth was otherwise, ah, occupied.
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 00:22 GMT Daniel Winstone
Room mates and yes I'd vote for Paris
What do you want in a President? An easy going, get on with it, here's what you want and here's what you want mentality, or a my way or the highway president?
I don't believe Paris is stupid. Far from it.
There is a difference between being stupid and having a very small amount of common sense for example:
My house mate - two degree' under his belt and a BSc degree as well. Lived in Spain before coming to England (I'm not going to specify the city) and had a conversation with my other house mate who told me he didn't understand why they couldn't just milk the bulls they had over there.
I suppose it's the difference between knowledge and wisdom. One more example, knowledge is knowing that tomatoes are classified as a fruit, but wisdom is not actually putting them on a fruit salad.
Anyway, Paris for President!!! And yes after watching the clip on the Messenger pop up page this is the first place I came to.
Thanks El Reg for being so regular. The Regular Register in fact. Where IT and Popularity merge in to one and it's only the fan bois that can tell the difference.
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 00:31 GMT Anonymous Coward
Good idea
just not short-term. Offshore drilling takes time and money- and people to do it. So 5 years at the absolute fastest IF they've already completed a survey of the area and can throw billions at it at once.
Rack up taxes on oil revenues afterwards- ensuring that the oil companies stay merely "ridiculously" rich so as to not piss off too many influential people- and stick the extra revenue into research into renewable power sources. Or DARPA as they're absolutely bonkers- okay we'd have the collapse of American civilisation on the cards, BUT we'd have a jetpack propelled robotic hovercar with 40w phased plasma rifles for arms and a heart or coal.
Oh, and @whoever it was, gas is from gasoline rather than what you'd normally think of as a gas. No idea where gasoline came from though, as it's late and I'm a bit drunk.
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 08:49 GMT Steve Gooberman-Hill
The Historical Angle.
I wonder about Paris. I suspect that she is actually pretty smart:
She is the darling of the party set, and (generally) always in the news. She has committed a few (fairly minor) infractions with the law - which have only served to increase her public exposure, and she has a reputation as a sexual athelete. She may always be at parties, but she doesn't have a reputation for partying hard enough to put her health at risk.
The last peson I know of who had that reputation in their youth, surprised a lot of people with the breadth of their ambition and their political skill - and ultimately became president (or close enough - they effectively seized power in a coup), and was finally assassinated.
Gaius Julius Caesar of course.
I wonder....
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 08:49 GMT Anonymous Coward
Solidarity with Pete!!!
Paris is a braindead, stick thin bimdo, with all the charm and sophistication of a rotten spud! She does nothing for me. Now Lucy Pinder...brains and beauty in bucket loads! We need chuck Gordo out and get Pinder elected, she'd could certainly come round sort out my Home (and) Office!
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 08:56 GMT Darren Lovell
@Paris Hilton... why? (Martin's response)
Paris Hilton is too stuck up and self important for nerds, systems engineers, bean counters, PFYs, etc. to get any chance with her.
I don't understand the appeal of her either. Apart from being female and having a half decent figure I can't think of anything attractive about her. Her big, ugly, size 11 man feet are all I need to point out that turns me right off; don't even get me started on her self-deifying personality, thinking she's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Perhaps if she becomes president, she can make use of aircraft carriers to be the first pair of shoes that fit her properly.
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 08:56 GMT Fragula The Furry
The scary thing is...
"if she did actually run, then she would probably win"
Hey, This is AMERICA, the smartest country in the world, right?
Right, the one that elected Reagan and Schwarznegger.
A court decided that they had elected G.W. Bush too.
Maybe America isn't so smart after all.
Mine is the one with the "Hilton for Prezidunce" badge.
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 12:11 GMT Anonymous Coward
Electability
Unless I'm mistaken, we have a minimum age for President here in the states...
I still think she's a better choice when compared to either party, although I'll stick with Nadar.
...and she's attractive, big feet (I would never have known if not for the comments) and all (except the intelligence portion).
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 15:05 GMT NT
Kudos
@ Pete ("Paris Hilton... why?"): It's a matter of individual preference, as always. There's no reason to try to explain it. Just know you're not alone. I won't say the girl's ugly, by any stretch of the imagination, but she's certainly not the sort of woman I'd get excited about in *that* way. I've got to take issue with the AC "Solidarity with Pete!!!!" though: "braindead, stick thin bimdo, with all the charm and sophistication of a rotten spud"? I take it you know her personally, to be able to judge her so harshly? Or are you just accepting what you're told by the glossy sleb mags?
@ Norman Wanzer: 'Compromise' - or to put it another way, collaboration - between the parties seems to characterise both American and British politics at the moment - to the extent (at least here in Britain) that the three main parties have little to differentiate between them. Small wonder that the smaller, loonier parties like the BNP (neo-Nazis) are starting to gain ground with a politically disillusioned electorate. The big parties are inconstant - they spend all their time maneouvring for short-term vote-grabbing that they don't have any interest in actual policy and the country goes to Hell in the meantime. I suppose it's only natural that people turn to parties that have conviction (in the case of the BNP quite a few convictions), even if they're convinced of fairly unpleasant or impractical things.
(Well, if you can /rant, so can I!)
@ Mark: It's "goes like a privy door when the plague's in town". No bang and no shithouse.
Otherwise, kudos to Paris for this response - it was spot-on. Creative, funny, imaginative and intelligent; and she's obviously perfectly capable of sending herself up and playing on her media image. As Steve Gooberman-Hill points out, for all the flak she takes - not least from El Reg readers - as a supposedly ditzy celeb she's a far cry from the more distressing examples like the Winehouses of the world (although I'm basing that solely on their media personas - I don't know these people as individuals). Although I'm not convinced you need to look all the way back to Caesar to find similar examples...!
-
Thursday 7th August 2008 15:29 GMT Anonymous Coward
old
Thirty-five years is the minimum age to serve as president of the US, so the age works for McCain there. I missed that particular movie and am not clear on Yoda's age--he could perhaps serve as governor of California, where there are no constitutional objections to foreign birth, or electoral objections to imaginary characters.
This topic is closed for new posts.
Biting the hand that feeds IT
