NZ judge saves girl from bloody silly name An NZ judge has done the decent thing and made a nine-year-old girl a ward of court to allow her to ditch what must rate among the most preposterous names of all time - Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. The issue of the poor child's moniker surfaced during a custody hearing in New Plymouth back in February, the BBC reports. …
Then poor Moon Unit and Dweezil might have had a chance of ditching their ridicukous names.
Benson and Hedges aren't the worst individually but put together they do sound stupid without a doubt but where the hell did Number 16 Bus Shelter or Sex Fruit come from?
What next, Public Toilet?
... to give a kid a stupid name should result in the name "My parents both have a low IQ" being recorded. At least until the kid is old enough to pick their own name.
I know a white-van man whose main reason for wanting a son appears to be so he could nickname him 'Biff'.
Paris Hilton and Austin Healy, made for each other.
If your offspring turn out to be losers, they can blame it on a poor choice of name and sue their parents? Don't parents have any rights any more?
Maybe we should just give our children a placeholder name, like "<insert_name_here>". Then they can choose their own. If they did that when they were, say, 5 years old I reckon that'd result in some pretty interesting monikers. Then we could all laugh at them when they were saddled with it for life.
My wife is from Romania and told that one of her fathers friends named a daughter "The 27th Congress of the Romanian Communist Party" (or, rather, the Romanian equivalent of this). This misguided attempt at patriotism was, obviously, during the communist regime.
Sometimes seemingly innocent names can be bad in combination. In Denmark, I have heard examples of priests refusing to baptise children with such combinations, including "Tom Bajer" (tom = empty, bajer = beer or Bavarian, the latter being the origin of the surname) and "Anders Sand" (which sounds like Anders And, the Danish name of Donald Duck).
But a name like Bent Koch is perfectly legal (and not uncommon) in Denmark, as it doesn't sound risque in Danish.
If my parents gave me a name like that I would change it to something like "My parents are T@wts"
Speaking of stupid names, my wife was in the supermarket a few weeks ago and spotted two kid running around, then the mother spotted them and called to one
"Come here Dolce!"
My wife said that everyone looked at the mother and waited with baited breath for the inevitable and yes the mother turned to the other child and said
"You too Gabbana!"
Those poor kids!
You mean Violence Jack is a real person? I knew it!
As for the others, Midnight is a great name for a girl. Okay, so she's got a silly middle name to go with it but don't we all? Number 16 ought to go by the name Shelter, actually I think I once read a book with someone called that.
Honestly, I can't see either of those being worse than being called Elvis. Seriously.
It has a great chapter on this. It also mentions the parents who decided to call their kid 'Shithead'. Ironically, the books starts with the idea that crime in the US dropped because of Roe vs Wade, the case that made room for legalised abortion. The point being that the number of potential little hooligans were aborted before birth in the seventies and eighties, leading to less criminals in the 90's.
However, seems a few got through and decided to bestow their beloved with names like "Loser".
People are morons.
It's only a small step from "persuasion" to where the happy slappers in govt. offices are telling people what they can and can't name their kids, right down to keeping lists of allowed names. American ex-pats find that they can't indulge in the customs of passing on parental names, or even grand-parental names, if their kids are born in the wrong country in Europe. As usual the Frogs are big offenders in this dept. Compared to the idiocy inflicted by bureaucracies in situations like this, a few bloody silly names are a small price to pay.
I don't see why she can't tell her chums her real name? It's Talula. Nothing silly about that, one of the girls in my son's class is called Talula. OK, the middle names are profoundly silly, but you don't need to disclose your middle name, and in any case, lots of people have pretty silly middle names anyway.
BTW, I think Midnight Chardonnay sounds quite good actually. Lots of Americans have sillier names than that. (Although some of the other examples cited are indeed very silly!)
"Cinderella Beauty Blossom, Fat Boy, Fish and Chips (twins), Keenan Got Lucy, Sex Fruit, Stallion, Twisty Poi and Yeah Detroit."
so a) wouldn't someone notice when the birth certificate is signed? or does nobody look a chav in the eye anymore?
And considering the worldwide actions on paedo activity , one namely being the woolies bed called the 'lolita', if that causes mass fury, what does calling your kid 'sex fruit' do? surely that's just asking for trouble? shouldn't the parents be put away for insighting such things? And you have to ask, for the kid called 'keenan got lucy', what was the surname? stoked? kippered?
some people need their heads examined....
just to say, noticed this over at http://stuff.co.nz/AAMB1/aamsz=760x120/4628719a10.html in the comments:
"If my memory serves me correctly his full name is Count Lawrence Cinnamon Sex Fruit and he changed his name by deed poll as an adult, so this is not an example of parental abuse unless one can indeed abuse a parent by changing their name in such a manner."
Mustn't always blame the parents then....
I spent some time on babyname forums helping a pregnant friend to pick a name, and if they're anything to go by my IQ must certainly rank in the top 2% of the Western world's population. Needless to say, my friend just went for "Kate".
If you feel like a bit of a laugh, or just want to get a headstart on finding out who the next generation of serial killers is going to be, check out notwithoutmyhandbag.com (Baby's Named a Bad Bad Thing). They posted a huge amount of unbelievably silly names while adding some of their own constructive criticism.
Incidentally, if you're male, I'd suggest you proxy your way to "notwithoutmyhandbag.com", preferably through a site that is named along the lines of jugsandmotors.com (or outdoorpussy.com of course if you're more environmentally inclined).
Every time I think its probably time I head back home from London, some random piece of wierdness like this surfaces which reminds me why I left...
...apart from that the Americans have got their claws into a lot of the good businesses and real estate now so the country's doom is imminent. (Gee thanks Peter Jackson) Before you know it the nuclear warships will be back.
Sex Fruit is a superb name. It's symbolic, and it's also a great way to impress people at parties. E.g. "Hello, my name is Sex Fruit Smith - would you like to wrap your teeth around me and take a bite", that kind of thing.
"Hi, I'm Sex Fruit. Would you like to strip off my skin and gouge out my innards with a spoon? Baby?"
as someone who has an odd name (yes, back in the 70s when i was named Liam was a very rare name apart from our potato eating cousins) i wont even go into my second name - suffice to say that only me, mum and dad share this surname even in our family! there isnt even another one in my county!
as a kid i was constantly called Ian, Leon etc... people even assuming i had a speech impediment and even when asked what my name was i was constantly ignored and called ian anway lol
so, as you can guess i hate stupid names for kids... makes life really hard for em... of course its not so bad now as names are much more varied... but when i was a kid they were all steve, richard etc... of course my kid will be called han solo boba fett <mysurname> :)
my fave names ive found on the net have been:
rusty cuntz (from pitsbug steelers)
ginger minge (from a year book)
you would never guess both are from the good old U.S. of A. :)
and lets not forget mr 'barclays bank are wankers' (UK) and 'mrs prozack' (USA)
i also knew a bloke who changed his name to john thomas - he didnt even know that its another name for a cock until i told him! doh!
@ "Alistair Darling.....How embarrising" - i always think of blackadder goes forth... 'oh come on darling' - quality :). the fact that the new darling also looks like a freakish thunderbird makes it even more amusing... maybe virgil darling wuold be better!
"Micheal Hunt and Wayne Kerr"
Weeellll, there was a Michael Hunt in the Computer Science department at my old university (and he insisted people called him Mike ... dear, oh dear) and the current[*] editor of the 'Beano' is none other than Euan Kerr - the latter case is probably a good example of a fine, Scottish name but even so, what were his parents thinking?!
[*] - current as in 'the last time I bothered to look'
Didn't Scott McNealy (of Sun fame) call his firstborn "Maverick" ?
As for the Frogs they're less fussy these days (EU rules do have some advantages) but my favourite story there is about the folks in the French overseas territories (DOM/TOM) who wanted to choose a suitable French name for their newborn, but didn't know any. A friend recommended picking the name of the Saint from the day the child was born, so they looked at a calendar and did so. Child was born on July 14th, and so got named Fête Nat ...
next up, no names like Jesus or Mohammed. No Obama's, nothing that may or may not offend. Government intervention into even more private decisions, that can't be abused or misused, cannit? What's the worst that can happen?
Maybe forcing people to change names that the self-designated-minority-flavor-of-the-month decides to be offended by?
I worked with a guy who's first baby, had it been a boy, would have been Joe Kerr. We dissuaded him from naming his daughter Schmoe....
Shaniqua, Shaneetra, Tequilla, Babeetra, Mesquita or whatever else certain people in the US think shows originality or is culturally correct.
Anyway, new age wankers like this should be neutered, and placed on permanent lists to stop them from adopting. Then give 'K' a bat to repeatedly smack some sense into them.
are more common names spelled in "creative" ways. Again another thing that is an epidemic in New Zealand. Teachers must dread the start of the school year when they get a new batch of kids with names that are spelled in unusual ways.
The registry office should have default name that a child is given if the parents are too stupid to think of a non-abusive name. Girls default to "Anne" and boys to "David". Can't go wrong with that. Think I'll suggest it to Brian next time I see him.
...one person, blessed with a sensible name, is attempting of his own volition to change it to "Microsoft Zune."
After having the Zune logo tattooed onto his body, no less.
http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/11/zune-tattoo-guy.html
And people think Apple and Linux fans are extremists... I wonder what his new name will do for his prospects with the opposite sex.
David Bowie's son was originally called Zowie. :( Not surprisingly, he changed it (to Joe IIRC) as soon as he was old enough. :)
Then there's River Phoenix, which to me sounds like a rollercoaster (installed in the grounds of the Paris Hilton?)...
And as I've commented on the Inktank forums, anyone called Slicker should be forbidden by law to give their child any name beginning R. :D
it's normal for kiwis to call their kids strange names, i grew up with kids called "rainbow" and "sky" among other very interesting names... but i must say, it's a hell of a lot better than peter, paul, john and mary... at least they're original!
...checking that my kiwi passport is still in the jacket pocket.
We had a member of parliament with the name Richard Face, see link: http://tinyurl.com/6qke8w
I also knew a guy named Richard Head, So you have to ask, what were their parents thinking.
I bet neither used the shortened, Dick, version of their first name.
I bet school was hell.
Paris, because that's a stupid name as well.
Not that I am keen to add more fuel to the "Kiwis are a bunch of weirdoes" flames, but many years ago, before parents were dissuaded from naming their children "inappropriately" there was a gentleman who rejoiced in the name of Malcolm Gramophone, and called his two sons Jesus Christ Gramophone and Gabriel God Galaxy Gramophone.
I know about this because my mother was a consultant psychiatrist, and was acquainted with Malcolm Gramophone on a professional basis...
My wife has a cousin named "Richard Head", don't know if he prefers to be called Dick but I wouldn't expect so. Not quite as bad as Mr and Mrs Peacock who named their son Drew.
And I do wonder if Miss Hilton was named after the hotel in which she was conceived. It's entirely possible..
My niece was very nearly called Xsara, thankfully changed to Zara. Now everybody thinks she was named after the haggard old semi-royal.
Although, thinking about it, those cars won't be still around by the time the kids get to bullying age, so it probably wouldn't be much of a problem.
A friend who's pregnant with twins was planning to name one of them "Thomas John", she's now changed her mind.
Ok, us kiwis can have some interesting names - I like the good-old Maori names commemorating battles - (An)Zac Wallace, El Alamein... - but I think the US started the trend. There have been some classics like the philanthropist Ima Hogg. Other Imas in the US include Pigg, Muskrat, Nut, Hooker, Weiner, Reck, Pain and Butt. Then there's Fat Meat Fields, Pickle Parker, Harry Pigg, Panties Moberg,Toilet Queen, Emma Royd, Nighten Day, Blacken White, Lotta Bull, Tuna Fish, Bowling Lane, Num Butt, Amanda Love and Carr Chase. Not to mention Hugh Jass.
/Paris for obvious reasons
The name of Frank Zappa's first son was not originally Dweezil. It was Ian. He later insisted that his parents get his name legally changed to Dweezil.
It is true that Frank & Gail Zappa did originally want to call him Dweezil, but were banned from registering that name by the hospital where he was born.
As for their oldest child - her name is Moon. Unit is her middle name. Do you go around referring to Michael Heseltine as "Michael Dibdin"? Or Gordon Brown as "James Gordon"?
While Anne and David are fairly neutral, I wouldn't want to force Anne on someone whose last name is Gerr or David on someone whose last name is Ong.
In Denmark, if the parents don't register a name within a certain time limit, girls will be registered as Margrethe (the name of our queen) and boys as Frederik (the name of our crown prince).
Germany has some of the strictest naming rules in the world, including a restriction on giving last names as personal names, but there's an out if one or more of the parents is from a different country. You just need to get a letter from your home country's embassy or consulate in Germany stating that the name you would like to give the child would be approved for registration in your home country.
Since I'm American, there's nothing stopping me from calling my sprog (either gender) Princess Pink Sparkle Pony MyLastName-HisLastName. Well, aside from common decency. But it will let me throw in a family name, if it's not already on the list. I think the American consulates here just give form letters with a blank for the parents to fill in the name :)
I thought it would be similar for other nitpicky EU countries (and which EU country has more finely-trained nitpickers than Germany?), but France might not.
Black helicopter, because I'm American and therefore deeply suspicious of governments, in general, but especially France's.
Was Mike Hunt. Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii could be shortened to Talula, but if she gets married the whole name is then read out. That is not the best time of the congregation to start laughing.
Babies seemed to be named after the place they were concieved, like Brooklyn, Chelsea, number 6 Shelter.
Easy mate
True you don't (good job in my case as I was blessed/cursed with three middle names which are perfectly ordinary) but my firstname most commonly is used as a surname.
While I did not know that fasct about Dweezil Zappa, my point was that it was a rather unusual choice and so not really surprised it was originally blocked.
As for Moon Unit (Moon is kind of on the border but unit it just pure oddness) so I bet she keeps it quiet.
Glad to also see that someone is paying attnetion to the one party state we live in glossed over with a thin coat of something from a tin labelled democracy (point there being each of the parties nicks popular policies of the others so there is not much to choose between them).
Anyway apologies for offending you, watch that blood pressure.
Flame because Dan must be cookin' with rage by now.
I actually agree with the strict naming rules - weighing up children getting bullied against parents giving in to their urge to assert rights over their "property" (whether due to naming tradition or plain stupidity), I think preventing bullying really should prevail.
Holland is developing the same bizarre naming culture as America - I don't understand what's wrong with names like Lisa or Catherine. A unique name doesn't equal a unique personality so what's the point?
Please be careful, I'm at work and somewhat bored. Not the best combination for suppression of giggling. Seriously though, I'm on the verge of a new personal best for "least work done in a day". If I'd dodged a couple of phone calls it would actually be zero works.
Anyway, Bear Grylls was on the telly the other day. According to Wikipedia (that's about as in-depth as my interest could sustain) he changed his name himself. I wouldn't say it to his face, but a grown man changing his name to something to make him sound hard seems a little sad to me. He was called Edward, though.
My ex taught at a school with a pupil called Archie Adventure. I don't know his surname. But that is a good effort from his parents.
That is all.
xx
I don't know how many times I've been called Jim. Amongst others I've even had Kim. It's got to the point where I make extra effort to pronounce my name extra clearly. I don't understand why I'm afflicted with this.
I once turned up at Sainsbury's on a temp assignment. They'd obviously Chinese Whispered me all over the place, possibly whilst reading Heat or similar, as they seemed to be expecting somebody called Tom Affleck.
Doesn't really relate to what's being said, I know, but having a proper name doesn't necessarily make it much easier!
I feel your pain
My first name is actually Mitchell but it often gets mistaken for Michelle.
No my response to this was always 'do I look female?'
But now I know that Mitchell Baker (CEO of Mozilla) is a woman I'll have to think of something else to say.
Flame because I hate being called Michelle
Interesting -- I didn't know that our belovèd (as in "erm, I think I've heard of him") PM's full name was "James Gordon Brown"; now that I do, I can imagine why he chooses to be known by his middle name. I reckon that his schooldays must have been hell, with wiseguy kids asking about his Dad's brand new bag or if he feels like being a sex machine. :-)
Icon says it all really...
How about the "Schools Minister" here in Britain? Ed Balls, I bet lots of kids got a laugh at that.
Also, and I bet this was completely unintentional since he was not young by any stretch of the imagination, I knew of a guy by the name of Alan Keys. Someone should have got shot for that.
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